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Found 18 results

  1. A real relationship

    I have heard it said that Jesus is about a relationship. Even though this is true the Bible never says "Relationship" but he says "I call you friends" What makes you think that Jesus is about a relationship, and how are you relating to the world around you while you believe in Jesus.
  2. Good Morning Friends! We have an article I would like to share with you all that my husband wrote on our marriages and the relationship we have with Jesus Christ. Come check it out and let me know what you think! https://abideandseek.com/7-powerful-goals-for-your-marriage/ Be Blessed! Nick & Leah 7 Powerful Goals For Your Marriage If the only goal for your marriage is to achieve some form of happiness, then you are missing out on the amazing things God has planned for you and your spouse. “… ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:5-6. Marriage is a truly beautiful thing. Two becoming one joined together by God. It’s easy to lose sight of this powerful truth. We need to remember that we are no longer individuals, but one flesh and our actions and goals should represent that. I myself have not been married long, so it’s hard for me to truly speak of what it is like to be married for a long period of time. However, I feel that no matter how long you have been married to your spouse, it’s always important to have goals for your relationship. Establishing goals in every aspect of your life is important. It helps us set targets and motivates us to press forward. When we have goals, we can gauge our “progress” and adjust accordingly as opposed to walking blindly. In my own life, I have set goals for physical and spiritual fitness and have seen awesome changes in both areas. Now that I am a married man, there are certain goals I have implemented into my marriage. One of the most important things to do when setting goals for your life is to have a primary goal. For a truly abundant fruitful life, this main goal needs to be focused on life in Jesus Christ. Through Him, all life, blessing, and love flow. Here are 7 powerful goals for your marriage and the overarching theme of these goals is “focus”. This world is full of distractions looking to steal your focus, but when we have set goals we can direct our focus. If we can focus first on Christ and second on our marriage, our relationship with our spouse will flourish like never before! 7 Powerful Goals For Your Marriage 1. Focus On Companionship I wanted to start this list off with companionship because this is the root of all relationships. We need to spend quality time together if we want our relationships to flourish. As a couple, we should be setting aside time to just be alone and enjoy each others company. God initially made Eve because he saw that it “was not good” that Adam was alone. When we don’t focus on companionship, separation begins to occur within any relationship. I have so many friends from my past that I thought I would be friends with forever but now I don’t even speak to. Not because anything negative occurred within the relationship, but merely because we didn’t remain focused on companionship and taking time to keep in touch. When we focus on companionship and spending quality time with each other, we allow ourselves to stay close and committed to a healthy intimate relationship. This focus can be easily maintained by setting up a date night at least once a month. Even if this is just a private dinner for two in your own home! 2. Focus On Communication “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:19-20 This scripture can radically change the way you communicate not only with your spouse but with everyone. This is why a strong focus on Jesus Christ can change every aspect of your life. It can be hard to hold your tongue and to really listen when conversations began to get heated. We always feel like we need to get the last word or that our spouse is just not listening to our point. The truth of the matter is, that we are often the ones not listening because we are so focused on trying to convey our position as the correct one. Focusing on trying to “win” an argument with our spouse will always ultimately lead to a loss in some form in the end. However, if our focus is on glorifying God in all situations, this can change the conversation around quickly. Being slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to become angry is only possible if we care about producing the righteousness God desires. If we can get to this point in our relationship with Jesus, it can completely change the way we communicate with our spouse and lead to less arguing and more growth within our marriage. 3. Focus On Intimacy True intimacy goes far beyond the bedroom and it truly begins with intimacy with Jesus Christ. If we examine the world we see that all things that are born are a product of intimacy. It’s important to realize that this truth also applies to our relationship with our Lord and Savior. What many need in their marriage isn’t to fix the things that are broken but to breath new life into the relationship. There is only one who is able to create something truly new and that is the author and creator of all things, Jesus Christ. Through intimacy, with Jesus Christ, we can see a new spiritual birth in our marriages. Remember, that when we were joined together in biblical marriage we become one flesh. We need to work together in all things, this includes our spiritual growth. You may have an awesome relationship with Jesus and the same may be true of your spouse. But what does your marital relationship with Jesus look like? What I’m trying to say is how much intimate time do you spend together with Jesus with your spouse? How often do you read the word together? How often do you pray together? How often do you serve together? When you focus on intimacy together with Jesus Christ, you will drastically change the level of intimacy with your spouse. Remember, intimacy goes far beyond the physical realm and truly blooms through a spiritual relationship with Jesus. 4. Focus On Forgiveness “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 True forgiveness can often be a hard thing to do. Not to just tell someone that you forgive them, but to put their transgression behind you and out of mind. It’s important to remember that we are all going to make mistakes from time to time. Though some mistakes may seem worse than others, there is never any mistake that it’s too extreme to forgive. When we focus on Christ’s example, how he was willing to lay down his life for us and for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age, how could we not show the same love to our spouse? Remember, your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Don’t let that someone be the unity of you and your spouse; forgiveness leads to strength and healing. 5. Focus On Prayer As a couple, we have an amazing advantage when it comes to praying. We all need to make sure we are setting aside specific times to pray together with our spouses. Honestly, Leah and I probably don’t spend enough time praying together. Don’t get me wrong, we do pray together from time to time and it is always such an awesome time of intimacy with Jesus. Every time we do pray together, we see such an amazing response and always seem to get powerful direct answers to those prayers. The effectiveness of these prayers is not just coincidence. Scripture makes this clear in Matthew chapter 18. “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in Heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:19-20 We should make a decision to pray together daily and be taking advantage of the power of two agreeing and asking God for strength, power, and growth within our marriage. 