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  1. About a year ago, my husband and I had a miscarriage. This was after going through IVF to conceive, I was in a very dark place and started drinking heavily. One day we had some friends round for drinks including my husband's brother. My husband went to bed earlier and left me and our friends and his brother to it, he kept on asking me to come to bed but I wouldn't. I was very drunk but was aware of what was going on around me, his brother touched my thigh the odd time and when I would get up to get snacks he would follow me to the kitchen and touch my shoulder or whatever. I let it happen, my response should have been ew and gone to bed with my husband but instead I was excited by it. The next day his brother said he was so drunk he had no memory of the night before. He went home and I felt so guilty that I told my husband part of the truth that his brother had got a bit touchy feely. I however did not tell him that I had liked it and not stopped it from happening. I have no feelings for his brother at all, I feel sick when I think about it. Husband was angry but forgave me, he wanted to hit his brother up about it but I said there was no point as he did not remember. I feel that if he knew the whole story about me liking it at the time that he may not have forgiven me. I talked to my best friend about it and she just said that it was dumb and I should never do it again and I have learned from it. She doesn't think I need to feel guilty cause nothing really happened.. I quit my job recently and we did IVF again and this time I am pregnant by 6 weeks, now that all the emotions and stress of IVF are gone, feelings of guilt are resurfacing. I haven't thought about this incident in a year but now I want to throw up just thinking about it. I'm so scared he will leave me as he feels strongly about people cheating. I know that God has forgiven me but do I need to confess to my husband everything?
  2. I'm looking for good material online to help my husband and I overcome years of infidelity in our marriage, as well as numerous deceptions, alcoholism, depression, and anger management. Podcasts, articles, seminars, books... anything helps. God bless.
  3. Kirk341345

    Staying Focused

    How does one selflessly serve Christ while providing for a wife who is still very much desiring “worldly treasures”?
  4. I introduced a section within my first post in this series, as one of the most unbelievable scenarios you could read. In that section you have Rebekah and Jacob pulling off the deception of a lifetime, as Isaac is tricked into believing that Jacob was Esau merely by strapping a piece of sheepskin on Jacob's arm. I have to ask, have you ever seen sheep? They exceed the hair of man about 100 to one. While most would have run for their lives but not Jacob; and, I cannot give you any good reason why? As you see in Genesis 28:6-7, Isaac, after the deception, has instructed Jacob not to take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. After hearing this Jacob leaves toward Haran in order to comply and his mother goes with him. What just happened? Watch what Esau does. Genesis 28:6-7 NASB Now Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob and sent him away to Paddan-aram to take to himself a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he charged him, saying, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan," 7) and that Jacob had obeyed his father and his mother and had gone to Paddan-aram. This is the first time I noticed this aspect of the story. Note how it says, “and that Jacob had obeyed his father and his mother and had gone to Paddan-aram.” When you think about the reality of the situation and how furious Isaac should have been at Rebekah, then it makes all the sense in the world for her to with Jacob. Besides that, she may need to make the introductions and marriage arrangements for this favorite of sons. Esau, on the other hand, seeing how irritated his mother became about the women he married, (This is the same mother who deceived Isaac his father, and helped to cheat him out of his rightful inheritance,) went out and found himself a few more. Genesis 28:8-9 NASB So Esau saw that the daughters of Canaan displeased his father Isaac; 9) and Esau went to Ishmael, and married, besides the wives that he had, Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael, Abraham's son, the sister of Nebaioth. This next section focuses entirely on a dream that Jacob had. Indeed, it was a very vivid dream, in a manner similar to the dream that Abram had, it was as close to reality as you can come. You have to wonder how much understanding Jacob had about God, or where he got that understanding. The only thing we see is Isaac praying to the Lord in chapter 25. Isaac, being the son of Abraham, I can understand how and where he learned of the Lord, but the apparent influence on Jacob is not seen. Genesis 25:21-23 NASB Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren; and the LORD answered him and Rebekah his wife conceived. 22) But the children struggled together within her; and she said, "If it is so, why then am I this way?" So she went to inquire of the LORD. 23) The LORD said to her, "Two nations are in your womb; And two peoples will be separated from your body; And one people shall be stronger than the other; And the older shall serve the younger." Jacob's Dream - Genesis 28:10-22 But first Jacob has to kneel before his father, apparently at his father's demand. Genesis 28:1 NASB So Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and charged him, and said to him, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. This is the second time Jacob has been blessed, however, Isaac is well aware of the deceitful methods that were used on him. Without going any farther, I already see a prime example of the nature and character of God, as Isaac overlooks the “sin” and bestows a purposeful blessing upon Jacob. Blessed is the Hebrew word bāraḵ: A verb meaning to bless, kneel, salute, or greet. The verb derives from the noun knee and perhaps suggests the bending of the knee in blessing. Would we expect to see Isaac kneeling before Jacob at this point? Not a chance, so it is Jacob, this time with intention, kneeling before his father. Do you think it is possible that Isaac could bring some punishment upon this son? No, and again, this is an example of God's grace, as we too, caught in our sins, deserved punishment, but what happened? The Son Jesus took all punishment on our behalf. I am well aware that I have no key character, in this scenario, that takes the punishment for Jacob. What I do see, is Jacob suffering abuse, at not only the hand of Laban but his own sons when we get to them. Pay attention to what Isaac tells Jacob. Perspective: The flood has come and gone, and, with it, should have been the giants and the evil and violence that were associated not just with them, but people in general. And, secondly, this has taken place before Moses and prior to the law. Is that what happened? Not exactly, for men still had the right to choose how they would live, and the giants returned. Genesis 6:4 tells us that afterward, they showed up again. After what? The flood. “The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them. Those were the mighty men who were of old, men of renown.” Genesis 6:4 NASB Two pieces of evidence for giants after the flood comes from Numbers 13:33 and 2Samuel 21:16, both of which speak of giants still permeating the land. Canaan was one of those places and we learn of it when Israel sent 12 men to spy out the Land of Canaan. “You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan.” Do a word search and the first place Canaan shows up is in Genesis 9. Genesis 9:18-27 NASB Now the sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem and Ham and Japheth; and Ham was the father of Canaan. 