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This is a HUGE topic and (IMHO) should be one if your main forum headings. I, and almost every Christian I’ve known, has some form of deep heart brokenness, (some much worse than others) if not emotional Trauma to heal from and overcome. And without these places of heart-brokenness being brought to our awareness and thoroughly healed, our bondage to false comforts and addictions will cripple our ability to know His true, powerful, never ending Love. (Perhaps much of this is talked about in the Prayer request forum?) Just saying… Soul Healing is hugely Important. The degree of healing of our past wounds and trauma actually determines whether we can experience the only thing that can CHANGE us. (I’m in the midst of it and could write a book.) - Which is His Love in Jesus Christ. Otherwise, in SO many ways, our walk with Him is merely a limp.

My MIL is fading and I expect to be invited to her small funeral this year. The wife left me last year for another Christian(?) guy whom I met at a Bible camp 20 years ago prior to meeting my wife. Scriptures have not helped my wife to stay in the marriage nor to avoid seeking love elsewhere. I doubt Scriptures will work on her new prospective adulterous boyfriend. We have children so I will remain calm and nonviolent when I see the philander again for the first time in 20 plus years at the funeral, ?, or his house in the future if they get married. What advice do you have for me to help me when I see him? Ask him if he is familiar with verses on Adultery or divorce? Vengeance is mine saith God so that is not an option although the carnal thought has crossed my mind. The ex would like all of us to be friends. No, a double betrayal does not mean you are my friend any longer.

I am new but I need to find someone to talk to. I hope I don't overshare. My son and his girlfriend live with me. They have a child together, my granddaughter. They have lived with me for about 10 months. Before that they were homeless, living out of my son's truck. I don't agree with his decisions, but with her being pregnant and they were not in safe circumstances, I decided to ask them to live with me. It has been very rocky at times both between me and them and them between each other. I have had to talk her off of the precipice of self-harm several times. There have been some minor instances of physical "interaction" between them as well. All this to say I am looking for advice, admonishment, encouragement, Etc. My siblings and parents are very supportive but I feel like I need some third party perspective sometimes.

My boyfriend and his ex are in the same class. They're best of friends because theyp apparently realized that they're better off as friends than anything else. A few months back I found messages on his phone between them, she was feeling upset so he tried cheering her up and even went as far as to call her baby ?... Since then we have broken up nonstop and she was the cause of it. The fact that he didn't want to cut her out of his life keeps causing us to break up. He says they're just friends and he keeps making excuses for their friendship. I feel like she holds a higher level of importance in his life and that hurts me. He comes from a broken home and because of that whenever we break up he uses that as an excuse to guilt trip me by making me take him back. Our relationship has reached the point where we reply with just one word. I am so tired of hurting and worrying about his loyalty towards me. It's painful to go to bed every night wondering what he has been up to behind my back seeing as we're in a long distance relationship. Before she came into the picture I trusted him with my whole life. Now I can't say the same. I want to observe a spiritual fast for him and for him to have a change of heart and also for him to become a Godly Christian man, as well as for our future together. But I don't want to do it if it's all gonna be in vain later down the line. i am so confused. I really need someone to give me clearance from a Christian view. Please help me

Earlier this week I posted about the need for friendships. This morning I arrived at church to find an anonymous note on my seat. It read: Dear Rick You have been such a great influence and supporter for my family and although some may not understand the sacrifices and efforts you have gone through to manifest riches in us, I want to thank you so very much for choosing to sew seed into places uncomfortable and sacrificial. it is because of people like yourself that I can see a glimpse of Jesus and learn to continue the ripple that comes from God. Sincerely from your friend not too far away. I am speechless.