6. Focus On Giving Giving is such a massive part of our walk with Jesus Christ. This not only means giving of our money but also of our time, attention, and love. Maybe you have always been a giving person and maybe you still are. The same could be true for your spouse. The question is how much are you giving as a couple? When you are filling up on Jesus as a couple, you should allow the overflow of what God is doing in you to pour out into the world around you. This can be accomplished by volunteering together and teaming up together, using the gifts God has provided to each of you to effectively serve. To learn more about using the gifts God has given you to serve the body, check out our article called The Body of The Church: Each Part Matters. The most important thing to remember when giving is to do so out of love, expecting nothing in return. Remember, that God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son. Out of our love for Him, we need to be willing to give freely. 7. Focus On Ministry One of the greatest things you can do as a couple is to start a ministry. In the process of creating this ministry, you are able to develop new bonds that you wouldn’t develop through other aspects of your relationship. To most, the idea of starting a ministry together may seem daunting or overwhelming. But your ministry doesn’t necessarily have to be a massive undertaking. It could be as simple as finding a need in your community and meeting it together. The greatest thing about deciding to start a ministry is that it allows you to have a more direct focus on serving the Lord. Before starting Abide and Seek, Leah and I started out by serving in other ways, such as volunteering and serving the local food pantry. These are still things that we do but with Abide and Seek we are spending every day together in the word and focusing on using this ministry to spread the light of Jesus throughout the world and help others grow in their relationship with Jesus. A ministry is not only a great way to serve together, but it also helps strengthen your relationship and Love for each other as you get to constantly see the gifts of your spouse on display glorifying God. With the new year here, many of us have probably set different goals for this year. If we want to see real growth and development within our marriage, we should make sure our marriage takes priority on our list of goals. Above all, remember that setting a goal is all about focus. We talked about focusing on companionship, communications, intimacy, forgiveness, prayer, giving, and ministry. These most definitely do not need to be the same for every marriage. You should use this article as a blueprint or merely as inspiration to come up with your own goals for you and your spouse. Either way, no matter how things are currently going in your marriage, there are always ways to improve and grow together. When we allow our first focus to be on Jesus and second on our spouse, we allow God to do great things with our marriage!
  3. How To Find Your Soulmate

    Hello Friends! We have another article to share with you all, this one pertaining to relationships. Nick did an awesome job on this article titled, " How To Find Your Soulmate". He incorporated related scripture, personal advice, and what it means biblically to have a "soulmate". So I invite you to come check it out and share with someone who may be struggling with their current marriage or struggling to find their " soulmate". Be Blessed, Nick & Leah Co-founders of Abide and Seek
  4. I'm new hi guys!

    Hi guys God bless you! I'm new to this chat i am a Christian counselor who specializes in Relationships, trauma, and intimacy if you'd like youcan contact me personally for more information! God bless loves!
  5. Hi, My sister recently told me she's in a relationship with a girl. She used to be a Christian but she's a little lost, she is not 100% sure about this relationship, as she knows that it's not how it's supposed to be. She doesn't want to tell our parents, as they are Christians and they wouldn't approve and would possibly be mad. I promised my sister not to tell them, I want to let her choose the moment whenever she is ready to tell them, if she's ever going to be. My partner says I should tell them, as the Bible talks about big consequences for those who are homosexual. He thinks my parents should talk some sense into her before it's going too far. She's quite stubborn and she probably wouldn't listen, also it would mean that she'd know that somebody didn't keep their promise by telling them. Should I stay quiet and let my sister tell them herself, or should I tell them? Praying's appreciated
  6. Knowing if we are marriage ready

    Recently a young man asked me how one knows when one is mature enough for marriage. I responded to him, with some thoughts that went beyond his specific question. I am about to include my reply here. I should add though that some of these principles are for men and women both, and can also be considered in other aspect of life in addition to marriage. Also, I would like to add, that before getting married, I think it is wise (in terms of human wisdom, not Biblical revelation) for people to consider carefully the idea of being established as individuals before starting life in marriage. Finances, careers, education, and other skills in living, can go a long way to reducing the stresses that marriages can encounter. When considering marriage, good, Christian pre-marital counseling can be a very good thing. Try not to start off a marriage with financial problems. Learn about another before learning about them in marriage. Be aware that people often put their best foot forward during courtship, only to become lazy in marriage, revealing their true character. Be careful people, this is a life long commitment, and you do not want to make mistakes here. In my country (U.S.A.), it has become common practice to engage in a ritual we call dating. Unfortunately, dating often interferes with learning about one another. We have a tendency to make dating about being entertained in each other's presence. We go to a movie, or a theme park, or a restaurant, things like that. That can be enjoyable, but it typically prevents us from having meaningful communication about things we need to know about each other. I think it would be better, to meet with other people, more often than going out on a date. I suggest that being around people who are more experienced in life, especially people who already have long term, successful marriages. It is not the most enjoyable way to spend time perhaps, but it is a better way to learn about each other and focus on important things, than watching the latest Fast and Furious movie. Group Bible studies and prayer meetings, even getting together with others for fellowship, are better ways to get to know each other. Group situations are better, being together as only a man and a woman, is giving opportunity to temptation. Any time spent kissing, is time spent NOT getting to know one another, and you know once you start down