19) These three were the sons of Noah, and from these the whole earth was populated. 20) Then Noah began farming and planted a vineyard. 21) He drank of the wine and became drunk, and uncovered himself inside his tent. 22) Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. 23) But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned away, so that they did not see their father's nakedness. 24) When Noah awoke from his wine, he knew what his youngest son had done to him. 25) So he said, "Cursed be Canaan; A servant of servants He shall be to his brothers." 26) He also said, "Blessed be the LORD, The God of Shem; And let Canaan be his servant. 27) "May God enlarge Japheth, And let him dwell in the tents of Shem; And let Canaan be his servant." Notice how Canaan is pointed out as the son of Ham; this is not a favorable distinction. Genesis 28:2 NASB "Arise, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel your mother's father; and from there take to yourself a wife from the daughters of Laban your mother's brother. The town of Bethuel gained it's origins in a man, as was the case with every city. Genesis 22:20-23 NASB Now it came about after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, "Behold, Milcah also has borne children to your brother Nahor: 21) Uz his firstborn and Buz his brother and Kemuel the father of Aram 22) and Chesed and Hazo and Pildash and Jidlaph and Bethuel." 23) Bethuel became the father of Rebekah; these eight Milcah bore to Nahor, Abraham's brother. So here is your ancestry moment, It was told, Abraham: Milcah also has borne children to your brother Nahor Uz his firstborn and Buz his brother and Kemuel the father of Aram 22) and Chesed and Hazo and Pildash and Jidlaph and Bethuel." Kemuel produces a son Aram. Note the similarities to Paddan-aram! The son to be born to Nahor is Bethuel. Bethuel became the father of Rebekah Rebekah is the wife of Isaac, the mother of Esau and Jacob. This also means that Bethuel became the father of Laban. Jacob, still kneeling before his father Isaac, receives all these instructions and blessings; as though what he stole was not enough. Genesis 28:3-5 NASB "May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples. 4) "May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham." 5) Then Isaac sent Jacob away, and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau. “ May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples.” “May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham.” What were the blessings of Abraham? Genesis 12:1-3 NASB Now the LORD said to Abram, "Go forth from your country, And from your relatives And from your father's house, To the land which I will show you; 2) And I will make you a great nation, And I will bless you, And make your name great; And so you shall be a blessing; 3) And I will bless those who bless you, And the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed." Genesis 17:6-8 NASB "I will make you exceedingly fruitful, and I will make nations of you, and kings will come forth from you. 7) "I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your descendants after you. 8) "I will give to you and to your descendants after you, the land of your sojournings, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God." I will make you a great nation I will bless you and make your name great I will bless those that bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse. In you, all the families of the earth will be blessed. I will make you exceedingly fruitful and I will make nations of you kings will come forth from you I will establish my covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you … for an everlasting covenant. Be a God to you and to your descendants. And, I will give you and your descendants … all the land of Canaan for an everlasting possession. So, tell me, is this what you say to someone who has just deceived you? And yet, this is exactly what Isaac just did. “May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham.” Genesis 28:10-11 NASB Then Jacob departed from Beersheba and went toward Haran. 11) He came to a certain place and spent the night there because the sun had set; and he took one of the stones of the place and put it under his head, and lay down in that place. Haran, isn't that the place where Abram was and God told him to go to a land that He would show him? Yes, it is. But it is also the place where so many things will take place, and now Jacob is going there to find himself a wife. Fortunately, Jacob has his mommy with him to make the introductions; although we are not told that, it works for the moment. Genesis 11:26-31 NASB Terah lived seventy years, and became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran. 27) Now these are the records of the generations of Terah. Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran; and Haran became the father of Lot. 28) Haran died in the presence of his father Terah in the land of his birth, in Ur of the Chaldeans. 29) Abram and Nahor took wives for themselves. The name of Abram's wife was Sarai; and the name of Nahor's wife was Milcah, the daughter of Haran, the father of Milcah and Iscah. 30) Sarai was barren; she had no child. 31) Terah took Abram his son, and Lot the son of Haran, his grandson, and Sarai his daughter-in-law, his son Abram's wife; and they went out together from Ur of the Chaldeans in order to enter the land of Canaan; and they went as far as Haran, and settled there. Note this: “Terah took Abram his son, and Lot the son of Haran, his grandson, and Sarai his daughter-in-law, his son Abram's wife; and they went out together from Ur of the Chaldeans in order to enter the land of Canaan; and they went as far as Haran, and settled there. It seems God has His hands in everything, doesn't it? “He came to a certain place and spent the night there because the sun had set;” Genesis 28:19 NASB He called the name of that place Bethel; however, previously the name of the city had been Luz. “And he took one of the stones of the place and put it under his head, and lay down in that place.” Genesis 28:18-22 NASB So Jacob rose early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put under his head and set it up as a pillar and poured oil on its top. 19) He called the name of that place Bethel; however, previously the name of the city had been Luz. 20) Then Jacob made a vow, saying, "If God will be with me and will keep me on this journey that I take, and will give me food to eat and garments to wear, 21) and I return to my father's house in safety, then the LORD will be my God. 22) "This stone, which I have set up as a pillar, will be God's house, and of all that You give me I will surely give a tenth to You." God's house? This statement is immensely significant, and so is this, “and of all that You give me I will surely give a tenth to You.” Without any motivation of “law,” Jacob has made a commitment to tithe.
