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  1. Sometime back, I was travelling and someone booked our tickets through an Airline I hadn’t flown before. Turbulence scares me and so I fast and pray each time I travel and so this time too I decided to fast until we land back on ground. Soon after settling down into my seat and fastening my seat belt, I felt a strong nudge from the Lord ‘Don’t make fasting a formula. Don’t be so uptight. Just be free. I want you to enjoy the flight. Now just break your fast.’ Firstly, like I said, I always fast when I travel. Number Two, the chances of some good food being readily available on the Aircraft is not much as the Airlines usually do not have much of a choice on the short domestic flights, usually some nuts or instant noodles kind of stuff. Thirdly and most importantly, I don’t want any turbulence when I fly. Usually, this fear wouldn’t allow me to feel relaxed and enjoy my flight. God knows it. This time, He wanted me to deal with that fear. I thought fasting was a better way to deal with fear, but God’s thoughts and His ways are higher than ours. That thought from God to break the fast continued in my mind. Repeatedly. Soon, the cabin crew began serving food to the passengers and to my surprise one of them stopped by my seat and asked me what I would like to have as they are serving complimentary food to all passengers. Now that was a totally unexpected surprise. The Lord not only spoke to me to break my fast but made arrangements for food. No prizes for guessing what I did, I went right ahead and said yes to the food. I broke my fast 30 thousand feet or so above sea level. A few moments later, there was a sudden jolt as the aircraft shuddered violently and seemed to drop down with a sudden force. It was quite scary. For a minute I thought that message I heard might not have been from God and so I started praying with a bit of desperation and fear. The turbulence went on for a few minutes. A little later, it subsided and the flying was smooth again. The Pilot’s calming voice announced that that there was another aircraft that flew just some 1000 feet above our aircraft which caused the turbulence. He reassured that we are now safe and it’s all good. Well, we landed back safely and on schedule. I flew without fasting and enjoyed some really good complimentary food. It was all good. Above all, I faced my fear and overcame it as I trusted and obeyed the voice of the Holy Spirit. I learnt something that day. I learnt that Jesus is more powerful than any fear. Yes, Jesus said, this kind shall go by prayer and fasting and there will be times of fasting and praying but not if we depend on a solution based only on fasting. His Word, His Command, His Love and His Authority is beyond fasting or anything else that we can do. Fear comes to intimidate us. That fear is just an illusion. If you give in you get yourself trapped into that fear. Remember what the Word says, ‘Resist the devil and he will flee.’ No fear is bigger than Jesus! My message to everyone out there, especially all the singles is this, no matter how single your circumstances are making you feel, it’s just an illusion. God is Love and if you will believe in Him you will find Love. Don’t give in to the fear or anxiety of how alone you are. Our God knows exactly what you feel. He knows exactly where you are. He will send Love your way and when you find it treasure it. Remember, before being defeated, Goliath, the giant intimidated everyone including the King. Then, David came to the scene. Can you imagine how alone David must have felt with everyone around him talking negative and being fearful? Moreover, instead of support there was criticism from his own brothers. And then, the intimidating threat from the giant continued not knowing that there was now someone new on the scene, someone ready to take up the challenge to fight, someone with no military qualification or resources but full of the Spirit of God. One stone in faith and the intimidation as well as the fear fell as though it was just an illusion! Whoever you are that’s reading this, no matter what it is that seems to be intimidating you, today, this message is just for you. Trust the Spirit of God. He is trying to say something to you. Read the Word of God, pray and listen to His voice, He will speak to you and show you that the Fear and anxiety that is intimidating you right now is only an illusion and will disappear in His presence. Psalm 23 A psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley,[a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
  2. First let me start by saying this is not about me, but my good friend who I will call Karen. So Karen has been with her husband for maybe 16 years, they have two boys ages 10 and 12. Their relationship has always been very rocky. She tells me that he lacks empathy, stays up really late on his phone and wont come to bed, has a temper and lashes out, and whines and guilts her into being intimate. She on the other hand can not apologize, is proud and wont admit her wrongs, she also has a temper. I have seen him parked around town texting, and he was let go from a few teaching jobs because of being inappropriate with teenage girls. I have been friends with her for probably 10 years, I have seen them going around in circles. Things get really bad to the point she almost leaves, and then they do counseling with couples from church, or she makes the same guy from church talk to him to try and change him. Things go.. ok for a little bit, but they both wont change. He does all the christian things, they even led a marriage bible study together. Recently they got into a big fight waiting for their boys to get out of Awana, and he just got out of the car and walked away in the dark, her and her boys drove around looking for him for a long long time, she had to call for help to find him, which they finally did. Her boys were crying and now afraid he will do that again. This past week she told me she wanted to leave, but she financially cant because she is a stay at home mom, and he wont let her take the boys because she is "abusive", apparently he was yelling and calling her names. She left to stay at her parent's home for a few days. She is setting up a meeting between the guy from church to talk some sense into him. And so the cycle continues. I have a coffee date with her on Saturday. My question is at what point does she separate? How do you know if they will never change? Her mental and physical health is failing because of the stress. How do I advise her? How many chances does she give him? Does she stay for the next 50 years with him never changing and her becoming a shell of a person? Thank you
  3. Are we living in a society that presumes all things are inclusive for one another? All inclusive meaning, "if you are not educated about the facts, some imbecile is going to try and provoke you, then steal your position as they are very likely coveting you. They can only break in and steal the house with someone uneducated by the law. The commandments of the "sermon on the mount?" Can our society continue to divorce each other and not commit trespasses while remarrying? Test the Spirits, these are the laws of the prophets. 1 Corinthians 14:32. Revelation 1:4 John to the seven churches that are in Asia: Grace to you and peace from him who is and who was and who is to come, and from the seven spirits who are before his throne,
