Thewhitedove

Thank you I need to keep remembering this.

God has revealed to me that I must see her as 'fool' as mentioned in Proverbs. I've been reading up on this and she fits the bill almost 100%. Almost. The number one instruction for dealing with a fool is to avoid them and, in severe cases, send them away. I feel that my prayer for her to lovingly go away is founded in Scripture and not unChristian or unkind. This is my prayer point, going forward. I pray that if this is against God's will, he will show me clearly. But I don't think so.

Children should be old enough to consent to the piercing and to care for it properly.

I've been praying. I prayed for God to show me the truth through Scripture. I moved onto the next page on Proverbs, Proverbs 5 yesterday. It's said: 1My son, pay attention to my wisdom; listen carefully to my wise counsel. 2Then you will show discernment, and your lips will express what you’ve learned. 3For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. 4But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword. 5Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. 6For she cares nothing about the path to life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t realize it. 7So now, my sons, listen to me. Never stray from what I am about to say: 8Stay away from her! Then in today's Proverb 6, it said: Their perverted hearts plot evil, and they constantly stir up trouble. 15 But they will be destroyed suddenly, broken in an instant beyond all hope of healing. I am relating to this and am now praying that God will take her away from me. That's all I can pray for now. That she goes. The relationship is going to seriously deteriorate to the point that I absolutely hate her if she doesn't go. She has to go. Nothing harmful, no bad wishes; just away from me. Please God.

No I didn't. I haven't decided what to do!

I breathed such a deep sigh of relief when I read this. You spoke to deeply into my soul that I feel like I was able to exhale such a burden. Your answer is perfect. Most of the people I've spoken to are non believers, but to be honest, their (practical) advice hasn't been much different to what believers have suggested. I absolutely bear no grudge against this woman at all. I see a very troubled, sad, damaged, unstable misfit who tries desperately to pass herself as 'normal' in the working world. I really, really feel for her. I just wish she would go away. I have absolutely no desire to seek revenge or 'make her pay' or even fall out with her or anything. I just do not want to work with her. She knows the net is closing in around her, and is displaying more and more emotionally unstable behaviour as well as employing new emotionally manipulative tactics to garner sympathy. She is trying to pull her weight more, now that she knows that she is being monitored. But ultimately, the way her mind works means that she can just manage the job superficially. I still have to explain the basics. So many colleagues have reached out to me to say they have noticed the change in me, that I look tired, stressed etc and they always say 'it's because you're working with her'. My immune system has been falling apart since we started working together and while I can't blame her entirely, the constant resentment has to go somewhere. It goes inwards, into me. My own guilt has been blocking my prayers because I'm constantly restrained by a sense of guilt. Of 'maybe it's me'. However, everyone I've spoken to has said they felt the same when working with her. Thank you so much for always taking the time to reply to me, and I know you pray for me too. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

OK I have repented for the gossip and won't do it again, with God's help. I feel isolated and it's a real throwback to one of my pre-Jesus favourite sins. I fall back on it really easily. I KNOW I have to stop. She is incredibly direct at times and I know she will ask me if I have been talking about her. I have to be truthful without further damaging the relationship. Can anyone help me with this?

Absolutely. I completely agree. She won't let go of the teaching even though she is in way over her head. School want to resolve the issue but I've asked for a bit more time as I wanted her to expose herself, rather than me expose her. Thanks for your messages.

I have autism. It's so hard for me, so you must be always patient and my sweet caregiver This really rang a bell with me. She doesn't have a diagnosis for autism but suspects it, and I wouldn't be surprised. I think that she has really latched onto it like 'I know I did that badly but...neurodiverse...'. The thing that gets to me the most is how much my personality is changing. I just find her so annoying that my heart sinks when she walks through the door. This is really sinful but I can't help it. It's absolutely exhausting trying to pray these feelings away. I keep trying. I keep asking God for more patience, but when I let my guard down and feel sorry for her and help her, I end up feeling full of resentment. People I work with are saying they can see a change in me, that they are concerned for me. My colleague has a very sad, lonely and stressful life. Nobody likes her and everyone ends up absolutely sick of her. I went into the school year wanting to help her, to build her confidence, to develop her teaching skills and to grow in Christ. It makes me so sad because I just dont want to be around her and she knows it.

She was employed by a previous boss who has since left. The new boss spoke to me and said it needs to be sorted but as the colleague has autism, the school could get sued if they treated her unfairly. She is protected by lots of anti discrimatory legislation.

