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Hi, I’m here again lol. Thanks for all of you who have helped me through my crisis a couple weeks ago. QUESTION: How do I deal with my family who discriminates against me because i am darker. Now, I am vulnerable with this topic. I don’t know how racially diverse worthy is, (doesn’t matter) but I don’t know if any of you would understand what I am saying or relate. I am grateful for any advice. Like some of you know, my family is not supportive of my mental health. I can not tell them my issues. So I come here. I am very grateful for all of you, truly! Anyway, I’m a black young women (17). For all of you who don’t know what colorism is. It is “prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group”. Colorism is a huge problem in the black community. In my experience, among some people I know and in society, dark skin is looked down upon. The thing is, colorism is a topic that makes people uncomfortable. I think because no one wants to admit that it exist. And because they may be colorist aswell. So here’s my problem, my immediate family is very colorist. This started with my mother who is of darker skin. Now, both my parents are black but my father is lighter skin. His complexion is more like George Lopez, while my moms is like Naomi Campbell. I have 5 sibling. My older brother and myself take after our moms complexion and my younger sister and younger 2 brothers take after my dads. Well you would think that my mother would not have a problem with having darker kids but she does. She projects her self hatred onto me. She has been verbally (& physically) abusive to me since I was 8. Whenever she wants to insult me, she targets my skintone, which is the same as hers, and also my hair and weight. She has uplifted my siblings as better and more beautiful than me because of their lighter skin. She makes comments indirectly about their hair and skin as being better than mine. It hurts. It hurts because she has brainwashed this to them, making them believe that they are better than darker people like myself. It hurts because i am singled out and this has been going since I was a young child . My mom is a narcissist so she really won’t accept blame. We have a looooonnngg history of just craziness. We have been doing better, but we never got along. I was always to blame. But that’s besides the point really. I have never struggled with accepting my skin; (blessing), but my low self esteem was because of my weight and I just think I am ugly. I recently realized that what is going on in my family is NOT okay! I have talked to my parents about this and how satan wants to divide our people. And colorism is a trick he uses. While they accept what I’m saying, they continue to make these comments. I am gaslighted all the time about being over sensitive when I get upset. For example, the reason I am writing this is because 10 minutes ago we were having family time and I told my dad that his comment about my brothers girlfriend was disrespectful and colorist. Of course he denied it. But then my sister jumped in and began to scold me. BTW, she is VERY vain and thinks that she is better because she is lighter. She doesn’t understand the struggles dark skin women face. My sister thinks she is prettier than me because of her skin. And for the comments people make about her being prettier than me because she is lighter. I’m sorry that this is so long. It is just that I’m very sad rn and feel less than. As much as I try to stay strong, their comments get to me and sometimes I question myself. I have always took pride in my skin but other areas I struggle (body). I hate when people are sad. Especially when other little darker girls hate their skin because of colorism and society. For example, my younger cousin who is 4 believes she would be prettier if she had light skin. It happens in the black community a lot. The media influence has a lot to do with it aswell as the whole slavery stuff. But I want to be an activist and a lawyer one day. And tackle problems like this. I know colorism is also a problem in India and south Asian counties. Anyway, if you made it this far God bless you lol ?! Any advice is needed. Please pray that I can strive forward, I just feel drained and forgotten . I’m trying to do better and listen to god... but I admit I am struggling. Thank you, love all of you !?

Greetings, I've always had a question about the word 'faith'. What does it mean to have faith in someone. Is it just having faith that they were real? Is it that you have faith in what they did, so you do it also? Can somebody help me understand this word... faith? Thanks in advance.

In this message I share my experience of trusting God during trials and uncertainty. This a story of hope, trust and faith in God and total victory in Jesus Christ. No matter what difficult situation you are going through, the story and my testimony is a reminder that God is greater than your problems or circumstances and He cares for you and is waiting to redeem you. I pray that you are inspired. This message is for: - Those who are wondering whether they are in the right place - Those who are desperately looking forward to receive favor from God - Those who see a lot of uncertainty as they look into the future For a motivational and inspirational video visit: My prayer is that you trust the lord and as you allow him to bring you under his lordship you will know that he has redeemed you by his precious blood and even if you have started small trust him through these humble beginnings and He will take you to greater success.

