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Picky Pilot

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About Picky Pilot

  • Birthday 02/14/1948

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Port Orange, Florida
  • Interests
    Classic cars, airplanes, flying, cooking, fine art, inventing and being full time caregiver to my wife.

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  1. God Princess, I couldn't agree more. A healthy relationship benefits everyone and not just one person. It's interesting that since our friend has joined us, I've also started attending church again. I was angry at God for allowing my sweet wife to get such a horrible disease. Now, that we are a caring loving "family of three", we all go to church together. I'm amazed at the love and acceptance we've had from the congregation and pastor. They may talk behind our backs but I could not care less about what people think. I've never felt closer to God. As we should know, one's faith is a personal relationship and not one dictated by man, even those who claim to have written the bible. So, to in answer to your statement, I'm spiritually healthy. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Now Willa, perhaps I didn't make myself clear. My wife is LIKE a five year old. The dynamics of our relationship has changed and, instead of a husband, I'm more like her father. Instead of learning and growing up, she's forgetting and regressing back in age. So, again, I don't have a daughter, I have a wife who doesn't know my name. ....and a dog. I'm also the leader of two caregiver support groups and know more about Alzheimer's and dementia caregiving than most health care professionals. It's great that you've done just fine with your situation but, I can't do that. Everyone is different. I'm now happy and comfortable with the choice we've made and I also see the benefit in my wife's life. She's very happy and is now more socially active than she's been in several years. She will be well cared for, and live a life feeling loved and appreciated. Throwing a bunch of verses at me, hoping some will stick is of no help at all. We can use the bible as a loose guide but, we must be our own best adviser. Beating someone over the head with it only makes things worse, bruising those who desire to stay in the church but are constantly driven away. ...Besides, it wears out your bible. I'm certainly not saying what we're doing is for everyone, it's not and I don't recommend it unless there is a great deal of discussion with each other and other family members. But, it has been working for us just fine and we are looking for a few more wonderful years with my beautiful wife. I can go to sleep assured that, yes, I'll still go to heaven. I may get the folding chairs way up in the nosebleed section but I'll make it. As for my mansion in heaven... It may not have indoor plumbing but that I can live with.
  2. I have never been a man of solitude. Yet, even with all the friends and family dropping in and one party after another throughout the holiday season, I couldn't help but feel that my wife's Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease has separated me from life and into a narrow corner of isolation. The holiday gatherings, Christmas cards, texts and calls could not replace the simple joy of being held and caressed by the woman I've loved for over 30 years. So, there I was, longing for the lost intimacy from someone who, if approached gently and with patience, could still be willing, but there is this 'Big Problem'. In her current advanced condition, I can not cross that invisible boundary that separates husband of a once vibrant, strikingly beautiful woman. I cannot enjoy intimacy with her. She is like a five year old little girl in a grown woman's body. So any thoughts of intimacy is gone forever. She often doesn't even know who I am. So far, I've been faithful and cared for her in the best manner possible but, now I'm starting to feel the physical effects of the loneliness, anticipatory grief and depression that is common among caregivers. Many, due to the stress and heartbreak of seeing a loved one die, one brain cell at a time, pass before the patient does, even if they've always been in excellent health. We had talks over five years ago and she encouraged me to find someone. Am I banished to a life of solitude, devoid of human touch for the next several years? Or resolve to not become the second victim by finding someone with whom I can enjoy meaningful adult conversations, a warm touch or even a day out with my wife, taking her to a movie, getting her nails done or something as simple as shopping for puzzles they can work on together. In that way, I'd be able to honor my marriage vows, "in sickness and in health" so much better than if I'm lost in a sea of depression and die before she does. PP
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