  4. I view (1 Corinthians 7:25-31 ) bible passage as a Warning for Christians to Not idolize and/or Not to worship the practice of looking for a Christian spouse. ( 1 Corinthians 7:25-31 ) 25 Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who [a]by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. 26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man [c]to remain as he is.27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have [d]trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. 29 But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; 30 and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; 31 and those who use the world, as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away. However, I'm trying to reconcile ( 1 Corinthians 7:25-31 ) bible passage warning with the following biblical narratives -Jacob & Rachel's Love Story, and their ensuing Relatively Happy marriage -David & Michal's relationship, and their ensuing failed marriage Let's start off with Jacob & Rachel's Love Story. The (Genesis 29:9-12) bible passage seems to show Jacob letting his loving emotions for Rachel get the better of him by -being so eager to roll the stone from the mouth of the well so that Rachel's sheep can drink water -, and how he embraced Rachel by kissing her, and lifted his voice and wept -Furthermore, (Genesis 29:15-20) states that "Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her" Essentially, what I'm trying to emphasize in listing out the aforementioned points is that Jacob seems to have gone against (1 Corinthians 7:25-31 ) bible passage Warning Against idolizing and/or worshipping the practice of looking for a spouse because Jacob let's his loving emotions for Rachel get the better of him. Moreover, despite Jacob's initial actions, he goes on to have a reasonably successful marriage with Rachel. Genesis 29:4-12 (NASB) 4 Jacob said to them, “My brothers, where are you from?” And they said, “We are from Haran.” 5 He said to them, “Do you know Laban the son of Nahor?” And they said, “We know him.” 6 And he said to them, “Is it well with him?” And they said, “It is well, and here is Rachel his daughter coming with the sheep.” 7 He said, “Behold, it is still high day; it is not time for the livestock to be gathered. Water the sheep, and go, pasture them.” 8 But they said, “We cannot, until all the flocks are gathered, and they roll the stone from the mouth of the well; then we water the sheep.” 9 While he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherdess. 10 When Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, Jacob went up and rolled the stone from the mouth of the well and watered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother. 11 Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted his voice and wept. 12 Jacob told Rachel that he was a [c]relative of her father and that he was Rebekah’s son, and she ran and told her father. Genesis 29:15-20 New American Standard Bible 1995 15 Then Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my [a]relative, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?” 16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 And Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful of form and face. 18 Now Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” 19 Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than to give her to another man; stay with me.” 20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her. Now let's try to analyze David & Michal's relationship which ultimately led to a failed marriage. David initial actions seems to be more aligned to (1 Corinthians 7:25-31 ) bible passage Warning Against idolizing and/or worshipping the practice of looking for a spouse because David responds to the different marriage proposal by stating for following: -For Merab's marriage proposal, he says, (1 Samuel 18:18) But David said to Saul, “Who am I, and what is my life or my father’s family in Israel, that I should be the king’s son-in-law?” -And initially for Michal's marriage proposal, he says, (1 Samuel 18:23) ...But David said, “Is it trivial in your sight to become the king’s son-in-law, since I am a poor man and lightly esteemed?” I mentioned the aforementioned points about David because David is cautious about getting married to one of the king's daughters which seems wise & cautious, and therefore, seems to align with (1 Corinthians 7:25-31 ) bible passage. However, even though David is at first cautious about Michal's marriage proposal, he ultimately accepts Michal as a wife. But, it's sad & strange that despite David's cautiousness which could be seen as being wisefully thoughtful about Michal's proposal, their marriage is a failure because we can read about the breakdown in (2 Samuel 6:16-23) bible passage that shows Michal's spite for David's dancing leaping and dancing in order to celebrate the return of the ark of The Lord. Ultimately, Michal mocks David face-to-face, and then ends up having No children for the rest of her life. (1 Samuel 18:17-27) 17 Then Saul said to David, “Here is my older daughter Merab; I will give her to you as a wife, only be a valiant man for me and fight the Lord’s battles.” ....more scripture.............18 But David said to Saul, “Who am I, and what is my life or my father’s family in Israel, that I should be the king’s son-in-law?” 19 So it came about at the time when Merab, Saul’s daughter, should have been given to David, that she was given to Adriel the Meholathite for a wife. 20 Now Michal, Saul’s daughter, loved David. When they told Saul, the thing was agreeable [a]to him. ....more scripture.............Therefore Saul said to David, “For a second time you may be my son-in-law today.” 22 Then Saul commanded his servants, “Speak to David secretly, saying, ‘Behold, the king delights in you, and all his servants love you; now therefore, become the king’s son-in-law.’” 23 So Saul’s servants spoke these words to David. But David said, “Is it trivial in your sight to become the king’s son-in-law, since I am a poor man and lightly esteemed?” 24 The servants of Saul reported to him [c]according to these words which David spoke. 25 Saul then said, “Thus you shall say to David, ‘The king does not desire any dowry except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to take vengeance on the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul planned to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. 26 When his servants told David these words, [d]it pleased David to become the king’s son-in-law. [e]Before the days had expired 27 David rose up and went, he and his men, and struck down two hundred men among the Philistines. Then David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. So Saul gave him Michal his daughter for a wife. 2 Samuel 6:16-23, New American Standard Bible (NASB) 16 Then it happened as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David that Michal the daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart. 17 So they brought in the ark of the Lord and set it in its place inside the tent which David had pitched for it; and David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the Lord. 18 When David had finished offering the burnt offering and the peace offering, he blessed the people in the name of the Lord of hosts. 19 Further, he distributed to all the people, to all the multitude of Israel, both to men and women, a cake of bread and one of dates and one of raisins to each one. Then all the people departed each to his house. 20 But when David returned to bless his household, Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, “How the king of Israel distinguished himself today! He uncovered himself today in the eyes of his servants’ maids as one of the foolish ones shamelessly uncovers himself!” 21 So David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel; therefore I will celebrate before the Lord. 22 I will be more lightly esteemed than this and will be humble in my own eyes, but with the maids of whom you have spoken, with them I will be distinguished.” 23 Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death. To conclude, Jacob's love for Rachel leads to overemotional enthusiastic actions that suggest his emotions are getting the better of him. Jacob's actions seem to go Against the (1 Corinthians 7:25-31 ) warning. David's initial cautiousness seems to be a sign of being wisefully thoughtful, and in turn, seems to align with the (1 Corinthians 7:25-31 ) warning. Sadly, David's marriage to Michal fails. Could someone please try to give their opinions about the aforementioned intertextual scripture-interprets-scripture analysis?