Be a good and holy Christian for God the Father and Jesus Christ now. Human beings, animals, angels, demons, aliens, insects, and anything feelings should never exist. Reasons why minds and feelings should never exist is because they are bad things that are mentally ill, sick, sad, hurting, painful, miserable, angry, hatred, jealous, revengeful, selfish, evil, sociopathic, psychopathic, traumatized, embarrassed, humiliated, disgraced, annoyed, have problems, abused, suffering, tormented, and other bad things. Never have sex because it will cause minds and feelings to exist terribly. Abortion is a sin according to God the Father. Do not abort or sin. Suicide, abortion, murder, killing, hurting or wounding others, abuse, lying, selfishness, pornography, wickedness, video gaming addictions, video gaming, cartoons, bad animations, and other bad things are also a sin. Minds and feelings should never exist because of physical problems that are unfair, abuse, ugliness, wounds, harm, pain, hurting, sickness, deformities, surgeries, scoliosis, back problems, loss of limbs and body parts, and other problems. Minds and feelings should never exist because of mental and emotional problems that are unfair, hurting, pain, sociopathy, psychopathy, schizophrenia, abuse, and other problems. There are too many problems in this horrible world and horrible society. There are too many poor people and animals that are physically hurt, in pain, abused, suffering, deformed, and in torment. There are too many poor people and animals that are emotionally hurt, in pain, and abused. One of the many ways to fix these problems is to never have sex. Human society is too much based on clothing, entertainment, the way things look, the way people look, the way animals look, the way other things look, and food. Do not continue this society and do not continue any society. Do not have sex because sex creates more minds and feelings that are horrible. Also, notice it is horrible to clone or create minds and feelings. Minds and feelings should never exist. It is true that everyone including rich people are not okay. Poor people need more help and need a lot of help. Poor people are still suffering, abused, and are tormented too much. The way things are now humans, animals, insects, aliens, and other things feelings are evil monsters for creating each other, having sex, and living terrible lives. Everyone must be a good and holy Christian now. UPDATE: God the Father and Jesus Christ are important, but right now the best thing to do is to make sure souls, feelings, and minds do not exist. Do not have sex. Do not hurt or bother others emotionally or physically. UPDATE: Minds, feelings, and souls are actually disgusting.

"Then I will return to my place until they admit their guilt and turn to me. For as soon as trouble comes, they will earnestly search for me.” Hosea 5:15 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lE5KQHf8fX0 "For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be." Matthew 24:27

https://www1.cbn.com/video/SUJB21_YaelEchstein_042020/pass-a-legacy-of-faith-to-your-children “See, I will send the prophet Elijah to you before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.” Malachi 4:5

How can we apply the greatest command of Jesus with the corona virus going around? https://www.brighteon.com/c3a464a0-f383-4d96-85de-b6223904595e

Hello All, I wanted to ask your opinion on what your thoughts concerning these passages: 1 Peter 4:6 King James Version (KJV) 6 For for this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit. 1 Corinthians 5:5 King James Version (KJV) 5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. Why did Jesus preach to them that were already dead? What does it mean "to live according to God in the spirit"? What does it mean that the "spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus?" What are your thoughts as to the meaning of these passages? Is there hope for those who are dead?

Who is Jesus Christ to you?