Part of the challenge in being a Pastor is loneliness. I am friends with many of the people in our church but there is and most likely always be some degree of separation between them and me. A recent survey found 78% of Pastors have no close friends. What I am not sure of is how to find and make new friends. I welcome any input. Thanks very much Rick

I'm in an odd situation, one that led me to this forum to begin with. Recently, I've been trying to use a prayer journal and pray for specific individuals. In that time, I've felt a very strong desire to pray for an individual that I used to be infatuated with, whom I have not been in contact with in some years. The problem: back then, I idolized and lusted after this person. I genuinely placed them before God in pretty much every area of my life. Ex: he was on the worship band, so I stared at him during worship. He was funny, so I always thought of his jokes during church services. I would be so upset on days that he wouldn't talk to me, but I rarely ever prayed. (I know, I'm ashamed just thinking about it.) God told me in no uncertain terms that this person was not the one for me, even when I was still trying to hold on. Back to the present: I am actively trying to stop thinking about this person, and though it's taken some time, I've been mostly successful. I've been more focused on growing in my relationship with God than ever before, and I'm almost always in prayer. I have felt a call to pray for that person, their walk with Christ, their resistance to temptation, finding a community of believers, and so on. However, I do not trust my intentions. I don't know if this is truly God moving on my heart to pray for this person, or if this is me trying to stay attached to this person through prayer. If this is God's will, I don't want my fears to stop me--especially if this person really is wrestling with their faith. However, if this is just my flesh, I don't want to let myself fall back into old patterns of sin (lust and idolatry). So I guess my question is, is this God or my flesh talking? What advice would you give me on handling this situation? I have asked God for confirmation on whether or not this is Him. I have also asked a family member, a couple people who are more spiritually mature than me, and a couple friends. Now I'm asking for your input. Please help! Thanks!

I'm looking for good material online to help my husband and I overcome years of infidelity in our marriage, as well as numerous deceptions, alcoholism, depression, and anger management. Podcasts, articles, seminars, books... anything helps. God bless.