  5. This entire blog was spawned from a sermon entitled, What about Jacob? Or, can a man find healing in a woman? To make this brief, I did not understand, nor was I able to track with what the pastor said, as he tried to prove his point about Jacob. Sorry, I can't really see it but I am enjoying the study, as usual. As we finished part one of our look at Jacob, the grand deception was complete. Do you think Rebekah and Jacob gleefully danced around the campfire that night as they celebrated how well they pulled it off? Hardly, for Esau, as you will see, has every intention of killing Jacob once Isaac is dead. Notice how there is no concern on the part of Esau for how this will affect his mother. And, all this evokes another question, is it possible for Esau to regain his birthright? I don't think so, at least not in God's eyes. Cheating not only Esau but your father as well, you would think that Jacob would be gone already, but only minutes from now Issac calls Jacob before him and commands him to not a wife from the same cluster of women that Esau had chosen from. Isaac directs Jacob to Laban, Rebekah's brother. Maybe, Isaac knows full well what kind of man Laban can be considering the backhanded maneuver Rebekah has just pulled on Isaac. With that said, let's continue on. I mentioned in the previous post, that Esau did not take this selling of the birthright serious. If he had Wouldn't it seem logical to say something to Isaac? Wouldn't Isaac have known? Why would Esau bother to respond Isaac as though there was not a problem? “As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, when Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau his brother came in from his hunting.” Jacob logically only has seconds to get out of Esau's presence, and, his fathers. Genesis 27:30-37 ESV As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, when Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau his brother came in from his hunting. He also prepared delicious food and brought it to his father. And he said to his father, "Let my father arise and eat of his son's game, that you may bless me." His father Isaac said to him, "Who are you?" He answered, "I am your son, your firstborn, Esau." Then Isaac trembled very violently and said, "Who was it then that hunted game and brought it to me, and I ate it all before you came, and I have blessed him? Yes, and he shall be blessed." As soon as Esau heard the words of his father, he cried out with an exceedingly great and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me, even me also, O my father!" But he said, "Your brother came deceitfully, and he has taken away your blessing." Esau said, "Is he not rightly named Jacob? For he has cheated me these two times. He took away my birthright, and behold, now he has taken away my blessing." Then he said, "Have you not reserved a blessing for me?" Isaac answered and said to Esau, "Behold, I have made him lord over you, and all his brothers I have given to him for servants, and with grain and wine I have sustained him. What then can I do for you, my son?" The deception is pulled off, and now you would think that Jacob has to flee, an exile. And Esau is the reason. Genesis 27:38-41 NASB Esau said to his father, "Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father." So Esau lifted his voice and wept. 39) Then, Isaac, his father answered and said to him, "Behold, away from the fertility of the earth shall be your dwelling, And away from the dew of heaven from above. 40) "By your sword, you shall live, And your brother you shall serve; But it shall come about when you become restless, That you will break his yoke from your neck." 41) So Esau bore a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him; and Esau said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." So Rebekah calls Jacob in once again. Genesis 27:42-45 NASB Now when the words of her elder son Esau were reported to Rebekah, she sent and called her younger son Jacob, and said to him, "Behold your brother Esau is consoling himself concerning you by planning to kill you. 43) "Now, therefore, my son, obey my voice, and arise, flee to Haran, to my brother Laban! 44) "Stay with him a few days, until your brother's fury subsides, 45) until your brother's anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?" But Jacob still hasn't left. To make matters worse, we now learn of Esau's wives and what grief they are causing Rebekah. Genesis 27:45 NASB until your brother's anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?" In response to Rebekah, Issac calls Jacob in once more. Genesis 28:1-5 NASB So Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and charged him, and said to him, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. 2) "Arise, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel your mother's father; and from there take to yourself a wife from the daughters of Laban your mother's brother. 3) "May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples. 4) "May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham." 5) Then Isaac sent Jacob away, and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau. While Isaac's command is that he get a wife from Laban's daughters, we don't see anything that tells us he knows what he is looking for. Jacob, in a sense, stumbles upon Rachel, and she is a vision of how a girl should look. He wants her and is willing to work for her to get her. There is an irony here in that Rachel, is not an accident by any means, for Laban, her father is Jacob's uncle. (Consider: If Rebekah knew how to be devious it only makes sense that Laban, Rachel's father, would also know how to be underhanded.) Jacob makes no effort to negotiate for her but tells Laban that he will work seven years for her. (That timeframe may be significant on several levels. Seven is the number of perfection, redemption, and a theme that recurs throughout scripture.) It may be essential to consider Rachel's age at this time. I doubt he would have pursued her if he did not think she was old enough to marry. “Joseph married at about age 30 (Gen_41:45). This was old by Egyptian standards, since most males were still only boys when they married. Yet it is clear that a boy had to be not only sexually mature but also able to provide for his wife and thus settled in his occupation before he married. Girls seem to have married between about twelve and fourteen. They did not have to wait until established in a career. Some royal marriages, occurring for dynastic or other political reasons, took place when the individuals were very young. For example, Tutankhamen died at the age of eighteen or nineteen after a nine-year reign and marriage, so he must have been nine or ten when married.” NELSON'S Bible Manners & Customs, How the People of the Bible Really Lived, Howard F. Vos, THOMAS NELSON PUBLISHERS Jacob does not do what many desperate men would do, and rape her, he waits the seven years. He then goes to Laban and demands that she be given to him for he has paid for her. Laban deceives Jacob just as Jacob had deceived Esau and gave him Leah. Laban makes a statement here, in response to Jacob's shock and disappointment, that I never noticed before. And Laban answered It is not done thus in our country, to give the younger before the elder. Genesis 29:26 Brenton) As that particular pastor exclaimed: "this had to cut Jacob like a knife, as this is precisely what Jacob and his mother had done to Esau.” And, Uncle Laban may well have been told of it. If not, it is amazing how the Holy Spirit puts words in your mouth. According to the pastor, the premise behind all this is that Jacob, a broken man, (I am not so sure he could understand that for a long time,) pursues Rachel, the vision of perfection, in hopes that she would heal him and make him a better man. I am not sure I see all that, but it makes sense, as most men do just that. While the hope of finding something that calms the inward brokenness he feels may be going on in the back of his mind, it is not directly noted in scripture; many things aren't, and yet the more in-depth answers and subjects are there if we pursue them. One of the things that I see in scripture is that God is in control, regardless of how lousy the circumstances seem to be. The pastor said, “that God gives us examples of people who are messed up so that we can know what not to do.” If that theory is correct, then why would God tell Israel, explicitly, not to learn from the surrounding nations, for the surrounding nations were doing everything wrong, worshiping idols, and sacrificing their children to gods. While I might argue that learning from my neighbor how to work with Iron could be a necessity that would allow a civilization to create water pipes. However, there is often a hazard in close