Hello everyone, I am writing a full report on Torah only using the NT, this is the start of part 1. I was shown to not search for the spiritual on the web. I only Use The Word and The Spirit. Part 1:The Meeting Of Acts. In acts chapter 13 vs. 14 & 15, we can see the Gentiles in Antioch are keeping the Sabbath and studying Torah, KJV: “But when they departed from Per'ga,they came to Antioch in Pisidia and went into the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and sat down. 15. And after the reading of The Law(Torah) and the prophets” (so Torah and rest of OT is what was being studied by the first Christian’s on The Biblical Sabbath day) In vs. 39 we see By our Belief/Faith in The Messiah we are Justified/made pure,. KJV: “And by him all that believe are Justified from all things, from which ye could not be justified by the law of Moses”(simply following the customs of Torah is not what gives humans Justification) In vs. 45 we see the Jews become Jealous of the masses of Gentiles who have came to synagogue to Hear The Word of YHWH, and start speaking blasphemous. KJV: “BUT when the Jews saw the multitudes, they were filled with envy" In chapter 14 vs 1 we see the Greeks and Jews both believed together as one Body in synagogue, no separation of Jew n Gentile. In chapter 15 vs.1 we have man who came down from Judea and taught the New converts, that They CAN NOT be saved UNLESS they are physically circumcised, KJV: “And certain men which came down from Judaea taught the brethren, and said, Except ye be circumcised after the manner of Moses YE CANNOT BE SAVED.” which is what causes the whole debate can a person get salvation and be uncircumcised? KJV vs.2: “Paul and Barnabas and certain other of them, should go upto Jerusalem unto the Apostles and Elders ABOUT THIS QUESTION" (Not whether we should keep or destroy the Torah that would have been sacrilegious and never would have ever crossed Their minds!) In vs 5 there is a Pharisee that stood up during the debate, and said it is NEEDFUL they be circumcised and they should be COMMANDED to keep or "Guard" the Torah which could be a reference to rabbinical oral law about placing "fences" around Torah, on this verse I sought out a 4th translation from the Aramaic peshitta, that actually makes the most sense for the context, HRB: “But some of those rose up from the sect of the Pharisees who had believed, saying, It is necessary to circumcise them in order to keep the Law of Moses” In vs.9 we see again there is NO difference between Jew and Gentile, and that our Hearts become purified By Faith! Keeping the rules without Faith is worthless, keep the Torah perfect, without Faith and a circumcised heart it means Nothing! In vs. 10 we see Peter say, “now therefore why tempt ye God, to put a yoke upon the neck of the disciples, which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear?” I believe this Yoke to be a mindset, the very mindset that caused this whole debate, that you CANNOT BE SAVED unless you follow these rules and customs, where as now the understanding has changed in this Meeting from ” we HAVE to Follow these customs to be Saved” to “now that we are Saved by grace, we SHOULD follow these customs” Although, the Torah is Holy, just and good (Ro 7:12), human beings are not, and according to the Torah (Deut 27:26) if one entered the first covenant, then they were obligated to observe every law of Torah and there was no way to have certain sins removed such as adultery, idolatry, blasphemy and murder. Yahshua magnified the Torah to show that in spirit every human being has committed such sins. Since Circumcision is the sign of the first covenant in which you could not have the penalty of such sins removed, Peter is clearly stating why would the elders want to put such a burden on new believers. Paul clearly expounds on this in the book of Galatians that if one is circumcised and joins the old covenant that Messiah will profit him nothing as there was no removal of sins but simply a hope of a better covenant to come with a more perfect priesthood in Melchizedek. In vs. 11 we again see through the Grace of The Messiah we are saved along with our Faith and belief as we seen in previous verses, this of course is not saying in any way that we should not Try to Follow YHWHs Rules, Just that The rules themselves DO NOT bring salvation, many men followed the customs who were unrighteous in heart, like the Pharisees who wouldn’t help men who needed healing on the Sabbath, they twisted His Torah into something it never was . In vs, 19 we see James stands up and says that they should not TROUBLE the New converts, as in don’t overwhelm these new people who have came to Elohim with a direct command from the Jerusalem council that they must follow every rule In order to gain salvation, in vs.20 he instead recommends that they(the elders) write them(new converts) a list they need to abstain from, to not overwhelm them, that they just stop fornication, blood, idols, things strangled “It would be ridiculous to think that these are the only 4 requirements that a new gentile believer needed to follow, as it does not mention murder, blasphemy or even belief in Yahshua. Since cultural issues such as not draining the blood correctly in animals was keeping Jewish believers from fellowshipping with gentile ones, the Apostles are simply making basic rules that will allow them to meet together with a clear conscience. These 4 points are not the only doctrine that a new gentile believer will have to learn, but they are a starting point, as the next verse clearly states that the gentiles will “hear the Torah each Sabbath that they meet” with the Jewish believers, clearly showing the still binding validity of the Sabbath and Torah, even after this decree.” In vs 21. James points out the fact that The Torah of Moses is preached every Sabbath, KJV:”For Moses of Old time hath in every city them that preach him, being read in the synagogues every Sabbath day" there fore The elders don’t need to teach or tell these people about the rest of the commandments, bc they fully expect them to Hear Torah every Sabbath as they go to synagogue, in turn they can learn the rest of Torah at Their own pace and not be overwhelmed or worried. And in vs. 22 we can see only after this truth was stated “THEN" the elders, apostles, is pleased and in agreement with the decision.