This entire blog was spawned from a sermon entitled, What about Jacob? Or, can a man find healing in a woman? To make this brief, I did not understand, nor was I able to track with what the pastor said, as he tried to prove his point about Jacob. Sorry, I can't really see it but I am enjoying the study, as usual. As we finished part one of our look at Jacob, the grand deception was complete. Do you think Rebekah and Jacob gleefully danced around the campfire that night as they celebrated how well they pulled it off? Hardly, for Esau, as you will see, has every intention of killing Jacob once Isaac is dead. Notice how there is no concern on the part of Esau for how this will affect his mother. And, all this evokes another question, is it possible for Esau to regain his birthright? I don't think so, at least not in God's eyes. Cheating not only Esau but your father as well, you would think that Jacob would be gone already, but only minutes from now Issac calls Jacob before him and commands him to not a wife from the same cluster of women that Esau had chosen from. Isaac directs Jacob to Laban, Rebekah's brother. Maybe, Isaac knows full well what kind of man Laban can be considering the backhanded maneuver Rebekah has just pulled on Isaac. With that said, let's continue on. I mentioned in the previous post, that Esau did not take this selling of the birthright serious. If he had Wouldn't it seem logical to say something to Isaac? Wouldn't Isaac have known? Why would Esau bother to respond Isaac as though there was not a problem? “As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, when Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau his brother came in from his hunting.” Jacob logically only has seconds to get out of Esau's presence, and, his fathers. Genesis 27:30-37 ESV As soon as Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, when Jacob had scarcely gone out from the presence of Isaac, his father, Esau his brother came in from his hunting. He also prepared delicious food and brought it to his father. And he said to his father, "Let my father arise and eat of his son's game, that you may bless me." His father Isaac said to him, "Who are you?" He answered, "I am your son, your firstborn, Esau." Then Isaac trembled very violently and said, "Who was it then that hunted game and brought it to me, and I ate it all before you came, and I have blessed him? Yes, and he shall be blessed." As soon as Esau heard the words of his father, he cried out with an exceedingly great and bitter cry and said to his father, "Bless me, even me also, O my father!" But he said, "Your brother came deceitfully, and he has taken away your blessing." Esau said, "Is he not rightly named Jacob? For he has cheated me these two times. He took away my birthright, and behold, now he has taken away my blessing." Then he said, "Have you not reserved a blessing for me?" Isaac answered and said to Esau, "Behold, I have made him lord over you, and all his brothers I have given to him for servants, and with grain and wine I have sustained him. What then can I do for you, my son?" The deception is pulled off, and now you would think that Jacob has to flee, an exile. And Esau is the reason. Genesis 27:38-41 NASB Esau said to his father, "Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father." So Esau lifted his voice and wept. 39) Then, Isaac, his father answered and said to him, "Behold, away from the fertility of the earth shall be your dwelling, And away from the dew of heaven from above. 40) "By your sword, you shall live, And your brother you shall serve; But it shall come about when you become restless, That you will break his yoke from your neck." 41) So Esau bore a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him; and Esau said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob." So Rebekah calls Jacob in once again. Genesis 27:42-45 NASB Now when the words of her elder son Esau were reported to Rebekah, she sent and called her younger son Jacob, and said to him, "Behold your brother Esau is consoling himself concerning you by planning to kill you. 43) "Now, therefore, my son, obey my voice, and arise, flee to Haran, to my brother Laban! 44) "Stay with him a few days, until your brother's fury subsides, 45) until your brother's anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?" But Jacob still hasn't left. To make matters worse, we now learn of Esau's wives and what grief they are causing Rebekah. Genesis 27:45 NASB until your brother's anger against you subsides and he forgets what you did to him. Then I will send and get you from there. Why should I be bereaved of you both in one day?" In response to Rebekah, Issac calls Jacob in once more. Genesis 28:1-5 NASB So Isaac called Jacob and blessed him and charged him, and said to him, "You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. 2) "Arise, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel your mother's father; and from there take to yourself a wife from the daughters of Laban your mother's brother. 3) "May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, that you may become a company of peoples. 