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Found 53 results

  1. Unstable Marriage Worsens

    This will be a long post as there is a lot going on in my life right now. For years I've been the victim of my husband's verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse. It has contributed to my PTSD which I got from extreme childhood abuse. Two weeks ago my husband decided to threaten me. He's threatened me before about various things. This time he hit me where it really hurts. Anything to do with death triggers me and then increases my PTSD. My husband knows I'm triggered by death. He threatened me with suicide if he doesn't get a puppy by July. I'm not quite ready for a puppy. One thing led to another and I took him to my therapy appointment. The whole session turned out to be all about my husband and his problems. I never asked for my therapist to step in and "take care of" my husband. The point was to address my husband's threatening behavior. Any time I attempted to say a single word, I was essentially told to shut up. She didn't say those exact words. I tried to comment on his threat to take his life and was told that I shouldn't taint our beautiful relationship with the one incident of abuse. When I first started seeing my therapist back in August of 2017 I attempted to tell her several times that my husband was a mental/emotional abuser. However she wanted to see this rosy picture of two vagabonds traveling all around the Pacific Northwest. Once, I tried to explain that I was coerced into moving to one place. My husband harped on me for nearly two weeks until I caved. I started to explain this to my therapist and she shut me down saying she only wanted to hear about my vagabond adventures. Every time I shared something she would bring me back to the topic thus silencing me. She's even told me she thought he was a saint to put up with me and my PTSD. This whole way in which she created a false narrative of my life in her head is what she then based our appointment on this last Thursday, 8 March 2018. Half way through the appointment she sensed something else was going on, and yet she never stopped the conversation between her and my husband. And she continued to isolate me from the two of them as if therapy was now my husband and her. She is my therapist. Period. When the appointment was finished I was left gutted and shocked that I had been cast aside and disregarded. That I had been silenced. I then I had to pay for my husband's therapy appointment. Huh? This is my worst nightmare; another therapist turning on me and a woman. I've had three women therapists become controlling on me, nearly destroying my life in the process. This therapist is one of those three. It took everything within me to see her the first time due to past abuse by female therapists. After this current therapy session I did two things. I told my husband how I felt about what happened. And I called my therapist and told her that she just messed me up big time. That she didn't know what she had done to me. And that I didn't know whether I could ever see her again. On Friday she called and I couldn't keep it together long enough to make it through the whole phone conversation. I started bawling, not just crying, and finally told her I couldn't talk any more. I hung up. I haven't heard from her since. Part of the conversation was her realizing in the middle of the therapy session that something wasn't right. She never stopped things though. She kept going with them. She never apologized to me on the phone. Though she tried to make it look like she had done everything right. Not true. I tried to tell her the real story of my life and she didn't want to hear it. She wanted to believe that I had a fairy tale life as an adult. On Friday I also told my husband that I had had it and wanted a divorce. I felt used after the therapy appointment and livid after his abusive words. I had promised myself back in 2015 that if my husband ever was abusive again that I'd leave him. This was a promise I made to myself. Since Friday and Saturday I've poured out my anger and hurt on my husband, that which belongs to him not the anger and hurt I have toward my therapist. My husband apologized again and again. I've accepted his apology and yet I know this means he'll go right back to doing it again as evidenced by his continued and ongoing abuse. Now he finally understands that his mental/emotional abuse is just like physical abuse, just like a broken bone except on the inside. No one sees it. No one knows that it exists. That shook him to the core getting this part. At the same time he remembered an incident which happened as a child where his father had emotionally abused him and how it hurt and still hurts. And the fact that I forced him into an anger management course back in 2004/5 where he told me repeatedly that he's not like those men in there: He doesn't break bones and send me to the hospital. Anyway he gets it now. It is the same. He is like those men. And he said that he doesn't want to treat me like this any more. He doesn't know why he does it to me. And he's willing to go to therapy. He's been in therapy before and never focused on his issues. Instead he complained about mine and his son's problems. This time he says he's willing to deal with his issues. My husband is 75 years old this year! He doesn't want to lose this marriage. He finally gets that he's got a serious problem. He admits that he's causing most of the problems in this marriage. This is a first. My husband has promised to start looking for a therapist on Monday. So my prayer requests are many fold: For me For him For my therapist For our marriage For finding the right therapist for my husband And who knows what else... and the renovation of our kitchen and bathroom are not finished because of him stalling and putting it off due to him wanting a puppy and refusing to do anything. Right now I can barely function due to the PTSD being completely out of whack from my husband's abuse and my therapist's total disregard for my well being. Thank you for reading this super long prayer request.
  2. My husband is not a believer. He was when we married, but changes his mind soon after. Now he doesn't know. Anyway he is open to having children for the first time in our marriage but I'm not sure about doing that because of the difference in faith. Open to any thoughts.
  3. Hey Worthy people, I have a serious dilemma. I've been praying, reading Scripture, googling, and there's no clear answer so far so I'm still pursuing wisdom on this. I am about to complete a technology degree and would qualify for a better paying job than the one I have now. In doing so, I'd make more money than my husband. We've talked about it before. He says he wouldn't mind. Has anyone ( especially women) been convicted on this issue? Does it always put those in a marriage at odds? I don't want to act with the wrong motives. I would love to be a stay at home mom with my children. But I also love technology. Almost constantly, I feel like I am having to choose as if I couldn't possibly take a better paying tech job because that would be less Godly.