Me and another person were Tempted and failed at the exact same time a few days ago and today me and a different person failed at the same time and we all live in different places 100s of miles away from each other. We did experience some intense spiritual warfare about 15 days ago. I am curious if this is a demon attacking us and if so what does it mean?

So this is probably strange for alot of you who aren't aware that there is actually a spiritual realm and there are such thing as demons, and there is a constant fight against satan. So I'll start off by saying this when I was 14 or 15 I was led to go to church and got convicted of sin for bullying some kids like in school and on the bus i have already at that time stopped bullying ppl because I changed schools, and I decided not to be like all of the so called popular kids and turned from being a class clown and bully to the person that got bullied and all this led me to smoking weed and drinking then something happened I got the just very uneasy feeling like something wasn't rite like I guess a doctor would call it depression but I had depression when I was younger and this wasn't the same like I knew it was spiritual and my mom knew about demons but we wasn't church goers and she ended up taking me to the hospital because I wouldn't hardly speak I just told here something was wrong with me and when we got to the hospital while laying in a hospital bed my mom and dad was sitting beside me and she didnt know what was wrong with me, and she was talking to my dad then she said it could be a demon, I had no clue at the time demons were really really real but I said yes that's what it is and my mom didnt want to tell the drs that, but the dr came in and asked why we were there and and what was wrong with me and i told them it was demon because I just wanted help, but they sent me to a mental institution and I ended up being attacked there, kids there where calling my name like and saying strange stuff like they wouldn't even be in the same room as me and I could hear them yelling from there room speaking to me. And was hearing stuff in the walls, but my mom told family about it and they knew a pastor and they came and did a deliverance on me and they left it was like nothing happened until about 10 mins or so after they left I drank some salt water and was laying down and felt something come up in my throat and I gagged it up it was a black gooy substance that was about the size of a half dollar or so and I got up and spit it in the trash. Later on the next couple days I started doing better I wasn't fully normal but I was able to leave and the pastor invited us to church and we went to church and I still wasn't perfectly normal but I got where I felt like I should get up and go to the front and say something to everybody the cause I saw like this vision or something whether it was from the lord jesus or not idk but I saw like a vision of me doing that so I did it I went up to the front and got handed the Mike and started to saying something idk what I was going to say at the time but I ended up saying something totally different then what I originally intended I got convicted I said I was sorry for bullying some kids that was there because they where the same kids that rode my bus that I used to pick on and I started crying alot probably or maybe the most i have ever cried and while I was crying and started walking back to my seat and while I was crying I remember having a decision to call out to god or call out to Jesus, I said Jesus desperately and forced myself to stop crying because I started to get embarrassed and stuff and continued to my seat and while I was still walking to my seat Jesus filled me with his grace it was the best and most unusually awsome thing that has ever happened to me I could try to describe it which I have tryed to do before but unless you know you really dont know I guess. But here's where it gets strange after church we leave and are going home and we turned on some christian music and I started feeling really joyful and full of hope and faith and knew Jesus was very truly real and loved me and as we where driving home I saw I dead dog in the road and the seen an angel or its spirit or a spirit come off or out of the dog and I told my parents and idk if they believed me or not but they was asking me about it and I told them and I also seen a black figure standing