4) "May He also give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your descendants with you, that you may possess the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham." 5) Then Isaac sent Jacob away, and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Bethuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau. While Isaac's command is that he get a wife from Laban's daughters, we don't see anything that tells us he knows what he is looking for. Jacob, in a sense, stumbles upon Rachel, and she is a vision of how a girl should look. He wants her and is willing to work for her to get her. There is an irony here in that Rachel, is not an accident by any means, for Laban, her father is Jacob's uncle. (Consider: If Rebekah knew how to be devious it only makes sense that Laban, Rachel's father, would also know how to be underhanded.) Jacob makes no effort to negotiate for her but tells Laban that he will work seven years for her. (That timeframe may be significant on several levels. Seven is the number of perfection, redemption, and a theme that recurs throughout scripture.) It may be essential to consider Rachel's age at this time. I doubt he would have pursued her if he did not think she was old enough to marry. “Joseph married at about age 30 (Gen_41:45). This was old by Egyptian standards, since most males were still only boys when they married. Yet it is clear that a boy had to be not only sexually mature but also able to provide for his wife and thus settled in his occupation before he married. Girls seem to have married between about twelve and fourteen. They did not have to wait until established in a career. Some royal marriages, occurring for dynastic or other political reasons, took place when the individuals were very young. For example, Tutankhamen died at the age of eighteen or nineteen after a nine-year reign and marriage, so he must have been nine or ten when married.” NELSON'S Bible Manners & Customs, How the People of the Bible Really Lived, Howard F. Vos, THOMAS NELSON PUBLISHERS Jacob does not do what many desperate men would do, and rape her, he waits the seven years. He then goes to Laban and demands that she be given to him for he has paid for her. Laban deceives Jacob just as Jacob had deceived Esau and gave him Leah. Laban makes a statement here, in response to Jacob's shock and disappointment, that I never noticed before. And Laban answered It is not done thus in our country, to give the younger before the elder. Genesis 29:26 Brenton) As that particular pastor exclaimed: "this had to cut Jacob like a knife, as this is precisely what Jacob and his mother had done to Esau.” And, Uncle Laban may well have been told of it. If not, it is amazing how the Holy Spirit puts words in your mouth. According to the pastor, the premise behind all this is that Jacob, a broken man, (I am not so sure he could understand that for a long time,) pursues Rachel, the vision of perfection, in hopes that she would heal him and make him a better man. I am not sure I see all that, but it makes sense, as most men do just that. While the hope of finding something that calms the inward brokenness he feels may be going on in the back of his mind, it is not directly noted in scripture; many things aren't, and yet the more in-depth answers and subjects are there if we pursue them. One of the things that I see in scripture is that God is in control, regardless of how lousy the circumstances seem to be. The pastor said, “that God gives us examples of people who are messed up so that we can know what not to do.” If that theory is correct, then why would God tell Israel, explicitly, not to learn from the surrounding nations, for the surrounding nations were doing everything wrong, worshiping idols, and sacrificing their children to gods. While I might argue that learning from my neighbor how to work with Iron could be a necessity that would allow a civilization to create water pipes. However, there is often a hazard in close associations, especially with those not so grounded, as it can cause us to be drawn away by the deviant and those used by Satan. Along with that, I have had several acquaintances that claimed to be Christians. One, it turns out, was in a men's home (the men's home is somewhat irrelevant except that you can make an obvious assumption - and that is that the person from the home has had some mighty struggles in the past.) While the leadership of the men's home had mandated church services and Bible studies they had to attend, they could not seem to get the world out of this brother. He, in a short period, took a job on the night crew, and I rarely saw him after that. His reattachment to the world seemed to grow and he left the group home he was a part of. You shall make no covenant with them or with their gods. They shall not dwell in your land, lest they make you sin against Me; for if you serve their gods, it will surely be a snare to you. (Exodus 23:32-33 AMP) And you shall consume all the peoples whom the Lord your God will give over to you; your eye shall not pity them, neither shall you serve their gods, for that would be a snare to you. (Deuteronomy 7:16 AMP) You didn't merely live by their ways and act according to their disgusting practices, but in a very short time, you acted more corruptly than they in all your ways. (Ezekiel 16:47 CJB) Is it the person becoming the snare? Perhaps, but what we do know is that Satan will deceive you through any means possible. In some cases, it might be an innocent but attractive looking woman. Yes, Jacob's life is one huge psychodrama. He is a liar, a cheat, and a general a mess; he does not even seem to slow down all those years later when he meets Esau again. But there is a method to God's madness. God seems to use broken people; he even seeks them out. He seems to find pleasure in lifting them up and healing them. On the plus side, our savior is a descendant of the line from Jacob. My point: That no matter how messed up the narrative, or, our story is, we can and should glean as much as we can from each one, for it is God's story. Sure, you think it is all yours, but it is never anything less than God's plan, you merely get to be a part of it. "For I know what plans I have in mind for you,' says Adonai, plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future. " (Jeremiah 29:11 CJB)

