Solitary

@simplejeff I have thought a lot about this, especially when I struggled with what the ransom sacrifice actually means. It made sense to me that after Jesus proved that a person can stay in union with God unto death in the face of the world and its desires, we lost our excuse to sin (at least if we want to be truly in union with God and enter the Kingdom). It feels like sinning is an attempt by my flesh to secure satan a place in Heaven again (from which he was cast out by the power of the blood of Christ), where he can once again 'accuse the brothers night and day'. That would mean I continually want to crucify Christ for my pleasure. Whether this (the kingdom being here already) is true or not I cannot say, but the idea that we can be in union with the Lord and by extension the Father and be part of the Kingdom NOW is certainly interesting to me. Entertaining that concept has strengthened me to overcome some serious and long term sins and bad habits. Every time my mind starts lusting after those sins I can shut it down immediately, because I know Jesus proved we can overcome them. It feels empowering. It also helped me distinguish between mistakes and deliberate sin - deliberate sin where I allow myself to entertain sinful thoughts and ultimately fall because 'I'm only flesh'...poor me. Sometimes I wonder if we are perpetually waiting for the Kingdom and the second coming in vain because it happened ages ago (heresy to some I know), and the interpretation of prophecy and Revelation is spiritual and symbolic - hidden by the clouds that he came with; only visible and audible to those that "hear what the spirit says" as we are admonished repeatedly in Revelation. God is a spirit after all, and the Kingdom, well, no part of this world. Literal interpretations are more satisfying to the flesh I guess...but ultimately part of the world and the same trap that the scribes an pharisees fell into. I pray God gives me clarity, for I'm seeking to stand before him clean.

There is a message from God (angel), It descends from established truth (Heaven), concealed to the fleshly but visible to the faithful/spiritual (concealed in cloud), related/consequential to God's cleansing of the earth from corruption (rainbow), a righteous message (face like sun). This message will guide those lost in the sea of information (pillar of fire in sea), and will guide those living on the corrupted foundation of understanding (pillar of fire on earth). This message professes the completeness/holiness of the presence of Christ in spirit (thunder - lightning from the east flashes in the west.) This is the secret of God and will be revealed through John (Revelation), being good news (sweet in his mouth), but difficult and stressful to bring to the understanding of the fleshly who oppose it (bitter in his stomach). Or not, I'm uneducated.

I have been in a similar situation, so I sympathize greatly with what you are dealing with. Personally I found myself even being jealous of those that appear to be spiritually strong...sad I know. What I needed to realize is that power comes from God; not me. If I had my way I would not be spiritual at all, like I am many times. God knows that for us to truly worship him, we have to face our flesh and its corruption. This is not a quick and easy thing, because, like Christ's body was nailed in crucifixion, to become spiritually alive we need let the flesh and its desires go (in a spiritual sense of course), which isn't easy. Becoming spiritually alive is a process of facing the flesh, not blindly ignoring it like some who 'appear spiritual' do. Face the enemy; realize your weakness and fallibility, because by doing that you will 'see' the power of God! He will never leave you even if you fall into the depths. His Spirit will draw and draw and draw you closer, which is what I believe is happening to you now. And when all is said and done, you will overflow with his strength, having faced and overcome the enemy because God loved you. All the best.

John 4:14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. This water represents information. It gives life to those that thirst for spirit and truth, but can drown those that seek the concerns of the flesh, because their flesh rejects the truth. In Revelation 12 the dragon uses his own 'flood' of misinformation to try and drown (make spiritually dead) our desire for truth and its children, and I believe its what we are even experiencing today. Honestly, (I know its an unpopular view for Christians) I don't know if the flood really happened, but I know what it represents: The ones that seek truth and spirit will survive the depths of the waters of information, by the power of God and his Son, who are fishers of men.

The parable states that the oil can be collected before hand in a flask. With other words - something that we can build a reserve of for when we need it quickly or when it runs out. I'm not sure if the Holy Spirit works that way. From John 1:1-5 we see that in the Word is life, and the life is the light of men, and darkness does not overcome it. These verses shows (in my opinion) that the Word is our source or fuel for spiritual life and light in the darkness of this system. So, to buy extra oil, I try to study the word, challenge the word, expose it to all kinds of interpretation: literal, and non literal - in fact explore the depths of it. Thus building up a reserve of understanding (oil) for when the darkness and doubt encroaches; like when Jesus was tempted in the wilderness and he could answer: "it is written....". I believe we can build these reserves on our own with the help of the Spirit and the Bible, but Christian fellowship and gatherings are a wonderful source. I think one way we can be like the foolish virgins is by believing we know the truth of God, and stop searching his word. As soon as a challenge comes from science or non believers we are caught without oil and our light cannot overcome the darkness. I prefer to (though I sometimes fail) welcome the challenge of science and atheism and different interpretations of the word, so that when that long darkness comes I'm prepared and not left with the last resort of 'just believing' and can say without an extinguished or flickering lamp: Jesus Christ is our Lord, and king.