I've been trying, so hard. Praying every day, digging so deep. I'm starting to absolutely dislike her so that everything she does bothers me and I hate myself for being like this! I feel like such a horrible person! When I open myself up to feeling compassion for her, I end up getting unwell. I feel like I can't protect myself when I leave myself open to her manipulation.

You're so right. I know, I know! The gossip is a sin. So is the bitterness. I really struggle with this all. I have to spend 8 hours a day with her, with an hour's break on a good day. I'm turning into a horrible person and don't know how to claw things back.

Thanks for the prayers and advice. Today she annoyed me. And you know what, I didn't even know if I'm turning into a bully now because I'm spending so much time with someone who drives me so mad that I mentally pick apart everything that she does. Nobody likes her and I've found myself joining in when they talk about her. A big part of it is that I feel less alone and less like I'm going crazy when I know its not just me. Colleague is doing more now but wants me to guide her along every step of the way, and I need that mental energy for myself. She outright asked me if I'd complained about her to our boss and I said that yes, I had. She wanted more details but I felt it was very invasive and so ended the conversation. She ran off and seemed upset. She said some things that really pulled at me, like how she feels like her just existing upsets me, and how she thought we were friends but it seems to be a one way thing. I'm consumed with disliking her at this point. I don't want to be unkind or unprofessional but I can't stand her, and it comes out. She told me that I need to tell her every time she does something wrong but I think that's unfair on me. She said it takes every fibre of her being to organise herself in the day and that she has been open about her neurodivergence. I told her that's her issue to sort out and she needs to find strategies to manage. I feel so guilty but she's just not equipped for the job.

Wow that is so thought provoking! I loved it, thank you

An update. I had meeting with our boss, who said that as my co teacher has self identified as having a neurodivergence, she has extra protection in the workplace. Unless there is a serious safety issue, then nothing can be done this academic year. I had to leave work early the other day as my kid was sick, and another coworker stood in for me. The next day, the colleague said that the behaviour of the children was so wild in my absence that it was actually dangerous. She has since reported her too. We have agreed to continue to report her for every safety breach or risk to the children. My patience has worn thin by the end of every week. It takes me so much energy to suppress annoyance when she keeps making the most basic mistakes. I'm talking about things a teenager on work experience wouldn't do. I'm experiencing a lot of resentment and feeling very, very unChristian, very uncharitable and just very mean. I've other people in my life who stress me out and I've chosen to lovingly go low-contact with them for the sake of the relationship. This colleague makes me angry and frustrated every day and I have to gloss over it or find the energy to calmly state the absolute obvious, which almost feels embarrassing. Help me see this through Christ's eyes because I've suddenly become very carnal since we started working together!!!

Thank you so much to everyone. I'm feeling much better. I've mostly recovered physically and mentally I'm back on track. I've started to have revelation. I'm seeing this person as a manipulator who goes from one episode of masking her true nature to another. She isn't fit for the job and knows it, and her life is just one series of stress inducing attempts to conceal her ineptitude. She knows I'm onto her. I've started the process of bringing her situation to my superiors. In work, I have stepped away from helping her and letting her get on with her own side of the job. I'm letting the chips fall where they may. I'm trying to protect myself from the emotional vampirism and trying to handle the very human responses of resentment I feel towards her. So my new prayer point is this: is she my enemy? Because, while she is friendly on the surface and I'm sure has no ill intent towards me, that is how I am seeing her. She sees me as another person to hide behind I order to last another year in work. I don't trust her not to push me under the bus in order to save herself. Once I get the the green light from God that I am to see her in this light, then can I apply all of the Biblical concepts for how we should view and treat our enemies. I hope this makes sense. Once I get confirmation that she is my enemy, then can I pray for her along with asking for God to deliver me from her and trust that God will protect me from her. She had duped me into thinking she was a sister in Christ, and so my prayers were different. I no longer think this is the case.

Thank you so much for replying to me. I'm from the UK too but live in Europe. My boss and the boss's boss know. I hadn't told anyone about what had been happening in the classroom as I'd wanted to help her. I felt happy to do what I thought was serving God and 'covering a multitude of sins'. I've since realised that I hadn't understood that piece of scripture properly! I thought God wanted me to keep her terrible performance a secret and protect her while I helped her behind the scenes. Once the trip happened, that was it. All my loyalty evaporated at once and I reported her right away. My conscience is totally clear. That day was a turning point. I'm going to speak to my boss tomorrow about needing to take things easy to start. We have a few crazy deadlines this week and I need to protect my health as best I can. Thanks again. I feel like I can't talk to my colleagues about this as it would be gossiping. My husband isn't a believer and believes in a very tough approach. Your listening ear, and that of everyone on this site, has been invaluable. I honestly do want the best for this lady, and for God's will to be done in her life. However the fact that it drains other colleagues so much shows me that she is not walking in God's plan for her life.