a path, it is hard to turn around. Stay on the true path, do not get side-tracked. Anyway, what I wrote in answer to the question of know when one is mature enough for marriage, was this: That is an excellent question, and I am not sure that I am wise enough to provide a good answer, but I will offer some thoughts. First, if marriage is something you seek to do, as in something you are pursuing as a priority in your life, you may have your priorities wrong. Pleasing God, pursuing His will should be your priority. When I say pursuing His will, I do not mean things, like "where should I live", "where should I work or go to school" or questions like that. One can pursue God's will no matter where one lives or where one works. Paul, as an example, pursued God's will from a Roman jail. Jesus did the will of the Father by dying on the cross. Paul instructs us to expect troubles and persecution and learn to be content in our circumstances. Jesus tells us to take up our cross daily, and to count persecution as something to be joyful about and count as a blessing. So, I think that much of what we are called to, as Christians, has to do with our attitude, and our willingness to serve both God and others. If we pursue worldly pleasures as a priority, it will not be long before we go off track. This can be true even in subtle and harmless, even good things. There is nothing wrong with things like good food, or entertainment, a shiney new car, a wonderful home, the latest smart phone, or even a wife and family. However, when any of these things, distracts us from God, or cause us to split our loyalty or to seek them first over the kingdom of God, they we have allowed them to become idols. Take note that niether Jesus nor Paul ever married. Paul pointed out that there is a danger in being married, in that pleasing our wives, can distract us from our service to the Lord. When you think about it, the world was cursed, because one man, decided to listen to his wife over listening to God. Paul also tells us that it is good stay single, but if a person lacks self-control then they should marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with lust. Of course, it is better to have self control, and I suggest that since self control is part of the nine-fold fruit of the Spirit, that we really have little or no excuse to not have self control. That is part of Christian maturity. I think one way we know that we are ready for marriage, is when we have come to a place where (instead of looking for the right person) we are more concerned with being the right person. Paul gives husbands the instruction to love our wives, as Jesus loves the church, and died for her. To translate that to human action, husband to wife, we are willing to sacrifice for her, and serve her, and most of all love her. The problem with modern, western men, is that we have come to think of love as having warm, fuzzy, pleasurable feelings about someone. This is very distorted. Love is about serving others, sacrificing for others, seeking the well being of others. As much as it appeals to our flesh to live with a woman and enjoy the benefits of marriage, it is more loving to seek her well being, doing what is best for her instead of cooperating with her in fulfilling mutual pleasure. I believe grounded Christian women, and grounded Christian men, recognize that men have been assigned the role of being the spiritual leader of the couple. That is not something that we hold over our spouse, as some sort of boss or authority, it about being wise, caring, and wanting the best for her, and nurturing her relationship with God. A functional couple is not spending all of their lives, gazing into each others eyes, it is looking outward (and upward), in the same direction. I think also, that we not only need to seek being the right person for our spouse, we should seek a spouse that is right for us. They do not need to be perfect, and certainly things like appearance are extremely low on the priority list. People who are of good character, who both love the Lord first over all, are great candidates for each other. That can take a lot of patience, but to settle for too little, will lead to the people in a relationship, dragging each other down when they should be pulling in the same direction. A couple like that can accomplish a lot for the kingdom of God, and will have a very fulfilling relationship if they can manage to maintain that focus. Take some time to familiarize yourself with 1 Cor, chapter 7, and 1 Cor, chapter 13. Meanwhile, I shall pray for you, and suggest that you not be to shy, to ask others to do so as well.
  7. Ephesians 1: 9,10 - "Having made known unto us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He hath purposed in Himself: That in the dispensation of the fulness of times He might GATHER TOGETHER IN ONE ALL THINGS IN CHRIST, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in Him." THE ULTIMATE PURPOSE OF GOD IS THAT ALL THINGS WILL BE SUMMED UP IN HIS SON. Observation: IF I DO NOT KEEP THE ULTIMATE PURPOSE OF GOD AS THE FOCUS OF MY LIFE, AND ASSURE THAT ALL I DO IS FOUNDED IN JESUS I WILL BE CONTINUALLY DISTRACTED FROM THE RIVER OF LIFE. John 6:63 - "It is the spirit that quickeneth (or makes alive) ; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life." Jesus described the words that He spoke as "spirit and life" -- Jesus' words were an investment into others revealing the heart of His Father to them. When He opened His mouth, word-shaped containers of God's grace would bring Heaven to earth in the hearts of the hungry that heard Him. They still do today through the mouths of believers advancing His kingdom. Affirmation: EVERY TIME I TAKE THE WORD INTO MY HEART, BELIEVE IT AND ACT ON IT, THAT LIFE OF WHICH JESUS SPOKE, THE VERY LIFE OF GOD HIMSELF, IS RELEASED IN ME. 2 Corinthians 6:14,15 - "Do not try to work together as equals with unbelievers, for it cannot be done. How can right and wrong be partners? How can light and darkness live together? How can Christ and the Devil agree?" Observation: EVERY RELATIONSHIP TAKES ME TOWARDS MY DREAMS OR AWAY FROM THEM. ALBERT FINCH MINISTRY
  8. Coming Into Alignment

    Jeremiah 29:11-14 - "For i know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord. thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." John 10:27 - "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me." It is important to know where we are called to be, who we are called to be with, and what we are called to do (our DESTINY) and how we are to implement the things that God is calling us to. We can fast, pray, strive and do all kinds of spiritual works, but if we are out of alignment, all these things may not have the full impact on our lives that we desire. Sometimes we just need to find out what that one thing is that God is requiring of us. It is usually one thing, not many. God will bring us into a place of utter contentment in His Presence as we come close to the Comforter, Holy Spirit. This implies a life-style of "Walking In The Spirit"; THREE REQUIREMENTS TO WALKING IN THE SPIRIT: Romans 6:11 - "Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus." (1. Consider myself dead to sin.) Ephesians 4:23-24 - "And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness." (2. I have to "PUT ON" walking in the Spirit.) ie. I make the decision each day to be led by my spirit rather than my soul (mind, will, and emotions). I walk with my spirit being led by the Holy Spirit. Romans 12:2 - "And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." (3. I have to renew my mind to the word of God.) BREAKING THROUGH TO THE NEXT LEVEL 2 Peter 1:4 "By which we have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." We are called to be sons and daughters of God. As we grow we learn the truth of our inheritance and walk in His promises as mature sons of God. There are SPIRITUAL IMPEDIMENTS that arise in our lives that come to lie, steal and betray us. God is going to eliminate these impediments out of our thinking as we lay hold of the inheritance (affirming, meditating on, and visualizing the precious promises that are ours in Christ) that He paid the price for us to walk in. It is as if we are stuck at a certain level and cannot break through into the next until these impediments are removed. If we tolerate these impediments we become partakers of the nature of the enemy. It is part of the process that our soul goes through in that we must be cleansed of the nature of evil and embrace the nature and life of the Holy Spirit. