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Figure of eighty

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Posts posted by Figure of eighty

  1. 7 hours ago, Jayne said:

    What if they could find you some help?  As a teacher over the years, I've been a shoulder to a lot of mothers and fathers who just are having a hard time coping.  What if they could do something?

    Eh. I just don't want to share something personal like that with them. I already have someone from church coming over for a Bible study and I shared alot with her that I'm embarrassed about. I talked to an online friend. She said she doesn't deal with depression anymore bc of her medication. I definitely need some.

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  2. 44 minutes ago, Jayne said:

    @Figure of eighty

    THIS!! ^^

    This is the first thing that came to my mind.  Spiritual fasting does NO good if one is in poor mental, spiritual, or physical health.

    Please tell SOMEONE in real life how you are feeling.  Please start with your children's teachers, fellow parents, your doctor, or a woman's clinic/center/safe house.  Tell someone!!

    What could my daughters teachers do? My sons therapists are already fed up with me being late and everyone has their own lives. I tried my GP but I cant get an apt. I'll try a low cost women's clinic. I feel I may need medication possibly.

  3. 9 hours ago, Marathoner said:

    Did you fail to complete the paperwork needed to maintain enrollment? You have young children, so Medicaid won't expire without something lacking on your end. Contact the equivalent of health and human services in your city or county so you can reenroll ASAP.
     

    This is what makes you subject to anxiety attacks and severe depression. Insomnia does that. I ought to know because I've lived with all three for over 40 years. You need to sleep. If you don't get adequate sleep, your mental health will continue to degrade and get worse until a crisis happens. 
     

    You have received an answer: lack of sleep makes it worse. You need to sleep. Proper sleep restores resiliency; resilience prevents anxiety and depression from mastering you and robbing you of everything. 
     

    The last thing you need to do is deprive yourself of food. This, coupled with insomnia, is a recipe for disaster. You need to eat and sleep, my friend. I'm praying that you'll receive what has been set in front of you to do. 

    Sleep doesn't help much. I'm fully rested and still anxious and struggling. I'm calling out of work tonight because of it. Also bc of my obligations. I have bills to pay and kids to care for. I don't have help. I don't have anyone. I just don't. 

    So I have to work the way I do to maintain everything I do have. I have to get my kids to school as soon as I get off work which means no sleep for me. 

    It just is what it is.  I feel if anything the lack of help and people to lean on is what causes this feeling of anxiety the most. My family is toxic and self centered so I had to cut them off for my well being but I feel more alone than ever. I'm starting to think maybe I truly need to focus and put effort into making friends and meeting people so I can have the village I need. Isolation I feel has probably caused alot of the problems I'm  dealing with now. 

  4. So I'm going to fast. My medicaid lapsed to I can't be seen by my GP. I worked last night and been up since 3a, had to drink energy drinks to stay awake and take kids to school. 

    I thought I'd be able to get a little sleep but my son has a parent training meeting for his autism at 11:30a so I have to stay awake for that. 

    I don't know if I'll be able to get any sleep but my mental health is dipping and I need God to help and answer me. Please pray he will take the anxiety and su*** thoughts away bc I can't make it any other way. 

    Also what should I do during a fast it's been a while.

    • Praying! 7
  5. 11 hours ago, Jayne said:

    The first time, I wasn't praying for God to take it away.  I WANTED to die.  But God,  without my turning to him, took the desire away from me.  He was very merciful.

    The second, I actually had a pistol that my Dad had given me and planned the entire thing out very meticulously.  I spent quite some time planning out details so that my parents wouldn't find me - that someone else would. I won't go into more detail, but it was meticulous.

    Again, I was NOT praying for God to take it away.  I had not a compassionate bone in my body.  I never thought about the fact that:

    [1] If God wanted me in heaven with him - he would have taken me.  A car crash, an illness, whatever.  But as long as I have breath now, I KNOW that, accept it, and listen to God for direction.

    [2]  My father would never forgive himself for giving me the pistol for self-defense.  Neither he nor my mother would forgive themselves for not picking up on signs and clues.  In my selfishness, I was CAREFUL to leave no signs.

    [3]  I never gave a thought to the fact that I would have to take care of my disabled brother after my parent's deaths.  All I could think of was my own "needs" [trust me, no one needs suicide] and how wonderful it would be not to feel anything anymore.  It never dawned on me that there was NO ONE to take care of him after my parents died.  I shudder today to think of where he might be if I were not here.

    At the time, Figure of eighty, I prayed nothing.  I was too far gone in my pit of selfishness, bitterness, self-hatred, and spiritual despair.

    But I am praying for YOU!!!

    And if you don't have the words to say to God, ask the Holy Spirit to pray for you.  He will. The Bible says so in Romans 8:26-27.  It says that in our weaknesses, the Holy Spirit prays for us in groaning that we cannot understand.