  4. So, hello everyone. Sharing something personal, so here goes... I've been married 18 months and I am realising that I'm married to a man who lacks communication skills. Don't know how other husbands are... But he doesn't talk much with me even after I've requested that I need him to talk with me more (and I plan dates etc to make this happen but still even there he'll be silent). He makes no effort with things that make me happy like he's never bought me flowers, never randomly text or called, hasn't initiated quality time and dates etc. He has stopped initiating and making effort. I feel he's going through something and I ask him if anything is bothering him but he says no. I know there's some tension due to a work issue but we are managing well. What advice can you give? PS... we are Christians and go to church.
  5. The past few days have been a bunch of small things that can easily have been fixed. my husband refuses to talk about things and it is like pulling teeth to get any of his feelings out of him. I told him i need him to communicate things with me so we can both work on things together. he thinks im trying to change him and that's just "how he is." which i explained is not true. it's a behavior things. how can we work on this? he went to bed still angry at me. I know in the Bible it talks about if someone becomes angry do not go to bed angry. So it really hurt me that he did. He's told me before that he just likes to be angry sometimes and he can't just get over it even after the problem has been dealt with. Please pray for our relationship. We just got married this December.
  6. Good Morning Friends! We have an article I would like to share with you all that my husband wrote on our marriages and the relationship we have with Jesus Christ. Come check it out and let me know what you think! https://abideandseek.com/7-powerful-goals-for-your-marriage/ Be Blessed! Nick & Leah 7 Powerful Goals For Your Marriage If the only goal for your marriage is to achieve some form of happiness, then you are missing out on the amazing things God has planned for you and your spouse. “… ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:5-6. Marriage is a truly beautiful thing. Two becoming one joined together by God. It’s easy to lose sight of this powerful truth. We need to remember that we are no longer individuals, but one flesh and our actions and goals should represent that. I myself have not been married long, so it’s hard for me to truly speak of what it is like to be married for a long period of time. However, I feel that no matter how long you have been married to your spouse, it’s always important to have goals for your relationship. Establishing goals in every aspect of your life is important. It helps us set targets and motivates us to press forward. When we have goals, we can gauge our “progress” and adjust accordingly as opposed to walking blindly. In my own life, I have set goals for physical and spiritual fitness and have seen awesome changes in both areas. Now that I am a married man, there are certain goals I have implemented into my marriage. One of the most important things to do when setting goals for your life is to have a primary goal. For a truly abundant fruitful life, this main goal needs to be focused on life in Jesus Christ. Through Him, all life, blessing, and love flow. Here are 7 powerful goals for your marriage and the overarching theme of these goals is “focus”. This world is full of distractions looking to steal your focus, but when we have set goals we can direct our focus. If we can focus first on Christ and second on our marriage, our relationship with our spouse will flourish like never before! 7 Powerful Goals For Your Marriage 1. Focus On Companionship I wanted to start this list off with companionship because this is the root of all relationships. We need to spend quality time together if we want our relationships to flourish. As a couple, we should be setting aside time to just be alone and enjoy each others company. God initially made Eve because he saw that it “was not good” that Adam was alone. When we don’t focus on companionship, separation begins to occur within any relationship. I have so many friends from my past that I thought I would be friends with forever but now I don’t even speak to. Not because anything negative occurred within the relationship, but merely because we didn’t remain focused on companionship and taking time to keep in touch. When we focus on companionship and spending quality time with each other, we allow ourselves to stay close and committed to a healthy intimate relationship. This focus can be easily maintained by setting up a date night at least once a month. Even if this is just a private dinner for two in your own home! 2. Focus On Communication “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:19-20 This scripture can radically change the way you communicate not only with your spouse but with everyone. This is why a strong focus on Jesus Christ can change every aspect of your life. It can be hard to hold your tongue and to really listen when conversations began to get heated. We always feel like we need to get the last word or that our spouse is just not listening to our point. The truth of the matter is, that we are often the ones not listening because we are so focused on trying to convey our position as the correct one. Focusing on trying to “win” an argument with our spouse will always ultimately lead to a loss in some form in the end. However, if our focus is on glorifying God in all situations, this can change the conversation around quickly. Being slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to become angry is only possible if we care about producing the righteousness God desires. If we can get to this point in our relationship with Jesus, it can completely change the way we communicate with our spouse and lead to less arguing and more growth within our marriage. 