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F_Ivan

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About F_Ivan

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  1. You are right @dhchristian I need to fully believe in his full finished work of the cross, past present and future.
  2. I like listening to worship music and getting myself wound up in the emotions I feel from it. Is that wrong?
  3. Thanks, I really hope I receive assurance of my salvation, I have witnessed something miraculous in my life that proves to me God has put special attention to my life, and some other peculiar things (Had a righteous boldness/anger come out of me one time when I was battling with self condemning thoughts out of nowhere that made the thoughts flee, and have been intensely gripped with emotion when reading certain verses, Mark 14:62, John 8:58, Luke 23:42). I know we can't earn salvation but I have been going out into my own strength to maintain it/not lose it. But surely there is a place for my best effort? Like putting my best effort in to seeking God in my life and in prayer?
  4. Thank you!! This excessive navel gazing and especially looking back has absolutley been murdering me!!
  5. I'm still going through a test right now and I fluctuate between being stronger and weaker in God. Yesterday I was listening to worship music with tears streaming down my eyes and today I feel kind of cold and dry. By the way is it wrong to keep praying the salvation prayer? I watch backsliding sermons and at the end they have a salvation-like prayer for backsliders (Haven't really been backsliding lately just that sometimes this fear is wrecking my relationship with God)
  6. Ok I'll just ignore the thoughts and pray to God for mind renewal and freedom from these mental issues. And just try to rest in Gods care and read scripture.
  7. I've been being bothered by a particular condemning thought the past month or two that im a selfish reprobate at heart and everything I ask for is for a selfish motive at heart. For example I'll pray to God for mercy and guidance and other spiritual things and thoughts come to me saying I only ask this so I can be saved/brought into a point of salvation or that im only asking it to keep my salvation (Fear of hell basically) (suffer from salvation anxiety alot currently). I suppose its possible being under so much fear and condemnation latley that there might be some aspect of that when I ask but its kind of unavoidable (?). I wish I never entertained such stupid thoughts for so long because the accusations make wonder if its true sometimes and if ive really ruined my heart worrying and ruminating on such things. I pray and hope its not. It makes me feel like I'm blocked off to God in prayer sometimes if I'm only asking out of fear. I think it's just my OCD acting up. Thoughts?
  8. Thanks. I really hope it wasn't just a social thing. I'll keep praying and praying to God. And what do you mean by how a person handles tests? Im going through some tests right now by the way but all internal. (Fear, anxiety, and tons of discouragement and condemnation)
  9. Thank you! I can afford it. I don't really know if I'm truly born again which I dont like to admit, its something I really wish I had assurance of. I should be born again according to the promises of John 5:24 and Romans 10:13. My therapist tells me the thoughts come from emotional issues (low self esteem, fear and pessimism) and OCD and the excessive rumination is OCD. I think about salvation anxiety alot. Im trying not to worry about it because worry is a sin I think. The last 2 months ive been worrying all day about condemnation and salvation anxiety, it's something that gives me alot of stress. I dont like bringing up my salvation assurance issues as a quick reply on here because no one here really knows me personally or whats been going on in my life regarding my walk in faith. I think. I have problems with a slippery mind, sometimes I feel bitter and disillusioned with God because of the condemnation and worry and my mind thinks of thoughts of a rebellious blasphemous unbelieving nature that disturb me and I dont wish to think about. I dont know if its really something in my control, I have some control over the thoughts I guess if I really try but it takes alot of mental effort to get them to not appear (I'll sometimes sense an ugly thought in danger of being brought into my awareness and If I try hard enough to distract myself it sometimes works). Sometimes ill fear ill start havimg bad thoughts and thats when they're more likley to come. I don't know if its also a demonic bondage problem or spiritual warfare. As for it being a forgiveness issue, I try to forgive everyone but sometimes when im feeling low ill get bitter at my mom because ill blame her for who I am since she has similar issues but then I try to remind myself thats not Christ like behavior and that she doesnt do it out of malice, she's just lost (shes an unbeliever currently please pray for her) and also that maybe if I wasnt raised exactly how I was raised I would of never found Jesus maybe.
  10. Yes! I hate owning them, they arent me. I hate how theyre trying to convince me theyre myself. I keep making stupid mistakes out of ungodly fear and anxiety. Thank you
  11. Yes I do. I like spending time with alot of Christians. Decieving how? Like making you think they are yours?
  12. Yes I really doubt myself and my intentions alot specifically which leads me to having OCD about the thoughts I just mentioned.
  13. Yes I think I have given my will to those kinds of things before I was born again though. As born again I still liked reading dark material or topics at times (hate it now) and yeah I thought of some dark things (NOT thoughts of unbelief/blasphemy/apostasy but bad stuff so I dont know if that counts), dont really want to put effort into remembering it for obvious reasons. I certainly dont do that now though and nor do I want to. I rememeber as a young teenager I would practice "creativity" by completley letting loose of my mind. Yes I've given my will and life to Jesus at my conversion. Prayed the prayer you sent but I stuttered a bit and got tense with thoughts and had to repeat halfway. Hopefully that didn't mess it up. Should I pray that daily? Im worried that I might still give my will to it? I dont try to intentionally/premeditatedly think of such things. But like I said the pressure of fear/anxiety is high sometimes and the thoughts come into my head
  14. Sometimes ill sense a disturbing thought coming, like Ill get a feeling of fear and stress and sense a disturbing thought trying to burst open the doors of my mind. It feels like I cave under the pressure and the thought comes to mind at times. It feels like I have some control over it but not really? Its hard to explain.
  15. Really? I dont think I get these thoughts when im happy. I get them when im fearful/anxious + negative/pessmistic. I dont know if its really OCD even though the doctors say it is. It feels like my mind is very loose and undisciplined. Like I have to force it to be sober and controlled sometimes. It used to wander off into mostly harmless entertaining thoughts (like fashion, UFC, cool things ive seen, etc) now it seems to wander off into disturbing thoughts but maybe thats just my fear and anxiety combined with negativity causing that (usually feel anxious always).
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