Search the Community

I was struggling with my faith. I was caught in a wedge between choosing what I wanted to do instead of what God wanted for me. In the end I ended up leaving my residence and left on a bus on my own accord to go where I wanted. But halfway into the trip I felt nothing but pure spiritual agony. I had turned my back on God. I knew that what I was doing was gravely wrong. I was looking at verses such as Romans 1:28 where it talks about people being turned over to reprobate minds. How God gives them just what they want and turn them over to eternal damnation. The thought of all this almost made me puke. I felt sick to the point of faint at the though of being stamped unworthy and useless. I walked out on God.. This whole thing about being a reprobate terrified me. I'm turning back now and am on my way to make things right and totally surrender my life to Christ for good. I don't care what happens to me anymore or what others will think of me. I fear God more than man now. As long as I have Him, I don't ever want to turn back. Am I marked? Is it too late? Am I like Esau who gave up his inheritance for a plate of food, only to seek it back in tears and unable to receive it again? I read that a rebrobate mind is devoid of all sound judgment and left to do things that are unseemly. I don't feel I've quite reached this mindset yet.. not after this scare.. I greatly appreciate any input, many thanks and blessings