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EliStrength

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  1. I'll try to make this short. My husband an I are both 34 and married when we were 20. I saw all the warning signs before we married but I was running from issues at home. Growing up my parents constantly had physical fights which often resulted in us kids getting involved in the fights to stop them from killing each other. I was then raped from the age of 12-16 from a family friend who nobody believed me because he was so respected. As you can tell I've suffered alot trying to cope with my childhood. Before marriage I saw that my husband had anger issues; breaking items, punching holes in walls and even cursing at his parents. I went ahead with it because it meant leaving my parents house. After marriage we both got jobs and I finished getting my Bachelors degree. After 1 year of marriage my husband quit his job because it wasn't what he wanted to do. I was understanding, but he went on to playing video games all day with his cousins while I struggled to pay all the Bills, complete house work and cook once I got off from work. I then went back to school for my Masters which I received just as the recession started. I then lost my job, I was the only one struggling to give blood, had to sell my wedding ring to keep a roof over our heads. During this time my husband did not care, he didnt want any menial job. I finally landed a job but it required us to move cross country, I told him not to follow if he will continue on the same path, he promised he would change. During this time my husband didn't, take me anywhere, celebrate my birth, anniversaries, absolutely nothing. So we moved to California, things were looking better, he got a job and I for pregnant. Before I was even 8 months pregnant he quits the job because he didnt like his coworkers. Once again I'm left to handle all the Bill's. We then started having heated arguments where in a few occasions he has choked, slapped and punch me. Ive replaced ao many televisions, phones etc that he has damaged. Even had to pay $1800 in damages to an apartment because he kicked holes in the doors and walls. He calls me every name in the book and blames me for everything. Still I stayed because I wanted to honor my marriage plus this was all I knew from my parents marriage. I've paid for him to go to so many school, certification classes yet he wasted all the money. Finally, he got his CDL license, got a job and then quits it. He's not a hands on father, doesnt go out as a family, I do all the disciplining of our child. He wont go to anger management or marriage counseling. I honestly have no good times of our marriage. Our child has medical issues, one of the surgeries he didnt attend because he saidd he hated hospitals leaving me to wait in the waiting room by myself sobbing. Our child has also had about 80 doctor appointments which I have been blessed to take him, but my husband simply doesn't feel like attending. I feel like a single mother. I take my child to school, go to work, pick up child, get home to clean and cook and then do it again the next day. He has no responsibilities, and when I do bring anything up it ends up in a major argument. I've honestly stopped mentioning anything in the past 3 years. My husband plays video games all night and then sleeps during the daytime. His mom supports him by giving him money every month. He simply believes most jobs are beneath him, and is willing to let me struggle to handle everything. There is no compromising with him, he never considers my feelings. If he doesn't want to do something then that's the end of the conversation. I dont share any of my Hope's and dreams with him, because I no longer feel comfortable with him. I nearly had a mental breakdown last year and told him I cant do this anymore. We separated with my husband leaving. Because he's angry at me for making him leave, he refuses to have contact with our child. How could any man walk away from their own child? I once put our child on the phone to talk to him and he hung up the phone, I've grown so resentful of him. I am a born again Christian and have a hard time walking away, but it's so hard being in a marriage by yourself. I feel as if my husband has abandoned our marriage years ago but I dont want God to be angry at me. Any advice? I'm new to this forum, how do I respond to answers? Since I'm a newbie it appears as if I can't respond to any of the replies but I want to say thank you all for the words of encouragement.
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