3. Focus On Intimacy True intimacy goes far beyond the bedroom and it truly begins with intimacy with Jesus Christ. If we examine the world we see that all things that are born are a product of intimacy. It’s important to realize that this truth also applies to our relationship with our Lord and Savior. What many need in their marriage isn’t to fix the things that are broken but to breath new life into the relationship. There is only one who is able to create something truly new and that is the author and creator of all things, Jesus Christ. Through intimacy, with Jesus Christ, we can see a new spiritual birth in our marriages. Remember, that when we were joined together in biblical marriage we become one flesh. We need to work together in all things, this includes our spiritual growth. You may have an awesome relationship with Jesus and the same may be true of your spouse. But what does your marital relationship with Jesus look like? What I’m trying to say is how much intimate time do you spend together with Jesus with your spouse? How often do you read the word together? How often do you pray together? How often do you serve together? When you focus on intimacy together with Jesus Christ, you will drastically change the level of intimacy with your spouse. Remember, intimacy goes far beyond the physical realm and truly blooms through a spiritual relationship with Jesus. 4. Focus On Forgiveness “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 True forgiveness can often be a hard thing to do. Not to just tell someone that you forgive them, but to put their transgression behind you and out of mind. It’s important to remember that we are all going to make mistakes from time to time. Though some mistakes may seem worse than others, there is never any mistake that it’s too extreme to forgive. When we focus on Christ’s example, how he was willing to lay down his life for us and for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, how could we not show the same love to our spouse? Remember, your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Don’t let that someone be the unity of you and your spouse; forgiveness leads to strength and healing. 5. Focus On Prayer As a couple, we have an amazing advantage when it comes to praying. We all need to make sure we are setting aside specific times to pray together with our spouses. Honestly, Leah and I probably don’t spend enough time praying together. Don’t get me wrong, we do pray together from time to time and it is always such an awesome time of intimacy with Jesus. Every time we do pray together, we see such an amazing response and always seem to get powerful direct answers to those prayers. The effectiveness of these prayers is not just coincidence. Scripture makes this clear in Matthew chapter 18. “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:19-20 We should make a decision to pray together daily and be taking advantage of the power of two agreeing and asking God for strength, power, and growth within our marriage. 6. Focus On Giving Giving is such a massive part of our walk with Jesus Christ. This not only means giving of our money but also of our time, attention, and love. Maybe you have always been a giving person and maybe you still are. The same could be true for your spouse. The question is how much are you giving as a couple? When you are filling up on Jesus as a couple, you should allow the overflow of what God is doing in you to pour out into the world around you. This can be accomplished by volunteering together and teaming up together, using the gifts God has provided to each of you to effectively serve. To learn more about using the gifts God has given you to serve the body, check out our article called The Body of The Church: Each Part Matters. The most important thing to remember when giving is to do so out of love, expecting nothing in return. Remember, that God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son. Out of our love for Him, we need to be willing to give freely. 7. Focus On Ministry One of the greatest things you can do as a couple is to start a ministry. In the process of creating this ministry, you are able to develop new bonds that you wouldn’t develop through other aspects of your relationship. To most, the idea of starting a ministry together may seem daunting or overwhelming. But your ministry doesn’t necessarily have to be a massive undertaking. It could be as simple as finding a need in your community and meeting it together. The greatest thing about deciding to start a ministry is that it allows you to have a more direct focus on serving the Lord. Before starting Abide and Seek, Leah and I started out by serving in other ways, such as volunteering and serving the local food pantry. These are still things that we do but with Abide and Seek we are spending every day together in the word and focusing on using this ministry to spread the light of Jesus throughout the world and help others grow in their relationship with Jesus. A ministry is not only a great way to serve together, but it also helps strengthen your relationship and Love for each other as you get to constantly see the gifts of your spouse on display glorifying God. With the new year here, many of us have probably set different goals for this year. If we want to see real growth and development within our marriage, we should make sure our marriage takes priority on our list of goals. Above all, remember that setting a goal is all about focus. We talked about focusing on companionship, communications, intimacy, forgiveness, prayer, giving, and ministry. These most definitely do not need to be the same for every marriage. You should use this article as a blueprint or merely as inspiration to come up with your own goals for you and your spouse. Either way, no matter how things are currently going in your marriage, there are always ways to improve and grow together. When we allow our first focus to be on Jesus and second on our spouse, we allow God to do great things with our marriage!
  7. How To Find Your Soulmate

    Hello Friends! We have another article to share with you all, this one pertaining to relationships. Nick did an awesome job on this article titled, " How To Find Your Soulmate". He incorporated related scripture, personal advice, and what it means biblically to have a "soulmate". So I invite you to come check it out and share with someone who may be struggling with their current marriage or struggling to find their " soulmate". Be Blessed, Nick & Leah Co-founders of Abide and Seek
