Rachel72

Thank you to each one of you for helping me today. Right now, I am in such a state of depression, I cannot seem to pray. I could not even answer the questions my husband asked me when I was watching tv. I just ignored him. It hurt too much to even answer a simple question. On Dec 29th, our neighbors who have 5 children, I don't know them, but I met the father Friday nite, his wife died of a heart attack at 37. The father was in such a state of grief, he tried to take his own life. I came home Friday nite, and saw a lite on, and I stopped, to give my symathy and let him know that I wanted to help him and his kids, if he needed. They were all in the cities, while he was in the hospital from Dec 30 till Jan 4, he had gotten out just 2 hours before I saw him, he was on his way with his brother to see his kids who were staying at his parents. I feel like a hypocrite. I thought maybe God was using me, as I have asked Him to use me. How can He? I am such a screw up. I screwed up, I really hurt my parents when we went gambling. My heart is in such torment over this. I am so depressed. I am not on the pity pot. I am ashamed and full of condemnation. You all made sense to me, and I only pray that if/when I come out of this hole, I can come back and read what you have wrote, and understand it. Thank you everyone... Rachel72

I just got done listening to Charles Stanley on HisChannel.com. He spoke about repentance. And turning away from the sin. He explained our sorrow is not repentance. Repentance is letting go of it and giving it to God. If this sin is still in our lives, and we have not repented, then we are not saved. This scares me. I have a food addiction, and gambling addiction. I fight them every day, and I still fail to stay away from the casino, with my husband. I have been ignorant when it comes to repentance, and his message has really scared me. If we sin, which we do cuz we are human, then are we saved? Or is the action of overeating every day and every day going to take me to hell? Or is the action of going to the casino every weekend going to take me to hell. I thought God forgave me, I thought I was forgiven. Charles Stanley said that is not enough. Repentance needs to take place and turning it over to God. I am so confused. I think when I ask forgiveness, I repent for my sins. When do you know what sin is going to bring you to hell, even if you are saved? I just don't get it. This scares me and I really need someone to help answer my question. Am I going to hell? Am I even a Christian? Thanks for your help, Rachel72

Thank you, Nathele. So they were not enslaved for their heritage? The servants seemed to have been treated well. I am only in Genesis 23. Someone commented on the Moabites and Ammonites. In your reply, sounds like something not good. Can you explain? Thank you all who answered my questions with great thought. Much appreciated.

Just looking for answers, not a sarcastic remark...

Yes, you are right. I am sorry to confuse anyone. As I began reading again, last nite, I did notice it was Lot's two daughters that lay with him and got him drunk.

I am wondering why there are so many things that would be called sin today, so prevalent and accepted in the Biblical days. For instance, Abimilech's two daughters had sex with him after they got him drunk, so they carry on their heritage. I think they had to run away to a cave or something of that nature. And no one was there but the three of them. What about servants that Abraham have? And others... Were they slaves who had no choice but to be a slave, or were there servants who made this their source of income? And if they had no choice, why was this allowed? Why would Abraham, God's favored one, allow himself to have servants/slaves? It seems that if any of these things happened today, they would clearly be called sin. Was it called sin back in their time?

Quote from ANDREWA You have to realize that it is likely that most if not all of your family will never accept God, or if they do then it could be decades away. We all have family and friends who are not saved, it is difficult to know they are destined to damnation but we must be patient and just continue to live our lives as best we can as to how Christ lived and to just be a witness by our actions, words and deeds and pray that they will soften and allow God to speak and work within them and they do accept and come to know God. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Andrew, thank you for your advice. I want you and everyone else to know that I will never believe that my family will choose to never accept God. In the Bible, I am unsure of the verse, "Believe in the Lord and you and your household shall be saved." Let me tell you this. If I accept this reality of them never being saved, I do not hold faith in God. God can do anything. ANYTHING!!! And if I accept this doubt, how can God help me, and help them? hello........... You make me sound like a Bible thumping monger. I am not. Our conversation that nite did not even include God. I know better than to mention God when I am with my brother. I am a firm believer that our actions speak and witness louder and more effective than our words. I wait for an opportunity or for the Holy Spirit's prodding to talk about God. The last time was a few years ago. I witnessed to a friend of mine. She wanted to know more, we were with our husbands, up North, they were snowmobiling, and we went to a Christian book store across the road. She was shocked that the gal working gave us a free pocket Bible. And she just wanted to more and more. She was saved that day, and last year, she was killed in a car accident. So, Andrew, God brings them to me. I do not go over them with judgment and conviction. That is God's job. Not mine. I merely wait and listen for his permission. And, I did call my church and asked for prayer. Why do you assume that I did not. Is this not a prayer forum, also? Please don't assume something before you know the truth and facts. I do, although appreciate all your advice except for this one thing. I appreciate the time you took to give me support and encourage me. Thank you! To everyone else, and Andrew, Thank you for your prayers, and your knowledge and wisdom, and encouragement. ******My dad went into the hospital last nite. He has COPD/Emphysema and had a fever of 100.8, then it went to 102 in the hospital, then with Tylenol, down to 99. I recognize the battle I am fighting right now. The enemy is doing everything to keep my family from coming. He is coming home tomorrow. And the pastor's wife and I prayed today that we are still believing he will be there on Sunday. The part I don't get, I never realized how determined the enemy is to keep my loved ones away from church. To destroy all my progress in bringing them to church. I bind him, tell him to go away, I stomp on him and tell him to leave. I am just so angry at him. I will not allow him to wreck mine and God's plans. If anyone wants to offer anymore, I am opening to listen. Even to Andrew. I respect you, just don't agree with one thing you shared with me. Thank you, Rachel72

