Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'family'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Christian Discussions
    • Study Group
    • General Discussion
    • Bible Study
    • Theology
    • Apologetics
    • Prophecy
    • Do you want to just ask a question?
    • Christian Culture
    • Everything Else
  • Videos
    • General
    • News
    • Comedy
    • Biblical Topics
    • Christian Music
  • Current News
    • Most Interesting News Developments
    • Worthy Briefs
    • World News
    • Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
    • U.S. News
    • Christian News
    • Worthy Watch / Worthy Insights
  • Worthy Ministries
    • Worthy Devotions
    • What's the latest with the Worthy Ministries?
  • Who's on the Lord side?'s Topics
  • Cooking club's Smokers & related recipes/techniques
  • Cooking club's What's your favorite recipe?
  • Cooking club's Salads - not just lettuce!
  • Cooking club's Soups and Stews
  • Cooking club's About Multi-cookers - features, tips, recipes
  • Cooking club's Taters!
  • Cooking club's Bread
  • Gardening.'s Gardening Club Forum
  • Photography How To (tips and tricks)'s Photography Club Topics
  • Maker's Club's Club News
  • Maker's Club's So, what do you make, what have you made?
  • Maker's Club's Physical Art, specifically!
  • Maker's Club's Life hacks & tips - useful things you know & have tried!
  • Bible 365's Misc. Things of interest
  • Bible 365's THE DAILY READING (see reading schedule)
  • Bible 365's Todays' Reading
  • Bible 365's Recently added or updated
  • Bible 365's Bible Trivia
  • Bible 365's Table of Contents
  • Bible 365's Tightly Moderated Discussions-Some Controversial
  • Bible 365's Specific Doctrines
  • Bible 365's WorthyChat Bible Studies
  • Bible 365's Bible Topics - Looking at the Bible Topically
  • Reading Club's Topics
  • Bible Trivia's Index to Bible Trivia and Answers
  • Bible Trivia's Bible Trivia Answers
  • Bible Trivia's Bible Trivia Quizzes
  • Bible Trivia's Announcements
  • Puzzle Club's Forums
  • The Prophecy Exchange's Resources
  • The Prophecy Exchange's Forums
  • Songs of Praise Poetry Club's Forums
  • Christ Centered Recovery Group's Lessons
  • Christ Centered Recovery Group's Testimonies
  • Christ Centered Recovery Group's 12 Steps and Biblical Comparison
  • Christ Centered Recovery Group's Forums
  • Diabetes and Low Carb Eating Support Group's Diabetes
  • Diabetes and Low Carb Eating Support Group's Low Carb Eating
  • Triumph Over Cancer's General topics
  • Triumph Over Cancer's Encouragement
  • Triumph Over Cancer's Tips and advice
  • Cat Chat's Information concerning cats and their servants
  • Cat Chat's Misc. unCATegorized cat things
  • Cat Chat's Our Feline Babies!
  • Gardening Club's Topics
  • Baking club's Miscellaneous
  • Baking club's sponge cakes
  • Bible - Daily Reading's Introduction
  • Bible - Daily Reading's 2023 Bible Reading Schedule
  • Deeper Discourse's Forum

Christian Blogs

  • traveller - Standing in the Wind
  • The Treasure In The Field
  • For the Love of God
  • Keys to the Kingdom
  • To Him be the Glory
  • Marathoner's Blog
  • Leonardo’s Blog
  • Word Studies Relating to Destiny
  • Searching the Scriptures.
  • Thought and Reflection
  • WilliamL's Worthy Insights
  • Marilyn's Messages
  • Bible Study Series
  • Albert Finch Ministry
  • Devotions
  • League of Savage Gentlemen.
  • ~~Angels Thoughts~~
  • A Desert Sage ?
  • Omegaman's Thought and Rants
  • Some Thoughts from AyinJade
  • Insights into Worthy Ministries
  • Bible 365's Reading Schedule - Click Read More to see
  • Bible 365's Basic Instructions
  • Bible Trivia's Guidelines
  • Songs of Praise Poetry Club's My Songs to the Lord

Calendars


Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


Website URL


Location


Interests

  1. I have always been an avid reader since I learned to read. Books are a part of my life and will be until I am no longer here on earth or too old to see the words on the page. Even if that happens I will move to audio books. It makes me sad that in society today so many people would rather watch videos and listen to talking heads on a screen rather than read the written word. If I had to describe myself as a book I would say I am an "Open Book". I have a chapter on history with a lot of nostalgia, a couple of chapters on self-help with testimonies of dysfunctional family and marriage issues, a chapter on lack of obedience and learning be more obedient, a small chapter on science fiction regarding the universes, galaxies, and all of creation with many questions and few answers, another small chapter on laughter and humor, a large chapter on love and forgiveness, a large chapter on God and my walk with Him since I was 5 years old and first asked Him "why?" and He began answering me, a very sweet chapter of finding Jesus and being filled with the Holy Spirit, and an unfinished chapter of life on earth which is still being competed. There are no fictional chapters of me because I am very outspoken, upfront and truthful. Sometimes far too much of these 3 things. The Lord is still working on me regarding the wisdom and knowledge chapters. In my time here on Worthy I have found so many different people with so many different stories that have formulated them into the book that they are. Many are walking medical encyclopedias. Many are huge volumes of intellect. Many are encouragement books and scripture reference books. I have even found some comic books here. We are a huge library filled with many different kinds of books! I hope you will take a few minutes to tell us what kind of book you are? It may help us to read you better.
  2. Adoption An act of God which makes people who are separated from God pat of God's spiritual family This happens when God chooses sinners to adopt through the new birth, where we are born of the Spirit by grace through faith in God's only begotten Son Jesus, and in Jesus work of a sinless life and substitutionary death on the cross (His crucifixion). Adoption is always initiated by the parent, not the child.
  3. Is it a sin to not like someone? bit of back story...we rented a house from inlaws, they sold their house and moved in with us without consulting us. My mil has always since day one praised her daughter and daughter in law and basically never outright said it but insinuated they are "better" than me. For a few years I has the feeling she didnt love me but I've been nothing but kind to her and courteous. I didnt think that a christian person can dislike their family member for no reason. She has never complimented me as a housewife a person a mother anything at all. She interferes with my parenting in the worst ways. To the point where my 5 yr old disrespects me and does not listen. I stood up for myself and she ended up telling my husband I'm crazy and theres something wrong with me, my kids dont love me I'm a abusive(I assure you I am not) she undermines my authority and makes passive aggressive comments talking to me or with company. I know she will never change. I cant even approach her with this because she will deny it all. In conclusion. I do not like her anymore. im the kind of person that after you trample on me a few times I cant trust you anymore I just cant. I want her to be well I wish her happiness and blessings but I do not want a relationship with her. Is that okay? I dont want to be a martyr to a fellow christian. She should know better. shes been "christian" her whole life. I dont think she has any mental issues that would excuse her nasty fake sweet cutting comments. My mom says to apologize to her for anything I could've said to offend her. I told my mom my existence offends her should I apologize for that? Needless to say I do not like to ask my mom for advice.