  8. Marriage!

    Hello, I'm new here but I really know what else to do. I talk to my friends, preacher, and whoever else I feel comfortable with. But I still have issues, no matter how much I pray or do whatever. A little bit of back ground... I was saved when I was just a little boy, but didn't really ever follow Christ. At least until about a year ago. But I met my wife in high school in 2000 and we dated until 2005 when we got married. We had our first child in 2007 and our second in 2008. Just like any couple we had ups and downs but we always tried to move past them. I didn't ever help the situation by not caring nor stopping to listen. I always would get upset and frustrated because I always felt it was the same thing over and over. It was always me who would do something dumb and get mad at her when she'd find out and not tell the whole truth. I always thought that it didn't matter that much and she'd just get over it. I didn't ever pshycially cheat but I did emotionally, I didn't care. I did love my wife but I had a horrible way of showing it. Even though Id always act like a fool she'd always do the right thing and try to bring me back to my senses, but I didn't listen! Back a few years ago things got pretty bad and we decided to separate and see where that went. Well I thought that was what I wanted then but she begged me to come home and I did. The next few years I kept the same feeling that I didn't want to be married and I was better off single. Well if you speak it long enough it'll come true! Back in September of 2016 she and I decided to call it quits. Then in June of 2017 I moved out into my own place. Not long after I moved out that's when my life was shattered! I found out a lot of things that I never would've imagined. I found her with another man and also found out that she had been sexually active with him and two other men. I cant tell you what that did to me!! At first I acted like a fool and I did some ridiculous things, things that Id never had done! After I settled down a little bit I turned back to God for help! I gave my life back to him and started to devote everything to him. I have asked him time and time again to help me understand and see what to do. I have learned that he'll tear you down to bring you back to him and that your relationship with him is more important than a marriage. I feel like that's what he's done! I try to talk to her and to hopefully get somewhere with her but she thinks she's "in love". She says that she's happy, he makes her happy and if it weren't Gods plan then why would she feel like she does. I get so frustrated with this situation and I want to act out and be a fool but I know that wont do anything. I forgot to mention that between the both of us we've lost everyone parental wise. She found her momma dead in her bed while her parents were going thru a separation themselves. I'm at a loss and I don't know what to do. I feel like God's telling me that we'll be back together one day. An I know that his timing is perfect and I have to be patient, I'm trying so hard! I continue to stay confused because I hear her and others tell me to just move on. I go back and forth trying to make sure that it's God telling me to stand for our marriage. There is always so much going on in my head that I cant hear him clear and I just want it to STOP! I sometimes feel like I need to move on but when I do I feel...guilt. I still have issues with lust and things like that. That makes me feel like.. well I know that I'm in no way ready for God to mend our marriage. But why do I feel he's telling me he will? I've gotten to the point with a lot of friends that they don't want to even talk to me. I don't have any family other than my kids, so I'm just left to sit and think and dwell. UGH.. I just want to know what to do and how to handle it all!!
  9. Hi! I just hope someone could enlighten me with some christian advice that would help me get through with this. Its me finding it hard how to deal with my emotions everytime my husband gets to hang out with his friends, though he goes out very seldom just during reunions in his school-day friends & classmates. Our relationship is great no doubt we love each other have all the time for each other and grows better everytime. I just notice for three years of marriage I don’t know why it felt uncomfortable whenever he spend his time with them and enjoy their company. I admit, I’m a stay-at-home mom, an aloof type who doesn’t go out with friends always unlike him, being a leader on his school-day pals & is a friend to everybody. It felt bad like I’m ruining his social life. On the other hand I feel like I’m no part of it whenever he goes home and doesn’t share to me what had happened. Its like I’m missing a piece of his life that I don’t know about. I have no problem with our common circle of friends. He even spent all of his time to us his son everyday. However, I can’t deny the fact that it makes me uncomfortable when me and my son left out at home while he takes time with others and asking me to extend few more hours with them. The other thing is that one of his college friends is his ex’s but they’re good friends now but regardless, I feel the same way with his other friends. Do I make myself selfish? I’ve been honest with him with this situation, we did talked and Ive tried to embrace this situation and get along with it but the moment he can’t limit his time it pisses me off and makes me feel less-priority. Its kinda unhealthy for our marriage and I need some fixin’.. Thanks. What are your thoughts? What were your experiences? Am I not alone?
  10. Daily Reading 28 If you prefer, you can look up the following verses in your own Bible, of by whatever means and in whatever version you choose. Luke 20:27-47 Genesis 37 Psalm 28 Audio 5:07 Audio 4:56 Audio 1:28 The above addresses are linked to Bible Gateway. That is an easy way to read (or listen to) the Bible verses, and choose your version. Personally, I prefer written, that way I can go at my own pace, on think about it, before moving on. Nothing wrong with doing either or both. The Bible says faith comes by hearing. See the picture below to get an idea of what to expect if you follow the above links. Note: The audio will not play the exact verses, it will play the whole chapters, in which the verses exist. Thank you Lord for making the your word so accessible for us in these times. Amen
  11. Me and my wife eloped 5 years ago in our kitchen. We were new in our faith and got married because of God but technically not under God. We had a woman marry us so it was all very quick and unformal. Now we always agreed to have an actual wedding but we have tried planning and failed to complete everything for the 3rd time this year since we 1st tried in 2013. This time around we have already put a deposit on a venue and have already paid in full on everything except for cake, photographer and DJ. My best man had a very intimate wedding with his wife at our old church building. He believes that we shouldn't spend the money on our wedding and that we should do something small and intimate to Glorify God like he did. Of course hearing this hurts but I understand here he coming from. However I cant shake the fact that everyone else I know except for 1 other couple had a large formal wedding and got married in faith. I feel like we are being robbed of our moment but I dont want to be vain and get married just because, I want to have something nice to look back on. I don't see the issue but maybe it's my flesh talking. I need advice and prayer because I'm starting to feel depressed about the situation. Could it be jealousy or are we really dishonoring the Lord by have a "large" wedding?
