The very first memory I have is when I was 5 my mother went into shock (she was a diabetic) she told me to find her orange colored box with the big shot in it; t was under the bathroom sink. Then she proceeded to give me instructions to give it to her. After that I had to give her orange juice by dipping my finger in the it and rubbing it on her lips. The rest of that day me and my mom layed in bed together hopelessly until my sister returned from school. Since I was young I took care of my mother, she was a diabetic who also was an alcoholic/drug addict (she smoked marijuana but her addiction was to crack/cocaine). She did these things while she was pregnant and I was born a premature crack baby. My chances for survival was slim only God was able to save me. My sister took care of me and older brother until we were old enough to kind of take of ourselves but hey she was only 6yrs older than us. My parents were the adolescents and us kids were the ones who would have to drag them back to reality. I remember me and Troy(my older brother by 13months) would walk down to a local bar and get my mom because we were hungry or we need her to tuck us in for bed. See at that time my dad would take off to colorado for a month at a time. I grew mature early. One day my parents took me,my brother, and a couple of my brothers friends to a lake that was up in the woods it was like 45mins away, my parents brought their guns to target practice, and get drunk, I went in the water without any supervision and almost drowned. My dad started yelling at me, (He should of been watching me!!) that I knew I wasn't allowed in the water passed my knees. I returned to the bronco and fell asleep underneath a blanket. Well I as hear my dad was chipping ice for a drink he was making my mom. Well after he was done he stuck his buck knife into that blanket I was sleeping under mistaking it for a bag of sawdust (tell me how messed up you have to be to mistake your daughter for a bag of sawdust) he stabbed me an inch and a half away from my right temple. He hit a vain in my face and I was bleeding very badly. My mom came in the back with me and kept pressure on it I was in and out of conscinous. I don't remember seeing my mom all I remember was alot of white light and a white hand holding the rag on me. I had Jesus there that day with me. We made it to the hospital 45mins away I walked into that office by myself I am told that I shrugged my dad away from me and walked by myself I believe to this day that Jesus carried me into that hospital. I got twenty-six stitches on the outside and 19 on the inside (I still have the scar). After that happened many on my moms alcoholic friends thought that my dad had tried to kill me and ran him out of town. Well my parents got a divorce and in the divorce there was and still is a restraining order on him against me. We moved to Montana where my grandparents were my mom was getting clean, well about a week of being there she had a stroke and was in a diabetic coma for 3weeks. When she recovered I helped my grandma to teach my mom the essentials like how to eat, drink etc. She had to learn everything again. Well my mom stayed sober for two years after that I went to every AA meeting with her I was so proud of her. My mom got on disablility and bought a house our lives were becoming normal! My dad contacted us kids at school one day the school bugged out and called the cops because they thought that he wanted to kidnap us now my secret was no longer a secret (all the kids at school realized that I was different). I was so embarrassed that they called the cops and arrested my dad in front of pratically the whole school. After that my dad contacted my mother and asked if he could just visit for awhile for thanksgiving my mom agreed to it. I remember getting all dressed up and waiting all day for him to show ( I was so happy my daddy was coming home). Well my dad never left after that day and not even a month went by before him and my mom were using again (drugs and all). I was so upset with my mother when I found there stash I dumped everything in the bathtub and toilet right in front of her. Then I took her coins (from her months she had completed AA) and threw the into a field next to our house. I then went to my friends to cry. After that day I went to doing drugs and hanging around with the seriously wrong crowd and way older at that. We got taken away the last day of my 6th grade year. Me and my brother were going to foster care! I spent the next summer in a juvenile detention center for stealing checks and cashing them (I was only 11yrs old wow). I then went to join my brother in a foster home two towns away from we used to live. Me and my brother stayed in foster care until we were 18 we went thru 9 homes in 6-7yrs but the first year was in one foster home and the last we spent 2yrs in so in 4yrs we went thru 7 homes. We went threw alot my brother was molested by my uncle. Me and my brother didn't really know that part of our life because we are still in therapy because we have blocked it out so they say. I remember more than Troy. Some traumatic things happen to us in that house Troy especially because he was a teen boy coming into puberty being molested by a 45yr old man. I was a girl forced to watch. Then naturally from my co-dependent tendencies I got into an abusive relationship when I was 13 with a 18yr old. He forced me to have sex with him and beat me bad to the point I would run away for a week at a time just running the streets. Well he left for the military and I drank and smoked my way to harmony. He returned 3yrs later and found me and told me I was going to have his baby. He found me passed out at a party, he beat me so bad that night a rapped me repeadately. Well I walked two miles to a guy friends and he brought me an hour a way for 2weeks so noonewould know what had happened to me, his parents provided me with pain killers and care for those two weeks. Well when I returned and took my punishment for running away, I took a pregnancy test and sure enough I was 16 and pregnant. God had blessed me with a baby. He may of not be able to stop these evils to happen to me but he always gave me something priceless in return. Well at that point in my life I needed something to get my act together (and I did). I set it up to graduate a year early, I got a job and worked 37hrs a work on top of school to save money for my upcoming baby. I moved out of foster care 5months after I had my child and then moved to Idaho to be next to my sister. Well I got a call one day that my mom was very ill again and they need my help to care for her. So I went to Colorado to help my dad. Well my mom passed away after having two heart attacks that were caused because she had pneumonia and her body was too weak to handle that. I was there for my moms death and hated her because not only had she ruined my life now she had died on me when I was in a time that I needed answers for what she had done to me and my brother. And to top that off her parents (the ones who hid that me and my brother were being molested) tricked us into sending them her ashes because they were going to pay for the funeral (we didn't have the money). Well once they received them they told all of us kids we weren't allowed at the funeral (my mom might not of done alot of things right in our lives but regardless she loved her kids and despised our family for what they had done to me and Troy). So I got no closure I broke down on my knees one night begging God for forgiveness for anything I had done to deserve this that I know his son died on the cross for my sins and I need and want Jesus in my heart so the pain can stop. That day November 2th 2004 I was saved from so much pain. Since that day I started to pray everyday, I started to read the bible everyday, and go to church. I write down different stories as I remember them and them hand them over to God when I put them in that box "please take this burden off of me now Lord I hand it to you" I say as I put away yet another bad memory. God has saved me in so many ways and if it weren't for him and his awesome son Jesus I wouldn't be here today.
Thank you all for who had the patience to hear my testomonial,
May God Bless you all and bring hope when there seems there will be none,