More stuff happening...I feel I am just being attacked spiritually. I don't ever remember having this much chaos and trouble in my entire life. And Satan could not ask for a better time to try and hurt me, as my Christian friend is gone for the weekend, who is also my cousin. She is stronger than I am, and knows how to stand and fight. I am trying. It is hard. Sometimes it seems that maybe it is better to give it all up. To stop trying, because all my efforts to bring my family to God are thrown back in my face. My husband was very cruel to me this morning. He mocked me for not going to work, I don't have to work on Sundays, but I can if I want to for overtime. He mocked me twice with ridiculous actions with his arms and face. We are low on cash, and he yelled at me that I spent too much, KNOWING fully that the checks he wrote out for bills would eat up the extra cash we did have in the checkbook, and not from me. What am I doing? When is enough enough? I love God, but I am not strong with emotions, and I feel all alone.....Extremely Alone!! Alienated!! Ridiculed!! Scorned!!............

Thank you so much. I needed so much to hear from each one of you, and welcome anymore feedback if you like. Mathqueen, I am so glad that I have found someone like you, in the same situation as me. I will be IMing you. Thank you so much to everyone. It warms my heart deeply, to have support. Thank you, and please keep praying. My church is an hour away, I drive and sometimes it causes problems with my husband, who says we cannot afford the gas money. I wish I could take the kids to church. I really am praying hard for them to come on Sunday, to the Water Baptism. It would mean so much to me. I do feel like the black sheep of our family, because I am not like them. And it wears me down. They love me, but I know they think I am way out there. And I guess, that is okay, cuz I want to be sold on Jesus Christ. Thank you for your wisdom and your prayers. Keep praying, and please respond more if you like. I am comforted by your words and prayer.... --Rachel72

I am saved. I am getting baptized in a pool of water at church next Sunday. I had my class this morning, totally awesome. Learned so much about God, His grace and His mercy, and what He expects out of me, once I make that public declaration of being baptized. Thursday nite, I called my sister in law, to ask her to come with, as part of my family, have her and my brother, Joe, and their two kids, my parents, and husband, so that we can be a testimony to them. So I can GET them to church, and maybe something will happen to change their lives. Let me remind you, I am not getting baptized because of this. Anyway, she said, Joe and I are not on speaking terms right now, so you will have to ask him yourself. I said is he fishing. She said, Rachel he is always fishing, he is never around for us and I asked him for a divorce tonite. Whoa!!! That scared me. I talked to Joe the next day, and Mandi, and told them I would babysit on Saturday, and even spend the nite, if it meant it would help them out in their marriage. Mandi spent the day out with her mom and sisters, Joe went fishing. He comes home, and asks me if I am spending the nite. I told him I was planning on working tomorrow. He said, I am so ...... tired. I was gonna have George over and we were going to drink, but if you don't stay, then I won't drink. I got a little upset at this. I spent the day, so he could do what he needed to do to get refreshed, and for his wife, too. I said, Joe, your kids need you. I know you have a drinking problem. OOPS!!! He got angry. It just came out, to defend myself, it just literally came out. I don't know where it came from. It did not come from anger, because I don't use words to hurt people when I am angry, usually, . I did call him Friday, without telling him I talked to Mandi on Thursday nite. I asked him if he was all right, told him I loved him and he could talk to me. He said, rachel, I am at work. And so I apologized, and left it at that. After I said this to him, that he had a drinking problem, I apologized. Tried backpedaling, didn't work. I cannot have kids. I see him with his two beautiful and precious children, his daughter is my Goddaughter, and I get upset at the way he lives his life. It makes me upset, because I know I would do things different with my kids, and I KNOW I would cherish each moment, and use each moment to be with them. I want a child so much, I would not use an addiction to hide. I have already done that, and have been healed and delivered, and I think it is so unfair that people who don't deserve to have kids, I am not speaking of my brother, in general, they mishandle them, abuse them, neglect them, and here I sit, with none. It is not fair. It is an issue I have, and I am very sensitive when I see things happening that should not. Here he had some alone time with his kids, and he would have rather drank. I have already cried for two and a half hours, and just want someone to tell me what I did wrong, if I even DID anything right, and what to do. I know this is a time right now, for spiritual warfare, my cousin got saved last Sat nite, and I am getting baptized. I know it is a vulnerable time tonite. I called my husband, crying, he said, I have to go to the bathroom. That is all he said. So I said good bye. I was sobbing, and all he could say is I have to go to the bathroom. I feel so alone. I feel like an outcast. In my immediate family, including my husband, I am the only one who is saved. My parents have gone thru the prayer of salvation, but have not, to my knowledge, kept up a daily relationship with God. I know they are working on it, though. I don't want to judge them. Aren't you supposed to tell someone the truth when you see destruction in their lives? I could not not say it to him. I had to. It was building up inside me, and every time I babysit, which I LOVE to do, I feel like I am enabling him to go and drink, fish and drink, whatever...... I need some guidance, and could use some prayer. I need the truth to be told to me as well. Even if it is going to ruffle my feathers. All I want to do is get my family saved, and be obedient to God. I know that the first part may not happen, ever, but the Obedience HAS GOT TO HAPPEN. So, I will treasure your knowledge wisdom and advice. I did apologize to my brother, and he forgave me. I just want to please God. That is ALL I want to do. But, things get in the way sometimes, and I forget who I am serving, I forget who I am pleasing. God or man. Thank you for your response, I really do need it. Rachel72

