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Shalom to all my Brothers and Sisters in Christ! I have been ministering for 4 years online as well as in Federal Prisons along with a few churches between Canada and France. I have been called to an online vocation to be accessible to all, worldwide. While some curious struggling unbelievers may never find courage to enter a traditional church, strong believers at times also cannot attend for various reasons. Using online platforms ,I make myself available to people whom fall in such category. In essence, I am open minded and open my door for anyone in need whether its for one on one prayers, bible studies, Christian counselling, support, encouragement, fellowship or simply to have Christian oriented guidance, I am here on this forum to do my part in Jesus's Kingdom. Looking forward to meeting you all. Best.
This has troubled me for such a long time, and consumed my thoughts for over 4 months. I have committed a sin towards God, myself and to the man courting me 2 years ago. This young man was wooing me to be his girlfriend. We both had no experience on being in a relationship at that time. He got baptized and became a Christian. He got busy with church activities and fellowshiping with his churchmates. We lost communication and I got lonely. When a married man showed affection towards me, I fell for his flatteries and I lost my virginity to him. Eventually I realized it is wrong and wanted to forget that married man so I dated another guy. I again became intimate with that second guy. They are both muslims. And I just recently became aware to not be yoked with an unbeliever when I became a Christian. So after 4 months from that encounter with those two men, the young Christian guy asked if I would say yes on being his girlfriend. I felt puzzled and disappointed as I thought he was already losing interest in me since he never spent time with me and only sent good morning text messages. I declined him for I felt I’m no longer worthy for him. God has punished my sins when I discovered I contracted HPV from the second guy I dated. I realized God has not forgotten about me. I knew it was His way for me to not do sexual sins again by jumping to another relationship and so to prevent me from being broken hearted again. At that moment I felt the love of God that he punished my sins like a father to a Child. I recognized I’m a child of God. I wanted to repent and be reconciled with God. So when opportunity comes when a friend invited me to bible studies and to attend church, I decided to just go along with what God has been pointing me to do. I got baptized and became a Christian last year. I have been struggling since change is very difficult for me. I am not used to going to church religiously and fellowshiping since I am an introvert. The young Christian guy is now my church mate. One of our church mate has recently became his girlfriend. I felt devastated, for I realized I lost my opportunity of having a Godly husband. Months before that I knew he still loves me and wanted to still pursue me, since that was his friends are telling me and that I feel like he wanted to start courting me again. But every time he attempts to go near me and talk to me I would avoid him and cut our conversation short since I don’t want to give him hope because I am afraid to hurt him for what I did and I don’t want him to contract my STD if ever we got married. Now I am conflicted to whether I should confess my sins to him or to one of our female church elders. I am so embarrassed and afraid to confess since I know their perception of me will change. I would justify that I already confessed my sins to God and doing my best to repent, but I felt like it is not enough. I recognize it is also a form of sin to not do the Lord’s command to confess to one another. This secret has becoming such a burden to me and making me so depressed. Everytime I would like to confess I would loose courage and procrastinate about it. I would like to confess my sins to the young Christian guy cause I feel like I have wronged him that time, but I feel like It would just become a burden to him and that I will ruin his relationship with his girlfriend. Since apparently he still have feelings for me and that has made his girlfriend very insecure. I also feel like I should confess to a female elder since she can give a better counselling towards my predicament. This dilemma has been affecting my performance on my work, my everyday thoughts and passing my exams as it is making me so emotional lately. I also think this is stopping me from my spiritual growth and improving my relationship with God by not confessing my sins. I hope someone can give me good advice that could convince me on what to do. Thank you and God bless. (P.S. Sorry for the long post as I wanted to give you a good background on my situation)