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Brian85

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About Brian85

  • Birthday 09/29/1985

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    California, USA

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  1. damo1, and everyone else here who's praying for me, it means a great deal to me ... i'm still working on this and it's not easy. i will do some praying tonight as well ... i just hope that the Lord has mercy on me, because sometimes i feel like the biggest hypocrite in the world ... my heart begs for His mercy.
  2. thanks Rebecca, and yes i did read that booklet online. and everything that was mentioned was exactly was what i'm going through ... the cycle of: temptation -> giving into temptation -> feeling (brief) pleasure and release -> feeling guilt, anxiety, shame, fear -> saying, "i will never do this again, i promise" and then the cycle starts all over again. that booklet was really helpful in making me realize that i am not alone in this, other brothers are going through the same thing. i came across a podcast today of Charles Stanley and he was talking about sexual immorality and how so many young people (esp. college students) go down this road (premarital sex, etc.) and how spiritually, as well as physically, dangerous it is to do this. i used to think to myself, "well ... maybe if i get a nice girlfriend one day, and we eventually get married ... then this will all go away by itself ... i will stop when 'she' comes into my life." but of course, now i've learned that alot of Christian brothers have thought this way at first ... and recently i've begun to start thinking, "what if she never comes?" for all i know, it might not even be God's will for me to have a woman in my life ... and even if a girl did come into my life, this sin would most likely continue... because i can do nothing without God's help. --- one of my biggest fears is to be alone ... seriously. i am going on 22 years old, and i can't sleep at night without listening to talk radio or something because otherwise i would be totally afraid and feel completely alone ... i wish that life wasn't like this ... everyday i wish that Jesus would take me "home" to be with Him in heaven because i'm tired of living in a world like this.
  3. thank you, i appreciate it. everything has been so hard lately ... not only am i struggling with lust (on top of alot of things), i also did some "spiritual house cleaning" about 2 weeks ago, in which i got rid of a ton of music, some books, and a number of movies ... and now i'm starting to feel the void, and it's just so hard ... the loneliness makes it even more difficult. the music was probably one of the hardest things to throw away ... i had alot of CDs and DVDs and one day, i asked my older brother for help and we filled up at least 2 garbage bags full of stuff and tossed it into the dumpster ... at first i felt great and free ... but reality didn't sink in until about a week later and now it's just hard. i pray for God to give me new emotions ... and He does, but at the same time it's becoming more and more apparent that this isn't going to be easy. i won't lie ... the lust seems to ease the stress levels too, it feels great at that moment ... but that ends very quickly, and the wave of guilt and depression follows immediately after and i'm tired of feeling this way. it's a torment. i have so many things in my life that i need to clean up ...
  4. hey damo1, i really appreciate the response. i guess i should have said this before ... in the "real world", when i'm out and about, I don't have a real problem with women ... i mean, yeah, i have my moments ... but it's the internet world that's got a hold on me. it's horrible ... there is my flesh desire, but then there's that part of me, the spiritual side, that feels sad for these girls and it makes me feel a profound guilt and sadness in my heart ... for them as well as myself. i feel disgusting and cheap, and i know that they do to. it's really hard because i don't have a girlfriend right now, so loneliness plays a big part in it. and as i get older, the loneliess becomes more painful (emotionally and physically). i've looked for that kind of love in the wrong places and it has brought me nothing but grief. 2 of my 3 brothers are gay and we have no relationship because they don't want one with me or my parents ... my other brother, who is a Christian and someone that i am very close to, has his own wife and kids to worry about ... and my sister and i have no relationship ... after high school, the group of friends that i had, all went their seperate ways ... and i haven't spoken to them in years ... and as i struggle with my own issues, it's just gotten harder and lonelier. i thank God that i have two wonderful parents ... but marriage brings enough trials of its own .. and i don't want to burden them any further, so i keep this all to myself.