out front of someones house on the way home and this was kinda the start of things for me I felt great for I would say atleast 2 years before I backslid I wasn't a bully anymore but I ended up partying,drinking and later on started smoking weed agian and eventually I lost the joy that I had I started feeling really bad all of the sudden and I tryed straightening up i quit drinking but i couldn't quit smoking weed and i was repenting asking for forgiveness to get that joy and faith back but I ended up back in mental institution because something came over me one night rite after getting done praying and my dad started yelling about something and I completely snapped, blacked out, but more than likely a evil spirit took control of me and i beat up 2 ppl in my house and got the cops called on me and when they took me to jail I got really opressed, or possessed or delusional as a doctor would call it and started having weird visions or dreams and it lasted a long time while I was in there I was in there for about 2 weeks and only remember a few days or so I got out and was drove straight to church where they tryed or did do a deliverance on me I still didnt feel completely normal afterwards and the pastor told me I still had one left, and i try getting deliverence completely several more times and still wasn't completely normal but was far better than when i went to jail and i didnt smoke weed anymore at the time and i continue seeking Jesus and trying to do whatever i could do to get the peace and joy and faith back that I had before and kept trying to get that back for years and my pastor still said there was a demon left in me and I kept trying to get delivered and this one time she said my eyes turned into like cat eyes which was hard to believe at the time because i could see stuff but i didnt want to believe i had one in me and made me look like I had cat eyes I just didnt want to belive that and didnt understand how that could be because I was all about Jesus but eventually we haven't tryed doing anymore deliverances because she said I needed to try harder but I dont smoke week or drink anymore I do vape and I'm mostly always thinking about Jesus and I've been quite some time like this and recently I started hearing voices and seeing stuff alot but in my house and we have had ppl come try to cleanse the house but i still hear stuff and see stuff and earlier I was just curious to see what my eyes would look like in the mirror and I said Jesus Christ in my head to see if I could see the Holy Ghost in me which sounds weird probably but when I'm at church and stuff I can see stuff in ppls eyes like I've tryed teaching myself what the things I see in there eyes mean, but I was looking in the mirror and I said Jesus Christ in my head and i seen one of my eyes turn into what looked like a red cat eye it convinced me that what my pastor said was true but I dont really know what this means now or where to go from here. I've been getting attacked alot here lately for the past few weeks or so I've been reading my bible and praying and almost always listening to Christian music. Jesus has help me alot through these times I've had strengthening me and helping me fight these battles that satan has already lost.. But that's pretty much it for now. ...prayers would be greatly appreciated. God bless

Gonna keep it short: Me and my family was invited to church after some things happened that led us to have a pastor pray for me anyways once they invited us to church we go the following service and I get convicted and start to cry and apologize for sins that I have done and while I was crying or rite when I stopped crying I felt like warm and a perfect peace inside of me and felt weightless like I was floating, i was just wondering if this was for sure the holy ghost? I didnt speak in tounges when it happened I have recently but not until 7 years later that I spoke in tongues. So what do I call this experience ? Thanks for reading any comments are appreciated. God bless.

What is your favorite verse? Why do you like that verse and are there verses you go to in time of need? Just curious

From the father of Christian contemporary music, Larry Norman. Off the LP from 1972, Only Visiting This Planet. Title: The Outlaw. Any Jesus People out there? This is a timeless classic and one of his all-time best. @turtletwo, this one is dedicated to you. Enjoy, sister!

