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Hello, I'm a 19 year old female and I feel so down and frustrated. I've been a christian since I was 14. I accepted Jesus Christ at one of the worst points in my life. Even though I grew up as a PK (preacher Kid) I go to a christian university, I initially went to study pre-med but the Lord called me out of that major and it was a fight for myself because I kept trying to compromise doing something medical for my family and do something for God when he clearly did not want me in that field. After a whole year of getting closer to God and learning to hear his voice I'm now studying to do christian psychology and hopefully in the future do missionary work in Mexico and Hawaii. The thing is lately I have hit this really low point in my life. I don't have many friends, one at most. I feel super unwanted and just worthless. I know none of this is true and I know Jesus loves me very much but I haven't felt or heard God in what feels like months. I feel like I've hit such a dry season and I really don't know what to do anymore. People are being so mean to me lately and I've tried praying and asking people why and I get no answers. My home life seems to be at its worse and I just don't know what to do. Everything in my life seems to be going backwards from eveyrthing God initially promised me. Any advice or prayers would be nice. Thank you

Please,take time to read my post,please Since i got saved ive always doubted my salvation! always and having OCD makes it 10x worse! but Earlier today or the day before,I was convinced I was saved & I mean IVE BEING DOUBTING FOR 2 YEARS! since I was saved. But anyways,I watched a Video from pastor Francis Chan & he spoke on Lukewarm & Loving it.Which i felt convicted by,But i Wouldn't say I am lukewarm.Anyways since then,I went Online & looked at a list of signs your lukewarm,in some of the lists,I tick the boxes of being lukewarm & some lists I don't,but heres an analysis of Francis Chans list of SIGNS of lukewarmness: 1. Lukewarm people attend church fairly regularly. It is what is expected of them, what they believe “good Christians” do, so they go. Isaiah 29:13 I dont think that it makes me a good christian,but because I doubt my salvation,i use that as a reason that i'm saved 2. Lukewarm people give money to charity and to the church as long as it doesn’t impinge on their standard of living. If they have a little extra and it is easy and safe to give, they do so, After all, God loves a cheerful giver, right? 1 Chronicles 21:24, Luke 21:1-4 I havent even started given yet,I kind of feel convicted that I should be giving now,But ive never thought of giving yet 3. Lukewarm people tend to choose what is popular over what is right when they are in conflict. They desire to fit in both at church and outside of church; they care more about what people think of their actions (like church attendance and giving) than what God thinks of their hearts and lives. Luke 6:26, Revelation 3:1, Matthew 23:5-7 4. Ive never desired to fit in at church,to be honest I dont care,I dont even care about fitting in the world,I mean I do at times.I do wear smart clothes,for people to think im cool & for the attention to be on me though 4: Lukewarm people don’t really want to be saved from their sin; they want only to be saved from the penalty of their sin. They don’t genuinely hate sin and aren’t truly sorry for it; they’re merely sorry because God is going to punish them. Lukewarm people don’t really believe that this new life Jesus offers is better than the old sinful one. John 10:10, Romans 6:1-2.I want my sin gone,all of it,i desire to sin free and be like jesus christ! latelty i havent felt that "oh no ive sinned" feeling though,but i know in my mind ive sinned and I repent. 5. Lukewarm people are moved by stories of people who do radical things for Christ, yet they do not act. They assume such action is for “extreme” Christians, not average ones. Lukewarm people call “radical” what Jesus expected of all His followers. James 1:22, James 4:17, Matthew 21:28-31 Radical? i havent even thought about being radical yet? I have times when i think or imagine preaching in the jungle with the likes of Paul Washer lol 6. Lukewarm people rarely share their faith with their neighbors, coworkers, or friends. They do not want to be rejected, nor do they want to make people uncomfortable by talking about private issues like religion. Matthew 10:32-33 I share my faith,not as much as I can do though 7. Lukewarm people gauge their morality or “goodness” by comparing themselves to the secular world. They feel satisfied that while they aren’t as hard-core for Jesus as so-and-so, they are nowhere as horrible as the guy down the street. Luke 18:11-12 No,when i first got saved i was unhappy i didnt have a desire for god,now i doo have a desire..but now i want even more 8. Lukewarm people say they love Jesus, and He is, indeed, a part of their lives, their money, and their thoughts, but he isn’t allowed to control their lives. Luke 9:57-62 Jesus is in control of my life,maybe in some areas i reject him,but jesus is pretty much in control of my life,how i speak,what i listen to,how i act towards others,etc 9. Lukewarm people love God, but they do not love Him all their heart, soul, and strength. They would be quick to assure you they try to love God that much, but that sort of total devotion isn’t really possible for the average person; its only for pastors and missionaries and radicals. Matthew 22:37-38 I love jesus,but i want to love him more than my family,which is hard to do,but i want to! 10. Lukewarm people love others but do not seek to love others as much as they love themselves. Their love for others is typically focused on those who love them in return, like family, friends, and other people they know and connect with. There is a little love left over for those who cannot love them back, much less for those who intentionally slight them, who kids are better athletes than theirs, or with whom conversations are awkward or uncomfortable. Their love is highly conditional and very selective, and generally comes with strings attached. Matthew 5:43-47, Luke 14:12-14 I wont lie,i love some people more than others,im unhappy by that now,but i want to love more people,infact i struggle with that,when im judging someone or something,i change the thought & wrestle it casue everyones gods creation. 