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cherishedfaith

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About cherishedfaith

  • Birthday 12/28/1961

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    http://myspace.com/cherishedfaith

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    Kentucky
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    Reading God's word, working with html and doing web design in my spare time, spending time with family and friends.

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  1. Not sure where to start or even if i am putting this in the right forum....but a friend from worthyboards has been talking with me in private off and on for a few months and she referred me to this topic. i stay behind the scenes ALOT *lol* but alot of the reason is because of "shame" and i will try to briefly explain why i have this shame. I will have been married a year in April. To briefly describe my ummm ordeal, let me first state that my husband and myself dated for over a year and he led me believe he was a Christian man. Now i am not judging or stating that he is not, i just know the Word states "you shall know them by their fruit". And in the beginning, i had no reason to doubt he was not a christian. It all started around the second month of our marriage. i noticed he was spending way too friviously and he was borrowing thousands of dollars off of his mother that he could not account for. when i questioned him regarding all of this, he would become very defensive and never really give me an answer. As time went on, he began to drink. Now my personal conviction on this matter is that a glass of wine with supper from time to time is fine, but when you allow that alcohol to take over to the point where you spend your last bit of money on liquor instead of bills etc, and you cannot go a night without it, then you have allowed it to become your God of sorts. Anyways, his drinking was nightly and caused many problems for months until he agreed only to drink on weekends. Which was not very reassuring to me at this point, but i placed my faith in God and prayed that He would work all of this out. As time went on, more money was being spent, bills was going unpaid and to make a long story short, a few months ago, he withdrew our rent money out of our account and blew it in one day. we are talking almost $800 dollars. i knew something was definetely not right and by the grace of God, the Lord revealed to me that this money was spent on drugs. Even before my husband admitted to it on his own, the Lord spoke to my heart and i just knew then what was going on. After making him leave due to the fact not only did he ruin us financially, drove us into major debt within months, but i have children that come around him and that really scared me to the point that i was now looking at a man that i did not recognize. Just last night, he came home from work and his tongue kept falling from his lips and hanging out and his eyes began to twitch uncontrollably and his face was contorted in ways i just cannot even begin to describe other than saying i did not recognize my husband. It was as if i was looking at satan. *sigh* i really hate saying that, but its true. i knew satan had taken him over with the drugs and after prying and questioning to find out what kind of drug he was on......he admitted to crack/cocaine. Which was a major problem for him several years before we even met, but he went through drug court, graduated with honors and even spoke at several meetings afterwards. But here i was last night.....staring into the face of a man that was unrecognizeable. A man i no longer had any trust whatsoever for, and the hurt was just so overwhelming that i just could not hardly keep myself composed. He soon admitted he had used his mom's credit card and told me to call her and have her come over. (this was the drug talking, not my husband cause my husband would never have wanted for her to see him like this). She came over and after several attempts of her asking how much he spent, he admitted to it and showed not one sign of remorse. His face and eyes was going through such an ordeal from the drug, that i don't think he even realized it was doing so, Even though his mom and myself tried to tell him. Soooooooo in the last 11 months, i have watched a man that i love turn into a thief, drug addict, alcoholic and manipulator/liar. He has ruined his mom financially and has no remorse for anything he has done to her or me. Now my question is this: When Paul adressed the church and stated that they was putting other things before God and therefore was committing an act of adultrey because they was putting something else (SIN) before God. I wonder if my husband has done the same by putting his drug before me. Yes, i know its the "addiction" or whatever you may say it is, but in essence, he has commited adultrey on me, just not a "Sexual" affair, but to me, anything you put before your spouse that damages your relationship to this degree, cannot be a good thing. i know i may have opened a can of worms, this is NOT my intent. My intent here to explain the shame that has come along with this whole mess. my life has been turned upside down. i have gave him chance after chance to seek help for his addiction and for us to go to marriage counseling. he will promise to do so but only until he can get back into our place long enough to steal more money etc and get his next fix *sigh* i feel so ashamed and used. i feel angry and hurt and betrayed. All of the emotions that come with finding out your husband has cheated......only this is not something i can compete with nor would i want too at this point. He has ripped away every ounce of trust i have for him, he has lied, manipulated and stolen from both his mom and myself. He is in denial. He does not want help. I have prayed and prayed and the more i pray, it gets even worse and yes, i know satan works overtime when there's a chance that my husband would be influenced by my witnessing to him and my prayers that go up. i am moving into a small one bedroom apt within 4 days because where my husband has run off with our rent previously, i cannot trust him to help me with our bills now. Honestly, i want him out of my life. He still has my prayers and i DO pray the Lord and Holy Spirit deals with him and he becomes a true believer one day. But right now, i cannot live with him or condone his actions or even sleep with him for that matter, because when i look at him now, i see that contorted face that i saw last night and i don't forsee that going away anything soon or the trust for him coming back. i want a divorce. *sigh* Not because i don't love him. There is still some love left after all of this, but the Word commands us to forgive...which i can't do while he is with me cause he's constantly lying, stealing or manipulation to get his next fix. But as i was saying, the Word commands us to forgive and i will, but the Word never commands us to "trust". i trust the Lord, but i will never trust my husband again and we all know that once that is gone, well........ yes, i am ashamed.....i feel like i was used and emotionally beaten for 11 months and now i just seek true peace and escape from this hell that this man has inflicted on me. *drifts back to the shadows for now* Robin