  12. I need help can anyone assist me
  13. Hello all, My husband and I have been together about 5 years and we have a 1 year old. We have had a few issues with him lying and drinking. When he drinks (which is very rare) he turns into a whole other person. The other night he drank some alcohol late around 930 and said he just wanted to relax and get some work done because he normally works on the computer at night. I woke up the next morning and he had left his phone on the counter and the alarm was going off. I turned it off and noticed he had a new email asking for pictures... I scrolled down and saw he had messaged that person . My heart sank. He was looking in the m4m section on Craigslist and messaged multiple men. I only saw one other message and then immediately went upstairs to confront him. He hurried and deleted the messages and said he doesn't know what came over him or why he would do that. He swears he isn't attracted to men but I feel there must be an underlying issue. I said he wouldn't message men and be willing to act on it if he hadn't dabbled in that area before. He is going to seek counseling but he can't meet with anyone until Tuesday afternoon. I am hurt. I don't know who to talk to. I'm beyond embarrassed and feel disgusted. I don't know what to to or how to move past this. I keep seeing the 2 messages I saw over and over again. I'm a stay at home mom and I just can't stop thinking about this. Please if you have any advice let me know. Prayers are very appreciated in this hard time. Thank you...
  14. If a spouse is spending out of control is it a violation of oneness to have separate checking accounts?
  15. Just having turned 40 years old a couple of months ago feels like a huge burden on my shoulders that keep getting bigger and bigger. I feel like the whole world is out to get me. I've been married for the 2nd time for 1 year (my first husband passed away unexpectedly 5 years ago). I feel like I have the weight of the entire world on me; from helping my mom who doesn't drive or speak English, to secretly dealing with my step-daughter who is acting up and getting in trouble with the law, to trying to keep my husband in line and away from his crazy, dangerous past, to dealing with chronic illness and continuous pain; to dealing with not been able to have kids; to all kinds of financial problems. And those are just the things that are going on right now, there are plenty more things I've had to endure in my entire life. All those pains, all those troubles make me feel like I am always chasing an ounce of happiness that will never be attained. I look up to God and I ask, why so much, why all the time and all I hear is silence. Whether He forgot about me or He's giving me the silent treatment, I don't understand. Giving up is all I can think about, but even in giving up I'm letting Him down and doing what He doesn't want me to do, I guess. But what other way out is there from all this pain, all this suffering, all this craziness? If we are all going to die at the end, why try to avoid the inevitable. How can I learn to live without caring? Without giving a second thought to my mother's situation, to the relationship with my brother, to the relapses my husband continues to have over and over. When there are no shattered dreams only because there's no strength to even dream, how can you find the strength to go on. I guess all I can ask, is how do I end the suffering when He shines his face away from me all the time.
  16. My husband and I have been married for almost two years. He is a wonderful Christain man. He loves giving back to the church, dedicating himself to helping family and church family, he is hard working, and so much more. When we first met I immediately knew he was different than most people and that he processes things differently. It is very difficult for him to put himself in someone else's shoes, or understand that others interpret situations differently than he does. There is no ill-will towards anyone, he just cannot empathize well and often misinterprets or misses nuances of meaning. I know this and try to adjust my interactions with him accordingly, but I feel like effective communication is always a struggle. I want to find a better way to communicate with him and to help our marriage grow. When I tell him that I want to connect more and grow our marriage he becomes offended and interprets it as me saying he is a bad husband and our relationship is terrible, which is not the case. When I try to clarify my meaning he shuts down or becomes angry. I have attempted to follow advice saying to dedicate myself to biblical wifely duties and pray that he will become more active and open to growing our marriage. However, it seems the more I dedicate myself to selflessly serving him the more he takes for granted what I do and the more he begins to expect it. If I fail or forget something, like washing his undershirts, he rebukes me as if I am a child that has misbehaved. When I try to tell him how I feel he shuts down or gets upset. So I have tried to be more subtle. I asked if we could start reading the bible together and praying before bed, but again he interpreted it as me saying our marriage is terrible. It isn't terrible, far from it, but before we have children I feel that we need to be able to work better as a team, communicate more effectively, and have a more Christ-centered relationship. Prayers and advice would be greatly appreciated.
  17. Hi family. i married my wife at a point where i was desperate to get my greencard. However she was married before & got divorced because according to her, her hisband was not treating her right & she made effort for counselling but he did not change. She claimed he was cheating but with no specific evidence except gor the text messages she found on his phone. we met & dated for 3months and been married going 4months now. She loves me a lot & we understand eachother very much. I did pray to God to show me if it was going to be a wrong decision before i went but i didnt seem to hear anything from God. I remember the pastor who counselled us asked us, on a scale of 1-10 how much do we want to get married. I said "honestly, a 7" & she said 8. I do my best everyday to be a good person & fearing God. Looking back, my conscience pricks me because deep deep down in me, i was in it for my papers. However, My papers is yet to arrive but i want to ask for forgiveness from her, her parents & God and return to my home country. Is it right in the sight of God? Is it still a sin regardless? Can i be free from her after confessing?
  18. Looking for some wisdom...

    I need some helpful wisdom in the area of Christian marriage...but before I throw everything out there, are there any takers? Blessings!
