MA1NFR4ME

Hi everyone. Thank you so much to all that responded and prayed for me. I really appreciate it because, at the time, my original post was my last cry for help. No one was able to help me, and I had nowhere else to go. Before I posted here, I met with my pastor and his team who are Holy Spirit filled, and they did not understand my situation. I read a deliverance manual and emailed the author, but he didn’t respond. I met a deliverance counselor and went through their program for a month and a half, but nothing changed. With much guilt and shame, I then posted here. After receiving advice here, I contacted another local pastor. I heard him on the radio and he sounded knowledgeable concerning demons, yet the pastor didn't believe my situation was possible... With nowhere else to turn, I nearly gave up hope. My Mom thankfully didn't lose hope. She kept researching deliverance ministries until stumbling upon Apostle Ronald Fabian on YouTube. She contacted him, we arranged a meeting, he shortly counseled us, and both I and my mother, as born again Christians, were delivered from demons. No, Christians CANNOT be demon possessed (that implies ownership), but yes, it is possible for Christians to have demons that need to be casted out. How can that be? Sin, whether committed willingly or through ignorance, gives the enemy legal access to afflict and torment you. Because all have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23), and we all lived in sin before coming to the Lord (Eph. 2:1-3), we’ve all unknowingly opened doors. Unbeliever or Believer, if you give place to the devil, he will steal from you, kill you, and destroy you (John 10:10). Enter into his territory willingly or ignorantly through sin and he will take a shot at you. And that can be in the form of an evil spirit oppressing you. Maybe in your body, or in your mind, will, and emotions. Unfortunately, there are just some issues that are demonic, and the only way to deal with them is by casting them out (Matt. 12:22; Matt. 17:18; Mark 5:19; Mark 9:25-27; Luke 11:14; Luke 13:11-13; Acts 8:5-7; Acts 16:16-18). I’d like to give my testimony so you may better understand my story. I used to be very pessimistic, very resentful and bitter, full of fear and anxiety, in bondage to much pornography and masturbation, hated others and myself. In Nov. 2016, during my senior year of high school, I had a fall out with a close friend which devastated me. Then my Dad was diagnosed with colon cancer a few days later. All the stress led me to become determined to work on myself: I got into motivational and self-help stuff, began getting in shape, watched much anime, and with more determination helped my Dad at work. After heading off to college, during the last week of Aug. 2017, I encountered someone on campus who talked with me about God. That same week, I found out my Dad was in the hospital. During the drive home to visit him, I decided to listen to a Joel Osteen audiobook my Mom got for me as a gift. (While this didn’t bring me to a saving faith, it did further spark my interest in God.) Unfortunately, two weeks later, my Dad passed away mid Sept. 2017. And rather than dealing with the grief, I made myself finish the semester. Mid Dec. 2017, after coming home for Christmas break, my Mom and I went to a church service, and there I was convicted of not knowing where I’d go when I died. I chewed on that for about two weeks. Then one night, when my Mom had the TV on TBN, I saw Nick Vujicic being interviewed, the evangelist with no arms and legs. I searched him out the next day, which was Dec. 27, 2017, the day I gave my life to the Lord. That day, I was convicted of my sin, cried out to God for forgiveness, wept and mourned for my sin, and then a fire lit in my heart: an insatiable hunger for the Word of God. (I always remember that because I tried reading the Bible two to three weeks before that day and wasn’t able to understand it.) I was no longer the person I was, and to this day I know 2 Cor. 5:17 reigns true: Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. So how did I end up with demons? What happened that led to me needing deliverance? Sins I committed before and after coming to Christ. (And man, thank the Lord for His grace. I spent much of my time trying to figure it all out, but once I came to the end of myself and cast the care on Him, then I began to see.) BEFORE COMING TO CHRIST Here are doors I opened before giving my life to the Lord on Dec. 27, 2017: Satanism—At 5-6 years old, my kindergarten teacher taught me how to draw a star. Unknown to me, the way to draw it formed a satanic symbol. I wanted to be a cartoonist and an animator growing up, so I unknowingly drew that symbol many times over the years, even in my notes at school for bullet points. I also encountered the symbol a few times in anime. I’m sure that’s what opened me up to a spirit of satanism. Homosexuality—I’m a guy, and I was sexually harassed by a boy in 5th grade (10-11 y/o). I would try to make him stop, but he wouldn’t, and I felt embarrassed to tell the teachers or my parents what was happening. This unfortunately opened me up to a spirit of homosexuality. And in retrospect, I see a time it influenced me: the next year in 6th grade, I didn’t understand why, but I had to strongly fight off feelings for a guy in one of my classes. After overcoming that, I always stood strongly in my will that I like girls. Lust, Pornography, and Masturbation—In 7th grade (12-13 y/o), a friend introduced me to anime. Much anime is fueled by lust with all the sexualized drawn women. This