Chiquita

Sets us free... Free... I wanna know what's like to have a loving family. I want to know what it's like to have support. I wanna know what it's like to be loved by another human. Can I be set free of wanting these things? You shouldn't be set free of wanting these things, Chiquita, because wanting them is normal. Think of bringing people into your life who will love you. Join a good church, work at meeting a godly man, make God your parent (He is anyway) and do for others who are hurting. You will see a remarkable change in your life once you focus on those less fortunate. You have experienced the bad and come through and you can help others do so as well. You come across a good and caring person; show this to others and the things you need will come to you. I've done all of those things. As I have been waiting on God to give me a blessing, I have worked on a bachelor's degree and I am trying to buy a house this year too. You see, I don't desire materialistc blessings. I never have. What I want, only love can give me. And of course I am thankful for my son but all he does lately is see me cry. I am tired of my son seeing me cry. I have tried so hard to hide it but it is at a point where I can't anymore. This is where peole just don't know what to say anymore because I have tried and done it ALL and it almost seems as if He has ignored me. This is between me and Him anyway but I appreciate any prayers.

Sets us free... Free... I wanna know what's like to have a loving family. I want to know what it's like to have support. I wanna know what it's like to be loved by another human. Can I be set free of wanting these things?

You sound almost exactly like me Chiquita. I was extremely sexually abused growing up. When I told my kindergarden teacher a meeting was called, but things were different back then, and nothing came of it, except from that day forth my parents ignored me as punishment for telling on them. To this day I don't know how to feel loved by people (except by my daughter), and I feel so unclean I take sometimes up to 6 showers a day (my record). I, like you, was a very innocent and good child and teen. And I sort of turned my back on God by not thinking about Him. I mean, I knew He existed, I just kinda ignored Him. Like how my parents ignored me. Til someone gave me a book about the power of praise. It changed my life. I have learned to praise Him in the storm. Learn to do this as well Chiquita. It brings about change. Believe me. Give a listen to Casting Crowns "Praise You In The Storm." EXCELLENT ministering song I never got involved in the occult. But once you repented God forgave you. I hope you are not experiencing any guilt for that anymore, cause that is yet another trick from the enemy. God cast that sin into the ocean. And don't forget Jesus' blood is more powerful than the enemy. I noticed that when I go through tribulations, yes, God is there with me, and I have to listen to Him more and try to block out all the outside noise. But besides being with me, He also is strengthening me by having me work out some of the issues as well. If He came to my aid every single time for all my issues, I would be a pretty weak individual. In His love, He asks me to do my best, and promises to give me His strength to do so. Because He loves me, He disciplines. I would rather have a life of turmoil with God blessing my acceptance of His correction , then to have a seemingly stressless, hedonistic life, without Him in it. *scarey emoticon* *shudders* I hope this helps you at least a little Chiquita. I've found, for me, that praising Him through the storm, and exceptance of His loving discipline for me, is what helps me live through this mess I call my life. Not saying you're being disciplined, that has just been some of my experiences. Not all though, cause sometimes bad things just happen to good people. Cause the enemy hates the childrem of God. Like your sexual abuse. That was not a punishment for somethlng you did. That was a purely evil act straight from Hell. Praying for you Chiquita. PS--Once again, check out Casting Crowns "Praise You In The Storm" -- the bridge: I lift mine eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from ? My help comes from the Lord, Creator of Heaven and Earth !! Hmmm.... now that sounds familiar....... Do you believe that God loves you? You see, nothing but very bad things have repeatedly happened to me though out my life. You could write a Lifetime film about it. People say He is Holy and loves us all unconditionally, then why has He allowed all of this in my life? I don't believe He loves me anymore. If He did, then there would be proof. Do you believe God loves you?

Thank You all so much for all of your prayers, encourgaments, and scriptures. I truly feel better today after a long time with the Lord yesterday =)

Thank you all so much!!! Every single one of your replies spoke to me in different ways. I'm going to reread these replies in hopes that the encouragment will sink in. I no longer want to feel defeated. I know I am a new creation in Christ and need to keep claiming that. I have been praying with scripture lately and I am hoping that those prayers are being answered. I cannot handle another tribulation right now when it seems everything is about to make a turn for the better, FINALLY. A friend of mine told me that this spirit of fear that is on me has to be prayed off of me; could all of you please join us in prayer? It's almost tormenting me. I have been praying and praying without ceasing. I need this to come to an end already. I think you were right when you said that I am trusting my feelings alone... I am going to work on that. Trusting the Lord is one thing that I struggle with. Silly, hu? The one spirit that I can trust, I'm struggling with. I do not mind suffering for Christ as I carry my cross but I need the Lord know that I am very, very tired. I need to find rest, somewhere and some how. I need my "batteries" refreshed. I know scripture also states that the Lord sees my needs and will provide - I pray He come quickly. Thank You all so Much!!!! Chiquita