    If you want the words?  Pray for God to deliver you from suicidal thoughts and cravings. Ask God to help you with your thoughts and wishes of your heart that they will be Godly thoughts and desires.

    Also,  and I can't remember where you live, but in the United States, all you have to do is to dial 988 and  you will be connected to a suicide hotline.

    Yes, I am praying for you and will continue.

     

     

     

     

    Thank you. I totally feel everything you felt. I hope God is merciful towards me and takes the thoughts away they're hard to deal with. I can't do inpatient treatment bc I have kids that need me and bills that need to be paid. 

    I can only hope and pray God doesn't let me slip through the cracks. I called my GP but I think my medicaid has expired. I don't have enough money for out of pocket visits. I'm really worried and scared. I'm scared there's no hope for me and I'll just succumb to these thoughts. I'm so afraid God won't help me. 

    I feel I have to twist his arm to care about me. Which worries me.

    • Praying! 2
  6. On 3/8/2024 at 4:27 PM, Jayne said:

    I've been at the point of suicide twice.  God would not allow me to go throw with it even though I had basically planned it all out.  Twice.

    God took those thoughts away from me. I WILL pray that he shows you the source of those thoughts and that he takes them away. 

    If a person has never gone through it - they don't know the horridness of it.

    Yes it's very scary. I pray God takes the thoughts from me too. Please pray God helps me. I'm Also thinking of meds. Just please keep me in prayer..I'm having a hard night at work. 

     

    Aldo how did God stop you? What did u pray for God to take the thoughts away?

  7. So ive already been transparent about my struggle with intrusive su**** thoughts. 

    I'm praying but not getting anywhere. I want to make an appointment with my GP but I get off late like 3a, have to get kids ready, by time I drop them off and come back I'm wiped out and exhausted. 

    Anyway, I recognized these are definitely not my thoughts. I've never struggled with depression or even had an attempt...so all of this is so weird to me. 

    Please pray God helps me identify this. 

    • Praying! 5
  8. 9 minutes ago, Marilyn C said:

    I can imagine with work, kids, shopping, cooking, cleaning etc everyday life can be overwhelming. May I suggest you read the Psalms & when you find a phrase about God, just meditate that throughout the day.

    eg. Psalm 1: 6. `the Lord knows the way of the righteous. ` God knows your busy life with all its responsibilities and He is with you throughout the day. Just keep thanking Him for your work, children, having food, being able to shop, clean etc.  

    As your focus changes to thankfulness and realising that God is with you, then you will grow more confident and trust Him more. The relationship develops. 

    It's so funny when I was at church last Sunday well before this one a lady that prayed for me told me to read Psalms as well so I guess I will. 

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  9. So I know I definitely need to get right with God. I just feel busy and overwhelmed with work and kids but after dealing with my mental issue I definitely feel I need to dig a bit deeper. 

    I wanted to just pray and wait on God to tell me what to read. Is that OK? I really want it to apply to my life and what I'm going through now instead of just reading just anything. You know?

    • Praying! 1
  10. On 2/24/2024 at 10:13 PM, Debp said:

    Do your doctors know that you are continually not getting enough sleep?   No use giving you psychotropic meds if you are sleep deprived.

    Once you have enough sleep, they can then properly assess your condition.

    I get sleep on my off days but I still feel mentally unwell.. its odd bc I don't feel it's me. I've never felt like this before. I'm calling my GP tommorow. Part of me wonders if this is a bit of a spiritual attack as this happened a bit sudden.. 

    • Praying! 3
  11. On 2/24/2024 at 3:33 PM, Debp said:

    I remember your situation from some years ago and what happened leading up to all of this.

    What happened to the fathers of these children?  Are they contributing to their financial care?   They are legally obligated to do that until your children are 18 years old.

    If you haven't gone after them in the court system for financial help, you should do that.   The courts would make them pay to help provide for the children.

    Maybe your family thinks the fathers should be helping you.

    Okay but I'm helping my family. If I help them and I'm going out of my way why wouldn't they return the favor?  I did go through courts but my kids dad quit his job so he could pay the bare minimum. He pays when he wants. Also im not a leech. I have my own place,car and job. 

     

  12. 14 hours ago, Debp said:

    Your mental health is probably failing because you are not getting enough sleep.   Your brain needs sleep in order to function properly.

    Praying.

    True but I have to work and I have to get my kids to school. It's just me. My family won't help, even when they lived with me they didn't help they just told me to figure it out so that's what I'm doing.

  13. 2 hours ago, Retrobyter said:

     

    Shabbat shalom (A Sabbath of peace) to you, Figure of eighty.

    How many "family" members are with you outside of you and your kids? Why aren't they HELPING with the stressful things? Make it a rule in your house that "if they can't help, they can't stay." That may seem harsh, but then, you NEED what little sleep you can get!

    Also, you might consider work during the hours your kids are at school. Working all night and then trying to function all day, too, is NOT working out for you! Can't one of your "family" members take the kids to school, instead?

