Where I'm at right now is feeling like some people up-play the idea of hell and eternal torture. And it doesn't make much sense to me. I've heard people say things when talking about people who have committed grave sins they went to jail for, "They will serve a life sentence, and then they will go to hell." But such a dual-punishment doesn't make much sense to me. And why should not believing in God get a greater punishment than commiting the worst human crimes?
When I came here before, I caused some of my own suffering. I tried to be pretty conservative in my ideas, and I felt like I had to be and had to accept them, because I didn't see any other way. So I took all my thoughts from a life of atheism, and just tried to change them all at once.
These days, I start with the statement "It's very plausible there is a God, and he saves people from a life of darkness. He's proven that much to me." But when we get to large theological doctrines, it may be best for me to accept them yes, it may affect my life and salvation, but I just need to prove everything that I believe, as it stands, for myself first.
But on a much more positive note, I kind of sunk back into deep, depressing thoughts, and I gave up on God, leaving Worthy, then I found a place somewhere where people on a similar path showed me that it wasn't all darkness. I just needed to change and to let people know where I'm at clearly, in my walk. I also had to work on myself, and it needs to be an ongoing process... Or else, who can possibly help me?
So where I'm at right now is saying, "God, I believe in you... But please understand that I need to work on myself also, with your help." I used to ask God to give others the strength to help me, but now I'm more bold, I say "God, give me the strength to help myself."