Search the Community

Hi to all, thank you for accepting me in your forum. I just want to start by saying please understand that I am not wanting to cause a discussion fuelled in an argumentative way. I have questions that maybe god will help you in answering for me. I am not a closed book and in a way I am hoping that god will speak to me through someone on here. God has been on my mind more and more in recent times, last night was the first time I have looked into a Christian forum. I read a post from an 18 yo on hear named teenyquestionss and it inspired me to join as it rang true to me. If you want to read his forum it was in regards to will god really send people to hell I did reply in his thread but wanted to open up the discussion further for my own questions and ideas that I have Below is pretty much a copy and paste on what I wrote but changed a few things to suit a new thread. For a background on myself I am a backslidden man. I grew up in a pentecostal church and at the age of 15 I turned to the god I was taught. I am 34 now and will still say with confidence I knew god for a time, I truly had a genuine relationship with god and knew he was with me through everything. I found he spoke to me a lot through the bible but some of the closest times was just sitting in bed talking to him and asking him to show me the truth and how to live. However at 18 I made a concious decision to turn away from the Lord. This didn't come out of the blue as a combination of allowing worldly desires to dwell in my mind and in turn loosing touch in my relationship with god I remembered a verse in the bible that says something like people that sit on the fence will be spat out. It's better to be either hot or cold but not lukewarm. (something along them lines anyway). I took this verse as literal as it seemed to say to me and turned away. Going into drugs alcohol etc. Seemed to me the way to show that I wasn't sitting on the fence. 16 years away from god and I feel like he is on my mind more and more recently. There has still been times when I have reflected on God but never to the point of where I am now and reading these Christian forumns. This is a first for me. Please know that I wish I didn't backslide, having a relationship with god was and will always be the best time of my life. What this time away has done however is given me the opportunity to see christianity from different perspectives. I have developed a wide variety of friends over this time from many different beliefs and backgrounds and is part of the reason why what teenyquestionss asked really rang true to me. We truly are moulded into the people that our enviroment sets for us. I remember upon reflection on when my relationship started with god, it did not happen the "traditional way". (Pentecostal church you go to the front and give your heart to god). It happened after a conscious decision to turn to him. I was in the school yard and thought I want to know you. I started reading the bible but more than that I just started talking to him, all the time. Asking him to guide me through everything. The change was imediate. I wanted to know him and he responded to my hungry heart. As crazy as this might sound, even though I chose him in my heart I honestly thought that I would still go to hell unless I went to the front of the church and publicly give my heart,to god. This is what is taught on how to do it. I am pretty sure it was a few months before I made that plunge up the front. I always felt intimidated and embarrased to put myself in a public position like that so it was hard for me. After that I was in I guess you could say. I was doing the church stuff and maintaining a relationship with god for a time. Through this time however I began to have this feeling that the church was missing something. I didn't know what but knew the feeling was there. I defiantly don't want to blame the church for backsliding that is far from the truth. Some of the most genuine beautiful people that I love still go and have a deep relationship with god. But there was defiantly an element of the politics that goes on behind the scenes that did contribute to taking my eyes of god. When I think back it is so true when you take your focus of god all these other hidden desires and traits have room to get at you and it can snowball quickly. I really do feel god is tugging on me atm but I have these questions that won't go away. Questions that as a Christian you should not ask. Much like your question teenyquestion. My questions may go a bit deeper in the sense that I question the bible as the be all and end all of god's word. As I mentioned I did know god, I found him through Christianity and the bible I cannot deny that. The verses that always rang more true than anything else was to love god with all your heart sole and mind, love your neighbour, draw close to him and he will draw close to you. He truly does honour that. Every religious group that is out there has separated themselves due to doctrine. I truly believe that mankind is born with a natural instinct to wonder where we come from. I do believe god has imparted this to us. In regards to atheists in my experience i found that religious judgements have the biggest impact on them. It fuels there fire and maybe the very cause of there existence. Please know when I say the word judgements I mean it in the sense that we propose a belief based on someone's personal belief and if your not in your not in. My question - is religion (Christianity) and it's doctrines the biggest blocker in itself to truly know god? I am really beginning to think that is so. I believe in god, I felt god and believe I had a relationship with him. I truly believe that people in any religion that has a heart seeking the god that is higher than themselves they are in the right place. I use to ask these questions as a Christian and you are always shut down because of a doctrine in the bible and the word of just have to have faith. But i realise that these doctrines are in place to set one group away from another. Is it money, power, politics, GREED? In saying this though i found god thanks to my church upbringing and i may very well find him again the same way. I can always have that testimony. I feel church helps and hinders at the same time though because of judgmental attributes connected to it.