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Found 4 results

  1. First let me start by saying this is not about me, but my good friend who I will call Karen. So Karen has been with her husband for maybe 16 years, they have two boys ages 10 and 12. Their relationship has always been very rocky. She tells me that he lacks empathy, stays up really late on his phone and wont come to bed, has a temper and lashes out, and whines and guilts her into being intimate. She on the other hand can not apologize, is proud and wont admit her wrongs, she also has a temper. I have seen him parked around town texting, and he was let go from a few teaching jobs because of being inappropriate with teenage girls. I have been friends with her for probably 10 years, I have seen them going around in circles. Things get really bad to the point she almost leaves, and then they do counseling with couples from church, or she makes the same guy from church talk to him to try and change him. Things go.. ok for a little bit, but they both wont change. He does all the christian things, they even led a marriage bible study together. Recently they got into a big fight waiting for their boys to get out of Awana, and he just got out of the car and walked away in the dark, her and her boys drove around looking for him for a long long time, she had to call for help to find him, which they finally did. Her boys were crying and now afraid he will do that again. This past week she told me she wanted to leave, but she financially cant because she is a stay at home mom, and he wont let her take the boys because she is "abusive", apparently he was yelling and calling her names. She left to stay at her parent's home for a few days. She is setting up a meeting between the guy from church to talk some sense into him. And so the cycle continues. I have a coffee date with her on Saturday. My question is at what point does she separate? How do you know if they will never change? Her mental and physical health is failing because of the stress. How do I advise her? How many chances does she give him? Does she stay for the next 50 years with him never changing and her becoming a shell of a person? Thank you
  2. source: marriagedivorce.com/article.html TWO BASIC ETHICAL QUESTIONS ASKED BY CHRISTIANS In discussing the subject of divorce, Christians find themselves asking two important questions: 1. Is a Christian ever justified in seeking divorce? 2. Once divorced, may a Christian re-marry? In an attempt to answer these important questions, we submit the following: The Three Main Schools of thought amongst Christians on the subject of Divorce and ReMarriage are: Position 1 If one of the partners in the marriage bond is guilty of adultery then on the authority of Matthew 5:31,32 and Matthew 19:1-9, the innocent party has Scriptural grounds for divorce and subsequent remarriage. However, if the guilty party repents and seeks forgiveness, then forgiveness should be extended, and every endeavor should be made to re-build the marriage relationship. Position 2 If one of the partners in the marriage bond is repeatedly guilty of adultery, and seems to be unrepentant and not willing to change, then forgiveness should be granted but reconciliation is not expected. The innocent party, in this instance, has Scriptural grounds for divorce and remarriage on the authority of Matthew 5:31,32 and Matthew 19:1-9. We at High Calling Ministries NZ hold to the following position: Position 3 If one or both of the partners in the marriage bond are guilty of adultery, this does not give the innocent or guilty parties Scriptural grounds for divorce. Marriage is to be regarded as a binding life-long covenant, which can only be terminated by the death of one of the partners. Contrary to popular opinion, none of the following are Biblical grounds for divorce: * Adultery * Homosexuality * Fornication * Abuse * Unfaithfulness * Alcoholism * Desertion * Prostitution * Cruelty * Insanity * Sodomy Etc…………. The marriage vows made to each other before many witnesses, the minister and God, are binding and hold each other accountable for better for worse, till death do us part. Each partner in this marriage bond is to realize that, as opposed to being a contract which has escape clauses and penalty clauses; marriage is a sacred covenant which binds the couple together with an unbreakable vow made to God. The Exception Clause The references in Matthew 5:31,32 and Matthew 19:1-9, when read in the NIV Bible and many other versions, state that marital unfaithfulness is Biblical grounds for divorce. This is deduced from the clause in the King James and other older versions, where the wording read “except it be for fornication”. The NIV translators considered this to be equivalent to “marital unfaithfulness”, which is not an accurate translation of the original Greek text. The Greek word Porneia means fornication (i.e. pre-marital sexual relationships). The Biblical Hebrew Custom When culturally understood this phrase “except it be for fornication”, refers to the Hebrew custom of courtship/engagement before marriage and allows for breaking the “engagement” in the event of fornication (i.e. pre-marital sexual relationships). This is the position that Joseph and Mary found themselves in, as recorded in Matthew 1:18-20. Joseph was espoused (or engaged) to Mary and before they came together in marriage, she was found to be pregnant. Joseph thus contemplated exercising his legal rights to put his wife away by giving her a bill of divorcement. In the Hebrew customs, she was considered to be his wife during the time of the binding epousal period, even though they had not officially