  4. Hello all, I am here for advice. I have been dating my current boyfriend for about 16 months. We met a youth church event that his church was attending and my church was also attending. It all started great but then after he visited my church a few times things went a little downhill. My church is more conservative while his church is more "modern". My family wanted him to do the things and worship the way that is done at my church. He is not used to this and he doesn't necessarily agree. My family then began to disapprove and that's when the conflict started. I spoke to my family about how important he is to me and my feelings towards him but they have pretty much just shot me down. It makes me feel very sad because his family has been so kind to me and I was so welcomed at his church and they can't be welcoming to him. My boyfriend and I took a break to try and see if this was something that we both truly want. We have decided that we want to continue this relationship and grow but I am worried about my family. I don't want to go against them but I also dont feel like they are taking my feelings and relationships into consideration. They have told me to stop communicating with him because I am not allowed. I should also say that I am in my mid twenties and I don't agree that they should tell me who I am allowed to speak to who I am not. I need advice on how handle this situation with my parents and with my boyfriend.
  5. Hello. Ok. Here's the story. Just yesterday I was presented with a request from my Sister in Law and my brother's homosexual partner that I contribute to a combined gift to my parents for Christmas. Wooden cutout display thing that represents our 'families'. I said I don't know about this, ask my husband, it will come down to cost. Then I was told don't ask my husband its not his parents he will say no. My husband and I discuss things together and budget etc. We are transparent with each other with expenses. My problem with this gift is not so much the waste of money, but that the present would represent a homosexual relationship as appropriate, celebrated, worthy of acceptance etc etc. My mother is a christian, but it seems she has accepted this relationship of my brother's as appropriate. I personally dislike this pressure. I feel like I have been made to feel guilty, as I did not provide an agreement to this "ASAP" request. Someone please tell me, how can I put this aside this Christmas? I feel really quite uncomfortable that I have let them down. But I also feel awful for the abusive comments in the Facebook group message from my sister in law and brother's partner. I also feel like I will be judged on the value and worthiness of the gift that I give my parents. Any advice on putting aside this and how to put my attention into the Christmas family gathering? I'm really starting to dread facing those I have seemingly upset.
  6. Hi, I’m here again lol. Thanks for all of you who have helped me through my crisis a couple weeks ago. QUESTION: How do I deal with my family who discriminates against me because i am darker. Now, I am vulnerable with this topic. I don’t know how racially diverse worthy is, (doesn’t matter) but I don’t know if any of you would understand what I am saying or relate. I am grateful for any advice. Like some of you know, my family is not supportive of my mental health. I can not tell them my issues. So I come here. I am very grateful for all of you, truly! Anyway, I’m a black young women (17). For all of you who don’t know what colorism is. It is “prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group”. Colorism is a huge problem in the black community. In my experience, among some people I know and in society, dark skin is looked down upon. The thing is, colorism is a topic that makes people uncomfortable. I think because no one wants to admit that it exist. And because they may be colorist aswell. So here’s my problem, my immediate family is very colorist. This started with my mother who is of darker skin. Now, both my parents are black but my father is lighter skin. His complexion is more like George Lopez, while my moms is like Naomi Campbell. I have 5 sibling. My older brother and myself take after our moms complexion and my younger sister and younger 2 brothers take after my dads. Well you would think that my mother would not have a problem with having darker kids but she does. She projects her self hatred onto me. She has been verbally (& physically) abusive to me since I was 8. Whenever she wants to insult me, she targets my skintone, which is the same as hers, and also my hair and weight. She has uplifted my siblings as better and more beautiful than me because of their lighter skin. She makes comments indirectly about their hair and skin as being better than mine. It hurts. It hurts because she has brainwashed this to them, making them believe that they are better than darker people like myself. It hurts because i am singled out and this has been going since I was a young child . My mom is a narcissist so she really won’t accept blame. We have a looooonnngg history of just craziness. We have been doing better, but we never got along. I was always to blame. But that’s besides the point really. I have never struggled with accepting my skin; (blessing), but my low self esteem was because of my weight and I just think I am ugly. I recently realized that what is going on in my family is NOT okay! I have talked to my parents about this and how satan wants to divide our people. And colorism is a trick he uses. While they accept what I’m saying, they continue to make these comments. I am gaslighted all the time about being over sensitive when I get upset. For example, the reason I am writing this is because 10 minutes ago we were having family time and I told my dad that his comment about my brothers girlfriend was disrespectful and colorist. Of course he denied it. But then my sister jumped in and began to scold me. BTW, she is VERY vain and thinks that she is better because she is lighter. She doesn’t understand the struggles dark skin women face. My sister thinks she is prettier than me because of her skin. And for the comments people make about her being prettier than me because she is lighter. I’m sorry that this is so long. It is just that I’m very sad rn and feel less than. As much as I try to stay strong, their comments get to me and sometimes I question myself. I have always took pride in my skin but other areas I struggle (body). I hate when people are sad. Especially when other little darker girls hate their skin because of colorism and society. For example, my younger cousin who is 4 believes she would be prettier if she had light skin. It happens in the black community a lot. The media influence has a lot to do with it aswell as the whole slavery stuff. But I want to be an activist and a lawyer one day. And tackle problems like this. I know colorism is also a problem in India and south Asian counties. Anyway, if you made it this far God bless you lol ?! Any advice is needed. Please pray that I can strive forward, I just feel drained and forgotten . I’m trying to do better and listen to god... but I admit I am struggling. Thank you, love all of you !?