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Example: There are relationships that steal and have only selfish intent -- these will leech the life and anointing off of you. The Lord is going to help us remove these impediments out of our lives as we yield to His heart's desires and ways; He will give us wisdom to know the difference. When we are in proper alignment there is much more ease and grace to accomplish what God calls us to. Sometimes God is speaking and showing us what we need to do, but we just keep doing our spiritual routines rather than the one thing He desires from us. We will find much more grace when we simply yield to that one thing and silence the noise of all the activities. ALBERT FINCH MINISTRY
  9. If you told me I was going to be a part of a Christian forum a couple years ago, I would have laughed. The person I am now and the person I used to be are polar opposites, and sometimes I'm proud of who I've become and other times I resent myself altogether. I will never regret finding God though - He has been my solace in a world of hurt. I'll be 21 in a few weeks. I was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer last year (neuroendocrine) after suffering debilitating symptoms for nearly two years. It extensively metastasized to my liver causing symptoms that caused me to be so unstable, I had to leave school, work, everything and remain in the house. (Just imagine a life that's constantly plagued by tachycardia, breathlessness, flushing & exhaustion). I still don't really go out, as I'm super unstable. I don't really remember what it's like to really have fun and feel independent. Or healthy for that matter. Shortly before things started going downhill for me, I was at the peak of my life. It was summer of 2013 & I'd just fallen completely in love with my co-worker, who I'd been friends with for years, and started a wonderful relationship. Within days, we were inseparable. We moved in together within weeks, and were never apart again. He is a Christian (raised mennonite) and at the time, I was not close with God, but through this man, I really began to feel God's presence in my life, if that makes sense. I rather appreciated his spirituality - he believes that Christ has died for his sins, and doesn't take things as literally and seriously as other Christians I know. When we first slept together, I later found out that I was his first & that he'd always planned on saving himself for the woman he wanted to marry. This touched me, and I felt a deep hurt inside for a very long time that I hadn't waited for him. I never thought I'd regret not waiting. (I have been with one other person - I had a 4 year relationship in high school that fell apart after graduation) Anyway, he vowed to marry me, and we got all excited about planning a wedding with our friends and family. We'd only been together for a few months, but I knew that this was who I wanted to spend my life with. We did so many fun things together and we never ever got sick of eachother's company. However, eventually the health issues arose, and I received the cancer diagnosis. No more going to restaurants or bars, no more going on hikes, no more adventures, just cancer & death all around me...staring me in the face and threatening to take away the future that I was looking so, so forward to. If life hadn't dealt me such a lousy hand we would've been married long ago, I would have completed college, and I'd probably have at least one child by now. Anyways, he never left my side. I lost all of my energy, a great deal of my spirit, my weight and looks deteriorated, but he never stopped wanting me or telling me how beautiful I was. He stayed in the hospital with me numerous times, comforted me when things got so incredibly grim, and never once cried or complained because he felt calm knowing that it was all in the Lord's hands. I began to pray a lot more. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. Things were up and down. A lot. We've never stopped discussing the wedding that we so badly want to have with our friends and family, followed by a honeymoon in Hawaii. We keep a jar by the bed that says "Honeymoon funds" and add change to it a lot... We haven't let go of that. In spite of all that I've lost, our love has helped keep my spirits up. I am so in love with him and I will never love another as long as I live. Recently, I've really been trying to strengthen my relationship with the Lord. I've been attending church whenever I can, I feel extreme joy when I listen to worship music (in comparison to feeling nothing when I was younger) and I'm crazy about God. Which brings me to my current dilemma. Never, ever, have I given up anything for God in my entire life. My own interests and pleasure always came first. I began feeling like I wanted to do something to show Him that I'm serious. I told my partner that I don't feel right having pre-marital sex anymore, although that's been a prominent part of our relationship since we got together in 2013. This has crushed him. He's sad. He's angry. He's distant. He feels like he cannot get mad at me because I'm trying to do something for God and then he gets mad at himself for being angry, and so forth. Last night he told me that the "old us" has died, and that hit me hard. We don't do anything we used to do anymore. The uncontainable joy and energy that our relationship was boundless with seems so far away. We behave like an old, married couple. (minus the married part, I guess, lol) I feel so trapped!! I'm telling myself and him that I'm doing this to get closer to God, but I know that that's not all of it. I know that there's a part of me that feels like this is a way of "bargaining" with God...that if I give this up and make myself completely miserable, I will end up feeling better and I will have the future that I'm dreaming of. Which is probably nuts. My mental health has been on a steady decline since my diagnosis and I've gone through so many changes, I can't believe some of the thoughts I have and some of the words that end up coming out of my mouth. We can't get married right now, as I'm on disability and getting married will hurt us financially and I'll no longer be able to afford my alternative treatments or put aside money for a house.. (We rent with roommates currently) We plan on buying a home