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metalharpey

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About metalharpey

  • Birthday 05/14/1991

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    www.metalharpey.com

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    the Netherlands
  • Interests
    Gaming, arts, nature and animals (especially cats).

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  1. Very often porn is really just fantasies. And for many it will just remain fantasies and they wont act. I think talking about it is the best way to go but if he doesnt want to you might need a third to help you out with this. If you dont feel safe for the kids then dont ignore it. Demand answers. Leave if you must. Theres plenty of people out there willing to help you out.
  2. Alright so ive mentioned in my welcome post that i was baptized as a baby, but never gotten any religious info whatsoever, nor did we go to church. Many times in my life have i tried to find god. To this day im still not sure where to look. In my puberty, i was approached by priests a few times, inviting me to church. Somehow i didnt dare to go there. Ive tried praying, but it doesnt seem to help. Anyhow, let me dig a little deeper. Alright so when i was little my dad beat up my mom. She was ok with that until he started hitting me. They divorced when i was 2, mom remarried a good guy. He always worked hard and was never home. My mom has been depressed ever since she had a miscarriage before having me. I feel like i was a consolation baby. Something temporary like a plushie. She was like that until my brother was born 10 yrs and 1 month after me. Meanwhile i had to visit my dad once a week and he loved to beat me up. He got another daughter which i always tried to protect against him (i hid her in the closet when i felt him coming). I told my mom and she did nothing. My dad threathened me to kill my brother if i didnt take it back so i told my mom i lied. Aside from her ignoring me she also had a chance to abuse me further. At the age of 12 I had to do the entire household (not only because of her depression but also reumatics), get perfect grades and atop of that also had to babysit my brother and do everything he ordered me to. Of course they also got me therapy because "i was a difficult child". At the age of 15 i had a burnout. I quit school to dedicate myself to the household more and raising my brother because it was simply too much. That didnt go well, my darkest days began. By the next year i had attempted to suicide 4 times (never gone to the hospital because i wasnt worth that) and ran away twice. Thats also when i met the priests and tried praying. I was lost. And to make it worse, the only one who did care for me, my grandfather, died very sudden. In that same month my cat ran away from home and we found him near death 2 months later, only to have him die in my arms. At the age of 18 i was kicked out of the house, into a youngster home. That is when id forsaken all. I felt like i had nobody left. I stopped making effort to pray too. In my puberty ive had every possible kind of abuse you could think of. Wether it was my parents or boyfriends, ive had it all. Years passed and eventually i came back to my hometown to live on my own (by then i had literally everything taken away from me). Im going steady with a guy now for almost 3 years. Everything is going fine, except for the fact we got a miscarriage of our own nearly 2 years ago. Since hes diabetic and im overweight, that pregnancy was a miracle on its own. All i ever wanted, and it was just taken away from us like that. Now im a very confused cookie. I WANT to believe there is a god, that theres something more to life. But from everything ive had to go through, everything i had to see happen to the people around me, and even losing our baby... Im just not sure anymore. That loss is tormenting me every month during my period. Its a reminder that ive failed to conceive yet again. Well then, im on a turning point of my life right now. Ive cut ties with family because they only seem to drag me down no matter what i do. Ive cut ties with people who claimed to be friends but were only there for my money and my food. Ive decided to throw away most of my stuff that has even the slightest trace of a negative feeling or reminder. Im ready to go forward, and with almost 10 years after being on my own, i think its about damn time. Thats why i came here. I want to see if i can restore my relationship with god, if he will have me. I hope my life will turn better as well. The only thing i ever wanted was to become a mother. Now i need to learn how to be a child, a child of god. I hope you guys can help me on my way.
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