  7. Hi everyone! I haven't posted in a while, but it's nice to be back :-) I just wanted to ask if any of you have ever had to spend Christmas/Christmas Eve alone or without the person you really wanted to be with? (I'm sure it's very likely) I recently moved into my own apartment and have been finding it quite hard to settle down on my own. I'm used to a very noisy household, having 10 siblings and two dogs, and now that I'm all alone (I couldn't bring my dog to my apartment ?) it's extremely lonely. I'm concerned about Xmas this year especially. I'll be going back to my mom's house for the day, but not everyone is going to be there, and since my boyfriend is working Xmas Eve, Xmas day and boxing day, I won't see him at all. This is the first time in 5 years we won't be seeing each other over Xmas. In fact, we're not even going to see each other during the week leading up to Xmas! It feels a bit daunting tbh. Also, his brother just had a baby at the beginning of the month, but he's not going to be allowed to spend Xmas with his new son -- he and the mother are having problems again -- and he's pretty broken up about it. My friend has just moved out as well and is on her own with her three little girls for the first time! She has her boyfriend with her, but she's never had to do Xmas all by herself before -- wrapping presents, decorations, Xmas dinner etc. I imagine is quite overwhelming, especially the first time. Any advice on how to stop feeling so lonely/overwhelmed/anxious? Or do we need to just suck it up and get on with it? I feel kind of childish even worrying about it all, but I can't help it atm. I hope you all have a great Xmas and get everything you've wished & prayed for ?☺️
  8. Hello brothers and sisters of faith! I have a concern that's been bothering me for days already. ind you it's quite a long one but please do hear me out. i don't know what to do in this dilemma. My family and I lives in Japan and have been living here for a very long time now. Back in our home country, we have our aunts, uncles, cousins and everyone else in our extended family. One of my mom's brother and his family had been struggling financially all their life. So as a concerned sister, my mother wanted to help them. As a form of help. my mom got my uncles youngest daughter (my cousin), who's my age, to live with us for 3 months to somehow earn a living and have something to send to her family from time to time. While she was living with us, there was no problem. She was very obedient to my mom and did earn a living somehow. She met a Japanese man on the process. They went on multiple getaways and vacations together with his colleagues and her colleagues as well. Sometimes, my mom was with them as chaperone (so my mom has met the guy) Eventually, the man fell in love with her, I cannot say for sure about her. However since her visa was just temporary, she needs to go back to our home country. She ran away for days, we cannot contact her and eventually she went over her period of stay. So now, she's already an illegal alien. The guy doesn't know where she is as well. After some time, we were able to contact her. She doesn't want to go home already. She and my mom had a lengthy discussion about it. The guy who's in love with her also persuaded her to go back home. He said he had plans on marrying her so just endure the one-year no-entry policy and after a year, go back here and they would marry. (In Japan, if an illegal alien surrendered to the immigration willfully after an overstay, they penalty of no entry is only one year. if the person did not surrender and was caught by authorities the penalty is graver, so the Japanese man was persuading my cousin to surrender and endure the one-year no entry penalty). She eventually caved in. The Japanese man promised to support her even if she's back in our home country, he said he would support whatever it is that she wanted to do. So my cousin, told him she wanted to take Japanese language classes, she wanted to take a short course of hair dressing and make-up classes, and also driving lessons. The man agreed to support her with that with the condition of constant communication. So my cousin went back home and as promised the man send monthly allowance to my cousin to cover for the fees of the classes she wants to take. The amount is quite big, it was more than enough. The first months were okay. Until last March, 2019, when the Japanese man took a one-week vacation leave from work to fly to our home country and visit my cousin. He was accompanied by 3 of his friends, and my cousin took one of our other cousin to accompany her as well. The went to different beaches and even wen island hopping. And after the trip was over, the Japanese men back to Japan and my cousins went home. Now this is where it all turned out bad. This August, I flew to our home country to join the celebration of our Grandfather's birthday. We went to the beach and had fun. I overheard our aunts talking about my cousin and joined the conversation. That is when they all told me what was really happening. But first, I just want to point out that when I arrived and saw my cousin, she was bigger than when she was in Japan with us, bigger as in gained weight, I was shocked, because she's not the type of person who's a big eater, so that was kind of strange for me, but didn't mind it, maybe she had changed her ways, I thought. Anyway, going back to our aunts, they confessed to me what was happening. It turns out, she's been betraying the Japanese man and the money that he sends her are not being put into good use (1) she has a boyfriend right now, AND MIGHT BE PREGNANT. One of our cousins said she accompanied her to an ultrasound session, but doesn't know the result, so SHE MIGHT BE PREGNANT. (2) She hasn't been attending the classes she said she would do, in fact she didn't even enroll in any of the three classes she said she wanted. (3) She's been frequently travelling the country with her "friends" partying and attending car shows. (4) SHE BOUGHT HER BOYFRIEND A CAR. ALL FROM THE MONEY THAT THE JAPANESE MAN SENDS HER. And (5), this is the worst, remember the trip last March, where the Japanese man and three of his friends flew to meet my cousin and one of my other cousin tagged along? my cousin who tagged along confessed that my cousin had been intimate and slept together with THE FRIEND OF THE JAPANESE MAN THAT'S BEEN SUPPORTING MY COUSIN and my cousin told my other cousin that she did that because the man she slept with was the one she loved and not the one who's been supporting her. I was in shock. I was feeling a lot of emotions at that time. One, I was worried about what is going to happen if the Japanese man found out. Two, I was mad, how could she do this? Three, I was ashamed, for her, for our family, and also for the people of our nation. What if the Japanese man finds out about this, what would he think about the people of our nation? He would think that we are a nation who takes advantage of people. This was very shameful. September 1, 2019, I told my mom everything and she confirmed it with my aunts. She's been contacting my cousin, facebook messages, facetime, video calls, to no avail. My mom message her that she wants to talk and why she hasn't been answering. She told my mom that she doesn't want to talk to her because she doesn't want my mom to be stressed and she would talk to her when she flies back to our country. The situation is, my mom is in no position to fly to our country right now, she has work, my father and my sister does too. Me on the other hand am still in our home country and won't be back to Japan until October. So we don't have a choice but to do it over the phone but she refuses. I tried talking to her as well but she never meets me. Her betrayal to the Japanese man has been going on for months now. In fact my cousin's father talked to my mom a few days ago and told my mom to explain the situation and tell the Japanese man to stop with the money remittances already because of what his daughter is doing. And I agreed. my cousin has been sinning for quite a long time already and as Christians, and as her family, we should cut the source of her sins as early as now so it wouldn't be a bigger issue in the future. It's better to end it now, than to have a bigger catastrophe later on. But my mother second guesses herself on doing it, since she's the only one who's met the Japanese guy, she should do it, but my mom insists that my cousin should be the first to realize her sin and come clean herself and that's the time she's going to step in to help her and pay the Japanese man the money she spent. But by doing that, she's just prolonging the sin, and poor Japanese man, doesn't know he's been cheated on already. Please help me brothers and sisters of faith, how do I persuade my mom to tell the Japanese guy of what my cousin has been doing and to tell him to stop with the money support already. If were to do this, are we doing the right thing of exposing my cousin to the Japanese man? Please help me discern what to do. I have been feeling guilty about this for days already, I'm not even the one who's been doing the dirty work. I can't sleep, I have been anxious everyday. What do I do? Please help and enlighten me with your opinions. David Minjoon.