associations, especially with those not so grounded, as it can cause us to be drawn away by the deviant and those used by Satan. Along with that, I have had several acquaintances that claimed to be Christians. One, it turns out, was in a men's home (the men's home is somewhat irrelevant except that you can make an obvious assumption - and that is that the person from the home has had some mighty struggles in the past.) While the leadership of the men's home had mandated church services and Bible studies they had to attend, they could not seem to get the world out of this brother. He, in a short period, took a job on the night crew, and I rarely saw him after that. His reattachment to the world seemed to grow and he left the group home he was a part of. You shall make no covenant with them or with their gods. They shall not dwell in your land, lest they make you sin against Me; for if you serve their gods, it will surely be a snare to you. (Exodus 23:32-33 AMP) And you shall consume all the peoples whom the Lord your God will give over to you; your eye shall not pity them, neither shall you serve their gods, for that would be a snare to you. (Deuteronomy 7:16 AMP) You didn't merely live by their ways and act according to their disgusting practices, but in a very short time, you acted more corruptly than they in all your ways. (Ezekiel 16:47 CJB) Is it the person becoming the snare? Perhaps, but what we do know is that Satan will deceive you through any means possible. In some cases, it might be an innocent but attractive looking woman. Yes, Jacob's life is one huge psychodrama. He is a liar, a cheat, and a general a mess; he does not even seem to slow down all those years later when he meets Esau again. But there is a method to God's madness. God seems to use broken people; he even seeks them out. He seems to find pleasure in lifting them up and healing them. On the plus side, our savior is a descendant of the line from Jacob. My point: That no matter how messed up the narrative, or, our story is, we can and should glean as much as we can from each one, for it is God's story. Sure, you think it is all yours, but it is never anything less than God's plan, you merely get to be a part of it. "For I know what plans I have in mind for you,' says Adonai, plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future. " (Jeremiah 29:11 CJB)
  6. Hello friends, I decided to at least write in some forum and ask for help/guidance. Here's my situation, I'm not looking for pity or being shamed, I just want to share my story and maybe some of you guys has an idea what I could do/pray for, or something like that: I'm a man, 33 years old. Married since 5 years. About 2-3 years ago I was working a good job and doing education on the side so I could continue working in the field. Short version: I failed my studies and had to change my field of work. I took it pretty hard because the circumstances were messy and I was doing very well in my job - only the grades were an issue. Anyway I was a mess for a while but I knew God had a path for me. During that time my wife, who was dealing with depression earlier in her life, started developing an eating disorder. When we realized it was time to do something about it was already pretty severe. I prayed for her and I tried anything to help her anyway I could, encourage her, help her make plans on how to eat enough, went to therapy with her etc. But nothing really helped. She played her therapists, she lied to me and to herself. And after ~2years of ED (eating disorder) in our lives, it started to take a heavy toll on our relationship (I'm not blaming her btw, it's the sickness that's causing this). I tried to lecture her, she started to tell me things that were not true etc. She temporarily lost her fertility (body shuts down reproductive systems when there is not enough food) and with it, the rest of what was left in terms of sexual desire (we don't have kids!). And me, as a guy who enjoys the more chubby kind of females had a real hard time finding her anorexic body attractive. About 3 months ago she finally decided it's time to go to a rehab clinic to really concentrate on getting better. The fact that she wanted to do that of her own volition, was like a miracle. All was looking well for a while. But she's on break now from the clinic and it seems to me like nothing really changed. She didn't really gain weight and she still has her eating habits. Anyway. I mentioned I have a new job now and I'm teaching on the side. My life apart from my wife is amazing right now! BUT. I met this woman in a seminar, also married - getting neglected and hit by her husband (human beings are messed up I tell you...), and we immediately clicked and felt connected. We had amazing talks and it was a "healing experience" for both of us, I'm 100% certain that God made us run into each other. But now I'm afraid we're getting almost too close... yay... :/ I believe what we've been doing is called an "emotional affair" (having an affair without the physical component). Well, we just met this evening before I started writing this and after talking for a while we started comforting each other and finally went to the couch and just held each other in embrace for over an hour. Nothing sexual, no kissing or anything - just intense hugging and a little crying. I have to be honest, it was the most wonderful, blissful experience I had in almost all my life. After a while I started shaking all over my body because of all the happy hormones and that feeling of being loved and sheltered... Now I have no idea what to do. I don't want to leave my wife. I don't want to have an affair but I was craving being close to someone so much... And I really can't tell my wife about it - that could make her kill herself (literally). [e] Since I cannot find the reply button I'll edit my post. First of all thank you for your answers. If it were that simple. Cut ties, it's a sin, don't do it. I'm too weak for that right now. I know it will lead to pain, probably. But I already am in pain most of the time. Basically, I'm completely separated from my wife emotionally and physically and I fought for like two years to prevent that. My wife told me a few days ago that it's pretty clear to her that it's my fault that she started developing an eating disorder. I wasn't stable enough for her etc... Just to clarify what's the state of our relationship is she is completely absorbed by her ED-thoughts. I want to work on my marriage and improve it (it's what I'm trying to do since all this started, we already went to therpy and everything) but as long as we don't have a common ground to build from I don't see the way. Btw: I cannot completely cut ties with this woman, we are gonna meet semi-regularly because of our jobs for at least another 1-2 years. [e2] @Abby-Joy "All that to say ...I needed my husband's love, understanding, prayer, support. He wasn't there for me like he should have been." I'm trying to do all that and been trying for the past years. It's just that I'm a human being too, you know. I also have my weaknesses and a difficult past and my strength has its limits. That's no apology for anything - i know the scripture well enough. I have problems with addiction myself - as almost any human has... right? I only recently stopped smoking for example and I could only do that because of the support and faith that other woman had for me. But thank you for encouraging me to go another round. This is all very very hard and it's times like these when I understand why Paul said it would be best if we would live alone and concentrate full on the Lord. [e3] I'll think about someone I could talk to at my church... I came here because I have a hard time talking to people about these topics. It's well known in our church that she has an ED. And a lot of people come to me and ask me how we are etc. especially now that she's at a clinic. But I feel most of them come because that's what you do, not because they actually want me to open up. I usually tell what they want to hear, you know. And since I didn't have a single male father figure in my life I have a hard time talking to males anyway... But that's another topic -->Thank you for offer Abby-Joy talking to her. Who knows, maybe I'll pm you about that when the time is right. I don't think that I have to be afraid that she would commit adultery, she's pretty much asexual since all this started. At least that's how she behaves. I'm not sure if I still know her well enough though. She has changed soo much since we first met each other. I think the environment of our marriage (the first years) allowed her to start dealing with certain things from her past (much like you described) and then everything turned sideways. Thank you all so much for your replies, really helps me a lot even just writing here.