Recently a young man asked me how one knows when one is mature enough for marriage. I responded to him, with some thoughts that went beyond his specific question. I am about to include my reply here. I should add though that some of these principles are for men and women both, and can also be considered in other aspect of life in addition to marriage. Also, I would like to add, that before getting married, I think it is wise (in terms of human wisdom, not Biblical revelation) for people to consider carefully the idea of being established as individuals before starting life in marriage. Finances, careers, education, and other skills in living, can go a long way to reducing the stresses that marriages can encounter. When considering marriage, good, Christian pre-marital counseling can be a very good thing. Try not to start off a marriage with financial problems. Learn about another before learning about them in marriage. Be aware that people often put their best foot forward during courtship, only to become lazy in marriage, revealing their true character. Be careful people, this is a life long commitment, and you do not want to make mistakes here. In my country (U.S.A.), it has become common practice to engage in a ritual we call dating. Unfortunately, dating often interferes with learning about one another. We have a tendency to make dating about being entertained in each other's presence. We go to a movie, or a theme park, or a restaurant, things like that. That can be enjoyable, but it typically prevents us from having meaningful communication about things we need to know about each other. I think it would be better, to meet with other people, more often than going out on a date. I suggest that being around people who are more experienced in life, especially people who already have long term, successful marriages. It is not the most enjoyable way to spend time perhaps, but it is a better way to learn about each other and focus on important things, than watching the latest Fast and Furious movie. Group Bible studies and prayer meetings, even getting together with others for fellowship, are better ways to get to know each other. Group situations are better, being together as only a man and a woman, is giving opportunity to temptation. Any time spent kissing, is time spent NOT getting to know one another, and you know once you start down a path, it is hard to turn around. Stay on the true path, do not get side-tracked. Anyway, what I wrote in answer to the question of know when one is mature enough for marriage, was this: That is an excellent question, and I am not sure that I am wise enough to provide a good answer, but I will offer some thoughts. First, if marriage is something you seek to do, as in something you are pursuing as a priority in your life, you may have your priorities wrong. Pleasing God, pursuing His will should be your priority. When I say pursuing His will, I do not mean things, like "where should I live", "where should I work or go to school" or questions like that. One can pursue God's will no matter where one lives or where one works. Paul, as an example, pursued God's will from a Roman jail. Jesus did the will of the Father by dying on the cross. Paul instructs us to expect troubles and persecution and learn to be content in our circumstances. Jesus tells us to take up our cross daily, and to count persecution as something to be joyful about and count as a blessing. So, I think that much of what we are called to, as Christians, has to do with our attitude, and our willingness to serve both God and others. If we pursue worldly pleasures as a priority, it will not be long before we go off track. This can be true even in subtle and harmless, even good things. There is nothing wrong with things like good food, or entertainment, a shiney new car, a wonderful home, the latest smart phone, or even a wife and family. However, when any of these things, distracts us from God, or cause us to split our loyalty or to seek them first over the kingdom of God, they we have allowed them to become idols. Take note that niether Jesus nor Paul ever married. Paul pointed out that there is a danger in being married, in that pleasing our wives, can distract us from our service to the Lord. When you think about it, the world was cursed, because one man, decided to listen to his wife over listening to God. Paul also tells us that it is good stay single, but if a person lacks self-control then they should marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with lust. Of course, it is better to have self control, and I suggest that since self control is part of the nine-fold fruit of the Spirit, that we really have little or no excuse to not have self control. That is part of Christian maturity. I think one way we know that we are ready for marriage, is when we have come to a place where (instead of looking for the right person) we are more concerned with being the right person. Paul gives husbands the instruction to love our wives, as Jesus loves the church, and died for her. To translate that to human action, husband to wife, we are willing to sacrifice for her, and serve her, and most of all love her. The problem with modern, western men, is that we have come to think of love as having warm, fuzzy, pleasurable feelings about someone. This is very distorted. Love is about serving others, sacrificing for others, seeking the well being of others. As much as it appeals to our flesh to live with a woman and enjoy the benefits of marriage, it is more loving to seek her well being, doing what is best for her instead of cooperating with her in fulfilling mutual pleasure. I believe grounded Christian women, and grounded Christian men, recognize that men have been assigned the role of being the spiritual leader of the couple. That is not something that we hold over our spouse, as some sort of boss or authority, it about being wise, caring, and wanting the best for her, and nurturing her relationship with God. A functional couple is not spending all of their lives, gazing into each others eyes, it is looking outward (and upward), in the same direction. I think also, that we not only need to seek being the right person for our spouse, we should seek a spouse that is right for us. They do not need to be perfect, and certainly things like appearance are extremely low on the priority list. People who are of good character, who both love the Lord first over all, are great candidates for each other. That can take a lot of patience, but to settle for too little, will lead to the people in a relationship, dragging each other down when they should be pulling in the same direction. A couple like that can accomplish a lot for the kingdom of God, and will have a very fulfilling relationship if they can manage to maintain that focus. Take some time to familiarize yourself with 1 Cor, chapter 7, and 1 Cor, chapter 13. Meanwhile, I shall pray for you, and suggest that you not be to shy, to ask others to do so as well.