and marrying next year. I think we both just have such high hopes that I'm going to improve and we're going to be able to have a real wedding ceremony (right now we're thinking Spring) and I'm going to be able to come off of disability, and we're going to live normally.. I just don't know. Sorry for the novel. Bottom line, I'm not sure if doing this is making me feel closer to God at all. I think I felt closer to God before. Right now, I'm just feeling boxed in, depressed, and uncertain. I'm unable to embrace the man that I've always viewed as my husband, although not from a legal standpoint. I don't want to spend months feeling like this. What if things get worse anyway? What if I die and I spent all this time restraining myself from my partner, who I love devotedly and wholeheartedly, when I could have made the most of the time we have left? This is killing, I repeat, killing us. And then, if I go back to the way things were, and things begin to decline again, I'll always wonder if it's God "punishing me" for not being able to hold myself to this. Is there any way that we can be married in the eyes of God without obtaining a marriage license? I'm so confused. I was researching vows that we could say to eachother at home in the presence of God but I couldn't find anything. :-( I don't know what to do anymore but I feel so drained. I just need some gentle, loving advice. Thank you kindly. <3
  10. I am seeking advice about my almost 1 year relationship, with my 23 year old boyfriend. We have a great relationship, and have known each other as best friends for 4 years. We are both Christians and have church pastors which keep us accountable, and are very active in serving the church. I have always known that he has been attracted to men, which I had been finding increasingly difficult- worrying about his godliness and any problems that we might come across in our marriage because of this. However, I know that all sins are equal in the eyes of God, and that Jesus has already paid the price of our Sin. Therefore, who am I to judge and say that his Sin is any less than mine? He has recently admitted to me (and i am the first person he has told) that he is also attracted to young boys of ages 7-11. Although he has never watch porn or acted up on these feelings, he still struggles. I am deeply upset by this, as I have experienced sexual abuse when I was 7. I cannot bare the thought of him ever hurting our children, if we have any one day. Several things complicate this though. He is EXCELLENT with children, and has a true gift for teaching them. He is thinking about going into teaching primary school full time, however since this has come to light, i wonder wether this is a good idea, and if it might just be asking for trouble? He is also somewhat immature. Coming from a home schooled family, one of 4 siblings. He doesn't want to grow up properly, and has a child like view of the world. Although I do like this aspect of his personality, I feel like I have to take care of thigns and cant fully trust him because he is so oblivious as to how the world works sometimes. I love him very much, and this is his first relationship. I want to help him grow more like Jesus, and I know that we both encourage each other in our faith everyday. I feel like if we get married, I will have to help him grow up to be mature, as well as constantly fearing for our children. Wanting to protect them and feeling like I can't trust him with anything. In so many ways our relationship works very well. We have the same hobbies, chemistry, both want children etc. But I'm not sure that if we get married and become "one", that i will not be able to give him the support he needs in this area. I have been told that all sin is the same. I know that logically. But been attracted to children involves a innocent, helpless child. Being jealous, or have homosexual feelings or sinning with someone of the same sex, if sin against god and the other person. I feel how ever that this sin is somehow worse, because the child in question would have no say in what is being done to them. My question is, do you think that how I feel about this will get better with time? Do you think that our marriage would be unstable? How can I support him? Or perhaps our marriage isn't a good idea at all. Thank you for your advice in advance.
  11. Hi everyone, I've come here because I'm feeling really alone and am desperate for some advice. Just fyi, I've just turned 18, I live in the uk, and I haven't seen this guy since I went into hospital so I'm not in any immediate danger. This is really hard to explain, but I'll do my best. For the past 3 years, I've been in a relationship... We met when I was 15 and he was 24. It started out as platonic but gradually became more and more sexual. Now I've opened up about it, everyone keeps saying it was abusive-he didn't treat me properly. He used to slap me when he was angry, and suffocate me too. I had to do things sexually that I wasn't comfortable with. He was also very controlling and used to enjoy asserting his power over me in ways I found humiliating ( I had to call him 'master', I wasn't allowed to stand up in his presence etc) Eventually I had a breakdown and tried to hang myself. I was admitted to a secure psychiatric ward as a result and have been diagnosed with various mental health problems. That was 6 months ago... I've been encouraged by my family and friends to go to the police, and so last week I made a statement. Did I do the right thing? People keep saying that he didn't really love me, and that I had to go to the police to protect other girls, but Jesus taught us to forgive, right? To turn the other cheek? I keep trying to justify going to the police but it just feels so wrong! He loved me! I didn't say that he couldn't do any of the stuff. I even pretended that I liked it, I led him on! It's my fault, not his. The only bit he knew I hated was the humiliation but everyone has to compromise in a relationship right? I don't know what God wants me to do anymore. Everything is just so confusing and scary... I still feel like a kid but I have to make all these adult decisions on my own. Please help me to understand it all. I've tried the wwjd exercise and I think that jesus would go back to him and teach him that these things are wrong, but I'm so scared of this guy, if he finds out I've gone to the police he might kill me. He always said he would kill me one day and I think he was only fantasising but I don't know. I'm sorry for taking up your time Jade x
  12. Please pray for this girl "Kayla." I was on Yahoo! Answers and she said she was depressed and asked how to kill herself. I spent some time compiling an answer for her and now her question is gone... not sure if she deleted it or Yahoo did. I can't figure out how to contact her but here's a link to her profile if someone can think of what to do besides pray for her. https://answers.yahoo.com/activity/questions?show=LINSH7MVT3VASDOB6ZNBW4SNHQ&t=g To sum up what she said she is 15. I think she said boys she's interested tell her she's ugly or only want to have sex with her. I hope I remembered this accurately; I think she was upset that one guy in particular that she liked said he'd only have sex with her and she said no and he blocked her (I'm guessing online?) She thinks that God hates her and there's no purpose for her life. I'm worried about her and don't know what to do since this is online.
