Peter Krishnan

In my life, I was always a loner . My former colleagues all know that . It is not unhealthy to me; as I am a nature, introvert feeling personality type . I am not proud of it; neither am I ashamed by it . By extension, I am also a DIY type . The story about Peter and the rock was told to me in primary school by the Deacon's son, that Jesus in effect told him to stay behind but he didn't listen . I didn't believe him then . When asked by him about my bicycling experience (he said he learnt it on a tricycle as a toddler from 'Noddy") and waited for my reply . I learnt bicycling at my Granny's during a visit to my cousin's house when I was in primary 4 . My cousin was older and showed off his circus acrobatic skills to me which my Granny informed me through her granddaughter was ill advised . In a huff, I went to sit by myself at her favorite spot at the T junction of the house where she said a cobra lived . A boy on a cow cart driving past made a sudden turn into the compound where I sat and then proceeded to demolish a Durian tree there . My Granny's granddaughter explained to me he was left to his own devices because the tree stood in no man's land beyond an imaginary line in the compound . That was the end of any future durian feast for that tree was planted by my father on the behest of my mother . I then took the bicycle on a joyride to my other Grandfather's house a few kilometers away, riding alongside 70 mph traffic . My 4th Aunty met me there, and changed my Astroboy shorts into a baggy Khaki shorts, saying that was what Dennis the Menace wore . To make the story short, I landed in a drain injuring my chest on the bicycle handlebars and had to ride back in that sorry state . So I kept mum about it until my mother checked up on me after being told by my aunt about my shenanigans . I couldn't share with the Deacon's son my exploits then but I share with you that I believe him now that Jesus told Peter to stay behind but he didn't listen . I am no child; my position is that I understand my affliction and that is some help to me . As a baby, I was called 'Baby from Hell' by the maids who didn't look after me anyway; and later 'Little Devil' by my mother's church who must've hated me for some reason or other, probably many . Thankfully, the Deacon's son who is from my former mission school understands the situation somewhat and became my nephew's preacher . My history is one of thrill-seeker experiences that I don't care about now being Christian but rise to haunt me at every turn in fear of anyone following in my footsteps . So anyone who's listening out there, don't do what I did in my life; you know what and you'll surely regret it . Thank you DebP for the opportunity to vent .

It is an interpretation of seemingly trivial events that took place on his journey after the fig tree; he told Peter to build a temple on a rock someplace and asked him to remain behind . Jesus was walking ahead alone when John went up to his side and indicated he'd stay with him till the end . Jesus let John walk with him for a while, then said he needn't do so and John quickly stepped away . I can't read the Bible properly because it is too traumatic for me now . Sorry, John didn't actually say so . I just heard it in my head then . Sorry again .

Just tell him it is not about being saved but about having a happier more peaceful time on earth . Just because one be Christian doesn't mean one is 'transformed' . One remains the same person but with a different better perspective of the world . Why don't you ask him to consider Jesus's life and teachings seriously first and see what happens next ?

One has to know Michel Foucault's Panopticum if one works in a mental asylum . Don't label mental patients . Psychosocial relationship counselling teaches that there are many different social circumstances that befall them, some extremely sad, others less so . Acceptance therapy is a form of Zen, focus meditation that may help in amplifying existent skills across domains that boosts self esteem and resistance against the voices . My case is special because mine is late middle age onset and even my elderly parents said I was a no hoper and had to forget the past, i.e. my childhood after I explained that it had little to do with them, and just get on with life . Some say carte blanche forgiveness is a requirement for progress but that in my experience will certainly be abused if not managed carefully . The way is reasoned awareness after forgiving, explained as a need to let go to move forward . Then comes self analysis of the past best in a childlike innocent way, forgiving yourself if necessary . In John, it is no use the Holy Ghost washing away one's sin if one is faced in the same direction afterwards . Therefore, Christian spirituality is a must . All my non medical treatment has been self DIY as CBT doesn't really work . What may work however is the character and personality of the adjuvant therapist . I've tried Western philosophy of the Enlightenists, Cassanova, Existentialism, new Age Spiritualism, all the forms of Yoga, Fung Kok Loy Tai Ji virtues, and Carl Jung personality psychology . They all helped only so much . What finally helps is the life of Jesus, his teachings that are in the Bible but NOT walking with Jesus or even the thoughts of of the apostles. Jesus was aghast at John for doing so because he said he didn't mind ending up on the cross with him! It is personal conviction in Christian spirituality and an openness coupled with a sense of self preservation that hopefully will lead one afflicted out of darkness .

Depression can be deadly especially in the non religious . Suffering dark night of soul is especially traumatic to the faithless . Lack of hope, worth and help can be devastating . That is why it is better to be religious especially Christian, where God is loving, kind and compassionate, Jesus's grace is life saving and virtue can be learnt from the Bible .

It is about chemical imbalance and spiritual possession . The way to deliverance is compliance to meds and to convince the disturbing spirits to leave one alone . And that is to have a fruitful meaningful life . Otherwise, one would have to learn about one's own weaknesses, like inordinate fears, sadness, anger and shame for these are what the spirits leverage on . Once emotions are mastered, the spirits leave . But sometimes the spirits or the sufferer become dependent . Jesus is said to have cast demons from the ill with ease . Christian spirituality is a powerful help .

These are vampiric personality disorders : The Controller and Abuser is OCD one from superiority complex, the other from inferiority complex, The Too Easily Angered is Borderline Rage, The Bully is Bipolar, the Addict is Thrill seeker, The negative is schizoid, The blamer is the Critical, The Gossiper hysterical, The Arrogant is Narcissist, The victim is victim, Everyone suffers these symptoms at some time or other . It becomes a disorder when it is noticed regularly by others . In addition, there is the sociopathic disorder in which the perpetrator commits wanton criminal acts All are managed by recognising, identifying the disorder and not promoting but repressiing the behaviours with appropriate responses . Most of these people consider it a form of adaptive behaviour . Christian spirituality is I believe the only 'cure' .

Jesus's faith is so immense and divine that it appears as if it doesn't exist . It is what held his apostles together and guided them despite the knowledge of his coming demise to reach beyond his death into the future with his teachings; his only apparent momentary weakness being at the crucifixion just before his death . Unfortunately, my faith is heavily calculated, so I am in my consideration, an inchoate, weak but enthusiastic Christian .

The spirit and soul are divine immortal aspects of the psyche . Spirit is the essence, is of the future and yearns to be free but is best aligned with the individual . Soul is the vessel, is of the present, is knowing of one's strength and weakness and is best seated at the heart of emotions . The human ego mind is of the past and is shaped in the personality . The mortal body is what manifests action and is temporal in nature . Character is the ego's buttressing of the soul with virtuous cultivation . The psyche exists in careful balance under regulation of the heart . Good is when there is balance and evil in imbalance . The worldly realm is of the material that is what Jesus said is provided for by God to those who seek the spiritual in Christianity .