  9. My husband has struggled with porn since before marriage and continues in the cycle of me finding out, asking him, him lying until he realizes I’ve seen, then confessing and apologizing saying he won’t do it again. I always forgive and offer to support him if he’ll just be honest about it. This time it seems the content has gotten worse and he’s consistently searching for things about incest like brother/ sister, mother/son, father/daughter, and we have 3 young kids at home. With 1 being a daughter this really frightens me. Should I be worried about their safety if this type of porn is what interests him? What should I do? I’m not even sure how to approach this anymore as each time seems to escalate and him just finding better ways to hide it. I wish we could afford counseling but can’t. And I’ve asked him about going but he says no. How should I handle this?
  10. I'm in a very similar situation to this right now, and i was in this before, but i will make it more like it was before in my past where i never got a clear answer. I am living in the cheapest place i can find. nowhere even across the state is there anything cheaper. We only have a moped-motorcycle to get me to work. I've had my ones in the past stolen on camera, in a public place with lights and chained up,and it took them 30 minutes to steal it and i was at work on the other side of the wall unaware the whole time they were stealing it until it was time to leave work 1 hour later. Now, we live in apartments, cheap ones with strict rules. They say i cannot put my bike/moped-motorcycle anywhere except in a wide open parking space. I cannot chain it up to anything. I had a moped previously here and it was stolen within a month of moving here. So i know they know the spot and would likely check back to see if i replaced it with another to steal it. Anything anyways cannot fully keep it from being stolen if i had the best of the best products for protection and theft probs. we have a huge window we are always next to that goes to the back of the house. There are just trees for a long distance behind there and even a street light right above it. We keep it wide open all day. The street light there lights up our house through the back windows so we dont always have to use lights in the house. So its not like its completely secluded. But i think its a great idea simply to not let the theif even notice i have a vehicle and keep it hidden and covered and chained up and with an alarm. But my landlord here tells me i cant put it in the back. so i have gotten different perspectives what to do from family christians, friend christians, pastors even, and yet many disagree with each other in even opposite directions but with understandable perspectives. If i lose the vehicle, i don't have a way to work or that i can afford, so i lose job and we go homeless with my family and baby and NO we dont have friends or family that will help us at all- in fact, they have left us homeless for years, time and time again. So it will be on the streets for me and homeless shelter for my wife and babies. But then you have it that if i lose the house but keep the job, i may go homeless anyways. but then some say God will still find me a place. Some say God will protect the motorcycle because he wouldnt want us to suffer. Some say, screw the landlord, it is a sin NOT to provide for your family. You already saw they will steal it! They will do it again and you wont have a way to work and you will be putting your family in danger of being homeless because you simply didnt hide it. Your landlord isnt being fair in your situation. Some say, it is sinful and wrong, or even just a bad idea to go against what your landlord says. You cant guarantee the thief will come, but you can be sure one day the landlord will find out somehow you disobeyed the rules and they will evict you and you may have even more trouble finding a place or keeping your job. It would be better to lose the job and vehicle and house anyways rather than to sin. Some say, you have to do what you have to do- even if you have to drive a car illegally in order to feed your family and work, the laws arent fair or right in this country, God wants you to work and provide for your family. Of course, some people just say keep praying about it- then the vehicle ends up stolen before i get a clear answer from God. Some say, this is a cruel world, if it happens it happens, just do the best you can without sinning. (basically, obey the landlord and hope for the best) And even some say, if it happens, it is part of God's plan. If he wants you to keep it, he will protect it. If he wants you to lose it, he will let it get stolen. What should i do? What do you think God tells us in a situation like this? Do you have any similar experiences? Any advice for me?
  11. I don't know if anyone can help me with this, I'm hoping that by writing about it I'll get rid of the frustration. I have no real siblings but I had 3 cousins that were more like siblings than cousins. Louis was my age and he was like a twin brother. Lou was blessed with a wonderful wife and 2 sons. But in Lou's family is a familial spirit that has been causing divorce as far back as anyone can remember. It also made some of them, but not all, interested in witchcraft. So at the age of 30 when I found Jesus, Lou was secretly practicing witchcraft. He had to keep it a secret because his wife, business partner, and me would have never put up with it. However, when we were 39 Lou started going to a New Age guru for lessons. The guru is supposed to have healing powers but when Lou, and the younger brother were sick and dying the guru did nothing. Meanwhile Maria who is as a sister, married the guru. She blames the deaths of her brothers on our God who she makes fun of. I try to get along with her since she's the only other 1 left but last Christmas she started a fight with me because she knows I'm a Christian. I also just found out that the family spirit is into Lou's oldest son's family. I used to be close with him but he doesn't like me anymore and I never knew why. Now I know, it's that family spirit wrecking havoc once again. Btw, this is why we who call the name of Jesus need to stop fighting and disagreeing over every little thing. We have real enemies and they use our in-fighting against us to make us look like a bunch of fools. This needs to stop. I guess I can use prayer so if anyone is willing please pray for me. It always helps.