11. Lukewarm people will serve God and others, but there are limits to how far they will go or how much time, money, and energy they are willing to give. Luke 18:21-25 I dont think ive ever seen any limits in my serving? I guess there is some, 12. Lukewarm people think about life on earth much more often than eternity in heaven. Daily life is mostly focused on today’s to-do list, this week’s schedule, and next month’s vacation. Rarely, if ever do they intently consider the life to come. Philippians 3:18-20 Not even,im always anticipating the day christ returns for me & always wonder what heavens like 13. Lukewarm people are thankful for their luxuries and comforts, and rarely consider trying to give as much as possible to the poor. Matthew 25:34, 40, Isaiah 58:6-7 i havent even reached that yet 14. Lukewarm people do whatever is necessary to keep themselves from feeling too guilty. They want to do the bare minimum, to be “good enough” without requiring too much of them. 1 Chronicles 29:14, Matthew 13:44-46 I think I do this at times 15. Lukewarm people are continually concerned with playing it safe; they are slaves to the god of control. This focus on safe living keeps them sacrificing and risking for God. Matthew 10:28 nah 16. Lukewarm people feel secure because they attend church, made a profession of faith at age twelve, were baptized, come from a Christian family, vote Republican, or live in America. nope,not even,i feel secured because im saved 17. Luke warm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to. They don’t have to trust God if something unexpected happens-they have their savings account. They don’t need God to help them—they have their retirement plan in place. They don’t genuinely seek out what life God would have them live—they have life figured and mapped out. They don’t depend on God on a daily basis-their refrigerators are full and, for the most part, they are in good health. The truth is, their lives wouldn’t look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God. Luke 12:16-21 I live by faith,but i do doubt my faith at times in certain areas i wont lie 18. Lukewarm people probably drink and swear less than average, but besides that, they really aren’t very different from your typical unbeliever. They equate their partially sanitized lives with holiness, but they couldn’t be more wrong. Matthew 23:25-28, Luke 14:34-35 I accidentally swear at times,but i wouldn't say Im a swearer, Basically i don't meet all these,does this mean Im lukewarm though? i wouldnt say i am lukewarm,if you look into my life and non-believer,its totally different & even of those who just "believe" my problem is in that sermon,i dont know whether he was talkingto people who had being saved for years? cause ive being saved for 2years+ maybe & dont have those things,but i do have a desire for god & his things! my other posts which explains myself to give you an idea of me: I have OCD,to some of you guys,that is the doubting disease,which basically means OCD makes you doubt pretty much everything,at times I've doubted my sanity etc. So anyways,once I got saved I started to read my bible,but at this point I was a stupid Christian,I thought god should do everything for me.and when ever he didn't I would "temporarily" leave him,which was stupid and then I realised god doesn't owe me anything,he doesn't have to do anything for me,god is sovereign. From then the things that changed, my music taste changed,yes if I listen to my old music I can find it enjoyable,but I would feel uncomfortable, bause The music just seems like trash to me,utter garbage,I used to look up to these guys but now I think they're losers,which are going to hell,now I really want to be like guys like Tom Conway, Paul washer and ultimately Jesus. The differences in my life since I got saved; The music thing I don't steal illegal films online angmore ,I buy all my films I avoid looking at certain women so that I don't fall into lust I read my bible,everyday sometimes a little passage,but ibread it,sometimes I get bored with it,but when I find treasure in it I get so happy and ecstatic. I give Christian advice I tell people I am a Christian,when before I used to deny Christ. I remember,when I went to summer camp back when I was unsaved,I would get home and try be a nice person whatever,then it'll fade,now I'm progressing. I delite in Christ,truly I love Jesus Christ,I was going through this bad time and thinking of Christ was such a great comfort. Ive found myself crying at times when I hear a message of Christ,I never used to do that.at all. I truly now understand who Christ is,whereas when I was younger I probably never cared. I want a Christian wife,but I'm sacred I'm not "holy" enough at the moment. I don't talk to non-christian girls because I have no business with them,sometimes I fall into it but I cut It off.primarily because a non Christian girl doesn't interest me really,I just want to find a girl who loves Jesus like me. I find myself trying to follow gods commandements because I love him, and also its my duty as a Christian. Ever since I got saved I did make progress,i started to fight sin off,but I've realised I only really fought in certain areas; lust/porn/masturbation. And now I'm back to doubting my salvation because I've realised I have sin in other places,and now I'm back to square one of doubting my salvation. I'm also scared that I'm just fearing hell so I follow Christ,but truly I believe my fear of hell,overshadows my love for god. I love Jesus,he's being awesome to me,but I'm just scared 24/7. I've just realised that I'm really sinful lately,and kind of feel disgusting. Can someone advise me.I feel like when I started to move along in my walk,now I've stopped. But won't god finish the work he started in me? I'm relying to much on feelings as well,and sometimes don't take gods promises literally. But my question is,a non christian,wouldn't care if they were saved or not? There eyes haven't being open to these things.if you went up to a non believers and asked them if they were saved,in sure they wouldn't even care.:confused I'm a different person,than the one I was before all this