  5. Hi all, I have been married to my wife for about two years now and I am starting to have concerns about the kind of person my wife is. I apologize if this is kind of long but I am not super comfortable taking this to any one I know irl yet. I would like to start off with my wife and I both attend a local Korean Baptist church. I am a life long Christian and my wife told me she was born again when we first started dating (about 3 years ago). Anyways, my wife and I have been married for about 2 years and dated/engaged for 1 year prior. We met at an energy related conference. When I first saw her she knocked me through a loop. She looked gorgeous. She is unusually tall for an Asian woman (6'1"), long black hair, deep dark eyes, and amazing figure. When I first talked to her she was just so incredibly sweet and bubbly. There was just a sweet wholesome innocence and exuberance about her, the best way to describe her was kawaii. I was super excited to find out that she was a Christian and we hit it off. Through the courtship and the first year and a half of our marriage things were absolutely perfect. That entire time she was very sweet, very good natured, and just a joy to be around. She is very very intelligent but there was always a naive innocence about her. Anyways within the last couple months I have been noticing that her bubbly good natured innocence may be an act and she may be a wolf in sheep's clothing. I had always thought that she was super moral but now I don't know. I don't know what I should do.
  6. If you have a chance, please do read the entire parable of the Shrewd Manager in Luke 16. The verses that real caught my attention are: ( Luke 16:8-9 ) 8 And his master praised the unrighteous manager because he had acted shrewdly; for the sons of this age are more shrewd in relation to their own kind than the sons of light. 9 And I say to you, make friends for yourselves by means of the wealth of unrighteousness, so that when it fails, they will receive you into the eternal dwellings. Let me be very frank, I am really bad when it comes to doing business. I'm Not saying that I am wasteful when it comes to spending money. I am reasonably careful with mony. It's Not like I click purchase on every item that I like on amazon.com However, a used car salesman can probably sell me a piece of junk as a car, and I'd probably Only find out as soon as I drive it off the car dealership's parking lot. Basically, I'm Not that business-minded. Therefore, I would consider myself to be like the "sons of light" who are relatively Not as shrewd as the "sons of this age" In my family, my Dad was shrewd at business, but my Mom is Not. Therefore, my Dad would handle negotiations when we wanted to buy a car or a house, etc. One of my concerns as I communicate with Christian ladies for dating is whether or Not they are shrewd at business. It's sort of a Drawback if both of us were like the "sons of light". Could someone please provide their opinion/feedback in regards to the aforementioned case?
  7. David & Michal's relationship does lead to marriage which is recorded in 1 Samuel 18:27. However, I was wondering how Christians who are seeking to date/court someone or are already in a courting/dating relationship can learn from David & Michal of the bible. A) We start off with Michal loving David which is clearly stated in 1 Samuel 18:20 (which could also suggest/hint/indicate that Michal & David did know each other before getting married, and so we can sort of assume that this was Not really an arranged marriage which is a common custom in ancient times, and also still quite a common custom presently practiced in the region of South Asia( Indian subcontinent ). To be more specific, it is Not like an arranged marriage where the man and woman may Only communicate for a really short period of time( like 5 minutes to an hour or so), and then decide to get an arranged marriage with the blessing of the man's family and the woman's family B) As premised by point A) above David & Michal did know each other for some period of time prior to their marriage. Therefore, we can probably assume that David knew that Michal had a household idol in her possession which is evidenced in 1 Samuel 19:13. Since David & Michal are both Jews in Ancient Israel, we have to wonder why David was Not troubled by the fact that his betrothed had a household idol which categorically violates the 1st commandment of the 10 commandments. So from a modern perspective, Christians who are dating/courting should make note of behaviours/actions that categorically violates their Christian faith. For example, if the person who you are courting/dating is repeatedly & knowingly listening to inappropriate music(i.e music with sexual connotations, bad language, etc.) then those would be clear warning sign that you should end the relationship, and Not marry said person C) When we read 2 Samuel 6:16-23 , we know that they are already married because it was previously mentioned that David married Michal in 1 Samuel 18:27. However, could Christians who are still in courtship/dating learn something from 2 Samuel 6:16-20 even though 2 Samuel 6:16-23 recounts a story about David & Michal after they were married ? Let me explain. The narrative in 2 Samuel 6:16-23 which emphasizes Michal's strong feelings of severe disgust/spite/embarrassment when she sees David's dancing during worship which may have been Unsophisticated/Inelegant/"Uncool" from her perspective. Subsequently, Michal harshly criticizes 2 Samuel 6:20 by saying a condescending manner: (2 Samuel 6:20b)......“How the king of Israel distinguished himself today! He uncovered himself today in the eyes of his servants’ maids as one of the foolish ones shamelessly uncovers himself!” Based how we read 2 Samuel 6:16-23 , we can probably assume that Michal was very arrogant towards David because he was dancing during worship. Do Not get me wrong, I understand if a spouse/(partner in courtship/dating) might mildly rebuke whomever they have married/presently courting/dating for singing too loudly in worship or dancing in a goofy manner. But I believe that Michal's response in 2 Samuel 6:20b is a lot harsher and a lot more critical than a mild rebuke. D) Finally, if we are Christians who are in courtship/marriage, we can probably make some noteworthy assumptions from 2 Samuel 6:23 which states: (2 Samuel 6:23) Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death Some readers might say that due to Michal's overly harsh criticism of David, God would Not allow Michal to have children which is probably why Michal Never had any children till the day of her death, even if David may have continued to have sexual relations with Michal during their marriage. However, another perspective could lead us to assume that due to Michal's overly harsh criticism of David , David himself Stopped having any kind of sexual relationship with Michal which is probably why Michal Never had any children till the day of her death. This 2nd perspective would bring up the questions: "Should Christians who are in a courting/dating relationship just end their relationship ASAP( which is sort of symbolized by David Not having sex with Michal after her overly harsh criticism) with their partner after an experience similar to the one David had with Michal in 2 Samuel 6:16-23 ? In others, should we single Christians clearly make note of the fact that we should Never date/court someone who is overly harsh & excessively arrogant in life like 2 Samuel 6:16-23's Michal?"