  12. I'm a final semester colleger. I am now writting Thesis to fulfill the requirement of Engineering Program. My lecture suggested me to use a kind of program to simulate my research. But, until now the program never succeded to simulate my model. There was one of my senior who told me the same about such program, but I was confident that there must be a way. Almost one year I spent my time with this project. I never shared this with my Family because I was afraid to disappoint them. Besides, I like the project as the subject of my thesis and never wish it changed. I always told them that everything was alright whenever they ask me. But now, they are out of patience. They ask me to show the result of my project. I'm actually unable to show them anything. I'm so confused now. I must tell them the truth. But I'm totally afraid of them now.. Help me guys
  13. Judgment begins with us.....and if it begins with us then let us as Christians first become those who are pure in heart and who walk upright in obedience to His word before going out to correct others..... What judgments should the church expect from the Holy Spirit? Revelations 2-3 addresses the seven churches of Asia....these are the judgments I believe are the ones the church must come to address and repent of before we can claim to be His Bride...IMHO... I enjoyed this teaching on the seven churches....http://randalldsmith.com/the-end-of-the-world-seven-deadly-sins-revelation-2-3/ These are excerpts from that teaching....... (1) Ephesus (Revelation 2:1-7) - the church that had forsaken its first love (2:4). Neglected priorities-placing other things more important or above God: 2:1 “To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: … 4 ‘But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. 5 ‘Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place—unless you repent. …” (2) Smyrna (Revelation 2:8-11) - the church that would suffer persecution (2:10). Fear of persecution-people fail to witness to others for fear of persecution: 2:8 “And to the angel of the church in Smyrna write: .. 10 ‘Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to cast some of you into prison, so that you will be tested, and you will have tribulation for ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life…” (3) Pergamum (Revelation 2:12-17) - the church that needed to repent (2:16). Compromise of principles-allowing false teachings, etc: 2:12 “And to the angel of the church in Pergamum write: … 14 ‘But I have a few things against you, because you have there some who hold the teaching of Balaam, who kept teaching Balak to put a stumbling block before the sons of Israel, to eat things sacrificed to idols and to commit acts of immorality. 15 ‘So you also have some who in the same way hold the teaching of the Nicolaitans. 16 ‘Therefore repent; or else I am coming to you quickly, and I will make war against them with the sword of My mouth… “ (4) Thyatira (Revelation 2:18-29) - the church that had a false prophetess (2:20). Tolerating immorality: 2:18 “And to the angel of the church in Thyatira write: .. 20 ‘But I have this against you, that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and she teaches and leads My bond-servants astray so that they commit acts of immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. ..” (5) Sardis (Revelation 3:1-6) - the church that had fallen asleep (3:2). Spiritual Apathy:3:1 “To the angel of the church in Sardis write: He who has the seven Spirits of God and the seven stars, says this: ‘I know your deeds, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead. 2 ‘Wake up, and strengthen the things that remain, which were about to die; for I have not found your deeds completed in the sight of My God. 3 ‘So remember what you have received and heard; and keep it, and repent. Therefore if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what hour I will come to you. …” (6) Philadelphia (Revelation 3:7-13) - the church that had endured patiently (3:10). Dwindling Stability, where we won't push to deliberately build the body of believers: 3:7 “And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: …8 ‘I know your deeds. Behold, I have put before you an open door which no one can shut, because you have a little power, and have kept My word, and have not denied My name. …” Faithful, but barely hanging on – that is the truth behind thousands of churches and literally MILLIONS of anemic and sickly Christians. Alzheimer’s Christian: Remembers only selectively what God has done before, but fails to be able to connect with what may be happening in the Kingdom around him today. Autistic Christian: Stuck on a phrase and often inappropriate in responses. Unable to connect to anyone that has no special training to understand them. Epileptic Christian: Not in control of all energies expended. Seems passionate but strangely disconnected from the body, randomly expending great energy not directed by any leadership or head. Leprous Christian: Unfeeling toward other parts of the body and infectiously causing a spreading numbness of insensitivity that kills good growth. Obese Christian: Ready to sit and eat with no real intent to get up and DO anything, they become expert food critics of the messages they hear. Burned Christian: Because of an experience that often has nothing to do with the current body they are in, they are in constant need of careful handling and touchy care. Anorexic Christian: Unable to see themselves as God says they are, they continue to self inspect for every flaw, totally overtaken in their own issues. Heart Diseased Christian: Unable to function normally because of other contributing behaviors that have weakened their endurance. (7) Laodicea (Revelation 3:14-22) - the church with the lukewarm faith (3:16). Lukewarm/Luxury Distraction-focused more on themselves: 3:14 “To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: The Amen, the faithful and true Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God, says this: 15 ‘I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. 16 ‘So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth. 17 ‘Because you say, “I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing,” and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked…” 1 Peter 4:17 17 For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? Hebrews 12:5-8 5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: 6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. 7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. So I humbly submit this topic not to condemn but to bring awareness to our need to judge ourselves rather than what others are guilty of in their walk with God. Your thoughts please....
  14. I just want to some prayes for me and my family, many times I wanted to leave my house because I can't stand it more, I am being patient but I have been asking to my father God for a new place to live and continueing my life. I want to have a job and a good life with God of my side . If someone wants to talk to me I'll appreciate it because I feel very sad and alone. Glory to God.
  15. I am 21. I never had a boyfriend before. My parents have always overprotected me by not letting me have any contact with the opposite sex. I spent so long without guys contact that I spent 4 years in depression thinking that I was lesbian because I had feelings for some girls in high school and never fell for a guy before. My family wasn't here for me and I tried to kill myself several times. But now that I am in college, I met some guys and I started to have crushes and realized that its a different feeling and that I am not actually gay. During this moment that I started to talk to guys, my mom started to become closer and ask a lot of questions about my guy friends. But I realized that whenever I liked someone and wanted to give them a chance, she always found a reason why and told me that I like guys too much, I am promiscuous and all. 5 months ago I met this christian african guy who really likes me. He's too years younger than me. 19 and I am 21. I would like to give him a chance and when I told my mom she started to srceam at me with anger all the time, she came to the point of beating me up over that and told me that If I accept to be his girlfriend that he won't be welcomed at home. But this guy is like my bestfriend, I got mad after this last fight which happens a couple days ago, than I said yes to the guy. My mom says that she doesn't like him because he's african and he's lazy (because he likes to play and go out all the time and take few classes with not that good grades) ) and he doesn't have a job yet. I like him because he's a christians with good manners, he's willing to wait for marriage to have sex, is playful, don't smoke or drink, makes me happy, really likes me plus he said that he will look for a job and applied for more classes. At my college we need to work in other to gain practice hours before we able to graduate. So I am 2 years in advanced because I work at school better and faster. Even though he started only 1 semester after me. My dad was killed last year so my mom would like to remarry and live her life, so she told me that she won't be able to keep me here for too long and I have to get married fast with 3-4 years and have kids and that this christian guy won't be able to marry me that soon so I should find someone else. My mom makes my life impossible since and keeps on treating to kick me out of the house. WHO SHOULD I CHOOSE!? WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT WOULD BE A CHRISTIAN WAY OF SOLVING THIS ISSUE? SHOULD I MOVE OUT AND GET A STUDIO SINCE I JUST GOT A JOB AND STAY WITH HIM? OR SHOULD I LIVE HIM AFTER A WEEK RELATIONSHIP AND LIVE WITH MY MOM? PLEASE HELP ANYONE! I am feeling so depressed from this situation.
  16. My previous post (which was longer and more detailed) didn't seem to work for whatever reason so I'm just gonna cut right into the chase with this abridged version. I think my family is going to be left behind in the rapture. My parents believe in God, they claim to be Christian, and were once dedicated servants to the Lord, but now they live a more sinful lifestyle of smoking, cursing, etc. My mom does drive my brother, sister and I to church on most Sundays and Wednesdays, but none of them go themselves. My brother and sister read the Bible and pray two to three times a day, but they do not dedicate their lives to the Lord as much as I try to. I've been praying to the Lord asking for help on this, but nothing seems to be happening. I'm a very introverted person and I stutter frequently whenever I talk about very serious matters with my parents. I just keep going through my mind, thinking about how awkward the situation would be, and how much I'll likely mess up while telling them what they need to do. I keep reading articles about how the Rapture can happen at any moment, and that just fuels my stress more. I'm very confident that, if I don't tell my family members before I run out of time, they will be left behind and they will suffer. This has completely ruined my image of what the Rapture would look like. The Rapture is always described as what should be the most happy point in a Christian's life. Getting to meet up with Jesus Christ himself, in the air, and be taken to live eternally in Heaven, when I think about this, it honestly sounds great, but then I remember that my family likely won't be there in the sky with me. I keep including the same phrase in my prayers every night, telling and asking the Lord to keep me focus on informing my parents about how their lives are on a train track, and the Rapture is the train. I want to enjoy the coming of Christ, and I want my family to enjoy it with me.
