stitchy

Thank you all for your encouraging responses. This is hard, really hard. Even as I read your messages I began to cry and I'm not sure why. I will try my hardest to focus my heart entirely on Him and not on my worries. To those that mentioned counselling... I would love to get counselling, but I am a student on a very low income and I can't afford the sessions... Thankfully though I have a youth pastor who likes to meet with me and talk me through things, also my small group leader has been sending me verses every day and praying with/for me.

I know I need to trust in God, but it's not something that I can just turn on and off. I was more asking for ways I can make steps to trusting him.... things I could put into practice during my day, things I could ask for in prayer etc..... I just have no clue at the moment. I'm completely dry. I hated God during this past week, and I am still struggling with hating him on and off, and I am trying my hardest to rebuke those feelings.

Hi there, I have been a Christian for around 3 years now and the Lord has helped me uncover something about myself that was hidden deep down within me and I had never properly realised before: I have an almost crippling fear of the people I love leaving me, whether it be by moving away or death. The death part of it I feel is a bit more extreme because death is final; once someone has died you get no more chances to talk with them, laugh with them, be with them. They are gone. With moving away it's sad, but there are always opportunities to stay in touch and visit. I think this realisation makes sense with me; about a year ago both of my parents moved to another country, making me the only one in my immediate family still living here. I feel that I have never properly dealt with feelings of abandonment surrounding that. Their moving away I think has agitated a part of me that feels I am going to be "abandoned" by everyone I love, in some way or another, and the fact that they were emotionally absent when I was a child (so even in that way, they have emotionally "abandoned" me, and continue to do so). Sometimes all I have to do is think about my parents and it's enough to make me want to break down into tears, and I know it's because they left. Death is the same thing really - someone leaving, though not by their own accord (most of the time). Death has scared me since I was a child. I have recollections of nights I used to lay awake, worrying about the day dad would die. (funnily enough, thinking about the day mum will die did not have as much of an effect - I was sad, but not to the same heart-wrenching extent as when I thought about dad dying). I would just lie there in bed, crying to myself until I fell asleep. I still continue to worry about when dad might die, and it hurts me very deeply. Now, I have found a wonderful young man who I am in love with and deeply attached to, and we are going to be married, hopefully next year but we haven't decided on that yet. Lately I have been having really big fears about the day he will die. I don't mean it is a fear that he is going to die sometime soon. It's almost as if I am mourning the fact that one day, he will die. Because everyone dies. It seems that I am unable to cope with this natural fact of life, even though I am a Christian and believe there is a heaven. I guess because I have never experienced heaven, but I have experienced loved ones dying, it upsets me greatly to think about. If I have not experienced heaven then it makes it harder to find comfort in the thought of it - it is completely unknown to me. What should I do? Has anyone else been through this in their life before? It is a real problem for me because it is making me start to feel as though I don't want to live anymore, for the pain of seeing others go will be too much. It makes me fearful of the day ahead of me, it makes me want to curl up in a ball and hide. Sometimes my fear of losing people is so great I am depressed for days and days. I don't want to be feeling like this anymore. I need help; I need to know how to address it, I need to know how to pray about it. What can I do?

Hi all... it has been a long time, I used to be a regular here but life has changed a lot and gotten rather busy... Anyhow I am back because I know how supportive and caring everyone is here, and I know I can get some helpful advice here. I have a very wonderful boyfriend (finally, after some real jerks)... he is a Christian, he goes to my church, and we have been friends for two and a half years prior to "getting together", so it's a really nice relationship that's based on a good friendship. We love each other very much and are respectful of each other. We are both serious about our faith and really want to honour God in our relationship and make sure what we're doing is right. But we're already getting it wrong. We're being tempted by sexual desires which are VERY hard to ignore. Generally we're good at recognising when things get "too much" when we're together, but there are times when we do get a bit carried away and things get rather heated. We haven't done anything sexual with each other of course, but we just know that things are getting a bit "hot and heavy" (for lack of a better term, lol) and we are worried about that. We like each other so much, sometimes it's just reeeeally hard to obey the rule that says we can only show a certain amount and a certain type of affection to each other. Could I get some advice from someone who has been in a similar situation, on what we can do to make sure we don't let ourselves get "carried away" with each other? What can I pray for? Are there any good verses in the Bible relating to this? Thank you so much... xoxo

Sometimes I feel like such a failure as a Christian because I feel that I connect with God less and less these days. I have a particular problem that's bugging me at the moment, and it is affecting me in a very deep way. I have prayed about it, but I just can't seem to hear God's voice about the matter. I want to know what He thinks, whether He approves of it or not. It's not that I don't think He is trying to speak to me, but rather that I think I am closed off and not listening to His voice. How can I open my heart up to Him so that I can hear what He has to say on the matter I'm praying about? I just don't know what to do...