  8. There is someone (A) I love who will never be mine, and in no way i'll get married to her. I still like her. I might get married (arranged marriage) to someone else who I might not love. Is it okay to be still in love with this A. Even if I don't act on it or commit adultery or have vile thoughts. Is it okay to be married with someone you might not fall in love or is it better to be single? Edit; I am a student (20) and I aspire to be a Man of God.
  9. I would like to know what the Bible calls covenant marriage. Some say if a marriage is held in a Church i.e inviting Jesus to this union, it is a covenant marriage. Some say if two consummate it makes covenant. Some say a marriage that is done in a Church and consummated is a covenant marriage. If a believer falls for a non-believer and gets married in a civil court or somewhere other than church but for some reasons they couldn’t consummate the marriage, will this be called a covenant marriage? 2nd question sometime after their marriage the non-believing spouse also becomes believer but still they couldn’t consummate, will this still qualify for covenant marriage? 3rd question shall either of these divorce their spouse stating non-consummation as a reason according to Bible?
  10. Hello, I have started doing some research on my spouses behavior which has led me to believe "narcissism" is the most logic explanation. I know this discovery will be discredited by the narcissist, just because of the nature of character. What can I do to lovingly point out there is a problem? I am being disrespected, put down, hated on etc. Have I maid mistakes in our relationship? Absolutely. Grave ones and I took responsibility and asked God and my spouse for forgiveness. I know God has forgiven me. For my spouse, my mistakes are just more fuel on the ever-burning fire of anger, disapproval and a reason to treat me poorly. Forgiveness does not exist, neither does my marriage. We have 7 children and both "claim" to be Christians. Thank you for your help!
  11. Why wouldn't a husband leave you alone if they refuse to respect a boundary that they are well aware of? Is that grounds for a divorce? What if you want to leave but they just keep on coming back; him and his family making it impossible for you to move on in a healthy manner?
  12. If you divorce or get married twice is that a sin?
  13. I am in serious need of advice on what to do in regards of my potential girlfriend. A year ago, I was turned away from God, and I had sex with my ex girlfriend in a relationship that had no real love, as it revolved around lust. Now in the present, I’ve found an amazing Christian girl who has been a huge catalyst for my life turning around and me becoming a follower of Jesus. We have developed strong feelings for each other, and even though we currently stand as close friends, we’ve mutually established our feelings and desires to eventually turn it into a relationship. I’m scared to death because I know that it’s only right to let her know about my past sexually. Even though I’ve decided that I now want to save myself for marriage, the fact that I’m no longer pure eats away at me every day and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose her. I really hope she can look past my bad past and accept me for who I am today, because honestly, losing my virginity at 16 to a girl I didn’t even love is easily the biggest regret of my life. I really don’t know what to expect when I let her know about it. Please help me out and pray for me, any advice helps. God bless you all.
  14. This is a special message to all those who are experiencing a crippling situation in their life. Jesus laid down His life so that you can experience a full and free life. You don't have to look at your current circumstances and stay there. Look to Jesus. He will heal all your lameness.
  15. I wish to obtain approval to post this link on a post: its a trailer ( 0.28 seconds)
  16. My husband has struggled with porn since before marriage and continues in the cycle of me finding out, asking him, him lying until he realizes I’ve seen, then confessing and apologizing saying he won’t do it again. I always forgive and offer to support him if he’ll just be honest about it. This time it seems the content has gotten worse and he’s consistently searching for things about incest like brother/ sister, mother/son, father/daughter, and we have 3 young kids at home. With 1 being a daughter this really frightens me. Should I be worried about their safety if this type of porn is what interests him? What should I do? I’m not even sure how to approach this anymore as each time seems to escalate and him just finding better ways to hide it. I wish we could afford counseling but can’t. And I’ve asked him about going but he says no. How should I handle this?
  17. Hello everyone!!! So for those who checked out part 1, and part 2 , Part 3 is also available!!!! We continue looking into God's will for a partner. This time, we find out, does God's perfect partner for us exist? Is there someone who can fit you like a glove? Feel free to check it out.? God bless.
  18. I was just wondering about something. My husband told me I was his third love. As it should be Jesus is number 1 (but life has caused him to slip up) His mom is number 2 and I'm number 3. It bothers me because I thought we were supposed to put each other above others but and live in a way that God was at the center of our relationship and our lives. I still a little tired when he told me this but now my mind has enough time to pick it apart. I don't know maybe I'm over thinking this. Lately, if I evenly slightly disagree with something I just let it be because I don't know how to approach it or don't to seem disrespectful. Is this something I should have commented on or should I just respect what he said for his honesty?
  19. About a year ago, my husband and I had a miscarriage. This was after going through IVF to conceive, I was in a very dark place and started drinking heavily. One day we had some friends round for drinks including my husband's brother. My husband went to bed earlier and left me and our friends and his brother to it, he kept on asking me to come to bed but I wouldn't. I was very drunk but was aware of what was going on around me, his brother touched my thigh the odd time and when I would get up to get snacks he would follow me to the kitchen and touch my shoulder or whatever. I let it happen, my response should have been ew and gone to bed with my husband but instead I was excited by it. The next day his brother said he was so drunk he had no memory of the night before. He went home and I felt so guilty that I told my husband part of the truth that his brother had got a bit touchy feely. I however did not tell him that I had liked it and not stopped it from happening. I have no feelings for his brother at all, I feel sick when I think about it. Husband was angry but forgave me, he wanted to hit his brother up about it but I said there was no point as he did not remember. I feel that if he knew the whole story about me liking it at the time that he may not have forgiven me. I talked to my best friend about it and she just said that it was dumb and I should never do it again and I have learned from it. She doesn't think I need to feel guilty cause nothing really happened.. I quit my job recently and we did IVF again and this time I am pregnant by 6 weeks, now that all the emotions and stress of IVF are gone, feelings of guilt are resurfacing. I haven't thought about this incident in a year but now I want to throw up just thinking about it. I'm so scared he will leave me as he feels strongly about people cheating. I know that God has forgiven me but do I need to confess to my husband everything?