  13. Hey all, I could really use some advice from some strong Christian brothers and sisters. I have been dating my girlfriend now for about 6 months. She said she was a new Christian when we started dating and I was a little concerned because I have been walking for many years now but I was open to her walk as well. A few weeks ago she came to me and told me that she feels rejected because I am not intimate with her. I told her my faith convicts me to save myself for marriage. She understood but still felt like she was being rejected. This started a whole conversation on faith that I was trying to lead but she has a very hard time opening up to me about where she is with God. We were at church on Sunday and the pastor was naturally preaching on dead and alive people through Christ and why his resurrection was so important. It was Easter after all. After the service I could tell something was wrong with her and she told me that she thinks she is still dead. This was alarming to me. I asked her why she felt that way and she said because she hasn’t actually given her life to Christ yet. I smiled and said well there is no better time than now! She replied with, I am just not ready to do that yet. My heart is just not ready. Throughout our relationship I have tried to get her to have bible studies with me and attend small groups but she just doesn’t want to. She keeps telling me I need to stop pushing her to my faith and let her come to it on her own. This concerns me deeply. Is this the point when I break off the relationship because we are not on the same level? Or do I try to lead her down the path? I am very lost on this one. I do have love for her which is clouding my path. Please help me shed some light on this. Thanks
  14. Good brothers and bad brothers

    Hi, I wanted to post this in the prayer requests section, but as a newbie I found that I'm not able to post there, so here it is. This is long but I would appreciate anyone who reads and prays, as its a longtime ongoing situation which has affected many and I can't stand it anymore. There are these two guys who are absolutely deluded in thinking God has chosen either of them for me as my life partner. They are always posting prayer requests online, calling me their gf, wife, fiancee, even a divorced woman or a single mother (I'm NONE of these things). They attach all sorts of untrue disorders to my name, even say horrendous things like that I was sexually abused or that I'm with an abusive guy (all untrue). They wanna bring me down to their level. They daily beg Christians on prayer sites for God to fix me up with them, writing lies about me and even my future spouse. It makes my blood boil. For all I know they might even be on this site, spreading their false stories here. These losers and their lies negatively affect my walk with God. The anger their actions cause also interferes with my prayer life. On numerous occasions, it has led to disastrous events and heartache for both me and others during times when I was to be spiritually focused and pray. These two are supposedly Christians, but for the last 12 years or more (even after becoming saved) they have continually told lies, and massive ones at that. Several years ago, one even lied to me through their sibling that he had died, in order to see my reaction. If not God, for that very reason alone I could've despised the pack of them for life, let alone like them! They have told many other such similar huge lies in the past, yet I still gave them a number of chances as brothers/friends, purely out of sisterly affection (which I no longer have), and then 'cause of our God-given spiritual connection (which I want to break), and then simply for God. The only reason I haven't entirely broken off connection w/ them till recently was, first, God placing them under my spiritual care (reaching out to them before they were saved), then second, He gave them as spiritual brothers in my life. But instead of thanking God for this mercy alone (the kindness I was willing to show and forgiveness I was willing to give), they actually have the nerve to presume they can be my future husband. I have told them over and over that they're not - even if it were naturally my own choice I would never pick them. On top of that, God has already revealed His choice for me, and spoken clearly a number of times, the most recent time being the most clearest for me. While He had spoken to me regarding my future spouse in the past, I had not been entirely sure due to something I couldn't accept between us. But a few weeks ago, He made it even clearer for me whom He has chosen for me (which is NEITHER of the idiots). Now I know it 100%. However, not only do the two losers not respect my preference or even GOD'S WILL, they think they can beg their way into anything and any relationship they want. They want God to FORCE me to love them, regardless of how they say otherwise (that is basically the case, since it is impossible for me to like them and I have communicated this to them a dozens of times). They think they have some sort of special claims on me. I say: By what right?! They think this simply 'cause I once lavished all my attention and affection (much of it was confused w/ sympathy, apart from God's love) on them, almost a decade ago. And this as a Christian sister more than anything. That was 'cause God put it in my heart to reach out to them spiritually (just as He did for me w/ many others), and I was trying to help them. I did go overboard in doing this, but it was largely due to the lies they told. They took on someone else's identity. They were virtually always pretending to die the next day. They had so many, many tragedies in their life. As someone who cared for their spiritual welfare and lives, and with my passion for reaching the lost and helping lost teens, of course I would easily be led astray into excessive feelings and actions. I would never have had those if they had been truthful. So whatever the feelings I temporarily once had and their exact nature, the source of them wasn't right. Most of all, if I had known back then what shameless liars and complete fools they are, of course I wouldn't have wanted them even as friends. Apart from God, I would hate their guts for life. Furthermore, after declaring I'd break all ties w/ them (due to some other lies and juvenile behaviour of theirs), I have never given them ANY signs of encouragement or hope for the last 7 years or so. I did nothing to mislead them. We haven't even had much contact (they not once contacted me on their own; I did 'cause God led me to, at times, mostly for spiritual reasons). Yet all along they have built on their hope of winning my love and obtaining me. It's unbelievably pathetic and sick. After all the destruction their lies and immature behaviour caused in my life and