was a snare to me. Then around that time as well, my neighborhood guy friends had asked me if I ever masturbated. I didn’t know what it was, didn’t care for it, but that conversation was a seed that sprouted at 15 years old. I fell into bondage to pornography and masturbation for the next 3 years. I unfortunately put so many wicked and perverted things before my eyes, whether it was anime or real people. And I encountered that satanic symbol in a few things I had watched. All of this opened me up to spirits of lust, fantasy, masturbation, and homosexuality. I conclude that pornography is demonic, and masturbation is fornication/sexual immorality. The world says masturbation is healthy, but they are wrong; it is sin, and it will open you up to demons. Idolatry—My Dad wanted to be cremated. We followed his wishes and kept the urn, only to find out my Mom and I opened ourselves up to demonic oppression and were both afflicted. It is idol worship/idolatry. I will also add that entertainment can be an open door if you’re not careful. Certain types of movies (such as horror films), certain kinds of video games, and certain kinds of music (such as rock music) can open you up to demons. If not to anything extreme, then certainly to a spirit of distraction. In retrospect, much of the animes I watched were blatantly demonic, but I wasn’t aware because my eyes were blinded (2 Cor. 4:4). To conclude, if it’s rooted in witchcraft or the occult, participating in it can open you up. AFTER COMING TO CHRIST The doors I opened after being born again were through ignorance. Fools because of their transgression, and because of their iniquities, are afflicted (Psalm 107:17). My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge… (Hosea 4:6). That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine… (Eph. 4:24). Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee (Psalm 119:11). Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom… (Col. 3:16). Ignorance and wrong prayers—I wasn’t well-grounded in the Word during my first four months after coming to the Lord. I’d read my Bible, and was very ecstatic that I could finally understand what I was reading, but I did not understand that the Bible MUST be my final authority. I watched many heaven testimonies. I listened to many sermons and read many books and articles by many different pastors about the Word of God. In ignorance, I began to believe God spoke through anything. I prayed for feelings. I prayed for signs that He was speaking, such as to speak through my hands. I had a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. I wanted to know the Lord, but I was coming after Him in my own understanding, praying for things I had no business praying for. During those four months, I had some odd encounters in my dorm room, sensing evil presences a couple of times while praying. Then on Apr. 20, 2018, while praying that night in my dorm, I sensed a spirit come near me. I swatted at it, tried to make it go away, but then it circled around my head a few times and came over me. Also, about 2-3 days later, I felt something hit against my body from above which jolted me out of sleep one morning. Thus began the next 8 months of what I thought was spiritual oppression. May 2018, while praying in tongues one day, is when I first perceived a voice in my mind speaking to me. Desperation—Much of my determination during those 8 months was to be freed from the spiritual oppression. I’d read many different books and articles, listened to many different sermons, and read the Bible, but it was all with the expectation of being freed NOW. I kept expecting to just find THE ANSWER and be instantaneously freed. It wasn’t depression, it wasn’t anxiety, it wasn’t grief, but yet life just didn’t feel real. I constantly felt like my head was in a cloud. I didn’t want to keep living with an issue I didn’t understand. This desperation easily led me into more error, just as a person who’s drowning grabs at whatever they can. I began praying for dreams and attempting to interpret all my dreams. I watched more heaven and hell testimonies and things that revealed the spirit realm. Horror Film clips—Oct. 2018, I opened another door by taking a writing assignment on horror films for my college newspaper. I viewed clips of some of the worst to help write my article, and this was a terrible mistake. Occult blog—Late Dec. 2018, while still researching for freedom from spiritual oppression, I stumbled upon a blog that exposed all the evil in the world. I had thought the blog was good because it contained Scripture, but it showed the occult backgrounds of things which I'm sure was an open door to tons of spirits. The last two weeks of Dec. 2018 is when I began clearly perceiving that voice in my mind constantly speaking, claiming it was God. Heaven and Hell testimonies—I grew up attending a megachurch, so at a young age, I had knowledge of heaven and hell. I just didn’t have an understanding of the Gospel: When I was 6, while sitting in church, I drew a picture of me with all my friends and family with wings going to heaven. At 10, I encountered some biblical animations that made me consider the reality of heaven and hell. At 18, I thought more on eternity after beginning to gain knowledge of God and after my Dad’s passing. The day before I got saved, I encountered a heaven testimony book in a bookstore. The next few days after being saved, I listened to a few heaven testimonies. At the time, being consumed in a motivational high and now knowing the reality of heaven, I processed my grief by speaking to a picture