Living-Water

Hi, onedirection-- We have a dear Christian friend who is having the same thing happen to him right now. I appreciate all the above fellowship, and would like to add my own personal perspective. 1. The phrases "fall in love" (and "fall out of love") make me cringe. This is an entirely worldly concept of love promoted by movies and novels. Love, and in particular married love, is a choice and a behavior (you could say, unending choices and behaviors). The 3 New Testament Greek words for love, eros, phileo and agape, illustrate the progression of human love. "Eros," sexual love, could be considered the "falling in love" experience--it is only a beginning, and cannot be the entirety of a relationship. "Phileo", translated as brotherly love, grows as we come to know and respect our spouse over time. This always includes forgiveness and the willingness to sacrifice for the loved one. (As Christ "gave Himself up for [the church]". Agape is the love of God--as John says, God is love (agape). This is the mature love of a Christian couple that develops over a longer time through many, many choices and loving behaviors, with personal experiences of Christ deeply woven into their human experiences. 2. Since it looks like you are the person working to salvage the marriage, have you asked her open-ended questions without getting defensive? For instance, "Why do you feel that you have fallen out of love with me? What could I do to begin to win your love? Is there a behavior I could start/stop today that would help you to love me more?" If she is not ready to enter into mutual activities, take a step back and find what you can do on your own. 3. Do you know of an action or behavior that she loves to receive from you? The tendency, when it looks like somebody is drawing back from you, is to retaliate by withholding yourself in return. This is natural but destructive. Look for one thing each day--does she love you to make breakfast? Can you watch her show instead of yours without a struggle? etc.--just one thing each day to show (not just say) that you are thinking about her and your heart's desire is to make her happy. 4. Have you ever wondered why the Bible says, Husbands, love your wife, but it does not tell the wife to love her husband? I believe that this is because it is easier for the woman to express her love than it is for the man--and we know that the poisonous "macho" culture is very damaging to men. Each day, ask the Lord in the morning, Lord, what one thing can I do today to show her that I love her? Ask the Lord in prayer, seriously but without condemnation, to reveal to you any (and all) ways that your behavior comes across to her as "unloving". This may not be your intention at all, it may only be her perception, but you have to address it. I hope these things help. I pray for your success as you fight for your marriage. Much abounding grace.