  7. Mea kakau

    Unstable Marriage Worsens

    This will be a long post as there is a lot going on in my life right now. For years I've been the victim of my husband's verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse. It has contributed to my PTSD which I got from extreme childhood abuse. Two weeks ago my husband decided to threaten me. He's threatened me before about various things. This time he hit me where it really hurts. Anything to do with death triggers me and then increases my PTSD. My husband knows I'm triggered by death. He threatened me with suicide if he doesn't get a puppy by July. I'm not quite ready for a puppy. One thing led to another and I took him to my therapy appointment. The whole session turned out to be all about my husband and his problems. I never asked for my therapist to step in and "take care of" my husband. The point was to address my husband's threatening behavior. Any time I attempted to say a single word, I was essentially told to shut up. She didn't say those exact words. I tried to comment on his threat to take his life and was told that I shouldn't taint our beautiful relationship with the one incident of abuse. When I first started seeing my therapist back in August of 2017 I attempted to tell her several times that my husband was a mental/emotional abuser. However she wanted to see this rosy picture of two vagabonds traveling all around the Pacific Northwest. Once, I tried to explain that I was coerced into moving to one place. My husband harped on me for nearly two weeks until I caved. I started to explain this to my therapist and she shut me down saying she only wanted to hear about my vagabond adventures. Every time I shared something she would bring me back to the topic thus silencing me. She's even told me she thought he was a saint to put up with me and my PTSD. This whole way in which she created a false narrative of my life in her head is what she then based our appointment on this last Thursday, 8 March 2018. Half way through the appointment she sensed something else was going on, and yet she never stopped the conversation between her and my husband. And she continued to isolate me from the two of them as if therapy was now my husband and her. She is my therapist. Period. When the appointment was finished I was left gutted and shocked that I had been cast aside and disregarded. That I had been silenced. I then I had to pay for my husband's therapy appointment. Huh? This is my worst nightmare; another therapist turning on me and a woman. I've had three women therapists become controlling on me, nearly destroying my life in the process. This therapist is one of those three. It took everything within me to see her the first time due to past abuse by female therapists. After this current therapy session I did two things. I told my husband how I felt about what happened. And I called my therapist and told her that she just messed me up big time. That she didn't know what she had done to me. And that I didn't know whether I could ever see her again. On Friday she called and I couldn't keep it together long enough to make it through the whole phone conversation. I started bawling, not just crying, and finally told her I couldn't talk any more. I hung up. I haven't heard from her since. Part of the conversation was her realizing in the middle of the therapy session that something wasn't right. She never stopped things though. She kept going with them. She never apologized to me on the phone. Though she tried to make it look like she had done everything right. Not true. I tried to tell her the real story of my life and she didn't want to hear it. She wanted to believe that I had a fairy tale life as an adult. On Friday I also told my husband that I had had it and wanted a divorce. I felt used after the therapy appointment and livid after his abusive words. I had promised myself back in 2015 that if my husband ever was abusive again that I'd leave him. This was a promise I made to myself. Since Friday and Saturday I've poured out my anger and hurt on my husband, that which belongs to him not the anger and hurt I have toward my therapist. My husband apologized again and again. I've accepted his apology and yet I know this means he'll go right back to doing it again as evidenced by his continued and ongoing abuse. Now he finally understands that his mental/emotional abuse is just like physical abuse, just like a broken bone except on the inside. No one sees it. No one knows that it exists. That shook him to the core getting this part. At the same time he remembered an incident which happened as a child where his father had emotionally abused him and how it hurt and still hurts. And the fact that I forced him into an anger management course back in 2004/5 where he told me repeatedly that he's not like those men in there: He doesn't break bones and send me to the hospital. Anyway he gets it now. It is the same. He is like those men. And he said that he doesn't want to treat me like this any more. He doesn't know why he does it to me. And he's willing to go to therapy. He's been in therapy before and never focused on his issues. Instead he complained about mine and his son's problems. This time he says he's willing to deal with his issues. My husband is 75 years old this year! He doesn't want to lose this marriage. He finally gets that he's got a serious problem. He admits that he's causing most of the problems in this marriage. This is a first. My husband has promised to start looking for a therapist on Monday. So my prayer requests are many fold: For me For him For my therapist For our marriage For finding the right therapist for my husband And who knows what else... and the renovation of our kitchen and bathroom are not finished because of him stalling and putting it off due to him wanting a puppy and refusing to do anything. Right now I can barely function due to the PTSD being completely out of whack from my husband's abuse and my therapist's total disregard for my well being. Thank you for reading this super long prayer request.
  8. My husband is not a believer. He was when we married, but changes his mind soon after. Now he doesn't know. Anyway he is open to having children for the first time in our marriage but I'm not sure about doing that because of the difference in faith. Open to any thoughts.
  9. Hey Worthy people, I have a serious dilemma. I've been praying, reading Scripture, googling, and there's no clear answer so far so I'm still pursuing wisdom on this. I am about to complete a technology degree and would qualify for a better paying job than the one I have now. In doing so, I'd make more money than my husband. We've talked about it before. He says he wouldn't mind. Has anyone ( especially women) been convicted on this issue? Does it always put those in a marriage at odds? I don't want to act with the wrong motives. I would love to be a stay at home mom with my children. But I also love technology. Almost constantly, I feel like I am having to choose as if I couldn't possibly take a better paying tech job because that would be less Godly.
  10. So, hello everyone. Sharing something personal, so here goes... I've been married 18 months and I am realising that I'm married to a man who lacks communication skills. Don't know how other husbands are... But he doesn't talk much with me even after I've requested that I need him to talk with me more (and I plan dates etc to make this happen but still even there he'll be silent). He makes no effort with things that make me happy like he's never bought me flowers, never randomly text or called, hasn't initiated quality time and dates etc. He has stopped initiating and making effort. I feel he's going through something and I ask him if anything is bothering him but he says no. I know there's some tension due to a work issue but we are managing well. What advice can you give? PS... we are Christians and go to church.
  11. The past few days have been a bunch of small things that can easily have been fixed. my husband refuses to talk about things and it is like pulling teeth to get any of his feelings out of him. I told him i need him to communicate things with me so we can both work on things together. he thinks im trying to change him and that's just "how he is." which i explained is not true. it's a behavior things. how can we work on this? he went to bed still angry at me. I know in the Bible it talks about if someone becomes angry do not go to bed angry. So it really hurt me that he did. He's told me before that he just likes to be angry sometimes and he can't just get over it even after the problem has been dealt with. Please pray for our relationship. We just got married this December.
