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I've wanted to post this for a while, but I struggled writing it since I didn't know how to effectively explain my situation. It's been hard for me to talk to anyone about this because I keep thinking no one would believe me or people would think I'm insane. Though I've been drowning in confusion, apathy, doubt, and hopelessness for the past few months, I've finally mustered up the courage to write this. I was saved in 2005, fell away for a while, then rededicated my life to Christ at the end of December 2017. I was very excited about God and the Bible for the first three months of 2018, but then began dealing with spiritual oppression in April 2018. I spent my time trying to figure out how to get rid of the oppression, then I began hearing that “still small voice.” Since May 2018, I thought I was in communion with God, until in January 2019, I discovered there is a demon inside of me. It deceived me into thinking it was God, and it even had the audacity to also call itself “Holy Spirit,” “The Father,” and “Jesus.” It spoke to me in my mind, flooding me with images, ideas, and thoughts. It answered prayers, such as if I asked where something was in my apartment, I suddenly received an image in my mind of the exact location. It was able to control my body parts: arms, legs, hands, feet, head, mouth, eyes, lungs, stomach, heart. At times, it spoke out of me: received a “message from heaven” from my deceased Dad, taught me and my Mom tons of error teaching, and falsely prophesied the 2nd coming of Christ. Once my Mom discovered it was a demon, it spoke out and told her that I would never find Jesus, and I began convulsing when she took authority over it. That same night, it caused me to vomit two disgusting substances, changed the pitch of my voice to an unnaturally high and disgusting tone, and at a different time, I heard growling come from my throat. While under its influence, it made me get rid of my video games, movies, and certain bits of clothing. It taught me scripture so it could use it against me. It convinced me to pray tons of false things, such as for Jesus to forget me. It deceived me into doing a 3-week water fast that put me in the hospital, nearly killing me. It convinced me I committed the unforgivable sin, that I was the Anti-Christ, constantly deceived me into thinking I would die in my sleep, and constantly condemned me to hell. It caused me to have constant nightmares of me being condemned to hell, one where I was involved in witchcraft, one where I supposedly received the mark of the beast and was separated from God forever, and one of Jesus Christ forever abandoning me. I feel completely violated because not only did it rupture the relationship I thought I had with the real LORD, this thing helped me come up with book ideas, movie ideas, a future ministry, improved my drawing skills, and even helped me come up with names for my future kids, all under the guise of “God.” I've essentially given up writing and anything creative because I'm not confident whether the ideas truly come from me. As of now, I have a constant anxiety towards my hands moving on their own; sometimes as I'm falling asleep, either a few fingers start to move or one of my hands will violently shake for a few seconds. I can’t even pray without hearing a mental response from it. I’ve noticed strange physical abnormalities, such as my pupils dilating irregularly no matter how much light is present and an occasional putrid smell coming from my nose and mouth. I can’t effectively concentrate, constantly dealing with tons of confusing thoughts. I feel irritated / an aversion towards the Word, along with tons of accusatory thoughts about my salvation and how God is mad at me (which isn’t true). If I do manage to read the Bible, I get flooded with tons of doubtful thoughts about how I don't understand anything I read and how God's forgotten about me (which isn't true). This spirit has put me through so much hell, and I have no idea how I even accepted it to begin with. I'm ashamed that I was able to be so terribly deceived. I can't even effectively follow Philippians 4:6 about praying if you are anxious because I'm anxious about praying because something else answers. I want to overcome the confusion, apathy, doubt, and hopelessness that all torment me on a daily basis. Where should I even begin with recovery? How do I recover from all the deception I've endured? How do I get past the constant irritation towards anything God related? Also, thank you for taking the time to read this. Even if you can't figure out a reply to this post, could you P L E A S E pray for me? I desperately want to be delivered of this.
The oppression of the enemy in human lives are in different categories such as the following: 1: Obsession: This is a situation where dark powers capture somebody's mind and thoroughly subject it to their control and evil manipulation. The person only heds their words, suggestions and evil command. Therefore the victim keeps making the same mistakes or terrible decisions and repeating them. This is strange. 2: Possession: Dark powers move into the soul of the person and take control of the will of the person. This is why sometimes on deliverance ground if you tell a candidate he has done, he will say that he did not do it. It is because he is not in charge. 3: Depression: This is a situation where the enemy places a heavy load on the spirit and soul of a person. The Bible calls it the spirit of heaviness, so the person becomes sad, sorrowful, and low in spirit. He becomes discouraged and hopeless, but thank God for the bible that says, "He gives beauty for ashes, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness." Depressed persons avoid people because they do not want to talk to anyone. They may smile but it is just a plastic smile. It does not come from the heart because the spirit of heaviness has taken hold of them.
