I think there are times when we all feel there is no reason to keep going or keep trying but that's satan talking. You are allowing yourself to be used by satan. You are making yourself a stumbling block for others instead of going to God and crying out your pain and trouble to him. I will pray for you and everyone else who feels without hope, abandoned and lost because I know without a shadow of doubt that Jesus Christ is alive in the world today and he is moving with force to save the world for him. I know for a fact that he has a plan for everyone of us here and I also know that he didn't promise me a life without pain and I haven't had one but I know that he loves me unfailingly and it is Satan that causes the evil to happen. I know that I need not fear in a place where those around me have been abused, when I have been abused, when I'm in pain I go and seek the shelter of God's embrace. I know that I have no reason to be afraid and everyday have a reason to choose joy. If you are feeling as you are talk to someone close to you who can look you in the eye and tell you what you need to hear because I know that the Holy Spirit is not done with you, will never be done with you, and will wait for you until you decide to return but remember, we are not promised tomorrow and I want to go to my God with a smile and the knowledge that I did my best to serve him with all I am.