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So I've come to realize I have a problem. Not talking about the menta stuff but I truly feel I don't have a heart for God and I don't care. I've been baptized twice and I just idk I don't care. I get angry and mad at God. I know I shouldn't but I feel like God doesn't care much about me, doesn't want to see me happy and just keeps me in isolation purposefully. I just know I'm not like other Christians who strive to please God. I'm just mad at him, I also feel afraid of being a mindless bot bc that's happened to my brother and I don't want to give up control. I know I'm in a bad place bc I had a dream last night ( which is prompting this thread) I dreamt I was at church and it was during a sermon-- I was sitting in the pews my aunt that's a pastor said let anyone or thing that doesn't love God flee this place. I got nervous but stayed. After service my aunt confronted me and asked if I had anything I wanted to repent from? So I felt like God was talking to me. So I did repent but I get angry often and quick bc of my mental issues bc I'm struggling with them and I'm alone and I feel like I wish God would help with that.. But yeah, I know this isn't a popular stance to have but I need help changing my heart but I feel a bit lackadaisical about it and I don't want to let go of control. I'm just being honest again sorry if this offends anyone. I just don't know what to do. Also prob my mental issue flaring up but I feel God is mad at me now...
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Trying to hold in tears...
Figure of eighty replied to Figure of eighty's topic in Have a problem? Looking for advice?
I'm gonna message you. -
Trying to hold in tears...
Figure of eighty replied to Figure of eighty's topic in Have a problem? Looking for advice?
This is very sweet. I'll try to do this hen I can. -
Trying to hold in tears...
Figure of eighty replied to Figure of eighty's topic in Have a problem? Looking for advice?
I do have a church. A girl came to my place and everything but it hasn't helped. I just wish God woul literally stop waking me up. My brain is broken and I feel like a failure as a mom and in general. My very last hope is medication. If this doesn't work then I'm truly a lost cause. I feel so angry at myself that I can't suck this crap up and keep going. Others go through much much worse and still able to go on. I'm really mad at myself. I do hope God is really forgiving bc I'm trying not to do "S" but I can't will mental illness away unfortunately. Hopefully he forgives. I'm hanging on a thread. -
I feel a slew of emotions from deep sadness to anger that I just can't shake this mental whatever off. I feel I'm too busy. I have kids, I'm trying to study for school but I just feel like crying daily bc I can't get rid of this. These rhoughts,feelings ect. I try to atleast keep myself from crying bc I feel if I'm not crying I'm not crazy and I'm keeping it together. Right now I'm having a hard time. I feel like a failure as a mother, too many intrusive thoughts,I feel hopeless, I feel God won't help. I just feel like a lost cause. I already reached out to my Dr. She Said someone was gonna reach out to me-- hasn't happened. So I tried to reach out to them. Email is messed up. Will call. I just feel like a failure. I'm trying but it doesn't seem good enough. I feel like I'm just a moment of splitting from reality. I'm ashamed I may need meds. I'm ashamed I'm alone and been alone and friendless my entire life. I feel hopeless bc I feel God won't help. I feel he's just looking at me wanting for me to lose then blame me for not holding on. I feel hopeless. I just feel God won't help me. My worst fear is the S word and I feel God wouldn't even try to stop me. I just feel he doesn't care about my life. I just feel small and unimportsnt to most. My brain is broken . I need assistance but I'm. Mot sure where to start. I'm trying though
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I feel like giving up on God
Figure of eighty replied to Figure of eighty's topic in General Discussion
Yeah thank God for that. I was able to go to church. I was really late but the message was needed, basically the story about Lazarus who died and Martha and Mary were urging Jesus to come as he was sick but instead he delayed 2 days. However when he came he was able to bring him to life again. The pastor said God isn't on our time table but when he does come he's always on time. The message was timely and true but I cant stop worrying about my situation. -
I feel like giving up on God
Figure of eighty replied to Figure of eighty's topic in General Discussion
I can't unknow what I know too -
Aside from losing my job, losing daycare,being robbed,mental health health failing, behind on bills, tax refund delayed, there was a fire situation at my apt. I wanted to go to church today but couldnt.. I need so much help and I feel God is not doing anything. I'm losing faith in him and am ready to just turn away and live my own life if I don't get help soon. Im not asking for riches qnd fortune I just need help.
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I've heard God's voice clearest when I'm in church.
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It's so funny when I was at church last Sunday well before this one a lady that prayed for me told me to read Psalms as well so I guess I will.
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So I know I definitely need to get right with God. I just feel busy and overwhelmed with work and kids but after dealing with my mental issue I definitely feel I need to dig a bit deeper. I wanted to just pray and wait on God to tell me what to read. Is that OK? I really want it to apply to my life and what I'm going through now instead of just reading just anything. You know?
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Right. I will try to do that.
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It depends. If I can still have him then yes but I feel bc I wasn't ready I may have messed things up.
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I realize I don't have alot of holy spirit conviction in my life. How do I gain that?
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Thank you got the background info on her.