  19. I knew for a while almost a year something was up with my husband. I met him a six years ago and when we were engaged 5 years ago I saw that he was Facebooking his ex girlfriend asking her how she was doing and etc. I confronted him about it he said he deleted her from Facebook and stopped messaging her. A few months later I just happened to have a gut feeling and looked at his phone and he was still messaging her this time not on Facebook but via his phone. A few weeks after that I found out he was facebooking a friend that he used to like he told me to meet her at a bar. He begged me for forgiveness he wanted to get married he apologized and stated that he was thinking of his ex girlfriend because her mother died and for his family friend he wanted to innocently catch up with her. I did so many things for this guy, helped him get his first apartment, his first teaching job, learn to drive, first car, and etc. I fell for the excuses forgave him got married and now have a 2 year old son. This summer he told asked me what would I do if he cheated? That I couldn't blame him. Something along those lines, I was shocked. Then 2 months ago we bought a luxury car I wanted to drive it he stated that it is his car it is in his name why do I want to drive it. (CRAZY, I am his wife and mother of his son). Fast forward to Feb/March 2017, this man posted seriously innappropiate photos of one his classmates, he is pursuing his masters, at her birthday party. I was disturbed by the photos and asked him to take it down he did not immediately; but several hours later after I asked multiple times he did. I was alarmed A few days after that I got access to his phone and saw all the pictures on his phone and a video of the same girl and it was focused on her chest. My heart dropped I realized that he really did have a sexual attraction to this person and probably had sex with her. The NEXT day I went into his phone again and saw text messages to another woman this time his coworker. about 30-40 text messages a day, asking her what she wanted for breakfast, her favorite foods, that he had a dream about her, quoting scriptures, saying that he would pray for her.(Stuff he doesn't do for me). He doesn't even want to go to church or pray or read the bible with me. What really got me is that he told her that he had a dream about her that God stated her name 3 times. I was and still am very upset I feel betrayed, we are in counseling he admitted that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be married since the summer time and that is when his coworker was first hired. I don't trust him. I did alot for him, when I met him he was working part-time renting a room and I did everything for him becuase I loved him and now within 5 years he is a teacher, in masters program, went from renting a room to an apartment, and owning a house, knows how to drive and etc. I am not the type to clean up a man and etc, but I fell in love with him and my gift is organization and etc. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with someone who was committed and loyal to me. When we were engaged he showed me that he wasn't but I fell for the apology. Now we are married and I clearly see that he most likely had sex and that he is a PHONY. I am so conflicted I am a Christian and wanted to be married for life. Has anyone here forgiven their husband and/or significant other and they have changed and you lead a good life. The lying and the phoniness scares me to death it is so scary and I feel like he has had sex with another person and I am so scared what my life has become.
  20. Washington State Supreme Court Upholds Ruling Declaring Florist Must Service ‘Gay Weddings’ From a portion of the newsletter, emphasis mine: “We had gone to Arlene’s for many years and enjoyed her service. She did a great job for us, so it was just natural for us to go there to have her do our flowers,” Freed told KUOW radio. Stutzman stated that she politely explained that she would not be able to help in regard to the event, but referred him to three other florists that could be of assistance. “I just took his hands and said, ‘I’m sorry. I cannot do your wedding because of my relationship with Jesus Christ,’” (the florist) Stutzman told reporters. But after Ingersoll decided to post on Facebook about the matter, controversy arose on both sides of the issue—both for and against Stutzman. The florist said that she received a number of threatening and angry comments. “It blew way out of proportion,” Stutzman explained. “I’ve had hate mail. I’ve had people that want to burn my building. I’ve had people that will never shop here again and [vow to] tell all their friends.” "...Rob Ingersoll and I have been friends since very nearly the first time he walked into my shop all those years ago,” Stutzman said in a statement following the decision. “There was never an issue with his being gay, just as there hasn’t been with any of my other customers or employees. He just enjoyed my custom floral designs, and I loved creating them for him.” “But now the state is trying to use this case to force me to create artistic expression that violates my deepest beliefs and take away my life’s work and savings, which will also harm those who I employ,” she continued. “I’m not asking for anything that our Constitution hasn’t promised me and every other American: the right to create freely, and to live out my faith without fear of government punishment or interference.” Stutzman now plans to appeal her case to the U.S. Supreme Court.