of my Dad, encouraging myself that I would see him again (he got saved before he passed). Months later I encountered a hell testimony. Months after that I encountered another heaven testimony: the person in this one prayed to speak with their dead mother and ended up being caught up to the third heaven. In ignorance, still grieving because of my Dad’s passing, I prayed that prayer which unfortunately opened me up to a spirit of necromancy. Before my situation in Jan. 2019, I had listened to many hell testimonies, and many testimonies revealing the spirit realm. Conversing with demons— My Mom and I discovered it was a demon on Jan. 5, 2019. The night before and leading into the 5th, I suddenly was able to understand everything I was being told in my mind. I stood in my room for hours, typing out on my phone what I was being told. That's when I realized it had access to my limbs, guiding my steps. As said in my original post, It spoke out of me all day under the guise of God, even claiming to have a message from my deceased Dad (which is when I unknowingly and unfortunately did a seance), then my Mom took authority over it in the name of Jesus and I was on the ground convulsing. After that night, my Mom and I still did not comprehend what was occurring. I still perceived that voice in my mind and still unfortunately believed it was God. The next week, it persuaded me to go on a three-week fast, only drinking water and only eating graham crackers. Along with not getting enough nutrition, it refused to let me sleep, so I ended up in the hospital twice. On Jan. 10, 2019 into the 11th, during the first hospital visit to the ER, it convinced me this would be my heaven testimony. It then persuaded me into humiliating myself by blatantly screaming all the type of pornography I watched years prior, to openly condemn it as sin. Into the next day, it was still communicating with me. We returned home from the hospital, but it had my mind. And so intensely that when my Mom called the paramedics, it persuaded me to run from the apartment. This resulted in a police officer chasing me, and me being taken to the hospital in handcuffs. After much went on in that hospital room, I blacked out for three to four days. When I came to, I then was put into a mental hospital. The nurse I met when I got there told me I had tried to hang myself at the previous hospital (I had no recollection of that). I was only supposed to be there three days, but was held there for two and half weeks. Because I still perceived the voice in my mind, I acted out in ways that I’m sure came across to the nurses and doctors that I was a nut. They diagnosed me with bi-polar disorder, which I've never had ever, and I was forced to take antipsychotics before they let me out, which actually made things worse. They almost sent me to a state hospital because I initially refused to take my meds, but by the grace of God, one doctor believed in me and gave me a chance. DELIVERANCE AND HEALING After getting out of the mental hospital, and after finally realizing how deceived I was, I sought deliverance. And by the grace of God, He brought forth deliverance through the hand of Apostle Ronald Fabian. The Lord even freed my Mom because she had gotten involved in New Age teachings over the years. Apostle Fabian then directed me to begin reading the Gospels, the Psalms, and the Proverbs so that my mind could heal. I also turned to Andrew Wommack Ministries. My Mom had been following them since 2009, so I dived into his teachings. This helped me establish my grounding that the Word of God is my final authority: To trust the inerrant Word of God; To base everything off of God’s Word because it is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. And praise the Lord, the hospital forgave the $31K in hospital bills I racked up from the whole situation! Praise the Lord, He forgave me and was gracious to me, paying that hospital debt. Truly, much of my experience can be summed up in this: Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him (John 14:6-7). The only way to God is Jesus Christ. I know I was born again, yet not understanding the cross or having the proper realization of the Lord Jesus is what led me into so much error. From the school of hard knocks, here’s my advice: Jesus Christ MUST be your foundation because He is the only foundation. (1 Cor. 3:11) Make God’s Word your final authority and be grounded in the Word. (Prov. 4:20-22; Psalm 119:105) Pray according to the Word of God because this is the will of God. (1 John 5:14-15) Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. (1 Thess. 5:21) Thank you, and God bless you for reading my story! Please forgive me for taking so long to post an update. I really should have posted this sooner, yet I kept holding myself back due to fear, shame, guilt, and condemnation, all of which dissipates in light of the cross. I do ask to please pray that the eyes of my understanding may be enlightened (Eph. 1:18), that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection (Phil. 3:10), and that I may be able to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge (Eph. 3:16-19). I hope this is an encouragement to all that read it. I also suggest checking out Apostle Ronald Fabian and, if you are willing, to please support his ministry (https://www.youtube.com/user/apostlerfabian). And I say the same for Andrew Wommack Ministries. Hallelujah to the Lord Jesus Christ! Hallelujah to the Son of God, who gave His life for our sins and is risen from the dead! And Hallelujah to the gracious King of Kings for delivering me!