  12. Good Morning Friends! We have an article I would like to share with you all that my husband wrote on our marriages and the relationship we have with Jesus Christ. Come check it out and let me know what you think! https://abideandseek.com/7-powerful-goals-for-your-marriage/ Be Blessed! Nick & Leah 7 Powerful Goals For Your Marriage If the only goal for your marriage is to achieve some form of happiness, then you are missing out on the amazing things God has planned for you and your spouse. “… ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:5-6. Marriage is a truly beautiful thing. Two becoming one joined together by God. It’s easy to lose sight of this powerful truth. We need to remember that we are no longer individuals, but one flesh and our actions and goals should represent that. I myself have not been married long, so it’s hard for me to truly speak of what it is like to be married for a long period of time. However, I feel that no matter how long you have been married to your spouse, it’s always important to have goals for your relationship. Establishing goals in every aspect of your life is important. It helps us set targets and motivates us to press forward. When we have goals, we can gauge our “progress” and adjust accordingly as opposed to walking blindly. In my own life, I have set goals for physical and spiritual fitness and have seen awesome changes in both areas. Now that I am a married man, there are certain goals I have implemented into my marriage. One of the most important things to do when setting goals for your life is to have a primary goal. For a truly abundant fruitful life, this main goal needs to be focused on life in Jesus Christ. Through Him, all life, blessing, and love flow. Here are 7 powerful goals for your marriage and the overarching theme of these goals is “focus”. This world is full of distractions looking to steal your focus, but when we have set goals we can direct our focus. If we can focus first on Christ and second on our marriage, our relationship with our spouse will flourish like never before! 7 Powerful Goals For Your Marriage 1. Focus On Companionship I wanted to start this list off with companionship because this is the root of all relationships. We need to spend quality time together if we want our relationships to flourish. As a couple, we should be setting aside time to just be alone and enjoy each others company. God initially made Eve because he saw that it “was not good” that Adam was alone. When we don’t focus on companionship, separation begins to occur within any relationship. I have so many friends from my past that I thought I would be friends with forever but now I don’t even speak to. Not because anything negative occurred within the relationship, but merely because we didn’t remain focused on companionship and taking time to keep in touch. When we focus on companionship and spending quality time with each other, we allow ourselves to stay close and committed to a healthy intimate relationship. This focus can be easily maintained by setting up a date night at least once a month. Even if this is just a private dinner for two in your own home! 2. Focus On Communication “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:19-20 This scripture can radically change the way you communicate not only with your spouse but with everyone. This is why a strong focus on Jesus Christ can change every aspect of your life. It can be hard to hold your tongue and to really listen when conversations began to get heated. We always feel like we need to get the last word or that our spouse is just not listening to our point. The truth of the matter is, that we are often the ones not listening because we are so focused on trying to convey our position as the correct one. Focusing on trying to “win” an argument with our spouse will always ultimately lead to a loss in some form in the end. However, if our focus is on glorifying God in all situations, this can change the conversation around quickly. Being slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to become angry is only possible if we care about producing the righteousness God desires. If we can get to this point in our relationship with Jesus, it can completely change the way we communicate with our spouse and lead to less arguing and more growth within our marriage. 3. Focus On Intimacy True intimacy goes far beyond the bedroom and it truly begins with intimacy with Jesus Christ. If we examine the world we see that all things that are born are a product of intimacy. It’s important to realize that this truth also applies to our relationship with our Lord and Savior. What many need in their marriage isn’t to fix the things that are broken but to breath new life into the relationship. There is only one who is able to create something truly new and that is the author and creator of all things, Jesus Christ. Through intimacy, with Jesus Christ, we can see a new spiritual birth in our marriages. Remember, that when we were joined together in biblical marriage we become one flesh. We need to work together in all things, this includes our spiritual growth. You may have an awesome relationship with Jesus and the same may be true of your spouse. But what does your marital relationship with Jesus look like? What I’m trying to say is how much intimate time do you spend together with Jesus with your spouse? How often do you read the word together? How often do you pray together? How often do you serve together? When you focus on intimacy together with Jesus Christ, you will drastically change the level of intimacy with your spouse. Remember, intimacy goes far beyond the physical realm and truly blooms through a spiritual relationship with Jesus. 4. Focus On Forgiveness “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 True forgiveness can often be a hard thing to do. Not to just tell someone that you forgive them, but to put their transgression behind you and out of mind. It’s important to remember that we are all going to make mistakes from time to time. Though some mistakes may seem worse than others, there is never any mistake that it’s too extreme to forgive. When we focus on Christ’s example, how he was willing to lay down his life for us and for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, how could we not show the same love to our spouse? Remember, your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Don’t let that someone be the unity of you and your spouse; forgiveness leads to strength and healing. 5. Focus On Prayer As a couple, we have an amazing advantage when it comes to praying. We all need to make sure we are setting aside specific times to pray together with our spouses. Honestly, Leah and I probably don’t spend enough time praying together. Don’t get me wrong, we do pray together from time to time and it is always such an awesome time of intimacy with Jesus. Every time we do pray together, we see such an amazing response and always seem to get powerful direct answers to those prayers. The effectiveness of these prayers is not just coincidence. Scripture makes this clear in Matthew chapter 18. “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:19-20 We should make a decision to pray together daily and be taking advantage of the power of two agreeing and asking God for strength, power, and growth within our marriage. 6. Focus On Giving Giving is such a massive part of our walk with Jesus Christ. This not only means giving of our money but also of our time, attention, and love. Maybe you have always been a giving person and maybe you still are. The same could be true for your spouse. The question is how much are you giving as a couple? When you are filling up on Jesus as a couple, you should allow the overflow of what God is doing in you to pour out into the world around you. This can be accomplished by volunteering together and teaming up together, using the gifts God has provided to each of you to effectively serve. To learn more about using the gifts God has given you to serve the body, check out our article called The Body of The Church: Each Part Matters. The most important thing to remember when giving is to do so out of love, expecting nothing in return. Remember, that God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son. Out of our love for Him, we need to be willing to give freely. 7. Focus On Ministry One of the greatest things you can do as a couple is to start a ministry. In the process of creating this ministry, you are able to develop new bonds that you wouldn’t develop through other aspects of your relationship. To most, the idea of starting a ministry together may seem daunting or overwhelming. But your ministry doesn’t necessarily have to be a massive undertaking. It could be as simple as finding a need in your community and meeting it together. The greatest thing about deciding to start a ministry is that it allows you to have a more direct focus on serving the Lord. Before starting Abide and Seek, Leah and I started out by serving in other ways, such as volunteering and serving the local food pantry. These are still things that we do but with Abide and Seek we are spending every day together in the word and focusing on using this ministry to spread the light of Jesus throughout the world and help others grow in their relationship with Jesus. A ministry is not only a great way to serve together, but it also helps strengthen your relationship and Love for each other as you get to constantly see the gifts of your spouse on display glorifying God. With the new year here, many of us have probably set different goals for this year. If we want to see real growth and development within our marriage, we should make sure our marriage takes priority on our list of goals. Above all, remember that setting a goal is all about focus. We talked about focusing on companionship, communications, intimacy, forgiveness, prayer, giving, and ministry. These most definitely do not need to be the same for every marriage. You should use this article as a blueprint or merely as inspiration to come up with your own goals for you and your spouse. Either way, no matter how things are currently going in your marriage, there are always ways to improve and grow together. When we allow our first focus to be on Jesus and second on our spouse, we allow God to do great things with our marriage!
