jello5

Why did god have to send a person down to be tortured to even have a chance at being saved from being tortured for eternity? Why not just forgive everybody? And if nobody is worthy, aren't we all made in his image? In my head, I'd trust the vast majority of humans on earth to be God over the god that appears to be in the bible. To me, eternal torture even for Hitler seems inhumane. And I feel as though if anybody knew that was honestly their fate, they would do whatever they could to change it. I can not wrap my head around how any of this is fair or how God could be just if this is true, and it especially doesn't make sense to me how anybody could say "God is love" and believe he enforces the eternal torture of the vast majority of the human race at the same time.

Well shoot, that sounds nice but isn't believing God even exists a good starting point? And why won't God give me the ears to hear him? I seriously want to. I've read the bible a decent amount, even after losing faith. I will read the books you told me about, though. But I have a lot of friends, and just about all of them are Christians except for like 3 and one of those threes views don't even really align with me.

I come here genuinely seeking instructions. I used to believe in God, and the idea of hell scared the **** out of me. I lived in constant (overwhelming) anxiety due to the fear of not being a good enough Christian and going to hell. I thought there was no way there was NO god, but I did fear I may be worshipping the wrong one. So I started looking at other religions; talking to people of different faiths, reading, watching debates, etc. Once I started watching debates, I began watching debates that involved atheists. My mind was blown by how much sense they made to me, and they seemed to be the only people who could intellectually take down people of non-Christian faiths, but then later started watching them debate Christians. I hated the fact that they made sense because I felt that even though they made sense God was still there and was going to punish me if it made too much sense. But eventually, after hearing enough arguments I had never heard before, learning more about evolution that I never knew, and taking a step back and realizing that I fundamentally disagree with many of the morals preached in the Bible, that I was gonna drop it entirely. I was fine for a while. I never, and still don't, have a "Jesus shaped hole" in my heart. But, unfortunately, society at large (especially in America) REALLY doesn't like atheists. When I used to go to church they acted as if they were synonymous with demons. I, along with everyone around me, thought similarly at the time. I figured anybody who didn't believe in God was evil, or at the very least far morally inferior to an average Christian. Well, my morals haven't changed one bit. I'm still just as nice, polite, and well-intentioned as I was before. So are all of the non-believers I've ever met. It now seems as though it never really shaped my morals... I just thought it did. Still, Christians hate atheists. Most Americans are Christians. I'm pretty much an outcast to everyone who knows and actually cares. It really only started to bother me because this is now true among my family and with a girl I've fallen in love with. After one big debate on Christmas break with my WHOLE family that my mother triggered, everyone in my family knows and everyone acts weird around me. The girl I love told me she loves me, but she can't be with someone who isn't following Christ. We still talk every day because our feelings are so strong for each other but she thinks that she's not supposed to be with me even though she loves every single other thing about me. I want to believe. I really do. Seriously. But, I don't want it to give me anxiety that's so hardcore that I have constant panic attacks. AND, I've dug so deep into the "God vs No God" debates that I feel like I've heard pretty much every argument from both sides because I haven't found a new one from either side in sooooooo long and it's just super repetitive at this point. To me, it seems as though atheists won the argument. Is there somebody who has some unique take, or can tell me something I probably don't know, or ANYTHING at all that could convince me that God is real again? I'm not trying to "debate" and show you how smart I am. I genuinely want somebody to change my mind and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I have this conversation a lot, and depending on who I'm having it with I'll pretty much say"please convince me" and whenever I ask a question that's too hard I'll either get "God works in mysterious ways" or "You just have to have faith." BS. Please, somebody, have a conversation with me like a human being and don't get all robotic trying to show off how pious you are and don't dodge any questions. Don't ask me if I've, "talked to God about it." I've tried. A lot. Even after I've proclaimed nonbelief. I'm sick of people leaving my life over this. Even if you can't convince me that God is real, can somebody please convince me that he's good so I can maybe fake it till I make it at some point. Please.