I have a problem here that I am struggling with. I need some solid encouragment and advice. Here is my dilemma: I accepted Jesus when I was 11. I grew up being sexually, verbally, and mentally abused. My mother threw me out when I was a teenager. She would not sign for me to go to college even when I was 18. She made so many mistakes that I cannot even begin to explain. I always asked God to help her to stop drinking so her abuse could at least lessen but she never did. I turned my back on God in my 20's. It seemed as if he never answered my prayers and bad things continued to happen to me. I grew up feeling very, very unloved by everyone. It's almost as my intentions were so good because I believed in Jesus that nobody believed me. They thought I was manipulative and a fraud when in reality; I was just that innocent. I was always being accused of things that weren't real. I always tried to do good but bad things always happened so thus I turned my back on God. I began to do a lot of really bad things - All the things I was accused of, I became. I even turned to the occult and wanted nothing to do with God. Even though I still spoke to Him, I just assumed He still never listened to me so I went about trying other things to "protect" myself. After really bad experiences doing that as well (DUH), I repented and turned back to Jesus. Here is my question; I was under the wrath of God because I was backsliding so bad things were happening to me. Now that I have submitted to God's will for me and asked Jesus to forgive me wholeheartedly; do bad things stop? I mean, from your walk, does that mean that I am now have protection that I did not have before? I place Jesus is my life first now and have repented of ALL sinful things. Of course, I am still a sinner but I am no longer in sin. Do God's promises in the bible now apply to me? I don't know if God loves me. It says that He does but so many bad things have happened to me that I am left wondering... How does He show it? Through protection? Through blessings? Through a spouse? Family? I don't feel I have any of these. I feel alone with only Jesus by my side. I am full of fear because I do not believe that He will protect me. I'm tired of tribulations and trials in my life and need rest real bad. What am I not understanding here? Can anyone help me? Can you give me examples of how things changed once God began to intervine in your life?

thank you! he is my uncle - i loved him dearly and want to set him free while witnessing. I've written him a letter as he lives over 2000 miles away besides, its easier for me like this anyway!

Blien I would have to take Charitow's side on this matter. Forgiveness isn't something we show, for example my sister was delivered and she didn't have to go to my step dad, she had to forgive him in her heart. Same with me, forgiveness isn't a show, it's a heart thing, when You hold sins against another, that creates a spot in your heart where the enemy can latch on it. You releace this stronghold by submitting the sin to God, and letting it go, no longer holding it against them. It has nothing to do with telling the one who caused the stronghold you forgive them, but everything to do with actually forgiving them in your heart. So based on this logic. What if God acted the same way with us? What if Jesus had made the sacrifice and still taught us that we are to pay for our past sins? Isn't that what you do with a person when you don't tell them you forgive them? I would never never never do that with anyone. If you hurt me Josh and we were family members yet I didn't speak to you for years because of what you did.. even though YOU yourself approached me in apology. Who is the person in the right? Sure I can forgive you in my heart but to not tell you? That holds you in bondage by demons too. What you guys are suggesting is evil.. I'm sorry to say it so bluntly but it is. I dont believe I did anything wrong - I was the victim HOWEVER, he kneeled down next to my chair and begged me for forgiveness in tears and I shut him down BIG TIME - He deserves to know I forgave him and I have to tell him if I want to be in obedience. I agree Blien. That wound might still be legal because I did NOT forgive him when he asked. It is basic and I am going to right the wrong. I am writing him a letter and mailing it this weekend. I need my friend to interpret it in spnaish for me because my spanish is not so good. Thanks guys! And I'm sorry this started a disagreement but it seems like everyone is just so passionate about the Lord that they bump heads! Kinda good in a way

That was an AWESOME prayer! Thank you! It brought me to tears because I felt the joy and freedom of the Lord in it! I think I will read that book! And keep this prayer... I'm claiming victory over this TONIGHT - IN JESUS NAME!

Isaiah, you just summed it up in a nutshell! Yes, it is most often during praise/worship and prayer. And that sentence about lust just cleared a lot up for me! I'm going to read it daily along with the verses. Thank you so much! You really helped me out. Praise the Lord - I am going to work on my forgiveness and taking the thoughts captive and giving them to our Father! I feel good! Thank the Lord! And thank you again, everyone who helped! Chiquita =)

was this your step father or your uncle? you said, "I believe I have forgiven him..." but there are 2 that need forgiveness. if you think God is leading you to contact one of them then you should. but be sure you feel completely safe if you do this!!! and be sure it is God telling you to do this and "protocol." only God knows what your healing consists of. to you! I believe I have forgiven them both. It took years to come to this but it is true. However, I do feel conviction about not forgiving my Uncle when he asked me to forgive him when I was 13. I was not ready - I was a kid. I know better now. That might be it. I'm going to keep on praying for direction. I know God IS in control as He is in other parts of my life right now. He is so faithful and I am nestled closely to Him. I'm going to do some more serious prayer on it! Thank you!

Wow! That was powerful Blien! Thanks a lot. I will pray on that. I believe I have forgiven him but he asked me when I was him when I was 13 years old for forgiveness and I told him that I had to live with what he did to me so he has to live with it too. I was a stupid kid and knew nothing. He wept like a baby and left the room. I havent spoken to him since. Maybe I need to find him and talk to him.

I need some help here

I said I didn't think the last dream was of God because the content was so disturbing. I said in my first dream I felt fear for God's wrath, like we should not fear of evil. As far as eating anything... Let's just lay this to rest already, I hadn't eaten anything in HOURS before I went to bed as I didn't go to sleep until 11:30ish. Would you like to know what I did all day and examine that??? It was an all night dream because it went from one to the other to the other - the dreams obviously were not three hours long each - I didn't realize I had to explain that either because I though when I posted this, I would get constructive advice, thoughts, scriptures, experiences - not nonsense like questioning that I might have eaten a bad piece of pizza before bed time. I think this might be all it is - Although the last dream was ugly - it might have been God allowing the enemy to influence me in my dream to show me what abomination I could possibly commit if I don't get to praying - I might have already opened the door in error. I am only human - a sinner. I am still in prayer for this and will not simply dismiss this dream ESPECIALLY since that is EXACTLY what He was warning about in the dream - that we ignore HIM!!!! Only HE can judge me. Thank you all for the constructive thoughts - CHIQUITA