Hello,
I'm new here but I really know what else to do. I talk to my friends, preacher, and whoever else I feel comfortable with. But I still have issues, no matter how much I pray or do whatever. A little bit of back ground... I was saved when I was just a little boy, but didn't really ever follow Christ. At least until about a year ago. But I met my wife in high school in 2000 and we dated until 2005 when we got married. We had our first child in 2007 and our second in 2008. Just like any couple we had ups and downs but we always tried to move past them. I didn't ever help the situation by not caring nor stopping to listen. I always would get upset and frustrated because I always felt it was the same thing over and over. It was always me who would do something dumb and get mad at her when she'd find out and not tell the whole truth. I always thought that it didn't matter that much and she'd just get over it. I didn't ever pshycially cheat but I did emotionally, I didn't care. I did love my wife but I had a horrible way of showing it. Even though Id always act like a fool she'd always do the right thing and try to bring me back to my senses, but I didn't listen! Back a few years ago things got pretty bad and we decided to separate and see where that went. Well I thought that was what I wanted then but she begged me to come home and I did. The next few years I kept the same feeling that I didn't want to be married and I was better off single. Well if you speak it long enough it'll come true! Back in September of 2016 she and I decided to call it quits. Then in June of 2017 I moved out into my own place. Not long after I moved out that's when my life was shattered! I found out a lot of things that I never would've imagined. I found her with another man and also found out that she had been sexually active with him and two other men. I cant tell you what that did to me!! At first I acted like a fool and I did some ridiculous things, things that Id never had done! After I settled down a little bit I turned back to God for help! I gave my life back to him and started to devote everything to him. I have asked him time and time again to help me understand and see what to do. I have learned that he'll tear you down to bring you back to him and that your relationship with him is more important than a marriage. I feel like that's what he's done! I try to talk to her and to hopefully get somewhere with her but she thinks she's "in love". She says that she's happy, he makes her happy and if it weren't Gods plan then why would she feel like she does. I get so frustrated with this situation and I want to act out and be a fool but I know that wont do anything. I forgot to mention that between the both of us we've lost everyone parental wise. She found her momma dead in her bed while her parents were going thru a separation themselves. I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do. I feel like God's telling me that we'll be back together one day. An I know that his timing is perfect and I have to be patient, I'm trying so hard! I continue to stay confused because I hear her and others tell me to just move on. I go back and forth trying to make sure that it's God telling me to stand for our marriage. There is always so much going on in my head that I cant hear him clear and I just want it to STOP! I sometimes feel like I need to move on but when I do I feel...guilt. I still have issues with lust and things like that. That makes me feel like.. well I know that I'm in no way ready for God to mend our marriage. But why do I feel he's telling me he will? I've gotten to the point with a lot of friends that they don't want to even talk to me. I don't have any family other than my kids, so I'm just left to sit and think and dwell. UGH.. I just want to know what to do and how to handle it all!!