    You may need to delegate more of the work load to those who are doing anything right now.

    GOD IS THERE! And, HE CARES VERY MUCH ABOUT YOU! You NEED to get 8 hours of sleep, perhaps more right now, until you recover from sleep deprivation. Have a family meeting and lay it all out on the table! See if they are willing to help you in some way or another. If they are, the problems may be solved. If they aren't, then they don't need to be contributing to the problems.

    In short my family literally does not care. They're pretty selfish. My dad took my keys without asking me, I let my mom use my car to get to work but when I needed help she said she couldn't do it. I asked for help with a bill she only paid half of it. 

    They're gone now. They left. I feel like a black sheep in my family. I asked for help with my kids when they were stay with me my dad said they're not his responsibility and I shouldn't ask him to pay anything. Needless to say I'm doing no contact

     

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  14. Please keep me in your prayers. I've always struggled with anxiety but these past few days have been hard to the point I've struggled with Sui*** thoughts. 

    I'm so busy with work I work from 6p to 3a at times and when I get home have to be up in 2 hrs to get my kids together for school. After all that is done I make it home by 10a and I'm so tired today I drifted in another lane. 

    My family is living with me and treating me like crap and hopefully they're moving soon I just can't believe how ive been treated.. 

    I'm so afraid I'll off myself. 

     

    I said all that to say if I'm not busy I'm tired. I tried calling my GP but she doesn't have my information so I have to call my insurance but I have to wait till Monday and I'm afraid I may have been dropped. If so I'm so screwed. 

     

    I feel I won't make it and I'm afraid God won't help me make it.

     

    Please pray for me. I just feel like I'm going to d*e

    • Praying! 7
  15. 23 hours ago, Marilyn C said:

    Hi Figure of eighty,

    Life is damaged but God is not about fixing it up. God is about changing us as we yield to Him.

    My suggestion is that you stop complaining (which we can all find things to complain about) and start being thankful. Thank God for - your children, for life, for life in Jesus, eternal life, and food, and clothes, and being able to talk to others here etc, etc. 

    Do that daily and see the difference.

    Right. I will try to do that. 

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  16. On 2/21/2024 at 1:37 PM, Spock said:

    Greetings 80,

    I’m a bit confused on what you wrote…it sounds like you are saying you met someone who is everything you want only that person came too early…you’re not ready.  Do I have this right? 
     

    if that is right, my first thought is this….would you rather have the perfect one “early”, “late”, or “never”?
     

    I’ll wait to see your answer first before I go on. -S

    It depends. If I can still have him then  yes but I feel bc I wasn't ready I may have messed things up.

  17. 8 minutes ago, Renskedejonge said:

    She saved Jews in WWII in Holland and had to go to a concentration camp and when she came out she started to share the Gospel. She wrote some books.

    Human love is often: I love you if you love me too and God's love was in that case that she just wanted the best for him, regardless if he married someone else or that you can forgive and love people who were horrible to you and normally that wouldn't be possible with your own human love.

     

    Thank you got the background info on her.

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  18. On 2/16/2024 at 1:34 PM, Renskedejonge said:

    Maybe some day you become friends or get the harvest in together.

    Corrie ten Boom was seeing a guy and she thought they would get married, but one day he came with his new fiancee. She was not rich enough for his mother. She went to her room and was laying on her bed crying. Her dad said: You can kill the love, but then a part of you dies. Or you can give it to God and ask Him to turn it into His Love. She said that enabled her to later love the unlovable, like traitors and Nazi's.

    I see people reference Corrie alot. Who is she? That story was very nice to read. Thank you. Also what does that mean turn it into his love. 

  19. On 2/16/2024 at 2:12 PM, Jayne said:

    I understand that you are anxious and nervous.  I, myself, have depression and anxiety.  I know exactly what that feels like.

    I know what it's like to be afraid and alone and afraid BECAUSE you are alone.  I get it!!  Truly!!

    Here's what I don't understand.  You've been here for six years.  Never have you posted a problem that you did not blame God for.

    Without fail.

    It's always God's fault.

    I get the crappy life.  Mine is pretty much crappy.  It would never dawn on me to lay the blame at God's feet and declare that I couldn't trust him.

    Unless a Godly and Christian man wishes to marry you without sex before marriage - a man is the last thing that you need.

    Your primary concern until a Godly man marries you is those two babies.  You never speak of them.  You only speak of your misery.  

    And blame God for it.  When He alone can help you.

     

    I dont speak of my kids bc they dont cause me distress. I just vent about the things that distress me. My kids are healthy, happy and well.. still I just don't know how to trust God. I know blaming is bad but if I'm trying and doing the best I can and need a little extra help from God and help doesn't come it just creates that cycle of distrust. 

    What keeps you from not blaming God? I'm genuinely wondering bc I do have an issue with this only bc God is capable. If he couldn't do everything then I would understand. 

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