other ppl related, they have the AUDACITY to think I can like, even love, them. This is what I can't stand the most of all. As Christians they continually tell lies, never repent (if they truly did, they wouldn't tell lies), tell more lies, make up stories which are insulting to me (and my future husband by association), and when I get rightly angry, they think I'm overreacting. They think I'm in the wrong, not them. So many Christians pray for them, believing the lies in their daily prayer requests and other posts online. They post these like everywhere! After telling them off countless times, I gave up and tried ignoring them (which was hard knowing what they do behind my back). But they did this even in the places I go to (where I discovered many years ago and was going to first) and kept on doing this disgusting thing even in my sight! Knowing at times that I was reading, and at other times that I could be. That's another reason I totally dislike them. They refuse to grant me even my smallest request or respect even my smallest wish. Yet claim to "love" me. It's disgusting. They're like, in a sense: "I don't care about your feelings, wishes, or even thoughts of me. I only care about my own. Whether you like and want it or not, I want what I think I must have. So regardless of anything else, I'm gonna beg God till He gives you to me. If necessary, I must be happy at the cost of your unhappiness. But I assure you, despite all this, I totally love you and am in love with you" ! Hell will freeze over before I like either of the them in my life. Esp. w/ one of them, I'd rather take a bullet to my brain. They're the dumbest jerks I've ever met. I truly wish them gone from my life, but unfortunately God has given these stupid guys as spiritual brothers (which is the ONLY kind of relationship He's meant for us). This is such a pain. They are such a pain, that I wish for God to remove. Please pray God would teach them a lesson. They totally need it. They refuse to see how their deceitful words and actions are ruining their own lives and have caused much ruin in others' (incl. mine). They refuse to take responsibility by confessing and speaking the truth and trying to make amends. At the very least, not lying anymore. They continue with their unacceptable behaviour, yet hope and ask for many blessings from God (!). Not even just little but asks for MUCH. Apparently, any Bible teaching they've had is lost on them. They clearly dont know that regardless of how much they ask, God won't bless them when they're asking out of selfishness, greed, disobedience, and great sin in their life. I'd call it a big sin which leads to real death for others (ppl in and out of my life, incl. an old friend), and so much suffering and heartache for myself and others related. Moreover, which continually arouses anger in me, putting a stumbling block in my path and creates disturbance in my life. Though lying isn't their only sin. I've explained this spiritual truth to them, but as with anything else I say which is not to their liking - they won't listen. They only wanna hear what they wanna hear. They're such stubborn stupid pigs (- I've never said this to anyone else in my life). They need to know that God takes their sins seriously. That God means business, and that He won't let them get away with this always. In fact, He's not even now, with nothing going right for esp. one of them. They continue to live in sin, esp. with the sin of lying (not just sometimes like others - as Christians, these guys do all the time!) yet expect God to help and bless. And when He doesnt, when things continually get tough, they're apt to blame Him. Esp. one of the them. He does nothing but beg God. Then when God doesn't improve his situation and grants his desires, he rages instead of recognising that his problems are due to his and others' disobedience. He fails to see these as signs of God's displeasure, and that any possibly help God withholds from him (as at this time) is due to his completely wrong spiritual state. They dont even know me yet believe themselve to be in love w/ me. I've explained this to them also. If they knew me, they'd realise that I'd not in a life of a thousand years span would like somebody that hindered me in prayer and so kept me from praying for my friend at a crucial time, which resulted in her suicide (which could have been prevented. God had indicated I pray, but I was in such turmoil and grief, I didn't fully realise this till afterwards). Even if their actions played a large part in unintentionally allowing her death, through the effects of their lies on me - the lies were intentional. And they have not owned up to it to this day. Even after hearing this recently, they still refused to come clean and own their lies. They refuse to give me the truth surrounding the issues and events that had troubled me so, thus leading to failure in prayer and my friend's death. That is just one example of all the harm they caused in my life. Even IF there had been no other reason, this reason ALONE would be enough for me to never be able to accept them as "more than a friend" in this life. As I said, even if it were my choice, apart from God's will, I wouldn't. If not for God, I wouldn't have wanted to accept them even as a friend (which I don't, now), after their continual infuriating behaviour. Yet it isn't just one reason; there's like a hundred reasons why I dislike them. Instead of admitting their wrongs and taking their part of the responsibility, just as I have before God and others, they tried to dump the whole thing on me by accusing me of accusing them. They even labelled me with psychological problems, mental disorders and spiritual issues. They added even more to their lies. For so many reasons, esp. several very strong ones, I don't and don't want to and can't and won't ever like these lying pair in my life. The thought of them as a future spouse is a laugh. They know about the endless anger they've caused me (which affects even my physical health), that they've caused nothing but HARM in my life, yet they dare hope to remain in it and be beside me for life. To cause whose death?! Im so glad, am so so relieved, that God hasnt chosen either of them as my future spouse (despite them hoping and endlessing begging). Or else, I would've wanted to die and would've chosen to become a nun. I would even take my life, if not for hell. If they knew me, they would've given up long before, even before I revealed about my future spouse. Which I did, specially, for their own sake, when I hadn't told neone else - to save them many hours of waste in uselessly begging God (besides another reason of past truths I wanted from them). Much as I loathed them and have many reasons to, I did not want them to waste their life the same way they made me waste mine by lying, and making me pray for things that didnt need prayer at all. Cause it was made up. So I made the exception of telling them, yet they only used this knowledge to insult not only me (as if that's not bad enuf) but also my future spouse too, now, by refusing to acknowledge any possibility of him being God's choice for me. When he IS. And saying unbelievably outrageous things like that my future spouse stole me from them and he ruined my life, etc (NOT true. They dont even know who he is!), when it's THEM who ruined my life. If not for their lies, I wouldn't have made the choices I did, some of which, esp. one of which, led to a great mistake on my future spouse's part and resulted in so much heartache for us these few years. Due to the two liars, we've had an obstacle b/ween us these last few years, esp. 