Doing repetitive movements, tasks, aligning objects, and even redoing everything from zero is great... When you want it! When we do something that we are not willing to, and is uncomfortable or even evil, is no longer a normal situation, it is an oppression. The person become enslaved. Evil spirits take advantage of your traits, your past, information about you, or anything they can, and use them to oppress you. When I was suffering from OCD oppression I remember it forced me to do things again and again, until I have suffered enough to be allowed to resume life. The person can be tormented to the point of crying, it is terrible. And it is not only that, it also suggest you doing things you would not normally do, and it is very deceiving and can get you doing almost everything it wishes. People suffering from such oppression can be deceived in doing insane things, like: Kissing the ground, worshiping things, self harm, and much more. And it is normal that it will use your past sins to accuse you and deceive you in doing what is being requested. It is not only that, there is also the problem with oppressive thoughts that condemn you, inject doubts, which tries to keep you away from God by making you believing that God hates you. One of the most commonly used accusations is the: "You have blasphemed the Holy Spirit", and the person is deceived in believing he/she really did it and has no forgiveness anymore and are discouraged to seek repentance from God. And it even goes to the extreme of making the person to believe that: "God wants you to live this way". Which obviously, is a lie. Are you seeing this now?! It is a clear spiritual oppression, and spiritual problems must be solved within the spiritual realm. "For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints." - 1 Corinthians 14:33 The Lord Jesus calls you today: "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30 And by His power you will be set free: "Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you." - Luke 10:19 And I can tell you, I suffered a lot from OCD and oppression, but today I am completely free, thanks to the Lord Jesus. Winning against condemnation thoughts: You know, those thoughts that condemn you, use your past, and it even bring to memory some sins even you could not remember. It also exaggerates negative experiences and actions, when you accidentally fails, make a mistake unwillingly, or when simply doing a common task. To be free of this you will have to put your trust in Christ, who shed His blood for you at the cross, and counter attack the thoughts with this truth. But I know, simply talking does not have effect, you must have the faith... Then if you are still weak in faith, then please pray daily to God, by asking that you grow in the grace and love of the Lord Jesus, all in Jesus' name. He loves you beyond your imagination: "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." - John 15:13 And I know the enemy tries to portrait Him as an evil Master, who is waiting for your first fault to kick you out. Which is another lie of the enemy. "All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out." - John 6:37 The Lord Jesus is not looking for a way to throw you in the garbage can, He wants to take you out the garbage can. And He is looking forward to your progress and benefit. "to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:19 Do not believe in such thoughts: "The Lord does not want you anymore". It is a lie, the Lord wants you, so keep walking with Him. "But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin." - 1 John 1:7 Now, if indeed you have been sinning on purpose, willfully, in rebellion, going after the lusts of the flesh, then you will have to confess before the Lord and repent. And turn, indeed, from your wicked ways, and cleanse your heart through faith in the Lord Jesus. "not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit" - Titus 3:5 "Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking, as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious." - 1 Peter 2:1 And ask what you need from Him to overcome your problems. Seeking for His mercy and grace daily! "to open their eyes, in order to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who are sanctified by faith in Me." - Acts 26:18 "For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace." - Romans 8:6 Becoming free of OCD and oppression: Whenever an oppressive thought comes to you, you have to react in an appropriate manner: With confidence and truth. These thoughts are usually non sense and threaten you, like: "If you do not do <something embarrassing or trivial> then <something very bad will happen>." Then when one of those thoughts come, and you are not willing to do it, simply react: "I will not do it". But I know it is not so simple, because people who are oppressed by it cannot just decide what they want and to be in peace... Because the oppressor is there to torment. Then, please, if you feel the oppressor is trying to force you, then just rebuke it in Jesus' name, by saying (or in mind or aloud, as you wish): "I rebuke you in Jesus' name, evil oppressor!" "In Jesus' name: Leave me in peace and do not return!" The above serves more as a template, just speak what you want. But do so in faith, and it will stop. If he still insists, then do not give up, just keep doing it. And keep fighting against it in Jesus' name everyday whenever it appears. Keep praying daily, by asking in Jesus' name, resist the oppressor by not obeying him. You may fail a few times, it happens, the oppression can be too strong sometimes. But do not give up, persist, and the oppressor will soon leave you. "Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." - James 4:7 Then you will be free, sooner than you expected, and you will notice that you can simply choose: "I will not do it. And you will be in peace". That is the peace we have in Christ, total peace, comfort, do not let the oppressor take it from you. "Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down." - Revelation 12:10 Glory to God! Amen.
He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. Ecclesiastes 3:11 From My Studies In Physics I Could Never Understand How A Physicist Could Remain A Pagan But I am the LORD thy God, that divided the sea, whose waves roared: The LORD of hosts is his name. And I have put my words in thy mouth, and I have covered thee in the shadow of mine hand, that I may plant the heavens, and lay the foundations of the earth, and say unto Zion, Thou art my people. Isaiah 51:15-16 Unless They're Just Plum Stubborn That Is They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: they speak loftily. They set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth. Psalms 73:8-9 ~ Believe For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16 And Be Blessed Beloved Love, Joe