  20. How does one selflessly serve Christ while providing for a wife who is still very much desiring “worldly treasures”?
  21. I'm looking for good material online to help my husband and I overcome years of infidelity in our marriage, as well as numerous deceptions, alcoholism, depression, and anger management. Podcasts, articles, seminars, books... anything helps. God bless.
  22. I introduced a section within my first post in this series, as one of the most unbelievable scenarios you could read. In that section you have Rebekah and Jacob pulling off the deception of a lifetime, as Isaac is tricked into believing that Jacob was Esau merely by strapping a piece of sheepskin on Jacob's arm. I have to ask, have you ever seen sheep? They exceed the hair of man about 100 to one. While most would have run for their lives but not Jacob; and, I cannot give you any good reason why? As you see in Genesis 28:6-7, Isaac, after the deception, has instructed Jacob not to take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. After hearing this Jacob leaves toward Haran in order to comply and his mother goes with him. What just happened? Watch what Esau does. Genesis 28:6-7 NASB Now Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob and sent him away to Paddan-aram to take to himself a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he charged him, saying, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan," 7) and that Jacob had obeyed his father and his mother and had gone to Paddan-aram. This is the first time I noticed this aspect of the story. Note how it says, “and that Jacob had obeyed his father and his mother and had gone to Paddan-aram.” When you think about the reality of the situation and how furious Isaac should have been at Rebekah, then it makes all the sense in the world for her to with Jacob. Besides that, she may need to make the introductions and marriage arrangements for this favorite of sons. Esau, on the other hand, seeing how irritated his mother became about the women he married, (This is the same mother who deceived Isaac his father, and helped to cheat him out of his rightful inheritance,) went out and found himself a few more. Genesis 28:8-9 NASB So Esau saw that the daughters of Canaan displeased his father Isaac; 9) and Esau went to Ishmael, and married, besides the wives that he had, Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael, Abraham's son, the sister of Nebaioth. This next section focuses entirely on a dream that Jacob had. Indeed, it was a very vivid dream, in a manner similar to the dream that Abram had, it was as close to reality as you can come. You have to wonder how much understanding Jacob had about God, or where he got that understanding. The only thing we see is Isaac praying to the Lord in chapter 25. Isaac, being the son of Abraham, I can understand how and where he learned of the Lord, but the apparent influence on Jacob is not seen. Genesis 25:21-23 NASB Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren; and the LORD answered him and Rebekah his wife conceived. 22) But the children struggled together within her; and she said, "If it is so, why then am I this way?" So she went to inquire of the LORD. 23) The LORD said to her, "Two nations are in your womb; And two peoples will be separated from your body; And one people shall be stronger than the other; And the older shall serve the younger." Jacob's Dream - Genesis 28:10-22 But first Jacob has to kneel before his father, apparently at his father's demand. Genesis 28:1 NASB So Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and charged him, and said to him, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. This is the second time Jacob has been blessed, however, Isaac is well aware of the deceitful methods that were used on him. Without going any farther, I already see a prime example of the nature and character of God, as Isaac overlooks the “sin” and bestows a purposeful blessing upon Jacob. Blessed is the Hebrew word bāraḵ: A verb meaning to bless, kneel, salute, or greet. The verb derives from the noun knee and perhaps suggests the bending of the knee in blessing. Would we expect to see Isaac kneeling before Jacob at this point? Not a chance, so it is Jacob, this time with intention, kneeling before his father. Do you think it is possible that Isaac could bring some punishment upon this son? No, and again, this is an example of God's grace, as we too, caught in our sins, deserved punishment, but what happened? The Son Jesus took all punishment on our behalf. I am well aware that I have no key character, in this scenario, that takes the punishment for Jacob. What I do see, is Jacob suffering abuse, at not only the hand of Laban but his own sons when we get to them. Pay attention to what Isaac tells Jacob. Perspective: The flood has come and gone, and, with it, should have been the giants and the evil and violence that were associated not just with them, but people in general. And, secondly, this has taken place before Moses and prior to the law. Is that what happened? Not exactly, for men still had the right to choose how they would live, and the giants returned. Genesis 6:4 tells us that afterward, they showed up again. After what? The flood. “The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them. Those were the mighty men who were of old, men of renown.” Genesis 6:4 NASB Two pieces of evidence for giants after the flood comes from Numbers 13:33 and 2Samuel 21:16, both of which speak of giants still permeating the land. Canaan was one of those places and we learn of it when Israel sent 12 men to spy out the Land of Canaan. “You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan.” Do a word search and the first place Canaan shows up is in Genesis 9. Genesis 9:18-27 NASB Now the sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem and Ham and Japheth; and Ham was the father of Canaan. 19) These three were the sons of Noah, and from these the whole earth was populated. 20) Then Noah began farming and planted a vineyard. 21) He drank of the wine and became drunk, and uncovered himself inside his tent. 22) Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. 23) But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned away, so that they did not see their father's nakedness. 24) When Noah awoke from his wine, he knew what his youngest son had done to him. 25) So he said, "Cursed be Canaan; A servant of servants He shall be to his brothers." 