Something else that I forgot, is that a few weeks ago I started to wonder whether she really was the vulnerable, neurodiverse Christian who was just in need of some TLC and mentoring, or, if there was something more manipulative going on. I asked God to show me the truth. Shortly afterwards, we were on the school trip. That morning I begged God to get me out of it as I felt unwell. I wasn't able to get out of it. In fact, there was heavy rain and we still had to do the trip. I was miserable the whole day and that was the day in which she did not properly supervise the students. The following day we had the confrontation and that day seemed to be a turning point for me. I had had enough. I couldn't do it anymore.

This is exactly what I have thought! Many co workers have contacted me to say that her behaviour in work has been noticed. I really do believe that God allowed me to feel really unwell this week in order to highlight the true nature of how she does her job. I don't mind sending her a text to check in and say hi, as it might seem weird if I just reappear tomorrow without having had any contact. Something else I'm concerned about is how I'm still weak, my body is still achey from all of the coughing, weeks and weeks of it. My movements are slow and I need to be careful even with speaking as it can bring on the last little coughs I'm still battling with, and it's very painful. I need to take a backseat in work tomorrow and let her take the lead but it stresses me out SO MUCH because the kids end up very hyper when she takes charge. I am just dreading it.

Hello everyone. I am due to go back to work to work tomorrow after a week off due to illness. I'm still not 100% recovered but not sick enough to stay off. As a teacher I often do work at home on a Sunday, but my medical certificate actually expires tomorrow and so I am technically exempt from work. I really believe I need another day of complete rest. I do feel like I need to contact my Co worker as a matter of courtesy to let her know that while I'll not be doing any work today, I will be back tomorrow. I'm trying to be very prayerful about every interaction. I'm praying that God instructs me how to conduct myself as He sees fit. Please join me in this prayer.

Gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with the beautiful and supportive replies I've received here. The truth is that this week, my health took a real nosedive and I ended up being signed off work for the week. I haven't had a rest like it in a long time, and I needed it. So many things came to the fore and it felt like a very spiritually symbolic time. It has been very intense and I've really sensed some kind of link between my health, my lifestyle, my work situation and God. I've felt the enemy at the door trying to break me down further and it has all felt very charged. I feel God telling me that something good is around the corner now. The time off work has helped to reset my mind a little and to have some much needed space from my co worker. I need to keep focused on Jesus. Wonderful advice from all of you. Thank you so much, for each and every response. Please agree with me in the spirit that God will use all of this for good and for His glory.

I'm trying to be really prayerful about this issue but I don't know what to pray. Selfishly, I want this colleague to leave, just so I don't have to deal with her. But this woman proclaims to be a Christian so how can I pray against a supposed sister in this way? I've actually been signed off work with stress and I think working with her has had a very detrimental effect on my physical health. I am praying for God's will in this situation but it feels so intangible...I don't know what to hold onto Biblically, to focus on. Can someone give me some pointers to just trust in the Lord and what to do while I'm waiting?

Thank you so much.

An update: I confronted my colleague about some of her behaviour and she got very upset and went home. I had no option but to tell our boss what was going on. I now have a virus and have been told by my doctor that I need to stay home for the rest of the week. I am now wondering if God's plan is for her behaviour to be exposed. I feel my illness is in part due to the stress of carrying her. Now I'm not there, colleagues are already texting me to say they've noticed that things are not going well in my absence. I'm just praying that God's will be done in this situation. Thanks for all of the prayers and the advice.

I'm up early in the morning where I am. I'm really just feeling very confused. I have a sense of lightness that I told her off yesterday. My boss sent me a message to say she is sorry for what I've been dealing with and we are having a meeting today. At the start of the school year, in September, Joan said to me: 'Don't put too much pressure on yourself trying to help me. I could be beyond help. Everyone loses patience with me after a while'. I now know why, sadly 😥 It's not so much that I have to do nearly everything, but that I have to do all her thinking for her. I stopped reminding her of things she needed to do and it just created chaos. She wouldn't know she had a lesson to teach and wouldn't be ready. I feel like my mental load is already very full with 3 kids of my own. This is very draining.