This makes perfect sense. Thank you. It kind of gives you a message of gossip as well. Thanks to both of you...

In Genesis 9:20-27, Noah becomes drunk and lays down, naked. He has three sons. Ham told his brothers, Shem and Japheth about his father being naked, and Shem and Japheth went to cover him up, but not Ham. When Noah woke up, he was upset at Ham and put a curse on Canaan, who Ham was the father of, and for Ham to be a slave to his two brothers. I am not sure I understand why? Why would Noah be angry at Ham? All three of them played a part in keeping him covered in his nakedness and drunkenness. I don't do well when someone answers and is politically correct, and trying to show off their knowledge of the Bible. If you choose to answer my question, I need you to do it in a way that I can understand it. Easy words. Please do not be offended. I just want someone to answer in a way I can understand, along with anyone else who reads and may learn from this. Thank You, Rachel72

Thanks so much. My aunt is 78 years old, and does not know all the hidden costs that come with a calling card. I should have helped her more sooner than later. Thank you for checking silent. I appreciate it...

I need to find a decent prepaid in state calling card for my aunt. I hope it is ok to post here. I thought someone may know of a decent card. Sometimes she purchases 1000 minutes at a time. This time, she bought two 600 minutes calling cards. She talked for 37 minutes, and they charged her 185 minutes. Their ratio for in state phone calls is 5:1, which means for every minute she talked, the card charged her five minutes. Now, she has 82 minutes left, if you multiply times 5 this equals 410 minutes. 410 and 185(37 x 5), is 595 minutes. They even took away five of her minutes for no reason!!! I know I should not be furious, or maybe I should. I am trying not to lose sleep over this. But, it makes me upset that companies, REPUTABLE companies can get away with this kind of method. Does anyone know of a reputable calling card that I can purchase for my aunt? Please let me know. I know my question is not about Christianity, and having a spiritual problem, if this is out of line, then please delete this. I don't want to take away from anyone else. I just needed some answers. Thanks, Rachel72

Ash--- I have truly been where you are at now. I attempted suicide, and I spent 18 days in a mental health center. It was a good thing. And it has helped me realize that suicide is not the end to our pain. I think that sometimes, when we feel this way, it is because we feel that we don't have anymore options left. That all our options are null and void, and nothing is left for us to do but die. This is so not true. I also hate myself. I also feel that I am not worthy of God's love. This is a daily struggle. But, ASH!!! Why would He create you if He did not think you were worthy of His love. A mother does not have a child so the child can feel unworthy and full of self hatred and pain. A mother has a child so she can love him or her. In the same manner, God has created us. He has chosen us to be His children, because we have come to Him. By denying the truth about God's love for you, you are underestimating the love of a real Father. I urge you to get back into the Word. Something happens when you read the Bible. Even if you have questions about what you are reading, I still believe God blesses you. I always get a feeling of comfort when I read my Bible. I love you, Ash. I am so sorry about your friend. I don't think you should assume your friend is in hell. We don't know what he or she thought at the last moment she or he was alive. We don't know. I learned in therapy, that when I have thoughts in my head that are driving me crazy, consider this analogy. You are the driver in the bus. Your thoughts are the passengers in the bus. They are not good thoughts. Instead of fighting them to leave, give them a can of pop and just let them be there. The less you fight them, the less they will bother you. As a driver of the bus, you have a destination you are going to. Keep your eye on that destination, know matter how loud those thoughts in the back of the bus are getting. There is a reason you are here, Ash. God does have a purpose for you. I shared with my mother the other day that I just want to go Home. I wish Jesus would just come right now. I have tried so hard to follow Jesus, but I always hit a bump in the road, and because of my self image, I hate myself even more, and want to give up on God. My mother said in return, "But God has a purpose for your life." I have heard that so many times before. And I finally believe it. He has a job for each one of us believers to do. Don't give up on yourself, on God, and most certainly not your therapy. God loves you Ash. You. He is hurting and feels the pain you are carrying inside. I suggest you get down on your knees and cry out to God. Literally. Please see that you are precious, and worthy of His love. When we accept His gift of salvation, He does not assist in believing that we are not worthy. That is the devil's job. You can PM me. I can say so much more to you, but I will end here. Take care and don't give up. Ask God to take away the burden you are feeling for your friend... Hugs, Rachel72