26) He also said, "Blessed be the LORD, The God of Shem; And let Canaan be his servant. 27) "May God enlarge Japheth, And let him dwell in the tents of Shem; And let Canaan be his servant." Notice how Canaan is pointed out as the son of Ham; this is not a favorable distinction. Genesis 28:2 NASB "Arise, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel your mother's father; and from there take to yourself a wife from the daughters of Laban your mother's brother. The town of Bethuel gained it's origins in a man, as was the case with every city. Genesis 22:20-23 NASB Now it came about after these things, that it was told Abraham, saying, "Behold, Milcah also has borne children to your brother Nahor: 21) Uz his firstborn and Buz his brother and Kemuel the father of Aram 22) and Chesed and Hazo and Pildash and Jidlaph and Bethuel." 23) Bethuel became the father of Rebekah; these eight Milcah bore to Nahor, Abraham's brother. So here is your ancestry moment, It was told, Abraham: Milcah also has borne children to your brother Nahor Uz his firstborn and Buz his brother and Kemuel the father of Aram 22) and Chesed and Hazo and Pildash and Jidlaph and Bethuel." Kemuel produces a son Aram. Note the similarities to Paddan-aram! The son to be born to Nahor is Bethuel. Bethuel became the father of Rebekah Rebekah is the wife of Isaac, the mother of Esau and Jacob. This also means that Bethuel became the father of Laban. Jacob, still kneeling before his father Isaac, receives all these instructions and blessings; as though what he stole was not enough. Genesis 28:3-5 NASB "May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples. 4) "May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham." 5) Then Isaac sent Jacob away, and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau. “ May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples.” “May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham.” What were the blessings of Abraham? Genesis 12:1-3 NASB Now the LORD said to Abram, "Go forth from your country, And from your relatives And from your father's house, To the land which I will show you; 2) And I will make you a great nation, And I will bless you, And make your name great; And so you shall be a blessing; 3) And I will bless those who bless you, And the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the families of the earth will be blessed." Genesis 17:6-8 NASB "I will make you exceedingly fruitful, and I will make nations of you, and kings will come forth from you. 7) "I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your descendants after you. 8) "I will give to you and to your descendants after you, the land of your sojournings, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God." I will make you a great nation I will bless you and make your name great I will bless those that bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse. In you, all the families of the earth will be blessed. I will make you exceedingly fruitful and I will make nations of you kings will come forth from you I will establish my covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you … for an everlasting covenant. Be a God to you and to your descendants. And, I will give you and your descendants … all the land of Canaan for an everlasting possession. So, tell me, is this what you say to someone who has just deceived you? And yet, this is exactly what Isaac just did. “May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham.” Genesis 28:10-11 NASB Then Jacob departed from Beersheba and went toward Haran. 11) He came to a certain place and spent the night there because the sun had set; and he took one of the stones of the place and put it under his head, and lay down in that place. Haran, isn't that the place where Abram was and God told him to go to a land that He would show him? Yes, it is. But it is also the place where so many things will take place, and now Jacob is going there to find himself a wife. Fortunately, Jacob has his mommy with him to make the introductions; although we are not told that, it works for the moment. Genesis 11:26-31 NASB Terah lived seventy years, and became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran. 27) Now these are the records of the generations of Terah. Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran; and Haran became the father of Lot. 28) Haran died in the presence of his father Terah in the land of his birth, in Ur of the Chaldeans. 29) Abram and Nahor took wives for themselves. The name of Abram's wife was Sarai; and the name of Nahor's wife was Milcah, the daughter of Haran, the father of Milcah and Iscah. 30) Sarai was barren; she had no child. 31) Terah took Abram his son, and Lot the son of Haran, his grandson, and Sarai his daughter-in-law, his son Abram's wife; and they went out together from Ur of the Chaldeans in order to enter the land of Canaan; and they went as far as Haran, and settled there. Note this: “Terah took Abram his son, and Lot the son of Haran, his grandson, and Sarai his daughter-in-law, his son Abram's wife; and they went out together from Ur of the Chaldeans in order to enter the land of Canaan; and they went as far as Haran, and settled there. It seems God has His hands in everything, doesn't it? “He came to a certain place and spent the night there because the sun had set;” Genesis 28:19 NASB He called the name of that place Bethel; however, previously the name of the city had been Luz. “And he took one of the stones of the place and put it under his head, and lay down in that place.” Genesis 28:18-22 NASB So Jacob rose early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put under his head and set it up as a pillar and poured oil on its top. 19) He called the name of that place Bethel; however, previously the name of the city had been Luz. 20) Then Jacob made a vow, saying, "If God will be with me and will keep me on this journey that I take, and will give me food to eat and garments to wear, 21) and I return to my father's house in safety, then the LORD will be my God. 22) "This stone, which I have set up as a pillar, will be God's house, and of all that You give me I will surely give a tenth to You." God's house? This statement is immensely significant, and so is this, “and of all that You give me I will surely give a tenth to You.” Without any motivation of “law,” Jacob has made a commitment to tithe.