  5. you're right, lust is a desire of the flesh and it's a sin that many struggle with ... However, I disagree with you when you say, "I've read the Bible from one end to the other and I don't see a conflict between the Word and what I wear." Just because men struggle with this, does not mean that it's ok for women to go on wearing revealing clothing, short skirts, or pants that are so tight that they reveal the form of their bodies. A) Who says that what she's wearing is revealing? B) You worry about your eyes, we'll worry about our clothes. A) I never once said that she was wearing anything revealing, but those quotes that I posted from The Bible were in response to what she said, "I've read the Bible from one end to the other and I don't see a conflict between the Word and what I wear." Because the Bible is pretty clear on what women should wear. B) Ok, I will worry about my eyes ... but women out there need to realize how wrong it is to show off they're bodies in the kinds of clothes that they wear. Pride of the body is just as bad as lusting after the body. And women who feel the need to show off, have pride.
  6. you're right, lust is a desire of the flesh and it's a sin that many struggle with ... However, I disagree with you when you say, "I've read the Bible from one end to the other and I don't see a conflict between the Word and what I wear." Just because men struggle with this, does not mean that it's ok for women to go on wearing revealing clothing, short skirts, or pants that are so tight that they reveal the form of their bodies. Romans 14:21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. (I Tim. 2:9, 10) "that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefaceness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array" Deuteronomy 22:5
  7. thank you, i really appreciate it thank you for your response. i will check out that book that you mentioned and yes, our church (Calvery Chapel) has a men's group ... i really should join that. it makes perfect sense. i know exactly what you're talking about ... the trick is to keep trying, but it seems like the more i try to suppress this lust, the harder i fall when i (shamefully) give in to it.
  8. thanks for your responses everyone, i really do appreciate it. and i know that prayer is a huge part of overcoming this ... but i'm still obviously not doing something right. i've heard that fellowshipping with other Christians helps immensely, but i haven't gone to church in a while (i'm sad to say) and even though i am planning on going back, i have no clue on how to tell people about this issue. i've also thought about going to SAA meetings in the past, but unfortunately i don't have a car at the moment so i'm relying on family for transportation which means that they would have to take me to these meetings and i really don't feel all that comfortable having them know about this issue. but it's nice to know that i'm not the only person out there who has this problem.
  9. I am a Christian, I believe God's Word to be true and I am trying to change my life in a way that pleases God ... but, apart from many sins, there is one particular sin that i am having a real hard time with and that is Lust. Throughout my school and college years, I was forunate in the sense that I didn't fall into the same trappings that my peers did (drinking, partying, smoking, etc.), but there was one area that I've often struggled with and that is lust. For alot of years I justified it, but now as I'm trying to rebuild my relationship with Christ, I see now that it is very selfish and very wrong - it brings me nothing but guilt, emptiness, and depression. I need help on how to deal with this ... any advice would help me out greatly. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
  10. education can be great, but wisdom is far more valuable.
  11. there are so many sins and "vices" that i really need to kick ... but i guess laziness would be a big one for me, in terms of vices. i'm one of those types is so active once i get going, but the hardest part is getting me started ... i have way too much free time on my hands than i know what to do with, so that makes me lazy and bored. my brother quoted a verse from the Bible that says, "laziness brings deep sleep." and that is so true.
  12. there are so many sins and "vices" that i really need to kick ... but i guess laziness would be a big one for me, in terms of vices. i'm one of those types is so active once i get going, but the hardest part is getting me started ... i have way too much free time on my hands than i know what to do with, so that makes me lazy and bored. my brother quoted a verse from the Bible that says, "laziness brings deep sleep." and that is so true.
  13. there are so many sins and "vices" that i really need to kick ... but i guess laziness would be a big one for me, in terms of vices. i'm one of those types is so active once i get going, but the hardest part is getting me started ... i have way too much free time on my hands than i know what to do with, so that makes me lazy and bored. my brother quoted a verse from the Bible that says, "laziness brings deep sleep." and that is so true.
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