  17. Alright, so, I'm against abortion completely. I don't believe a woman should ever have the right to kill her own child. Even in cases of rape, and when the mother's health is affected. I believe that when a woman gets an abortion, she is being selfish and is giving up. Now, I don't hate women who support abortions or have had abortions. But, I hate abortion with a burning passion. I just wanted to open a discussion about this because I was curious about other viewpoints. Do you think abortion is okay at all times? What about when a baby is the result of rape? When the mother's health is in jeopardy? Please also include your reasoning, whether you answer yes or no. Here's my reasoning for being against abortion: God forms us in our mother's womb, and He knows us even before we're born, and has a purpose for us (Jeremiah 1:5; Psalm 139:13). Okay so, what about in cases of rape? Well, sometimes we need to just get over it (although I'm not saying it'll be easy to just, poof, forget the trauma). We are told that there will be tribulations, and that we need to endure to the end. Life on earth isn't going to be perfect. But we can rely on God to get us through at least until we have accomplished our purpose. And as for when a woman's life is in jeopardy, I like to look at John 15:13 to answer this; "Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." When a woman is willing to risk her own life to try to birth a baby, she is showing almost the greatest love (I say "almost" because God is the one who showed the greatest love when He sent His Son to die for us). Abortion, therefore, is not a loving decision. I'd like to hear your guys' thoughts! BUT PLEASE REMEMBER TO BE RESPECTFUL TO EACH OTHER, EVEN IF WE HAVE DIFFERING VIEW POINTS.
  18. Im from india. Most of us are hindus here.. My mom is going to church though.. She converted to christianity before my birth.. I will tell a bit of my history so that you can see any connections(if any) for my problems and my history.. Mom is christian, dad converted but again gone back to hinduism. They both had a row, dad left. It s 5 yrs now since i last saw him. I was non-believer until recently i sensed and experienced jesus christ. It all started when my best friend(already kidney transplanted) got a lung infection. Doctors told that he will die within a week. A prayer meeting was conducted in his house especially regarding his health. We prayed well past midnight and suddenly sensed fear and spirits. I prayed harder. Then i sensed a relief wash through me, holy spirit coming into me for the first time.. Almost speaking in my ears "I will fight for you". Then one week later, my friend was back home. Doctors couldnt find what affected him( they dont know what, but his lungs were funny) and couldnt find how he got well.. Next week, i went to the church with my friend (a CSI church, my mom goes to AG). Again, i sensed the holy spirit washing through me. I dont know why, but i commited my life to jesus that moment, saying " O lord, u lead my way". Well, it was then the trouble started. My girlfriend broke with me. I was devastated. She was like we are from different religions blah blah blah... Her parents wont allow. She knew all this before she said yes. Then i dug a little deeper and i found that my angel has been cheating on me for 2 months and want to end the double play now, choosing the other guy over me. Leaving for parents, ok. But for another guy? I was depressed, mad. I tried talking to her. She turned a blind eye. Then i did something which i dont regret, but not proud of. I tried to talk to her one last time, she pretended i didnt exist. I picked a blade and cut my wrists open, hoping to die. I did this in our school(Im in final year, 12th grade). The school executives found out about this. Instead of giving consuling, they kicked me out. My mom was devastated. I joined a tutor. But that tutor was 30 miles away from my home. And he was lame. I explained this to my mom, saying i will study better from home instead of wasting energy travelling 30 miles up and down everyday. She was reculent at first, but she gave in. Now im registered in open schooling. Wow what a mother i get everything i wish for. The next problem, career choice. I want to do ministry. A full time ministry. I already gave word to god that i will be his son spreading his word. I will join a bible college and do bachelor of theology. But my mom want me to do engineering. She says i can do ministry after completing engineering. But that wont work. We are not-that-rich family. If im to do engineering, we would have to take a loan. So after completing i would have to give back the money. I have to work hard. No time for ministry. Secretly, i know for a fact that she hates the idea of me doing ministry. We had rows about this. We still do. Then I sort of became like worn out always, easily gets tired, angry on everyone, dont wanna go to church( but i managed to go to church somehow) I googled about all this, as all teenagers would do when they want answers, it said like new christians face these kind of problems coz satan is not going to give you away that easy. Ok, so the struggle is in spiritual level.. Then came the dream. Yesterday night i had a dream. It was like meeting a old friend and then some other dream interrupted this one. I was in my school, going to my class. My principal refuses to let me in. On my way back, i meet my VP, she asked "has your mom returned from varanasi?". This is odd. She knows we are christians. Varanasi is a holy place for hindus where they do all kind of worship and stuff. I told that we are christians, why would my mom go to varanasi? She told that my mom only was saying that she is going to go there. Suddenly my mom comes there. I ask my mom about this varanasi thing. She tells she indeed went. I was shocked. What she told next shocked me more. She told that during her visit to varanasi she found that someone has done witchcraft against our family, that is the reason for all the hardships. She told she removed the witchcraft by those hindu saints and done witchcraft on the one who did to us. I was bewildered. I shouted at my mom. I asked her to bring the witchcraft she had done to someone( i dont know why i did that). She brought a metal sheet with symbols and things. I cant believe what i did next. I examined the sheet and found that my mother's name(possibly mine also. I cant remember clearly) is on the sheet instead of the one who she summoned the spirits against. My mom was bewildered when i told her that she was done witchcraft to herself and me. She tried to prove me wrong but there was no mistaking the names written on the sheet. She was lost for words. I shouted at her. I even slapped her 2 or 3 times(i never slapped my mom before). I accused her of all my losses(my gf, my school, my friends, most importantly my peace). She just stand there. Then she becomes a sort of depressed mental "I myself, I myself" right before my eyes. I woke up, sweating all over. My heart beats like i have just ran a mile. I checked my phone. 3:35 am. I saw a film in which they told like demon spirits are strong in 3 am and holy spirit in 3 pm blah blah, after all a film. But this striked my mind. So i concluded this was a trick of satan to break relationship with my mother. But i couldnt sleep. Today, i told my friend(same kidney transplanted friend) about this. He told his mom about this. His mom was in sweats in seconds. Then she told " Lord is real. His mom was telling me she was indeed going to do witchcraft against him. Not to destroy him but to control him." My mom even told about the ritual. It consisted of doing satanic worship against me, making witchcraft against me, making me drink some potion(mixed with milk) and things. When all is over. I would be under total control of my mom. She finally said " Lord revealed what is going around him. Lord is real." She said she wanted to warn me of this, but was afriad my mom would do witchcraft against her. According to her, the process started 10 days ago. The time i started to feel worn out, anger, dont go to church feelings. So this adds up. Now what should i do? First of all, i cant believe it. My mom. A christian. One who wouldnt miss a sunday mass, do witchcraft? Against her own son? I cant believe it. But all things point otherwise. Im not worried about me. Im under my lord. He will protect me. He will fight for me, as he promised. Im worried about my mom. This is bad, no , this is evil. If im to do ministry, i should start by saving my mom from hell. But how? If it is someone else, i would go for a straight talk. Im always straight forward. But this is my mom. I cant do straight talk. I got an idea. I can call my mom's church pastor and tell these to him, asking him not to reveal i told this, making it look like lord told the pastor about my mom. Tell him to advise my mom. I know this is a bit cheating and asking a pastor to tell a downright lie. But what else can i do? Im worried this plan can go horribly wrong. My town AG church got a bad reputation coz of the pastor, lets just say he s not that good person(thats why i go to different church with my friend). He can misunderstand me and accuse my mother of witchcraft openly. He could tell my mom the truth that i told this and i know about all this. This could go horribly wrong in many ways. I said my situation and a bit of my history(so that u could find connections, i couldnt). Your own ideas and opinion on my idea are greatly welcomed and appreciated. I dont want to push it. But it s sort of urgent. The process started 10 days ago. I could be eating a demon portion mixed dinner. I could be falling into my mom's control even as i type. Im sure lord will protect me. But witchcraft is not good for health. I already feel worn out. Post a reply and pray for me, Amen.