Hi, My sister recently told me she's in a relationship with a girl. She used to be a Christian but she's a little lost, she is not 100% sure about this relationship, as she knows that it's not how it's supposed to be. She doesn't want to tell our parents, as they are Christians and they wouldn't approve and would possibly be mad. I promised my sister not to tell them, I want to let her choose the moment whenever she is ready to tell them, if she's ever going to be. My partner says I should tell them, as the Bible talks about big consequences for those who are homosexual. He thinks my parents should talk some sense into her before it's going too far. She's quite stubborn and she probably wouldn't listen, also it would mean that she'd know that somebody didn't keep their promise by telling them. Should I stay quiet and let my sister tell them herself, or should I tell them? Praying's appreciated

Ephesians 1: 9,10 - "Having made known unto us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He hath purposed in Himself: That in the dispensation of the fulness of times He might GATHER TOGETHER IN ONE ALL THINGS IN CHRIST, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in Him." THE ULTIMATE PURPOSE OF GOD IS THAT ALL THINGS WILL BE SUMMED UP IN HIS SON. Observation: IF I DO NOT KEEP THE ULTIMATE PURPOSE OF GOD AS THE FOCUS OF MY LIFE, AND ASSURE THAT ALL I DO IS FOUNDED IN JESUS I WILL BE CONTINUALLY DISTRACTED FROM THE RIVER OF LIFE. John 6:63 - "It is the spirit that quickeneth (or makes alive) ; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life." Jesus described the words that He spoke as "spirit and life" -- Jesus' words were an investment into others revealing the heart of His Father to them. When He opened His mouth, word-shaped containers of God's grace would bring Heaven to earth in the hearts of the hungry that heard Him. They still do today through the mouths of believers advancing His kingdom. Affirmation: EVERY TIME I TAKE THE WORD INTO MY HEART, BELIEVE IT AND ACT ON IT, THAT LIFE OF WHICH JESUS SPOKE, THE VERY LIFE OF GOD HIMSELF, IS RELEASED IN ME. 2 Corinthians 6:14,15 - "Do not try to work together as equals with unbelievers, for it cannot be done. How can right and wrong be partners? How can light and darkness live together? How can Christ and the Devil agree?" Observation: EVERY RELATIONSHIP TAKES ME TOWARDS MY DREAMS OR AWAY FROM THEM. ALBERT FINCH MINISTRY

Jeremiah 29:11-14 - "For i know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord. thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." John 10:27 - "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me." It is important to know where we are called to be, who we are called to be with, and what we are called to do (our DESTINY) and how we are to implement the things that God is calling us to. We can fast, pray, strive and do all kinds of spiritual works, but if we are out of alignment, all these things may not have the full impact on our lives that we desire. Sometimes we just need to find out what that one thing is that God is requiring of us. It is usually one thing, not many. God will bring us into a place of utter contentment in His Presence as we come close to the Comforter, Holy Spirit. This implies a life-style of "Walking In The Spirit"; THREE REQUIREMENTS TO WALKING IN THE SPIRIT: Romans 6:11 - "Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus." (1. Consider myself dead to sin.) Ephesians 4:23-24 - "And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; and that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness." (2. I have to "PUT ON" walking in the Spirit.) ie. I make the decision each day to be led by my spirit rather than my soul (mind, will, and emotions). I walk with my spirit being led by the Holy Spirit. Romans 12:2 - "And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." (3. I have to renew my mind to the word of God.) BREAKING THROUGH TO THE NEXT LEVEL 2 Peter 1:4 "By which we have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." We are called to be sons and daughters of God. As we grow we learn the truth of our inheritance and walk in His promises as mature sons of God. There are SPIRITUAL IMPEDIMENTS that arise in our lives that come to lie, steal and betray us. God is going to eliminate these impediments out of our thinking as we lay hold of the inheritance (affirming, meditating on, and visualizing the precious promises that are ours in Christ) that He paid the price for us to walk in. It is as if we are stuck at a certain level and cannot break through into the next until these impediments are removed. If we tolerate these impediments we become partakers of the nature of the enemy. It is part of the process that our soul goes through in that we must be cleansed of the nature of evil and embrace the nature and life of the Holy Spirit. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Example: There are relationships that steal and have only selfish intent -- these will leech the life and anointing off of you. The Lord is going to help us remove these impediments out of our lives as we yield to His heart's desires and ways; He will give us wisdom to know the difference. When we are in proper alignment there is much more ease and grace to accomplish what God calls us to. Sometimes God is speaking and showing us what we need to do, but we just keep doing our spiritual routines rather than the one thing He desires from us. We will find much more grace when we simply yield to that one thing and silence the noise of all the activities. ALBERT FINCH MINISTRY