  23. This entire blog was spawned from a sermon entitled, What about Jacob? Or, can a man find healing in a woman? To make this brief, I did not understand, nor was I able to track with what the pastor said, as he tried to prove his point about Jacob. Sorry, I can't really see it but I am enjoying the study, as usual. As we finished part one of our look at Jacob, the grand deception was complete. Do you think Rebekah and Jacob gleefully danced around the campfire that night as they celebrated how well they pulled it off? Hardly, for Esau, as you will see, has every intention of killing Jacob once Isaac is dead. Notice how there is no concern on the part of Esau for how this will affect his mother. And, all this evokes another question, is it possible for Esau to regain his birthright? I don't think so, at least not in God's eyes. Cheating not only Esau but your father as well, you would think that Jacob would be gone already, but only minutes from now Issac calls Jacob before him and commands him to not a wife from the same cluster of women that Esau had chosen from. Isaac directs Jacob to Laban, Rebekah's brother. Maybe, Isaac knows full well what kind of man Laban can be considering the backhanded maneuver Rebekah has just pulled on Isaac. With that said, let's continue on. I mentioned in the previous post, that Esau did not take this selling of the birthright serious. If he had Wouldn't it seem logical to say something to Isaac? Wouldn't Isaac have known? Why would Esau bother to respond Isaac as though there was not a problem? “As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, when Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau his brother came in from his hunting.” Jacob logically only has seconds to get out of Esau's presence, and, his fathers. Genesis 27:30-37 ESV As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, when Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau his brother came in from his hunting. He also prepared delicious food and brought it to his father. And he said to his father, "Let my father arise and eat of his son's game, that you may bless me." His father Isaac said to him, "Who are you?" He answered, "I am your son, your firstborn, Esau." Then Isaac trembled very violently and said, "Who was it then that hunted game and brought it to me, and I ate it all before you came, and I have blessed him? Yes, and he shall be blessed." As soon as Esau heard the words of his father, he cried out with an exceedingly great and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me, even me also, O my father!" But he said, "Your brother came deceitfully, and he has taken away your blessing." Esau said, "Is he not rightly named Jacob? For he has cheated me these two times. He took away my birthright, and behold, now he has taken away my blessing." Then he said, "Have you not reserved a blessing for me?" Isaac answered and said to Esau, "Behold, I have made him lord over you, and all his brothers I have given to him for servants, and with grain and wine I have sustained him. What then can I do for you, my son?" The deception is pulled off, and now you would think that Jacob has to flee, an exile. And Esau is the reason. Genesis 27:38-41 NASB Esau said to his father, "Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father." So Esau lifted his voice and wept. 39) Then, Isaac, his father answered and said to him, "Behold, away from the fertility of the earth shall be your dwelling, And away from the dew of heaven from above. 40) "By your sword, you shall live, And your brother you shall serve; But it shall come about when you become restless, That you will break his yoke from your neck." 41) So Esau bore a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him; and Esau said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." So Rebekah calls Jacob in once again. Genesis 27:42-45 NASB Now when the words of her elder son Esau were reported to Rebekah, she sent and called her younger son Jacob, and said to him, "Behold your brother Esau is consoling himself concerning you by planning to kill you. 43) "Now, therefore, my son, obey my voice, and arise, flee to Haran, to my brother Laban! 44) "Stay with him a few days, until your brother's fury subsides, 45) until your brother's anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?" But Jacob still hasn't left. To make matters worse, we now learn of Esau's wives and what grief they are causing Rebekah. Genesis 27:45 NASB until your brother's anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?" In response to Rebekah, Issac calls Jacob in once more. Genesis 28:1-5 NASB So Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and charged him, and said to him, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. 2) "Arise, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel your mother's father; and from there take to yourself a wife from the daughters of Laban your mother's brother. 3) "May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples. 4) "May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham." 5) Then Isaac sent Jacob away, and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau. While Isaac's command is that he get a wife from Laban's daughters, we don't see anything that tells us he knows what he is looking for. Jacob, in a sense, stumbles upon Rachel, and she is a vision of how a girl should look. He wants her and is willing to work for her to get her. There is an irony here in that Rachel, is not an accident by any means, for Laban, her father is Jacob's uncle. (Consider: If Rebekah knew how to be devious it only makes sense that Laban, Rachel's father, would also know how to be underhanded.) Jacob makes no effort to negotiate for her but tells Laban that he will work seven years for her. (That timeframe may be significant on several levels. Seven is the number of perfection, redemption, and a theme that recurs throughout scripture.) It may be essential to consider Rachel's age at this time. I doubt he would have pursued her if he did not think she was old enough to marry. “Joseph married at about age 30 (Gen_41:45). This was old by Egyptian standards, since most males were still only boys when they married. Yet it is clear that a boy had to be not only sexually mature but also able to provide for his wife and thus settled in his occupation before he married. Girls seem to have married between about twelve and fourteen. They did not have to wait until established in a career. Some royal marriages, occurring for dynastic or other political reasons, took place when the individuals were very young. For example, Tutankhamen died at the age of eighteen or nineteen after a nine-year reign and marriage, so he must have been nine or ten when married.” NELSON'S Bible Manners & Customs, How the People of the Bible Really Lived, Howard F. Vos, THOMAS NELSON PUBLISHERS Jacob does not do what many desperate men would do, and rape her, he waits the seven years. He then goes to Laban and demands that she be given to him for he has paid for her. Laban deceives Jacob just as Jacob had deceived Esau and gave him Leah. Laban makes a statement here, in response to Jacob's shock and disappointment, that I never noticed before. And Laban answered It is not done thus in our country, to give the younger before the elder. Genesis 29:26 Brenton) As that particular pastor exclaimed: "this had to cut Jacob like a knife, as this is precisely what Jacob and his mother had done to Esau.” And, Uncle Laban may well have been told of it. If not, it is amazing how the Holy Spirit puts words in your mouth. According to the pastor, the premise behind all this is that Jacob, a broken man, (I am not so sure he could understand that for a long time,) pursues Rachel, the vision of perfection, in hopes that she would heal him and make him a better man. I am not sure I see all that, but it makes sense, as most men do just that. While the hope of finding something that calms the inward brokenness he feels may be going on in the back of his mind, it is not directly noted in scripture; many things aren't, and yet the more in-depth answers and subjects are there if we pursue them. One of the things that I see in scripture is that God is in control, regardless of how lousy the circumstances seem to be. The pastor said, “that God gives us examples of people who are messed up so that we can know what not to do.” If that theory is correct, then why would God tell Israel, explicitly, not to learn from the surrounding nations, for the surrounding nations were doing everything wrong, worshiping idols, and sacrificing their children to gods. While I might argue that learning from my neighbor how to work with Iron could be a necessity that would allow a civilization to create water pipes. However, there is often a hazard in close associations, especially with those not so grounded, as it can cause us to be drawn away by the deviant and those used by Satan. Along with that, I have had several acquaintances that claimed to be Christians. One, it turns out, was in a men's home (the men's home is somewhat irrelevant except that