  19. Hello, First of all I want to say hi I am new at the forum. I really need advice and help from other Christians in a situation that's been a problem for me since I was a little girl. I'll try to make this post as short as possible. I've always had problems with my mom. She has always been very immature and irresponsible. I remember being 5 years old and thinking about how immature she was when she had tantrums against my grandmother, who practically raised me. My parents were both teenagers, but my dad has always been more responsible. My mom wanted to "live life" and enjoy youth so it was my dad and mostly my grandma who took care of me. During this time my mom was very irresponsible and had a lot of boyfriends..one of this relationships resulting in a pregnancy and we never saw the dad again, we live in a small town, so it was scandalous. My mom and I lived with my grandmother until I was 5 when my mom remarried and my stepdad took my brother as his. I was physically hurt by both my mom and stepfather, my stepdad used to hurt me a lot emotionally I still struggle with those things. Until my teenage years I was an excellent student, I earned a lot of awards and my mom was never there, she became addicted to her job, she left the house before 6am and got home after 10pm. During all this time I was very active at church and even a leader at teenager spiritual retreats. What I mean is, that instead of going rebel I became model child. This didn't stop my mom beating me for me getting a B or just being mad and me thinking it was unfair. I went back to live with my grandma. During all this time my mom kept on having more children... none of which she made the time for. She has never been maternal,still she kept on having more and more kids. For all my life I've always been closer to boys than girls. A therapist told me it was because of my relationship with my mother I didn't trust women. I saw women being promiscuous and emotionally hurting my male cousins and it gave me emotional breakdowns, I wondered if I was the only woman on Earth to not be a bad person or use my body and sex to manipulate others. It still gets me nervous to see girls showing skin on social network. At age 20 I moved with my boyfriend who had also been one of my closest friends since I was 14. We weren't married since he was an atheist and I stopped going to church. We had a lot of problems and he didn't want to go to couple counseling or anything else. We also had a son during this time. Thank God, in 2013 and my then boyfriend now husband accepted Jesus as his savior and is now an amazing man and leader at our Church. He loves to serve God and other through our Church. We got married. I have been blessed. Still... my husband's conversion to Christianity came along with the confession of things I didn't yet know that he did through our relationship. Like him talking to other women on social media during years... one of which he had sex with. Even though my husband has done everything a woman could ask to rebuilt the relationship, I know I will never fully heal, and this made my feelings against promiscuous women a lot worse. Do not get me wrong, I know it was my husband who failed me, but since I had the repulsion for seek attention, promiscuous women... and then seeing the woman... that was it. As I said, I just cant stand the look of a woman showing her bodyon social media , offering themselves and trying to get married men, etc. It was my mom all over again. I now link these women to that woman my husband had an affair with and my mom. About 5 years ago my mom and I seemed to fix our relationship. My stepdad and my mom were going to Church and both were leaders there also. Late last year my stepdad and mom separated. And ever since my mom is back into her old ways. So far she's been with at least 4 men that we know of and is neglecting my brothers. She even asked for my approval for this behavior !!!! I replied with an extense and loving letter telling her to do things right, and telling her how much her behavior had hurt me to this day and that I don;t want my brothers to suffer the same... she never even replied. Not even "ok". She just kept on doing it. My brothers are hurting and are starting to hate her. She comments on my social media pictures saying that i look ugly or that i look like a man.... she makes fun of me all the time about EVERYTHING.... just like an immature teenager. I have nightmares all the time and spend all my evenings crying over my husband's shoulder. So recent as this morning she showed me pictures of yet another guy who my grandma know to be a married man. I had a breakdown today and I talked very nasty against my mom. Not to her directly but other people.I said the most terrible things about her and finally said out loud that I hated her.... I don't know what to do. I know I am not being a good Christian and that I am supposed to honor my mother and father.... but then.... does this mean that my mom can do all kinds of sins and then just ask for forgiveness and God will take her back... but God will not take me because of the terrible things I feel against my mom??? Will I not be saved because of the hurt other people has caused me ?? I've had therapy, they do help, but nothing heals. I KNOW it will never heal. I wish it wasn't so, but is reality I just know myself. I am afraid for my relationship with my mom... I know it wont belong until i have a breakdown every time I see her, it is as if this whole situation activated the way I felt with her when I was very young. I am afraid for my relationship with God... I know God is not proud of my words thoughts and feelings against her. What do I do !? Please help. Thank you.
  20. I know these pastors, who have "testimonies" that go something like this: "Everything i have is by gifts and offering, there is no time when i needed something that God has not provided" "On my wedding day, i didn't spend a dime" "My car was a gift, my children's school fees is taken care of by the church ..." "My house was a gift from a church member" These are wonderful testimonies, i mean, yes God is our provision... no matter what we do for a living, i personally believe, all we have is given to us by Him (besides, the bible did say so), But each time i hear such things from Pastors, it sounds to me like a very irresponsible way for a man to live. I would think every man should be able to cater for his family... Now, i don't know of those who God gave instructions not to do any work for themselves (like full time missionaries), but for those who don't have instructions from God... It is so extreme that they go into fasting and praying for things like children school fees, car repairs etc and eventually someone from the church brings something, or meets that need... I think it is irresponsible to live that way. I will appreciate your opinion on this.