I've wanted to post this for a while, but I struggled writing it since I didn't know how to effectively explain my situation. It's been hard for me to talk to anyone about this because I keep thinking no one would believe me or people would think I'm insane. Though I've been drowning in confusion, apathy, doubt, and hopelessness for the past few months, I've finally mustered up the courage to write this. I was saved in 2005, fell away for a while, then rededicated my life to Christ at the end of December 2017. I was very excited about God and the Bible for the first three months of 2018, but then began dealing with spiritual oppression in April 2018. I spent my time trying to figure out how to get rid of the oppression, then I began hearing that “still small voice.” Since May 2018, I thought I was in communion with God, until in January 2019, I discovered there is a demon inside of me. It deceived me into thinking it was God, and it even had the audacity to also call itself “Holy Spirit,” “The Father,” and “Jesus.” It spoke to me in my mind, flooding me with images, ideas, and thoughts. It answered prayers, such as if I asked where something was in my apartment, I suddenly received an image in my mind of the exact location. It was able to control my body parts: arms, legs, hands, feet, head, mouth, eyes, lungs, stomach, heart. At times, it spoke out of me: received a “message from heaven” from my deceased Dad, taught me and my Mom tons of error teaching, and falsely prophesied the 2nd coming of Christ. Once my Mom discovered it was a demon, it spoke out and told her that I would never find Jesus, and I began convulsing when she took authority over it. That same night, it caused me to vomit two disgusting substances, changed the pitch of my voice to an unnaturally high and disgusting tone, and at a different time, I heard growling come from my throat. While under its influence, it made me get rid of my video games, movies, and certain bits of clothing. It taught me scripture so it could use it against me. It convinced me to pray tons of false things, such as for Jesus to forget me. It deceived me into doing a 3-week water fast that put me in the hospital, nearly killing me. It convinced me I committed the unforgivable sin, that I was the Anti-Christ, constantly deceived me into thinking I would die in my sleep, and constantly condemned me to hell. It caused me to have constant nightmares of me being condemned to hell, one where I was involved in witchcraft, one where I supposedly received the mark of the beast and was separated from God forever, and one of Jesus Christ forever abandoning me. I feel completely violated because not only did it rupture the relationship I thought I had with the real LORD, this thing helped me come up with book ideas, movie ideas, a future ministry, improved my drawing skills, and even helped me come up with names for my future kids, all under the guise of “God.” I've essentially given up writing and anything creative because I'm not confident whether the ideas truly come from me. As of now, I have a constant anxiety towards my hands moving on their own; sometimes as I'm falling asleep, either a few fingers start to move or one of my hands will violently shake for a few seconds. I can’t even pray without hearing a mental response from it. I’ve noticed strange physical abnormalities, such as my pupils dilating irregularly no matter how much light is present and an occasional putrid smell coming from my nose and mouth. I can’t effectively concentrate, constantly dealing with tons of confusing thoughts. I feel irritated / an aversion towards the Word, along with tons of accusatory thoughts about my salvation and how God is mad at me (which isn’t true). If I do manage to read the Bible, I get flooded with tons of doubtful thoughts about how I don't understand anything I read and how God's forgotten about me (which isn't true). This spirit has put me through so much hell, and I have no idea how I even accepted it to begin with. I'm ashamed that I was able to be so terribly deceived. I can't even effectively follow Philippians 4:6 about praying if you are anxious because I'm anxious about praying because something else answers. I want to overcome the confusion, apathy, doubt, and hopelessness that all torment me on a daily basis. Where should I even begin with recovery? How do I recover from all the deception I've endured? How do I get past the constant irritation towards anything God related? Also, thank you for taking the time to read this. Even if you can't figure out a reply to this post, could you P L E A S E pray for me? I desperately want to be delivered of this.