come together in the covenant of marriage. The exception clause is only found in Matthew’s gospel, as this was written primarily to Jewish believers, and is regarded as the Kingdom Gospel. Mark 10:10-12 and Luke 16:18 address the subject of divorce and re-marriage, but do not include the exception clause. The reason for this is that both Mark and Luke were written with more Gentile readership in mind than Matthew’s gospel. In the ancient Greek/Gentile and Modern Western cultures we do not adhere to the 9 to 12 month’s bind espousal period and thus, the gospels of Mark and Luke naturally omit the exception clause, as it is irrelevant. Further Biblical Explanation about Betrothal/Espousal Betrothal/Espousal -Divorce of a betrothed wife. Betrothal among the Jews in Biblical times took place nine to twelve months before marriage. The bride being in all respects bound as a wife, she could be freed only by death or divorce, under the same divorce laws as the married woman. During the espousal period of between nine to twelve months before the marriage proper took place, the woman who was betrothed or espoused was regarded as the man’s wife, and he as her husband, even though they had not sexually come together or made their marriage vows. Deuteronomy 22:23 (Sleeping with a betrothed/espoused damsel was regarded as with sleeping with another man’s wife). Matthew 1: 18-21 (Mary was only betrothed/espoused to Joseph when she was found pregnant. They were not properly married and thus, according to Hebrew custom he could put away his espoused wife by giving her a writing of divorcement. Death (not divorce) was the penalty for adultery in Old Testament times. Leviticus 20: 10 (A man committing adultery with another man’s wife must be put to death). Leviticus 18: 20 (Adultery defiles a man and makes him ritually unclean) Deuteronomy 22: 22 (A man and a woman committing adultery: both must die)
  3. I need help that only God can give me, strength that I don't have, joy and peace that has been shaken, and I'm fighting fear, which is not of God. It's been a week since my wife left me. She had distanced herself from me and I confronted her and, long story short, she said that she didn't want this. She said that she doesn't want to be married anymore. This came out of nowhere and it completely rocked my world. She wants a different type of life. She says that she's missed out on some things and she wants to pursue them without the entanglements of commitment or the weight of marriage. But she has not asked for divorce. She's been out of the house sleeping at a friend's house who has a vacant room. To keep the kids secure, she's coming in before they wake up so that she can take them to school; then she picks them up and is here until my 11yr old goes to bed for the night; then she's gone. We went to church as a family and also shared Thanksgiving, however that was the worse thanksgiving I've ever had. This is a satanic attack and he wants to destroy my marriage, kids, and ministry. I instantly saw my children's future and it frightened and saddened me. I've explained this to her, but she's blinded by the enemy. I love her so deeply. I am depressed, lonely and sad. I fought for understanding and tried every logical and theological argument that she would tolerate. FTR, I don't believe she's sleeping around. She's a descent woman and she loves the Lord, but she's seduced by Satan and doesn't know it. Her heart has grown hard and cold to the influence of God's word. God has revealed to me that she will be back, but the pain doesn't go away...the fear doesn't either. I just gave it to God and told her that I won't stress her anymore over it. I told her that I would support her aspirations, and I would be here for her in whatever way she needed me to reach her goals. But this is so risky and I know it's an satanic attempt to rip our lives apart. Without God's intervention I'm witnessing the beginning of the end of my marriage. This hurts beyond description. I don't know what to do other than cry, support her and love her pray for her. Anything else will only serve to drive a wedge between us. There's still a connection and there's still hope. I'm open to ideas or testimonies that may give me hope. I don't understand, and I'm severely depressed. I don't eat and I've lost 10 lbs since she told me last week. I'm praying that everything falls back in place. Pray that I be the man that she needs. Pray that she has the success that she needs while our marriage is still intact, so that she won't think that even with this Arrangement it still is an obstacle that needs to be removed. Pray that God softens her heart and restore her affection for me. Pray that the Lord bring restoration to our relationship. Of course my heart is broken. I am devastated. I am undone. But I believe that the effectual fervent prayer of the righteous will avail. I believe that if we ask and I will receive my wife back. I need prayer for strength so that I can endure this. Thank you, pray my strength in the Lord.
  4. Here is an article on the Biblical principles of separation from the word that I found. Seems like this is one Biblical principle that is way too often overlooked by christians today, but it is more clearly taught in the bible than many other teachings. I guess this is one of the 'camels' that some may have missed while straining at that 'gnats'. Hopefully the length of the article hasn't bored you... Edit : Maybe one of you Moderators can move this to the General discussion section. I guess I wasn't really posting a doctrinal question; just an sharing a general observation.
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