If you told me I was going to be a part of a Christian forum a couple years ago, I would have laughed. The person I am now and the person I used to be are polar opposites, and sometimes I'm proud of who I've become and other times I resent myself altogether. I will never regret finding God though - He has been my solace in a world of hurt. I'll be 21 in a few weeks. I was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer last year (neuroendocrine) after suffering debilitating symptoms for nearly two years. It extensively metastasized to my liver causing symptoms that caused me to be so unstable, I had to leave school, work, everything and remain in the house. (Just imagine a life that's constantly plagued by tachycardia, breathlessness, flushing & exhaustion). I still don't really go out, as I'm super unstable. I don't really remember what it's like to really have fun and feel independent. Or healthy for that matter. Shortly before things started going downhill for me, I was at the peak of my life. It was summer of 2013 & I'd just fallen completely in love with my co-worker, who I'd been friends with for years, and started a wonderful relationship. Within days, we were inseparable. We moved in together within weeks, and were never apart again. He is a Christian (raised mennonite) and at the time, I was not close with God, but through this man, I really began to feel God's presence in my life, if that makes sense. I rather appreciated his spirituality - he believes that Christ has died for his sins, and doesn't take things as literally and seriously as other Christians I know. When we first slept together, I later found out that I was his first & that he'd always planned on saving himself for the woman he wanted to marry. This touched me, and I felt a deep hurt inside for a very long time that I hadn't waited for him. I never thought I'd regret not waiting. (I have been with one other person - I had a 4 year relationship in high school that fell apart after graduation) Anyway, he vowed to marry me, and we got all excited about planning a wedding with our friends and family. We'd only been together for a few months, but I knew that this was who I wanted to spend my life with. We did so many fun things together and we never ever got sick of eachother's company. However, eventually the health issues arose, and I received the cancer diagnosis. No more going to restaurants or bars, no more going on hikes, no more adventures, just cancer & death all around me...staring me in the face and threatening to take away the future that I was looking so, so forward to. If life hadn't dealt me such a lousy hand we would've been married long ago, I would have completed college, and I'd probably have at least one child by now. Anyways, he never left my side. I lost all of my energy, a great deal of my spirit, my weight and looks deteriorated, but he never stopped wanting me or telling me how beautiful I was. He stayed in the hospital with me numerous times, comforted me when things got so incredibly grim, and never once cried or complained because he felt calm knowing that it was all in the Lord's hands. I began to pray a lot more. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. Things were up and down. A lot. We've never stopped discussing the wedding that we so badly want to have with our friends and family, followed by a honeymoon in Hawaii. We keep a jar by the bed that says "Honeymoon funds" and add change to it a lot... We haven't let go of that. In spite of all that I've lost, our love has helped keep my spirits up. I am so in love with him and I will never love another as long as I live. Recently, I've really been trying to strengthen my relationship with the Lord. I've been attending church whenever I can, I feel extreme joy when I listen to worship music (in comparison to feeling nothing when I was younger) and I'm crazy about God. Which brings me to my current dilemma. Never, ever, have I given up anything for God in my entire life. My own interests and pleasure always came first. I began feeling like I wanted to do something to show Him that I'm serious. I told my partner that I don't feel right having pre-marital sex anymore, although that's been a prominent part of our relationship since we got together in 2013. This has crushed him. He's sad. He's angry. He's distant. He feels like he cannot get mad at me because I'm trying to do something for God and then he gets mad at himself for being angry, and so forth. Last night he told me that the "old us" has died, and that hit me hard. We don't do anything we used to do anymore. The uncontainable joy and energy that our relationship was boundless with seems so far away. We behave like an old, married couple. (minus the married part, I guess, lol) I feel so trapped!! I'm telling myself and him that I'm doing this to get closer to God, but I know that that's not all of it. I know that there's a part of me that feels like this is a way of "bargaining" with God...that if I give this up and make myself completely miserable, I will end up feeling better and I will have the future that I'm dreaming of. Which is probably nuts. My mental health has been on a steady decline since my diagnosis and I've gone through so many changes, I can't believe some of the thoughts I have and some of the words that end up coming out of my mouth. We can't get married right now, as I'm on disability and getting married will hurt us financially and I'll no longer be able to afford my alternative treatments or put aside money for a house.. (We rent with roommates currently) We plan on buying a home and marrying next year. I think we both just have such high hopes that I'm going to improve and we're going to be able to have a real wedding ceremony (right now we're thinking Spring) and I'm going to be able to come off of disability, and we're going to live normally.. I just don't know. Sorry for the novel. Bottom line, I'm not sure if doing this is making me feel closer to God at all. I think I felt closer to God before. Right now, I'm just feeling boxed in, depressed, and uncertain. I'm unable to embrace the man that I've always viewed as my husband, although not from a legal standpoint. I don't want to spend months feeling like this. What if things get worse anyway? What if I die and I spent all this time restraining myself from my partner, who I love devotedly and wholeheartedly, when I could have made the most of the time we have left? This is killing, I repeat, killing us. And then, if I go back to the way things were, and things begin to decline again, I'll always wonder if it's God "punishing me" for not being able to hold myself to this. Is there any way that we can be married in the eyes of God without obtaining a marriage license? I'm so confused. I was researching vows that we could say to eachother at home in the presence of God but I couldn't find anything. :-( I don't know what to do anymore but I feel so drained. I just need some gentle, loving advice. Thank you kindly. <3