  13. Abideandseek

    How To Find Your Soulmate

    Hello Friends! We have another article to share with you all, this one pertaining to relationships. Nick did an awesome job on this article titled, " How To Find Your Soulmate". He incorporated related scripture, personal advice, and what it means biblically to have a "soulmate". So I invite you to come check it out and share with someone who may be struggling with their current marriage or struggling to find their " soulmate". Be Blessed, Nick & Leah Co-founders of Abide and Seek
  14. jasonmc1583


    Hello, I'm new here but I really know what else to do. I talk to my friends, preacher, and whoever else I feel comfortable with. But I still have issues, no matter how much I pray or do whatever. A little bit of back ground... I was saved when I was just a little boy, but didn't really ever follow Christ. At least until about a year ago. But I met my wife in high school in 2000 and we dated until 2005 when we got married. We had our first child in 2007 and our second in 2008. Just like any couple we had ups and downs but we always tried to move past them. I didn't ever help the situation by not caring nor stopping to listen. I always would get upset and frustrated because I always felt it was the same thing over and over. It was always me who would do something dumb and get mad at her when she'd find out and not tell the whole truth. I always thought that it didn't matter that much and she'd just get over it. I didn't ever pshycially cheat but I did emotionally, I didn't care. I did love my wife but I had a horrible way of showing it. Even though Id always act like a fool she'd always do the right thing and try to bring me back to my senses, but I didn't listen! Back a few years ago things got pretty bad and we decided to separate and see where that went. Well I thought that was what I wanted then but she begged me to come home and I did. The next few years I kept the same feeling that I didn't want to be married and I was better off single. Well if you speak it long enough it'll come true! Back in September of 2016 she and I decided to call it quits. Then in June of 2017 I moved out into my own place. Not long after I moved out that's when my life was shattered! I found out a lot of things that I never would've imagined. I found her with another man and also found out that she had been sexually active with him and two other men. I cant tell you what that did to me!! At first I acted like a fool and I did some ridiculous things, things that Id never had done! After I settled down a little bit I turned back to God for help! I gave my life back to him and started to devote everything to him. I have asked him time and time again to help me understand and see what to do. I have learned that he'll tear you down to bring you back to him and that your relationship with him is more important than a marriage. I feel like that's what he's done! I try to talk to her and to hopefully get somewhere with her but she thinks she's "in love". She says that she's happy, he makes her happy and if it weren't Gods plan then why would she feel like she does. I get so frustrated with this situation and I want to act out and be a fool but I know that wont do anything. I forgot to mention that between the both of us we've lost everyone parental wise. She found her momma dead in her bed while her parents were going thru a separation themselves. I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do. I feel like God's telling me that we'll be back together one day. An I know that his timing is perfect and I have to be patient, I'm trying so hard! I continue to stay confused because I hear her and others tell me to just move on. I go back and forth trying to make sure that it's God telling me to stand for our marriage. There is always so much going on in my head that I cant hear him clear and I just want it to STOP! I sometimes feel like I need to move on but when I do I feel...guilt. I still have issues with lust and things like that. That makes me feel like.. well I know that I'm in no way ready for God to mend our marriage. But why do I feel he's telling me he will? I've gotten to the point with a lot of friends that they don't want to even talk to me. I don't have any family other than my kids, so I'm just left to sit and think and dwell. UGH.. I just want to know what to do and how to handle it all!!
  15. Hi! I just hope someone could enlighten me with some christian advice that would help me get through with this. Its me finding it hard how to deal with my emotions everytime my husband gets to hang out with his friends, though he goes out very seldom just during reunions in his school-day friends & classmates. Our relationship is great no doubt we love each other have all the time for each other and grows better everytime. I just notice for three years of marriage I don’t know why it felt uncomfortable whenever he spend his time with them and enjoy their company. I admit, I’m a stay-at-home mom, an aloof type who doesn’t go out with friends always unlike him, being a leader on his school-day pals & is a friend to everybody. It felt bad like I’m ruining his social life. On the other hand I feel like I’m no part of it whenever he goes home and doesn’t share to me what had happened. Its like I’m missing a piece of his life that I don’t know about. I have no problem with our common circle of friends. He even spent all of his time to us his son everyday. However, I can’t deny the fact that it makes me uncomfortable when me and my son left out at home while he takes time with others and asking me to extend few more hours with them. The other thing is that one of his college friends is his ex’s but they’re good friends now but regardless, I feel the same way with his other friends. Do I make myself selfish? I’ve been honest with him with this situation, we did talked and Ive tried to embrace this situation and get along with it but the moment he can’t limit his time it pisses me off and makes me feel less-priority. Its kinda unhealthy for our marriage and I need some fixin’.. Thanks. What are your thoughts? What were your experiences? Am I not alone?
  16. Daily Reading 28 If you prefer, you can look up the following verses in your own Bible, of by whatever means and in whatever version you choose. Luke 20:27-47 Genesis 37 Psalm 28 Audio 5:07 Audio 4:56 Audio 1:28 The above addresses are linked to Bible Gateway. That is an easy way to read (or listen to) the Bible verses, and choose your version. Personally, I prefer written, that way I can go at my own pace, on think about it, before moving on. Nothing wrong with doing either or both. The Bible says faith comes by hearing. See the picture below to get an idea of what to expect if you follow the above links. Note: The audio will not play the exact verses, it will play the whole chapters, in which the verses exist. Thank you Lord for making the your word so accessible for us in these times. Amen
  17. Me and my wife eloped 5 years ago in our kitchen. We were new in our faith and got married because of God but technically not under God. We had a woman marry us so it was all very quick and unformal. Now we always agreed to have an actual wedding but we have tried planning and failed to complete everything for the 3rd time this year since we 1st tried in 2013. This time around we have already put a deposit on a venue and have already paid in full on everything except for cake, photographer and DJ. My best man had a very intimate wedding with his wife at our old church building. He believes that we shouldn't spend the money on our wedding and that we should do something small and intimate to Glorify God like he did. Of course hearing this hurts but I understand here he coming from. However I cant shake the fact that everyone else I know except for 1 other couple had a large formal wedding and got married in faith. I feel like we are being robbed of our moment but I dont want to be vain and get married just because, I want to have something nice to look back on. I don't see the issue but maybe it's my flesh talking. I need advice and prayer because I'm starting to feel depressed about the situation. Could it be jealousy or are we really dishonoring the Lord by have a "large" wedding?
  18. I need help can anyone assist me
  19. Hello all, My husband and I have been together about 5 years and we have a 1 year old. We have had a few issues with him lying and drinking. When he drinks (which is very rare) he turns into a whole other person. The other night he drank some alcohol late around 930 and said he just wanted to relax and get some work done because he normally works on the computer at night. I woke up the next morning and he had left his phone on the counter and the alarm was going off. I turned it off and noticed he had a new email asking for pictures... I scrolled down and saw he had messaged that person . My heart sank. He was looking in the m4m section on Craigslist and messaged multiple men. I only saw one other message and then immediately went upstairs to confront him. He hurried and deleted the messages and said he doesn't know what came over him or why he would do that. He swears he isn't attracted to men but I feel there must be an underlying issue. I said he wouldn't message men and be willing to act on it if he hadn't dabbled in that area before. He is going to seek counseling but he can't meet with anyone until Tuesday afternoon. I am hurt. I don't know who to talk to. I'm beyond embarrassed and feel disgusted. I don't know what to to or how to move past this. I keep seeing the 2 messages I saw over and over again. I'm a stay at home mom and I just can't stop thinking about this. Please if you have any advice let me know. Prayers are very appreciated in this hard time. Thank you...