I know two guys who both claim to be Christian, both go to church (one of them goes to my church in fact), and who are both openly homosexual. I find this an incredible struggle. They are both nice people and I am happy to call them both my friends. But I find the idea of them calling themselves Christian and going to church very hard when they continue to also be homosexual. I am not sure what sort of a stance I should take on this. In my day-to-day life I try as best I can to act out of good will and love towards everyone I meet. Jesus wants us to do everything out of love. This of course comes more easily with friends, so I'm able to love my friends a lot. And these two guys I know - I love them, and I in no way want to hurt them or cause any hatred to develop. I think it's awesome that they are pursuing Christian lives. I mean, they could very easily just turn away from God. Whenever I'm with them I try to encourage them and be a good friend as much as possible. But at the same time, I feel as though I should not just always be "okay" with their homosexuality. On the one hand, I do not want to judge because that is God's job, and I definitely am not without sin myself. I do many things wrong. I don't always act out of love. I am selfish. Things like that. So I do not want to be judging others when I am not free from sin. But on the other hand, when I know someone is doing something that does not line up with the bible (I'm really just talking about Christians here), I feel as though, as a Christian, I have a moral duty to somehow let them know and try to help them through it. Like... I imagine it's kind of like knowing your best friend at church is secretly murdering little children every weekend... how do you stand back and just think "well Jesus loves this person no matter what they do, and I cannot judge because I am not without flaw, so I'll keep my mouth shut"? Sometimes I feel as though I want to tell these guys that yes the bible does say homosexuality is wrong, and to be a Christian repentance is involved, because that's what Jesus called us to do so we can experience the kingdom of God. But I don't know HOW to tell them, or if it is wrong for me to point out their sins, because I have many too. I don't understand how someone wants to be a Christian, but also does not want to repent of one very big thing that makes them sinful. In a way, it makes me think of when I first became a Christian - I was quite a big alcohol drinker, and it took me quite a long time to get to the state where I don't want to touch a drop of the stuff. But even after becoming a Christian there were times when I still drank and still got very drunk and acted shamefully. I got to the right place eventually... I now have no interest in alcohol or getting drunk. But it took about a year. I hope that my homosexual friends may eventually get to the point where they will not be interested in men anymore. But then, it feels as though just standing back and hoping is a cop-out. What if, at the end of my life I see God and He says to me, "You did a lot of things to make yourself good, but at the same time you stood back and let so much sin happen around you"? It worries me, not only for myself but also for my friends, because even though God loves them very much, they are still sinning and causing Him displeasure with what they do. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I just feel very confused over the matter.

I just wanted to say thank you for the support you all have given me, and for the guidance and encouragement. I feel a bit better now... at least, I feel a lot more willing to wait patiently for the Lord... perhaps in my frustration I just needed to vent, needed to know that God cared... and He has shown me now that He does... God has all of us in His mighty hands and is looking after us all... even me.

I am really selfish. I'm sorry.

