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Hi, I have never wrote to any forum or done anything like this but I think I will give it a try to see if I can get some answers to the problems in my life. So a bit about me... I am a high school student who doesn't have friends. I excel in math and science however I'm quite dumb when it comes to language arts as you can tell from my grammar. So about my problem. Today is my 17th birthday I sit at home crying because I have no friends. Everyday I eat lunch in the corner of the school. I always spend my weekends and holiday studying because that is the only thing I can do to kill time. I even considered suicide before. I know I seriously need help that's why I'm here. I always wished I had some friends. Everyone seems to be living such a happy life with friends. I have a few acquaintance but we don't hang out. Most of the people(acquaintance) I know trash talk each other and I find it quite offensive as a Christian. I tried to convert them but my words were only returned with words of hate and anger so I don't really associate with them. So in hope of resolving this social disorder I joined the volunteering club. I tried joining the volunteering club but I always end up being the awkward guy who just sits there and watch everything be done from a distance. When I show up to the clubs everyone is already in groups spending time with their friends and enjoying life. It is almost as if I am completely invisible to those people. All of the members of the club happen to be girls and I don't have any experience socializing in general so I get more nervous when I'm around girls. Eventually I stopped showing up to the club meetings because there was no point in going. It was as if nobody even noticed that I stopped coming. Everyone continued to live their lives and raised money for charity with or without me. I have done lots of research but nothing really made a change. I constantly question the purpose of my existence and the meaning of life. Nobody that knows me know I have this problem. Everyone has high expectations for me and thinks that my life is perfect because I have high grades and win a bunch of awards. I can't afford any therapist because I am a student and I'm too afraid to tell my parents. I have begged for the help of God but I have yet received a answer. To be honest these are my true feelings and it is very embarrassing to type this. I hope I can get some advice and tips by sharing my problem with other fellow Christians. Thanks in advance, Anonymous