There is an online version of this, wherein if you hover the cursor over the verse addresses, the text of the verses pops up, without having to open new windows on the links, as happens here. It is much easier to use and read, but, you cannot reply to it there, if you want to reply/comment, that has to be done in this thread. True Discipleship Omegaman 3.0 - 5/13/16 The Great Commision Jesus, in his great commission ( Matt 28:19-20 ), given to his disciples, told them to make other disciples and to teach them to obey everything that he had said.If Jesus told his disciples to make other disciples and the teach them to obey everything he said, one of the things that the new disciples were to obey (because Jesus told the first disciples to do) is to make more disciples who are taught to obey.So, here we are some 2000 years later having been made disciples, because other disciples in the past have handed down the command of making disciples and teaching the new disciples to obey what Jesus said.So if we want to be true disciples of Jesus we also must make disciples and teach them to obey Christ and of course we must obey Christ as well. Obedience to what? So what things did Jesus command that we are supposed to pass on to others and that we ourselves are supposed to obey?Listed below I have collected quite a few of the verses from the Gospel (Matthew primarily) which contain the commandments of Jesus. It is not an exhaustive list. Some of the things Jesus cammanded were to particular individuals, not to us, so I did not include those. For example, after Jesus had spat on the ground and applied the clay to the eyes (I hope that means the eyelids) of the blind begger, He said: "Go, wash in the pool of Siloam". Clearly, that command was not to be applied to everyone, so that sort of thing, is not in the following list. Repent - Matthew 4:17 Follow Jesus - Matthew 4:19, 8:22 Let Your Good Works be Seen (with right motives) - Matthew 5:16 Reconcile & Confront Others, the Right Way - Matt 5:23–24, Matt 18:15–17 Don't Sin in Action or in Thought - Matthew 5:27–30 Don Make Oaths - Matthew 5:34, 37 Don't Respond to Evil with Evil - Matthew 5:39-42 Love and Pray for Your Enemies - Matthew 5:44–46 Be Perfect - Matthew 5:48 Seek God's Kingdom First - Matthew 6:33 Don't Judge -Matthew 7:1 (My Commentary on Judgement) Don't Waste Your Breath - Matthew 7:6 Treat Others as You Would Like to be Treated - Matthew 7:12 Enter Eternity Through the Narrow Gate - Matthew 7:13-14 Be Wary of False Prophets - Matthew 7:15–16 Ask God to Send More Workers - Matthew 9:37–38 Don't Fear Those Who Can Kill You, Fear God - Matthew 10:28 Come to Jesus for Rest - Matthew 11:28 Forgive Readily and Repeatedly - Matthew 18:21–22 Give What is Due to Whom it is Due - Matthew 22:21 Love God - Matthew 22:37–38 Love your Neighbor - Matthew 22:39 Share in the Lord's Supper (Communion) - Matthew 26:26–27 Keep Guard Against Temptation - Matthew 26:41 Make Disciples - Matthew 28:19-20 Preach the Gospel - Mark 16:15 Don'r be Greedy - Luke 12:15 Give to Those Who Cannot Give Back - Luke 14:12–14 Love Other Disciples - John 13:34 John 15:12 John 15:17 Suggested followup: If you consider yourself a disciple of the Christ, think about how you are doing, measured by the above list

In the Bible, the snake is usually a symbol of Satan, evil, and sin. However, in John 3:14-15, Jesus compared Himself to the bronze serpent that Moses hung in the wilderness. In fact, God used the snake symbol multiple times with Moses, and each experience reveals something about Jesus. This video looks at three of those experiences, and the amazing things that one can learn from these living parables.

This is my latest video about how Jesus is the main theme of both the old and new testament, specifically about how Moses is a "type" of Christ. In many ways that may be easy to miss at first the life of Moses clearly portrays Christ.

The sin offering in the Old Testament sanctuary service symbolized the Lamb of God. The study in this video reveals that in the amazing reality to which the sin offering pointed, believers are to eat the Lamb of God. Much is said about the importance of Christ's blood releasing us from the guilt of our sins. In what ways does the concept of eating the Lamb of God clarify the purpose for Christ's shed blood?

