I am a new Christian and I feel lost. I lost my oldest brother to suicide, my dad is an alcoholic who isn't seeking help, and I have been addicted to pornography most of my life. I was also cheated on by my ex girlfriend and haven't dated anyone since. I was depressed after experiencing all of the above and through perseverance had a profound awakening. I discovered christ after living my entire life agnostic and at the same time discovered meditation. I don't doubt that jesus and the afterlife is real. I have done my research. However I feel a great deal of fear and shame. I have made multiple attempts to honor God and abstain from porn and multiple times I have failed. I have also been reading tarot cards, but now have learned that divination can be harmful. The last cards I read (after failing to abstain again) told me that I had lost an opportunity and that I am constrained to short term gratification. My greatest fear: it even said I had sold my soul to the devil. After reading that I have felt horrible fear since and feel ready to change for good. I plan to get rid of my phone forever and honor God.
I've also been battling satanic, repetitive thoughts for the past few months. I know they are not my own because I love God and am annoyed by them. I have been getting better at replacing negative thoughts with positive, loving thoughts lately. I've also been repeating bible verses to combat them. However I am growing tired of this constant battle and I want them to be gone for good. Please help me.