  21. Marriage of the Israelites was very different from our western marriage of today. Although there is a great amount no known know about Israelite marriage, it customs and bindings, the biblical references that speak on this essential topic us that many Israelite marriage customs were very different than those our modern western societies. Number one,it is known that Israelite girls were expected to have maintained their virginity when they got married—and according to Deuteronomy Chap 22:1 could even be put to death if they were found not to be—men were allowed to marry multiple women. It is hard to know how common polygamy, unacceptable as it is now, which entailed a husband the right of being married to more than one woman, really was in ancient Israel. Also, certain evidence tells us that compared to wifes, the husband had more control over whom they married. For example, Samson chooses his own wife in Judges 14, even though his parents disapprove of the match speaks of a somewhat strong, somewhat independent degree of independence for men for selecting a mate. Most likely, young girls of age were married around puberty whereas young men were somewhat older than who they were marrying. Though unions were generally based more on economic or social considerations than romantic ones, some texts, including the Song of Songs, show us that ideas of passion and romantic love were also not only present but strong in ancient Israel. Number two In order to marry woman, a man would give her father a gift called the Mohar that would officaily seal and begin the betrothal between betrothed. Betrothal was, and today still is, a much firmer commitment than today’s engagement. Though one might think of the betrothal Mohar as a purchase price, this is inaccurate. Anthropologists call this gift “bridewealth.” It is found in many societies throughout the world and is not considered human sale by the people of those cultures—Israelite wives were never thought of as slaves in biblical times, though Israelite men sometimes did their marry slave women or servants. Some length of time after the betrothal, wedding festivities, often involving several or even weeks of feasting, would occur. The relationship between husbands and wives was not as equal in the ancient Near East as in modern Western Society, including Israel. Ba‘al, one of the Hebrew words for “husband,” also meant “lord” or “master,” and many Israelite men had life-and-death power over women in the case of adultery, which in ancient Israel involved a woman having sex outside of her marriage or a man having sex with another man’s wife. Men, though, could have multiple wives and concubines and were allowed to go to prostitutes, thus monogamy was a one-way street in this culture.And is the main reason prompting Jesus to to say the rules for divorce in the Gospel of Matthew... Matthew 19:9 "And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." Finally, i say in a firm, final summarization , not all biblical texts are in agreement on every issue regarding marriage perhaps it changed with the constant struggle between conservatism and liberality in different tribes climates and Eras, More suggesting that different Israelite communities and authors had diverse and sometimes colliding viewpoints on more male dominant or gender equal marriage and that Israelite viewpoints evolved over time. Many biblical customs would be unfamiliar or even objectionable to many people living in our present- day Sex obsessed western societies today. Still, when we read the impassioned romantic poetry of the Song of Songs, we realize that some things, don't, never can, and never will change with love and marriage, Thank you.
  22. I need help that only God can give me, strength that I don't have, joy and peace that has been shaken, and I'm fighting fear, which is not of God. It's been a week since my wife left me. She had distanced herself from me and I confronted her and, long story short, she said that she didn't want this. She said that she doesn't want to be married anymore. This came out of nowhere and it completely rocked my world. She wants a different type of life. She says that she's missed out on some things and she wants to pursue them without the entanglements of commitment or the weight of marriage. But she has not asked for divorce. She's been out of the house sleeping at a friend's house who has a vacant room. To keep the kids secure, she's coming in before they wake up so that she can take them to school; then she picks them up and is here until my 11yr old goes to bed for the night; then she's gone. We went to church as a family and also shared Thanksgiving, however that was the worse thanksgiving I've ever had. This is a satanic attack and he wants to destroy my marriage, kids, and ministry. I instantly saw my children's future and it frightened and saddened me. I've explained this to her, but she's blinded by the enemy. I love her so deeply. I am depressed, lonely and sad. I fought for understanding and tried every logical and theological argument that she would tolerate. FTR, I don't believe she's sleeping around. She's a descent woman and she loves the Lord, but she's seduced by Satan and doesn't know it. Her heart has grown hard and cold to the influence of God's word. God has revealed to me that she will be back, but the pain doesn't go away...the fear doesn't either. I just gave it to God and told her that I won't stress her anymore over it. I told her that I would support her aspirations, and I would be here for her in whatever way she needed me to reach her goals. But this is so risky and I know it's an satanic attempt to rip our lives apart. Without God's intervention I'm witnessing the beginning of the end of my marriage. This hurts beyond description. I don't know what to do other than cry, support her and love her pray for her. Anything else will only serve to drive a wedge between us. There's still a connection and there's still hope. I'm open to ideas or testimonies that may give me hope. I don't understand, and I'm severely depressed. I don't eat and I've lost 10 lbs since she told me last week. I'm praying that everything falls back in place. Pray that I be the man that she needs. Pray that she has the success that she needs while our marriage is still intact, so that she won't think that even with this Arrangement it still is an obstacle that needs to be removed. Pray that God softens her heart and restore her affection for me. Pray that the Lord bring restoration to our relationship. Of course my heart is broken. I am devastated. I am undone. But I believe that the effectual fervent prayer of the righteous will avail. I believe that if we ask and I will receive my wife back. I need prayer for strength so that I can endure this. Thank you, pray my strength in the Lord.
  23. So long story short, my husband of a little over a year cannot get over what my life was before I make a Christian(aka the many sexual partners I had). At he beginning I lied about the number because I was terrified of him leaving me, but eventually the truth came out. It hurts. He says he will never leave me but will never be able to forget it. I don't want to live my entire life knowing that. My entire life feeling dirty. I don't know what to do.