I made a video about christian celebrities who gave their testimonies. Hope it inspires some people and give them the courage to keep in faith. You can see it here: Now I wanna make a new video and it's not that easy to find some FEMALE celebrities giving their testimonies and talk about their faith. If somebody know some christian female celebrities and maybe has a link to their testimonies/christian speeches/or something like this I'd be VERY thankfull! Wish you all a wonderful day and GOD bless you!

A visual walkthrough and analysis of Isaiah 53.

Tattooed By Your Blood 4/23/17 Sunday 10:03am-10:58am Turning left to right, Each day and each night, I know why I fight, For you’ve shown me your light, For you’ve given me life. My spirit has lifetime insurance, It’s given me a reason to dance, It’s a never ending abundance, A never ending life that still comes to overflood, For that night, I was tattooed by your blood. My spirit will never face death, No, not again, One day, I will take my last breath, Though I don’t know when, It’s your love and life that I’ll have left. Though each day my flesh shows it’s ways, And each day demons remind me of my worst days, I remember that after I was tattooed by your blood, I am a new creature and forgiven by your grace, For me you gave up your life & washed all my sins away. No matter how much blood I shed, It’s not like the blood you have shed. For my body may lose it’s life, But yours has brought me to life from death. For when I was tattooed by your blood that night, For when I was brought up from darkness to light, My heart has completely transformed, And now my spirit is reborn! It’s a miracle only you can perform!! I’m thankful that you’ve shown me eternal grace, I’m so glad that one day I may see your face. For something so priceless and grand, It will be a privilege to hold your hand. I could spend all my life thanking you forever, For a life with you cannot get any better. It’s sad to see the world doesn’t know you, It’s sad to see how much they need you, too. It’s sad to see they don’t know it’s you they need, It’s sad to see they refuse you for their own greed. I’m glad to see there’s at least a few you will save, I’m glad to know it’s not based on how we behave. I’m glad to see how you have changed who we are, I’m glad to know you take the deepest place in my heart. I hope others will understand it’s you they need, And the reason that day your body would bleed. I could see after you gave me a tattoo and covered my eyes with mud, And the same for them, they just need the same exact tattoo by your blood. I understand all this because… That is the way I once was, Before I was tattooed by your blood.