  2. I wish to thank all those that has gave me their input and all of your responses spoke to my spirit and can be summed up by saying this......i need to listen to the Holy Spirit speak to me and He "will".....regardless of which version I am reading. I guess my panic button was slapped down on by satan momentarily and i began to question a bit too much and worry a bit too much regarding if i was trully getting the "correct" interpretation of God's Word. However, with help from His Spirit and guiding hand, i now realize that no matter what version i choose, His Spirit will guide me and instruct me. God Bless you and keep the faith In love, robin
  3. I am trully concerned lately as to what version of the Bible I should depend on to be as clear and concise to the "True" Word of God. I use to read KJV (Authorized) and within the past few years, I started reading my new Bible (NLT). Little did i know until last night, it is really a revised version of "The Living Bible". Which was one of the versions that I had main concerns with. Anyways, I trully have enjoyed being able to read from the Amplified Bible I have because it brings out a much more clear and understanding of the scriptures. However, once again, I want to read the version that God is pleased with and not man. In Revelation, it speaks about adding to the Word of God and taking away from the Word of God and the plagues and curses that will fall upon anyone who does this. So my question is this......with all these different translations....isn't that exactly what "man" has done? And if so, should we not be concerned with what our Lord has to say about it. I am seriously considering going back to my KJV Bible, but I am concerned that I won't have the clear understanding that I have had with other translated Bibles. So, I am very interested in hearing from other's here and what God's spirit is revealing to you on this matter. I am not wishing this to become a debate, but we all know, that with most concerned topics, it can lead to that. My prayer is that we discuss this and not debate. Keep the Faith, cherished faith
  4. Christ died ONCE and for ALL.... Ponder on that, but Yes...OSAS!
  5. no! you're not doomed! please read my last couple of posts. divorce is not unforgivable, and God may very well bring you the husband of your dreams. TRUST HIM! i'm trying..i trully am. However, this isnt easy to admit...but i wasn't the innocent party in my marriage. After the birth of my last son, i went into a severe case of post partum depression....my husband and i was having many problems...anyways, i feel like the woman that was getting ready to be stoned right now....i feel so utterly hopeless because i made wrong choices in the past and now i must live with them the rest of my life....i know God has forgiven me, but the thought of living my life like a nun the rest of my life isn't so appealing. Yes, i know many out there are saying i got what i deserved....but you trully don't know what mental state i was in at that time nor what i am about...so please don't throw your rocks so soon. i do love the Lord..i trully do and i know whatever happens....some day i pray i can forgive myself and find happiness in being alone, cause right now it just hurts so very deeply.
  6. *sighs deeply* well i didn't wish for this to become a debate at all and i didn't want to come off as sounding like i promoted remarriage in certain circumstances...all i was looking for was someone to help me maybe...which seem's i'm beyond help at this point. Only cause i'm so very lonely....God know's my heart....He know's what i suffered with through my marriage...and now it seem's because of my choice to do what i did and divorce....i'm forever doomed to live the rest of my life alone...guess that gives me alot of hope for tomorrow huh...not. anyways..thanks to all for your help and input and may God bless each and every one of you. *hug* robin
  7. For those of you that have read my last msg posted regarding the way i was raised in a Pencostal church and then later in life began attending a Baptist church with my husband at the time ....hopefully knowing the background teachings i have had will explain why i am curious to know what other's believe here as far as if it's okay or not ok for someone to remarry after a divorce. i do know according to God''s word that there are certain situations where it's allowed and where it's not. Here is one way i was taught in a church that i attended many years ago: His word states that if any man divorces his wife (except for fornication)[/i] and marry's another commits adultry. i have heard it explained that if two divorce because either one or the other has been unfaithful...that "act of unfaithfulness" in God's eye leaves both free to remarry due the sexual sin has broken the yoke between them and therefore it is okay if they divorce and remarry. But only in that situation. Otherwise, they are bound to the other until death separates them, whether they divorce or not. Mainly because that one act of joining their bodies to another ---other than their mate---- is the only grounds God will accept as reason to divorce and permits remarriage. Yet i have also heard that remarriage is only permitted for the partner that was faithful, but the unfaithful partner is not permitted to remarry. So is God's word clear on which party is permitted to remarry? Are both free to remarry because that one act of unfaithfulness severed that bond? Just interested in getting more insight to this subject. in Christ, robin
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