you can make an obvious assumption - and that is that the person from the home has had some mighty struggles in the past.) While the leadership of the men's home had mandated church services and Bible studies they had to attend, they could not seem to get the world out of this brother. He, in a short period, took a job on the night crew, and I rarely saw him after that. His reattachment to the world seemed to grow and he left the group home he was a part of. You shall make no covenant with them or with their gods. They shall not dwell in your land, lest they make you sin against Me; for if you serve their gods, it will surely be a snare to you. (Exodus 23:32-33 AMP) And you shall consume all the peoples whom the Lord your God will give over to you; your eye shall not pity them, neither shall you serve their gods, for that would be a snare to you. (Deuteronomy 7:16 AMP) You didn't merely live by their ways and act according to their disgusting practices, but in a very short time, you acted more corruptly than they in all your ways. (Ezekiel 16:47 CJB) Is it the person becoming the snare? Perhaps, but what we do know is that Satan will deceive you through any means possible. In some cases, it might be an innocent but attractive looking woman. Yes, Jacob's life is one huge psychodrama. He is a liar, a cheat, and a general a mess; he does not even seem to slow down all those years later when he meets Esau again. But there is a method to God's madness. God seems to use broken people; he even seeks them out. He seems to find pleasure in lifting them up and healing them. On the plus side, our savior is a descendant of the line from Jacob. My point: That no matter how messed up the narrative, or, our story is, we can and should glean as much as we can from each one, for it is God's story. Sure, you think it is all yours, but it is never anything less than God's plan, you merely get to be a part of it. "For I know what plans I have in mind for you,' says Adonai, plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future. " (Jeremiah 29:11 CJB)
  24. Recently a young man asked me how one knows when one is mature enough for marriage. I responded to him, with some thoughts that went beyond his specific question. I am about to include my reply here. I should add though that some of these principles are for men and women both, and can also be considered in other aspect of life in addition to marriage. Also, I would like to add, that before getting married, I think it is wise (in terms of human wisdom, not Biblical revelation) for people to consider carefully the idea of being established as individuals before starting life in marriage. Finances, careers, education, and other skills in living, can go a long way to reducing the stresses that marriages can encounter. When considering marriage, good, Christian pre-marital counseling can be a very good thing. Try not to start off a marriage with financial problems. Learn about another before learning about them in marriage. Be aware that people often put their best foot forward during courtship, only to become lazy in marriage, revealing their true character. Be careful people, this is a life long commitment, and you do not want to make mistakes here. In my country (U.S.A.), it has become common practice to engage in a ritual we call dating. Unfortunately, dating often interferes with learning about one another. We have a tendency to make dating about being entertained in each other's presence. We go to a movie, or a theme park, or a restaurant, things like that. That can be enjoyable, but it typically prevents us from having meaningful communication about things we need to know about each other. I think it would be better, to meet with other people, more often than going out on a date. I suggest that being around people who are more experienced in life, especially people who already have long term, successful marriages. It is not the most enjoyable way to spend time perhaps, but it is a better way to learn about each other and focus on important things, than watching the latest Fast and Furious movie. Group Bible studies and prayer meetings, even getting together with others for fellowship, are better ways to get to know each other. Group situations are better, being together as only a man and a woman, is giving opportunity to temptation. Any time spent kissing, is time spent NOT getting to know one another, and you know once you start down a path, it is hard to turn around. Stay on the true path, do not get side-tracked. Anyway, what I wrote in answer to the question of know when one is mature enough for marriage, was this: That is an excellent question, and I am not sure that I am wise enough to provide a good answer, but I will offer some thoughts. First, if marriage is something you seek to do, as in something you are pursuing as a priority in your life, you may have your priorities wrong. Pleasing God, pursuing His will should be your priority. When I say pursuing His will, I do not mean things, like "where should I live", "where should I work or go to school" or questions like that. One can pursue God's will no matter where one lives or where one works. Paul, as an example, pursued God's will from a Roman jail. Jesus did the will of the Father by dying on the cross. Paul instructs us to expect troubles and persecution and learn to be content in our circumstances. Jesus tells us to take up our cross daily, and to count persecution as something to be joyful about and count as a blessing. So, I think that much of what we are called to, as Christians, has to do with our attitude, and our willingness to serve both God and others. If we pursue worldly pleasures as a priority, it will not be long before we go off track. This can be true even in subtle and harmless, even good things. There is nothing wrong with things like good food, or entertainment, a shiney new car, a wonderful home, the latest smart phone, or even a wife and family. However, when any of these things, distracts us from God, or cause us to split our loyalty or to seek them first over the kingdom of God, they we have allowed them to become idols. Take note that niether Jesus nor Paul ever married. Paul pointed out that there is a danger in being married, in that pleasing our wives, can distract us from our service to the Lord. When you think about it, the world was cursed, because one man, decided to listen to his wife over listening to God. Paul also tells us that it is good stay single, but if a person lacks self-control then they should marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with lust. Of course, it is better to have self control, and I suggest that since self control is part of the nine-fold fruit of the Spirit, that we really have little or no excuse to not have self control. That is part of Christian maturity. I think one way we know that we are ready for marriage, is when we have come to a place where (instead of looking for the right person) we are more concerned with being the right person. Paul gives husbands the instruction to love our wives, as Jesus loves the church, and died for her. To translate that to human action, husband to wife, we are willing to sacrifice for her, and serve her, and most of all love her. The problem with modern, western men, is that we have come to think of love as having warm, fuzzy, pleasurable feelings about someone. This is very distorted. Love is about serving others, sacrificing for others, seeking the well being of others. As much as it appeals to our flesh to live with a woman and enjoy the benefits of marriage, it is more loving to seek her well being, doing what is best for her instead of cooperating with her in fulfilling mutual pleasure. I believe grounded Christian women, and grounded Christian men, recognize that men have been assigned the role of being the spiritual leader of the couple. That is not something that we hold over our spouse, as some sort of boss or authority, it about being wise, caring, and wanting the best for her, and nurturing her relationship with God. A functional couple is not spending all of their lives, gazing into each others eyes, it is looking outward (and upward), in the same direction. I think also, that we not only need to seek being the right person for our spouse, we should seek a spouse that is right for us. They do not need to be perfect, and certainly things like appearance are extremely low on the priority list. People who are of good character, who both love the Lord first over all, are great candidates for each other. That can take a lot of patience, but to settle for too little, will lead to the people in a relationship, dragging each other down when they should be pulling in the same direction. A couple like that can accomplish a lot for the kingdom of God, and will have a very fulfilling relationship if they can manage to maintain that focus. Take some time to familiarize yourself with 1 Cor, chapter 7, and 1 Cor, chapter 13. Meanwhile, I shall pray for you, and suggest that you not be to shy, to ask others to do so as well.
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