I feel very disappointed and unhappy recently. I long to raise a family. I think this is my heart's deepest desire. To have my own family, to raise them with God's guidance and live my best for Him, to raise children in His name. My heart also longs to be loved by someone. And I have always really believed that God will send me someone because He knows what I need. But I am still single, still feeling crappy about myself, still feeling unattractive and not good enough. I know that these feelings are silly. I know that because He made me, I am beautiful, because God does not make anything bad. He makes things good. I am beautiful because I am his daughter and He loves me so much. I love Him very much too. I just don't understand why I keep meeting people I will take a real liking to, only to be let down time and time again. It's blow after blow to my self esteem, and I still keep trusting and believing in God only to keep on being disappointed. It is not that I just want ANYONE to love me. I am not constantly falling in and out of "crushes" with people - but every now and again, there are guys who touch my heart. I think this happens to every person really. And for once, I'd just like everything to go smoothly - I want to meet someone who will feel the same for me as I do for him, and it all fall into place. It is also not that I just selfishly want someone to love me. I long for the chance to love someone else. I want to do this for God. But I am never given these chances. I ask time and time again for God to give me a chance to show Him how much I can radiate his love to someone. I got a chance last year, and I took it. I was very unsure about it, but I went for it, because I really believed God wanted it to be. I loved this guy because I wanted to help show God's love to him. I honestly went into the relationship feeling like that. Like whatever I did, I wanted to do it for God. That there was a guy here who I could really help, and influence with God's light. But that relationship was utterly wrong. It ended badly too, and I was really really hurt. Why does this happen? It seems that I never get the chances I need to have, and always get chances that are wrong for me. I know that I need to be living my life completely for God's will, and I agree with that and try my hardest. But I can still live for His will if I'm in love! So many other Christians do it. So many other Christians are given the chance to fall in love, and happily take it. But I am still all alone. No one notices me. How am I meant to trust God that I am beautiful if I am given every reason to believe the opposite? There is someone who is special to me right now, which is what has brought all this on... I'm frustrated because God keeps on letting me be touched by people, but all in vain.... what am I meant to do? How am I meant to feel? What am I meant to think of myself? I just want to show this guy how much he means to me... so that we can come together and honour God with our love..... but I can't... I never can. I feel so alone.

Thank you so much everyone.... I spoke with my pastor at church this evening, she was really really helpful and supportive.... she took time out just to talk with me... and the church I go to is a very big one! I was glad she cared enough to just spend some time with me... I am a really blessed person, God has put a lot of great things in my life. Thanks to everyone for the advice... I can get through this. I pray that God will bless each and every one of you. Thank you so much.

There is a chapter in Romans (I think it's 9, but don't hold me to that) that states nothing can separate us from God's love. I believe He loves everyone. Homosexuality is a sin they commit, but it does not define a person. We all sin... but with our help and understanding, I believe even homosexuals can realise their sin and come back to God. And I have heard of stories like this! God is great.

Hi everyone... I'm not sure if anyone remembers me but I used to come here often, like every day... I really love this place but over the last few months life has gotten busy and I've drifted away from you all.. Now I need some help, and I feel myself drawn back to here, where I used to get so much support from you guys... I am having a relapse of depression.. sometimes it is quite bad, sometimes it is just mild... but it is scaring me. The doctor has put me back on the antidepressant medication I used to take before I came to know Jesus.. Am I failing? I thought that if I did everything right God would cure me of this illness... but now it seems to be coming back and I need the medication again. What am I doing wrong..? I feel a lot of the time that I am far away from God, when I used to be so much closer.... I don't read my bible as often and when I do, I'm not as interested in it as I used to be... My heart is still broken from a guy I used to talk about here, a guy I love (loved?) very much but who doesn't return the feelings. I am ready to move on from him I think, and I am willing, but my heart feels so broken that I think I'm too scared to do that... also at my current stage in life I am not happy with who I am, the way I look.. my weight.. I'm not fat but I'm not thin either, and I want to lose weight but I find it so hard. I feel like I can't do it... I am interested in other people but I can't tell if they like me back.... I don't want to take a chance and just ask somebody out because I've been turned down so many times. I just can't do it... I'm not bold enough.... I like to wait to be sure they like me first... and that has never actually happened.. how am I meant to get the attention of someone I'm fond of? My heart is hurting so much right now. I feel that I'm not good enough for other people. I feel that no one will truly love me... because I don't love myself. Not entirely anyway. There are aspects of myself that I am happy about, because I've come a long way and have improved those aspects. But there is still so much more that needs improvement.... I turned 21 a couple of weeks ago.. and there were so many people who made it special for me..... yet I still am unhappy. Am I ungrateful? I hate it.... why can't I just be happy with all the good things I have? There are so many good things in my life.... but my heart is still too broken... I hate it. Instead of being happy that I reached this age, I feel alone... I am lonely. What can I do?.... How can I get back to Jesus? Thank you for reading... God bless you all.

Nevermind...

I asked a friend of mine if he would like to do Bible study sometime. He is keen and has mentioned it to another friend of ours, who is also keen. So we want to have a group Bible study session some time. The only thing is, since I brought up the idea I think they're expecting me to lead. And I would love to lead! Except I've never done it before and I'm not sure what I should do. Could anyone offer some tips or something that would help? I want to pick a topic and research it as best I can, then take it to our group study session.

That was really moving. Thank you for posting this.