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Hello everyone I'm new and don't know where to post this particular problem of mine, but what I ask for is opinion, advice, and prayer while sticking to the truth. I've decided to post this the way I wrote my own prayer to our Lord Jesus Christ. Here goes..."Jesus please help me. I've been both blessed and cursed with good looks. My only goal in life has been to get married and raise a family the old fashioned way. In normal life I have not been successful in dating, because my intention has been to develop a relationship resulting in marriage. The beautiful girls that I've had the misfortune of meeting have checkered pasts/children and a reputation for sleeping around with anyone that makes their cut. The normal girls usually want to play silly games that they use for weeding out wusses and men they judge of not being worthy of their time. With only 3 relationships in my life, 2 of them ending up in me being used and the last resulting in my breaking a heart because I truly wasn't in love as much as I tried to be, the memory still haunts me to this day. I've been looking for a church with the intention of strengthening my faith and meeting a good woman. After much frustration dealing with people in the world I decided to stop looking and dedicate myself to walking God's path. Being unemployed for a good while I found a job (Thank You Lord) and finally found a church that I found to really help me (Thank You again Jesus). However where I thought I was safe to be free of ogling eyes and the temptation of lust, a female pastor that I've met and seen several times started to preach for the first time in front of me, and her sermon affected me in a way I can't even put into words. It suddenly seemed like a veil came off and I only just noticed her for the first time, after the sermon I walked over to tell her how much what she said gave me hope, and it was then that I realized for the first time just how beautiful she was. To make it short she left me stuttering and I made a fool of myself not to mention I tripped over my feet walking away. A week passed realizing that she hadn't left my mind a single day and found myself looking for opportunities to ask her out, but I also realized I was committing idolatry because instead of having God on my mind it was her. So I decided to focus on work, stop looking myself and leave it to God. I've been fine for a good few weeks until a moment came where I gave a testimony of how God came into my life. Thinking it was going to make people look at me with disgust (because I used to be into drugs) it touched her and she started to tell everyone how my story touched her, after that we spoke briefly but if felt so comfortable unlike so many times in the past. Now when we look at each other she lights up and my heart aches and give a smile right back, and when we each think the other isn't looking we take glances at each other. Suddenly the main pastor of the church who in my mind has never taken me seriously (like so many other men in my past due to my looks) and has made hurtful comments about me in the past, took it upon himself to "intercede" and subtly paint me in one of his sermons as a faithless wolf in sheeps clothing looking for a way to manipulate and take advantage of one of his flock into a poisonous relationship to satisfy ego and lust. Afterwards she wouldn't even look in my direction and I felt like the hope in my balloon was popped by a mean kid at the playground and this isn't the first time this mean kid has "TAKEN" my hope for no reason. Please help me Jesus, help me focus more on you, protect me from that boaster of a pastor (who boasts of himself and his accomplishments while tagging a weak thanks to the Lord), protect me from the evil one and my own self destructive thoughts. If she's the one for me please bring us together Lord if not, let your will be done and not mine."