I have a similar experience as you did regarding prayer and I had a faith crisis when my prayer "failed." I would pray very hard day after day, studied the Bible so much, stayed active in church, loved the Lord sincerely, reached out to tlost, did everything out of my love for the Lord and things that made me a good Christian. Then one day I found my life completely shattered, being deserted by church and Christian friends, being stricken by severe illness, becoming totally unable to serve, incapable of doing anything, for people, for the Lord, even worse, not even for myself. I needed to receive help just to live and survive.
I felt so sad for being useless, disillusioned to see so-called Christian people turning away from, my prayers went nowhere, and I felt like a total failure. I cried out to God, from my bed, having been incapacitated by the illness the Lord allowed to torment me.
Then, I heard the voice that spoke to my heart that said, "I do whatever I choose to do."
Then, I knew I had become so big in my head, with all the prayer meetings, all the Bible study and conferences and good works. I loved God but didn't know what He really is. I was so humbled I knew my heart was in the wrong place, i repented, then I felt so small, and God so big.
When I am the one who is in control of the situation, I can only do things that I understand, and quickly I learn I cannot keep things under my control and then I get all these carnal human emotions. But if I know I can't keep things under my control because I am not God, but HE is the one who is in control, who can do things beyond my understanding, All-knowing Almighty God, who saved me and has a good plan for me, then whatever may happen, it is His good plan for me, then I have peace in the deepest part of my spirit although my carnal self outside may still be affected by earthly happenings.
We are not big enough to know what His plan is until it is accomplished, and what is truly good for us to experience in our life (according for His good plan for us), and how He works things out in our lives to make us more holy. I would be complacent if I thought I know His plan just by praying for many hours. It would not build my faith if I knew everything about His will and everything turn out right. And if God did everything we pray for, then he would be like a daddy who spoils his kids, and it is not how God is. Whenever we seem to have failed, or prayer unanswered, it is a moment to humble ourselves to surrender to Him and His works and know Him better. This is what walking with God is really like. A real Christian walk is not like a glorious and successful life like many churches teach. At times, to God, the most important thing for us to do is not to succeed in earthly terms but to know who He really is through our failures, sadness, losses, and sufferings. And one day at the Pearly Gates we will say, "It was good for me that things happened the way they did for I KNOW my God."
Our God who hear our prayers is merciful and abound in love, but If we keep praying to God in order to get what we want from Him, eventually He will teach us what He wants us to know, often times, through chastisement That is for our spiritual growth. He wants us to grow out of the infant stage when we get everything we want. I hope that we all will pray so that our mind will be prepared to receive what He gives to us and see what He wills in our lives.