  21. Hello. I am not sure I am even asking a question, as just feeling down and out and maybe hoping to connect with some good-minded and good-souled people out there. I'm a Christian by faith but admit I have fallen away from my faith in the past several years. I grew up in a very heavy-handed religiousity-ladden home, entirely from my mom's side, where it was in hindsight a really cultist mindset that manipulated people based on fear of hell. There was very little encouraging, uplifting spirituality that was at all centered on Christ's teaching. I mentioned this only because I broke away from that late in life, the constant anticipation of God's eminent wrath about to unpredicatbly decend upon me following me. For me, now older, I want that God I knew as a child. The one you felt and knew was real when you just woke up and breathed or went outside and saw the sky. Existence itself is enough testiment to a deeply spiritual nature that is an unheard song and praise of God. But life has a way of eroding that feeling, and I realized as I've gotten older, I take much for granted now. But this has recently been challenged by the fact my mother has terminal cancer and literally on her death bed. My sister and I have been the primary caregivers of my mom, fighting the system to get her what she needs in terms of medicare. My father, who is now old himself but still works is and has been utterly uselsss. We grew up in a very abusive household with him, cursing, screaming, and debasing my mother. It was mostly emotional and psychological abuse, but there was a brief period when he was drinking and became physically abusive with my mom. I was no older than 5 when I remember he assaulted my mom, a God-fearing woman, who was very subdued in many ways, but had enough with him and threw a small but heavy clock radio at him and went after him with a hammer, threatening him if he ever put his hand on her, she'd have him arrested and thrown out. The police came and even though my father was bleeding badly from his back fromt he radio cutting him, they were going to arrest him for battery. He pleaded and my mother intervened on his behalf. He was not arrested and swore he'd change. But of course he never did. My mother got caught up into a horrible cult of "Christians" that were lead more by fear of eternal damnation than of celebrating the existence of God's creation. For our part, me and my sister kept away as far as possible from our dad, but I was his primary target, often slapped, and had glass cups and items hurled at me. I know its pathetic being an adult man and still carrying this unresolved anger from my childhood, but now when I see my father and he opens his mouth to us and curses, all those childhood memories come flooding into my mind. I wish I could turn it off. I still remember the large glass tropicana half gallon bottle filled with water being hurled at me, when I awoke in the middle of a hot summer night after my father came home drunk and was cursing my mother in the kitchen. I went to her defense telling him to leaver her alone. I narrowly got away from the exploding pieces of glass that flew by me when the bottle smashed against the doorway. Then there was the hot coffee he threw at my face when a young teenager when I dared to stand up to him. But that was nothing compared to the horrible things, deeply sexually degrading things, he would say to us. My mom was called everything under the sun, and soon her own spirit was eroded by this man. She fell away from her own belief of God at one time, which deeply bothered me. My sister was called horrible things, and I was called terrible things. He became increasingly phsyically abusive with me until at around 15, I had enough. He grabbed me around the neck and was choking me. I flung his hangs off of me and hurled him through the bathroom door. He went careeming inside the bathroom and literally through the glass partitioners of the tub. I was initially genuinely scared for his safety. I walked in, finding him dazed but otherwise alright. I remember that day like yesterday. I stood there over him and looked down at him and told him that I was not a small kid anymore and that if he came to me again, I would beat him and let everyone he knew know just what he was and doing and how they'd know he was a coward and still got himself handed by his own kid. He knew after that that he could not physically intimidate me, but his mouth became more of his weapon. I guess I never forgave my father, a person I see as a pathetic, unedcuated, stupid fool who is merely a male and a not a real man. Coward. Narcissist. Emotional parasite. Charlatan. These are the words that come to mind when I think of him. He use to wish my mother cancer and hope she would end up in a wheelchair. Both of these happened. I hate the man. God forgive me, but I cannot help but feel it should be him with the fate he wished on my mom and not her. But now he has become even more pathetic. He's been completely reliant upon my mom and us for everything. He cannot--nor ever has--coped with life's difficulties, even the slightest ones, which he would take out on us like the coward fool he is. But my sister and I have showed him patience and he has been genuinely stricken with guilt for the things he said to my mom, even asking my sister if he "did this." Now that my mother's condition has worsen, he's become worse in temperment, and his old foul-mouth ways have returned with a vengence. A couple days ago, I was visiting him and he began taking out his anxieties on me and when I told him to calm down he cursed and called me names , I became instantly hotheaded, and told him to shut his mouth and called him ungrateful that should be suffering the fate he wished on my mom. Again he called me the same thing and I warned him I would slapped his mouth if he said it again. He did with a smile, and I slapped him hard across the face to where he cried. And I admit, I didn't feel the slightest bad about it. But of course that is not true. I was for that moment, ever vile disgusting thing that pathetic old fool before me was and is. And I gave into it and ashamed of it. I don't want to be anything like that poor excuse of manhood, including his irrational, self-projecting denials and turn-arounds. I did wrong, and it getting angry and physical made me not only feel weak but weak-minded. I should be above that--and better than him. I wasn't. When my mom dies, I will not have anything more to do with this little man and could care less for him. I am left now as an adult still feeling like that defenseless kid growing up with this pathetic monster. It's so pathetic. I have no fear of him now but just deep disgust and anger. And I don't know how to get rid of it--and want to badly. I ask God to help me with this. I love my family, and for the life of me, I would rather die than ever say a tenth of the horrible things to any of my love ones that this man has said to us. Growing up with this man made me feel oddly abandoned even though he was physically present in our lifes, emotional and spiritually robbed of our childhoods in many ways, and feeling unloved and unworthy. Even though now an adult, I can articulate and intellectually understand these emotional sources rationally, I am still left dealing with them, as is my sister. I guess, now after this long email, I just needed to write it out. I apologize for its length and rambling nature, but I see too I'm asking for prayers to any good God fearing people out there. There is still that child in me that remembers well the God of his youth and even now as an adult, there are days when I awake and breath in that first conscious breath of air that I have that same joyful contemplation of God's presence, or when I come home late and see the night time sky, I know God is all around. It is a deep, unshakable feeling of profound conenction. But I am still dealing with much unresolved anger and even hate. And I don't want these things in my heart. I want to be a good man. A loving man. A kind man. A genlte man. A strong man, emotionally, pyschologically, and spiritually. A God-fearing man. Please pray for me and my family. God bless.
  22. What do you think is the best way to help family members with money problems? How did someone help you that was effective?
×
×
  • Create New...