Hi there! I am going to start off by giving a bit of a backstory, and please hear me out by reading all of this because I am in dire need right now. I grew up in a lovely home with Baptist parents who attended church every Sunday. However, I hit very traumatic times at about 7 years old, and now I am 16, going on 17, and my life is healing from the trauma of divorced parents, dealing with calling defax on my own mother for emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse, hating my father for years due to my mother calling him unworthy every chance she got- only to find that my father did everything he could to make me realize he meant no harm, and all the mental issues which came with these life experiences. Shortly after turning 12, four years into my nearly 10-year real-life conflict, I found myself falling far from God. Although I had become fully saved according to the Baptist faith and believed with all my heart that God was my savior and my all at age 10, I fell far from Him only two years later. Two years later, at 12, and hardly 12 at that, I text my friend late one summer night. "I don't know that I believe in God anymore," I sent her, crying my eyes out because all I needed right then was someone to pull me back to God and say that I needed to hold on. I desperately needed someone to grab my ears and pull me up saying, "Hello!! Jesus is alive! He is alive! And He loves you more than you'll ever comprehend!" But, the reality was far from this. My friend responds less than a minute later. "I am an Atheist." My heart dropped at the message. But... strangely enough, it later was found with relief. I felt ACCEPTANCE for falling from Him! It sounds crazy because it is. I researched for a long time, mainly in the wrong places, and I found myself to identify as an Atheist. This lasted for years, all the way until a month or so ago to be frank. I am going to be 17 in July and going into the 12th grade next year, and I believe this all happened in the summer of going into 6th or 7th grade, which would have put me at 11 or 12. So for 5, possibly 6, years I have been very lost and falling blind of God. I fell into believing I was transgender, from female to male, to believing I was gay and dating a girl almost a full year. Many, many tragic things followed this initial start of trauma when my parents got a divorce at 7 years old. Now, having all that said... I still feel a strong incomplete pit in my life, this being my relationship with God. I still question my sexuality today. I believe that being abused for all those years led me to believe I was homosexual because beforehand, I never EVER questioned my sexuality. I was your typical "boy-crazy" little girl who would go to their mom after school and say, "Guess what mommy! [Enter name here] talked to me today! I was so nervous!" I can tell you confidently now that I know I am a beautiful, straight female who deserves just as much as everyone else. In my heart, I feel that. However, I hesitate to answer so confidently in person because it takes denying my past conflictions to find my true self deep within me that, yes, I am that person. For a long time I denied this person that I was because of the many times my mother would tell me that I wasn't her daughter, I wasn't what she wanted, and I was a mistake through and through. I believe truly, within my heart, that abuse can cause lifetime problems such as this. Abuse, especially that in childhood, does not just affect your personality, your social life, and your way of coping with life situations. Abuse affects your lifestyle, your beliefs, and all the critical things of yourself. I am stuck. My ex-best friend and I started talking recently. We grew up together and shortly after I went from a true Christian to Atheist, we fell apart from one another. In the past month, we found each other via social media and I have come to find, not to my surprise, that she is still very faithful and connected to God. Even when we were little and very close, I was inspired by her connection with God and trust in Him, despite our different beliefs. She was raised Apostolic Pentecostal. I was raised Baptist. However, now that we have reconnected, I have caught her up with everything that happened to me in the past years that we haven't talked. She amazes me still at her immaculate trust in God. She is now involved in leading many youth groups to teach the Bible to younger kids, as well as attending her own youth group herself. This makes me intrigued in her beliefs since I am currently not under any official belief besides that in which God does indeed exist. My mother is not much in the picture anymore, so I have free reign to explore all sorts of Christianity that I please without fear of being bashed or shunned for doing anything other than Baptism. I have been looking into Apostolic Pentecostal all day, trying to actually understand what the belief is all about compared to Baptism, since that is what I know best, and it makes so much more sense to me compared to what I grew up with. Is there anybody who is an Apostolic Pentecostal that could please help guide me and help me in understanding the beliefs? I am very intrigued by this way of praise and church-going. So please, if you read all of this, which I hope you did because it contributes so much to my reasoning behind this, and you are an Apostolic Pentecostal, please give me information on your beliefs and ways of praising and keeping faith. I am finding God again, and I do not plan on losing Him this time. Not again.

Here is a link to my music that I hope will bring peace and healing to people. www.laurenlehman.com or you can listen on Spotify, Itunes, etc. Below is a link to my song, "Peace Be Still" from my new album, "Peace Be Still." "Peace Be Still, and know that He is God... Come on into His place to seek His face, Peace, Peace, Be Still." Peace Be Still - on Youtube

Judges 6:12-16 12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” 13 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.” 14 The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” 15 “Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.” 16 The Lord answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.” I, as well as Gideon in verse 13 and other brothers/sisters in the faith (Job, Habbakuk,etc.), even Jesus (My God, my God why have you forsaken me?), have questioned why bad things have happened to us. Many nonbelievers too don’t understand why bad things happen to their version of “good” people. Job’s purpose in his trials was to prove his faith in God genuine, grow him closer to God, and he was blessed with far more than he had before his trials began. Habbakuk asked God why evil was happening and later God shows him and he rejoices I believe because his question was coming from a sincere heart. Attacking the character of God because He allowed something we deem as bad to happen is a sin because then we are questioning God in a sense that says we know better, which we don’t. In the above passage God shows that He is for us, and it’s in His time, and His strength to show His power. He has a reason for even the bad things that happen to us. In the case above it was to show His deliverance of Gideon and Israel from the oppressive Midianites. Romans 8:28 is a reminder of this, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." There is purpose in the difficult things we go through.