  20. If a spouse is spending out of control is it a violation of oneness to have separate checking accounts?
  21. Just having turned 40 years old a couple of months ago feels like a huge burden on my shoulders that keep getting bigger and bigger. I feel like the whole world is out to get me. I've been married for the 2nd time for 1 year (my first husband passed away unexpectedly 5 years ago). I feel like I have the weight of the entire world on me; from helping my mom who doesn't drive or speak English, to secretly dealing with my step-daughter who is acting up and getting in trouble with the law, to trying to keep my husband in line and away from his crazy, dangerous past, to dealing with chronic illness and continuous pain; to dealing with not been able to have kids; to all kinds of financial problems. And those are just the things that are going on right now, there are plenty more things I've had to endure in my entire life. All those pains, all those troubles make me feel like I am always chasing an ounce of happiness that will never be attained. I look up to God and I ask, why so much, why all the time and all I hear is silence. Whether He forgot about me or He's giving me the silent treatment, I don't understand. Giving up is all I can think about, but even in giving up I'm letting Him down and doing what He doesn't want me to do, I guess. But what other way out is there from all this pain, all this suffering, all this craziness? If we are all going to die at the end, why try to avoid the inevitable. How can I learn to live without caring? Without giving a second thought to my mother's situation, to the relationship with my brother, to the relapses my husband continues to have over and over. When there are no shattered dreams only because there's no strength to even dream, how can you find the strength to go on. I guess all I can ask, is how do I end the suffering when He shines his face away from me all the time.
  22. My husband and I have been married for almost two years. He is a wonderful Christain man. He loves giving back to the church, dedicating himself to helping family and church family, he is hard working, and so much more. When we first met I immediately knew he was different than most people and that he processes things differently. It is very difficult for him to put himself in someone else's shoes, or understand that others interpret situations differently than he does. There is no ill-will towards anyone, he just cannot empathize well and often misinterprets or misses nuances of meaning. I know this and try to adjust my interactions with him accordingly, but I feel like effective communication is always a struggle. I want to find a better way to communicate with him and to help our marriage grow. When I tell him that I want to connect more and grow our marriage he becomes offended and interprets it as me saying he is a bad husband and our relationship is terrible, which is not the case. When I try to clarify my meaning he shuts down or becomes angry. I have attempted to follow advice saying to dedicate myself to biblical wifely duties and pray that he will become more active and open to growing our marriage. However, it seems the more I dedicate myself to selflessly serving him the more he takes for granted what I do and the more he begins to expect it. If I fail or forget something, like washing his undershirts, he rebukes me as if I am a child that has misbehaved. When I try to tell him how I feel he shuts down or gets upset. So I have tried to be more subtle. I asked if we could start reading the bible together and praying before bed, but again he interpreted it as me saying our marriage is terrible. It isn't terrible, far from it, but before we have children I feel that we need to be able to work better as a team, communicate more effectively, and have a more Christ-centered relationship. Prayers and advice would be greatly appreciated.
  23. Hi family. i married my wife at a point where i was desperate to get my greencard. However she was married before & got divorced because according to her, her hisband was not treating her right & she made effort for counselling but he did not change. She claimed he was cheating but with no specific evidence except gor the text messages she found on his phone. we met & dated for 3months and been married going 4months now. She loves me a lot & we understand eachother very much. I did pray to God to show me if it was going to be a wrong decision before i went but i didnt seem to hear anything from God. I remember the pastor who counselled us asked us, on a scale of 1-10 how much do we want to get married. I said "honestly, a 7" & she said 8. I do my best everyday to be a good person & fearing God. Looking back, my conscience pricks me because deep deep down in me, i was in it for my papers. However, My papers is yet to arrive but i want to ask for forgiveness from her, her parents & God and return to my home country. Is it right in the sight of God? Is it still a sin regardless? Can i be free from her after confessing?
  24. SwordMaster

    Looking for some wisdom...

    I need some helpful wisdom in the area of Christian marriage...but before I throw everything out there, are there any takers? Blessings!
  25. I knew for a while almost a year something was up with my husband. I met him a six years ago and when we were engaged 5 years ago I saw that he was Facebooking his ex girlfriend asking her how she was doing and etc. I confronted him about it he said he deleted her from Facebook and stopped messaging her. A few months later I just happened to have a gut feeling and looked at his phone and he was still messaging her this time not on Facebook but via his phone. A few weeks after that I found out he was facebooking a friend that he used to like he told me to meet her at a bar. He begged me for forgiveness he wanted to get married he apologized and stated that he was thinking of his ex girlfriend because her mother died and for his family friend he wanted to innocently catch up with her. I did so many things for this guy, helped him get his first apartment, his first teaching job, learn to drive, first car, and etc. I fell for the excuses forgave him got married and now have a 2 year old son. This summer he told asked me what would I do if he cheated? That I couldn't blame him. Something along those lines, I was shocked. Then 2 months ago we bought a luxury car I wanted to drive it he stated that it is his car it is in his name why do I want to drive it. (CRAZY, I am his wife and mother of his son). Fast forward to Feb/March 2017, this man posted seriously innappropiate photos of one his classmates, he is pursuing his masters, at her birthday party. I was disturbed by the photos and asked him to take it down he did not immediately; but several hours later after I asked multiple times he did. I was alarmed A few days after that I got access to his phone and saw all the pictures on his phone and a video of the same girl and it was focused on her chest. My heart dropped I realized that he really did have a sexual attraction to this person and probably had sex with her. The NEXT day I went into his phone again and saw text messages to another woman this time his coworker. about 30-40 text messages a day, asking her what she wanted for breakfast, her favorite foods, that he had a dream about her, quoting scriptures, saying that he would pray for her.(Stuff he doesn't do for me). He doesn't even want to go to church or pray or read the bible with me. What really got me is that he told her that he had a dream about her that God stated her name 3 times. I was and still am very upset I feel betrayed, we are in counseling he admitted that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be married since the summer time and that is when his coworker was first hired. I don't trust him. I did alot for him, when I met him he was working part-time renting a room and I did everything for him becuase I loved him and now within 5 years he is a teacher, in masters program, went from renting a room to an apartment, and owning a house, knows how to drive and etc. I am not the type to clean up a man and etc, but I fell in love with him and my gift is organization and etc. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with someone who was committed and loyal to me. When we were engaged he showed me that he wasn't but I fell for the apology. Now we are married and I clearly see that he most likely had sex and that he is a PHONY. I am so conflicted I am a Christian and wanted to be married for life. Has anyone here forgiven their husband and/or significant other and they have changed and you lead a good life. The lying and the phoniness scares me to death it is so scary and I feel like he has had sex with another person and I am so scared what my life has become.