'cause of my idealistic nature. Despite my feelings, it was hard for me to accept him. We went through so much pain 'cause of it. All the pain we went through is largely because of these liars. For THIS reason alone, also, I could hate their guts. And I currently do - since they keep deliberately doing wrong despite knowing how it vexes me. Instead of feeling any rightful shame, they merely rejoice in anything that comes between me and my future spouse. They want me miserable so they can be happy. THEY make me miserable yet they insist on being in my life - and even that not just as a brother or friend but MORE, thus the conclusion. I dont want them even as a brother or friend. They are completely unworthy. They're nothing like a brother. To me, they've been anything but. They're spiritual brothers in name only. It isn't the fact that they dont know me and so, in truth, not loving me that's the matter. I DONT want them to know me and even love me for real. Thank goodness they don't. But they don't believe it themselves. Even apart from God's choice for me, there are several other guys (special brothers) in my life all of whom I'd much prefer to the deceitful pair. THEY, on the other hand, know me and love me as friends (some more) for real. They bring me joy and are my greatest comfort in life, after God. They listen, respect my wishes, and treat me as a sister from God. They are ten times more decent, ten times more honest, ten times more loyal, ten times more spiritually learned and are much closer to my ideals than the liars. The liars, on the contrary, not to mention being far, far from it, don't even know my high ideals. If they knew me, they would know that this is another reason that on its own cancels any possibility of their wish coming true. That is how much they dont know me. They dont know my dreams, my likes and dislikes (they should know it's them), my secret joys and suffering, my troubles, what I value and I love, my good and bad memories, my entire past, my truer personality and character, and my spiritual ability most of all. If they knew the last, they would have accepted my word on the spot, that God has revealed His will to me. Which I have checked with him more than once, and which He has confirmed several times already. On top of insulting me in all other things, incl my relationship with my future spouse, they disbelieve and so insult my spiritual relationship with God also. My good brothers, on the other hand, know all those things about me. They also accept my spiritual authority over them, given by God, as a sister in Christ. They (some of them) are willing to sacrifice for me - instead of hoping that I will make sacrifices for them, unlike some loser who hopes and prays for God to make the girl he (supposedly) likes fall for him and "be willing to make sacrifices for him". Probably hoping she'd want to give up riches and live in rags for him, and suffer not only mentally and emotionally from just "being w/ him" (emphasised cause the very thought of it disgusts even as an ideal) but also physically and financially due to hardship. What irresponsible and despicable thinking, not to mention way of speaking. Ive never heard a more disgusting thing in my life. YOU pray to be able to sacrifice for the one you love, not the other way around! This would be ANOTHER reason enough on its own for me to never accept such a low thinking jerk as anything more in my life. Did I say a hundred reasons? Make that a bazillion. My brothers were and are willing to make sacrifices for me, one even giving up something he loved doing. The idiotic liars, however, were not even willing to do something as simple as telling me the truth about the past (which relates to MY past). 'Cause of what it costs them. Simply this: embarrassment on their part and possible loss of my favour. Well, they totally lost it just by holding back from me the truth that's unquestionably important to me. They lost my favour by trying to save it. They can't make even that one small sacrifice, yet hope for me to make huge ones for them. It would be the sacrifice of my LIFE, if I had to accept one of them as a spouse. These guys are so completely muddled, perverse and shameless. May God have mercy on me and keep these idiots far from my life for the rest of my life. I have been put thru so much suffering 'cause of them and their atrocious lies. Please, pray. (Esp. pray that no more people, related to me or not, would suffer disasters in their lives as a consequence of these two's lies and actions and my reaction to them, i.e. being knocked down spiritually and failing to pray.) .
  15. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ For reference these are the threads on the subject. This is not the OP. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ To clarify where Jeff VanVonderen is coming from in his book Families Where Grace Is In Place: Building a Home Free of Manipulation, Legalism, and Shame. Highlights – Introduction (Pages 11-15) God bless, GE
  16. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ For reference these are the threads on the subject. This is not the OP. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ As I mentioned I’m going to post each point individually for the grace-full section. For a comparison check out Thoughts? God bless, GE
  17. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ For reference these are the threads on the subject. This is not the OP. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is the OP of this thread below. These are so good. I’m going to post each point individually for the grace-full section. For a comparison check out
  18. Shame-Based Relationships

    Wow. Our family has been reading up on how to be grace filled people and pass this onto our children. This book is amazing and challenging! What do you think of this excerpt? Relationships can either be grace filled or shame filled. These two look very different in family dynamics. Will post the Grace-Full Relationships list later on this weekend.