Hi everyone, I've come here because I'm feeling really alone and am desperate for some advice. Just fyi, I've just turned 18, I live in the uk, and I haven't seen this guy since I went into hospital so I'm not in any immediate danger. This is really hard to explain, but I'll do my best. For the past 3 years, I've been in a relationship... We met when I was 15 and he was 24. It started out as platonic but gradually became more and more sexual. Now I've opened up about it, everyone keeps saying it was abusive-he didn't treat me properly. He used to slap me when he was angry, and suffocate me too. I had to do things sexually that I wasn't comfortable with. He was also very controlling and used to enjoy asserting his power over me in ways I found humiliating ( I had to call him 'master', I wasn't allowed to stand up in his presence etc) Eventually I had a breakdown and tried to hang myself. I was admitted to a secure psychiatric ward as a result and have been diagnosed with various mental health problems. That was 6 months ago... I've been encouraged by my family and friends to go to the police, and so last week I made a statement. Did I do the right thing? People keep saying that he didn't really love me, and that I had to go to the police to protect other girls, but Jesus taught us to forgive, right? To turn the other cheek? I keep trying to justify going to the police but it just feels so wrong! He loved me! I didn't say that he couldn't do any of the stuff. I even pretended that I liked it, I led him on! It's my fault, not his. The only bit he knew I hated was the humiliation but everyone has to compromise in a relationship right? I don't know what God wants me to do anymore. Everything is just so confusing and scary... I still feel like a kid but I have to make all these adult decisions on my own. Please help me to understand it all. I've tried the wwjd exercise and I think that jesus would go back to him and teach him that these things are wrong, but I'm so scared of this guy, if he finds out I've gone to the police he might kill me. He always said he would kill me one day and I think he was only fantasising but I don't know. I'm sorry for taking up your time Jade x

Hey all, I could really use some advice from some strong Christian brothers and sisters. I have been dating my girlfriend now for about 6 months. She said she was a new Christian when we started dating and I was a little concerned because I have been walking for many years now but I was open to her walk as well. A few weeks ago she came to me and told me that she feels rejected because I am not intimate with her. I told her my faith convicts me to save myself for marriage. She understood but still felt like she was being rejected. This started a whole conversation on faith that I was trying to lead but she has a very hard time opening up to me about where she is with God. We were at church on Sunday and the pastor was naturally preaching on dead and alive people through Christ and why his resurrection was so important. It was Easter after all. After the service I could tell something was wrong with her and she told me that she thinks she is still dead. This was alarming to me. I asked her why she felt that way and she said because she hasn’t actually given her life to Christ yet. I smiled and said well there is no better time than now! She replied with, I am just not ready to do that yet. My heart is just not ready. Throughout our relationship I have tried to get her to have bible studies with me and attend small groups but she just doesn’t want to. She keeps telling me I need to stop pushing her to my faith and let her come to it on her own. This concerns me deeply. Is this the point when I break off the relationship because we are not on the same level? Or do I try to lead her down the path? I am very lost on this one. I do have love for her which is clouding my path. Please help me shed some light on this. Thanks

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ For reference these are the threads on the subject. This is not the OP. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is the OP of this thread below. These are so good. I’m going to post each point individually for the grace-full section. For a comparison check out

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ For reference these are the threads on the subject. This is not the OP. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ To clarify where Jeff VanVonderen is coming from in his book Families Where Grace Is In Place: Building a Home Free of Manipulation, Legalism, and Shame. Highlights – Introduction (Pages 11-15) God bless, GE

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ For reference these are the threads on the subject. This is not the OP. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ As I mentioned I’m going to post each point individually for the grace-full section. For a comparison check out Thoughts? God bless, GE

Wow. Our family has been reading up on how to be grace filled people and pass this onto our children. This book is amazing and challenging! What do you think of this excerpt? Relationships can either be grace filled or shame filled. These two look very different in family dynamics. Will post the Grace-Full Relationships list later on this weekend.