  24. Knowing if we are marriage ready

    Recently a young man asked me how one knows when one is mature enough for marriage. I responded to him, with some thoughts that went beyond his specific question. I am about to include my reply here. I should add though that some of these principles are for men and women both, and can also be considered in other aspect of life in addition to marriage. Also, I would like to add, that before getting married, I think it is wise (in terms of human wisdom, not Biblical revelation) for people to consider carefully the idea of being established as individuals before starting life in marriage. Finances, careers, education, and other skills in living, can go a long way to reducing the stresses that marriages can encounter. When considering marriage, good, Christian pre-marital counseling can be a very good thing. Try not to start off a marriage with financial problems. Learn about another before learning about them in marriage. Be aware that people often put their best foot forward during courtship, only to become lazy in marriage, revealing their true character. Be careful people, this is a life long commitment, and you do not want to make mistakes here. In my country (U.S.A.), it has become common practice to engage in a ritual we call dating. Unfortunately, dating often interferes with learning about one another. We have a tendency to make dating about being entertained in each other's presence. We go to a movie, or a theme park, or a restaurant, things like that. That can be enjoyable, but it typically prevents us from having meaningful communication about things we need to know about each other. I think it would be better, to meet with other people, more often than going out on a date. I suggest that being around people who are more experienced in life, especially people who already have long term, successful marriages. It is not the most enjoyable way to spend time perhaps, but it is a better way to learn about each other and focus on important things, than watching the latest Fast and Furious movie. Group Bible studies and prayer meetings, even getting together with others for fellowship, are better ways to get to know each other. Group situations are better, being together as only a man and a woman, is giving opportunity to temptation. Any time spent kissing, is time spent NOT getting to know one another, and you know once you start down a path, it is hard to turn around. Stay on the true path, do not get side-tracked. Anyway, what I wrote in answer to the question of know when one is mature enough for marriage, was this: That is an excellent question, and I am not sure that I am wise enough to provide a good answer, but I will offer some thoughts. First, if marriage is something you seek to do, as in something you are pursuing as a priority in your life, you may have your priorities wrong. Pleasing God, pursuing His will should be your priority. When I say pursuing His will, I do not mean things, like "where should I live", "where should I work or go to school" or questions like that. One can pursue God's will no matter where one lives or where one works. Paul, as an example, pursued God's will from a Roman jail. Jesus did the will of the Father by dying on the cross. Paul instructs us to expect troubles and persecution and learn to be content in our circumstances. Jesus tells us to take up our cross daily, and to count persecution as something to be joyful about and count as a blessing. So, I think that much of what we are called to, as Christians, has to do with our attitude, and our willingness to serve both God and others. If we pursue worldly pleasures as a priority, it will not be long before we go off track. This can be true even in subtle and harmless, even good things. There is nothing wrong with things like good food, or entertainment, a shiney new car, a wonderful home, the latest smart phone, or even a wife and family. However, when any of these things, distracts us from God, or cause us to split our loyalty or to seek them first over the kingdom of God, they we have allowed them to become idols. Take note that niether Jesus nor Paul ever married. Paul pointed out that there is a danger in being married, in that pleasing our wives, can distract us from our service to the Lord. When you think about it, the world was cursed, because one man, decided to listen to his wife over listening to God. Paul also tells us that it is good stay single, but if a person lacks self-control then they should marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with lust. Of course, it is better to have self control, and I suggest that since self control is part of the nine-fold fruit of the Spirit, that we really have little or no excuse to not have self control. That is part of Christian maturity. I think one way we know that we are ready for marriage, is when we have come to a place where (instead of looking for the right person) we are more concerned with being the right person. Paul gives husbands the instruction to love our wives, as Jesus loves the church, and died for her. To translate that to human action, husband to wife, we are willing to sacrifice for her, and serve her, and most of all love her. The problem with modern, western men, is that we have come to think of love as having warm, fuzzy, pleasurable feelings about someone. This is very distorted. Love is about serving others, sacrificing for others, seeking the well being of others. As much as it appeals to our flesh to live with a woman and enjoy the benefits of marriage, it is more loving to seek her well being, doing what is best for her instead of cooperating with her in fulfilling mutual pleasure. I believe grounded Christian women, and grounded Christian men, recognize that men have been assigned the role of being the spiritual leader of the couple. That is not something that we hold over our spouse, as some sort of boss or authority, it about being wise, caring, and wanting the best for her, and nurturing her relationship with God. A functional couple is not spending all of their lives, gazing into each others eyes, it is looking outward (and upward), in the same direction. I think also, that we not only need to seek being the right person for our spouse, we should seek a spouse that is right for us. They do not need to be perfect, and certainly things like appearance are extremely low on the priority list. People who are of good character, who both love the Lord first over all, are great candidates for each other. That can take a lot of patience, but to settle for too little, will lead to the people in a relationship, dragging each other down when they should be pulling in the same direction. A couple like that can accomplish a lot for the kingdom of God, and will have a very fulfilling relationship if they can manage to maintain that focus. Take some time to familiarize yourself with 1 Cor, chapter 7, and 1 Cor, chapter 13. Meanwhile, I shall pray for you, and suggest that you not be to shy, to ask others to do so as well.
  25. I have the urge and desire to be married ..in the same way I have the urge and desire to have friends...but... I feel I'm destined to be alone. I dont know how to explain it but I feel ill be alone. I just dont understand why id have the desire to be married and share myself with someone...as well as have the desire to have friends when I dont get the opportunity to have any. ( I've tried) one interesting thing that was said, was that you have no idea if those desires ( for friends and husband ) is from God... However, I feel not having these desires will make me less then human...kind of robotic. Its human to feel.. And it would turn me into a lone hermit. His word says he didnt call us to be alone...but that's where I'm headed to... I just wonder if maybe that's his will for me ...to just be by myself. I dont know ( and foe those who ask, yes I've volunteered at pantries and things like that... I'm gonna try and get back into it) what do you guys think?