freeinnocentspirit Posted March 19, 2012 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 20 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 115 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 1 Joined: 02/10/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted March 19, 2012 Dear Monarchy, some of us just aren't socialites. That's ok. I'm much more comfortable interacting in intellectual conversation that social chit-chat. I hate parties for this reason. I most often find myself by myself twiddling my thumbs. There's nothing wrong with you. You just belong to a different part of the body than the mouth. Monarchy, I agree with Nebula's comment above. I have a similar situation to you in the fact that I have a multi - faith family. Often I am the one too who is sat there at the Big family gatherings just listening. Although my family are essentially agnostic I have relatives from across the board of Abrahamic faiths. This never causes an issue until someone sparks up a debate religion related. I did have someone want to debate the existence of God with me and I didn't allow them to even debate with me as this is one element I wont debate as there is no need to debate for me. This is my definition of Chit Chat and its a waste of time - sometimes people who talk too much have a bigger social issue than those who dont talk at all. There is nothing wrong with you at all. In my opinion Psychologists can cloud your mind like mad, never over analyze yourself or let anyone else either. There is nothing wrong with you Monarchy from me! Multi-faith here too with my younger brother and his family (they are RCC). It is not right that my family make me feel so uncomfortable among them, family should be the most comfortable and safe. Thank you for replying. Ah not always the case. Growing up I used to think most families are like the good old Waltons on TV and I would look at mine and think why is my lot more like the Simpsons! I think family is just that a mix of people who are in life and they either have the biggest positive effect on you or they can have the biggest negative effect on you. My family due to its vast differences is different, but I've learnt to appreciate them for just that. In my family I grew up agnostic and my uncle who I was an atheist and would love sparking a debate to provoke a reaction and make us contest the existence of God. So I was like you sat there mouth zipped and for some reason unable to speak up (deep down I used to resent him for this attack mode he would go into) , he died in 2007 and you know when he was sick in hospital (he has a severe stoke and heart attack) he was lying in Bed and I saw him actually start praying for the first time. It then I realized that he was just venting life frustration on to us all and all this time that he would make every family gathering stressful and some of us would avoid these gatherings in the end. I would rather be with a quiet listener than to have someone make me ever feel that uncomfortable ever again. My grandad used use the empty vessel proverb on him (Empty Vessels make the most noise!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherSinner Posted March 19, 2012 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 47 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 628 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 94 Days Won: 5 Joined: 03/13/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1984 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Dear Monarchy, some of us just aren't socialites. That's ok. I'm much more comfortable interacting in intellectual conversation that social chit-chat. I hate parties for this reason. I most often find myself by myself twiddling my thumbs. There's nothing wrong with you. You just belong to a different part of the body than the mouth. Monarchy, I agree with Nebula's comment above. I have a similar situation to you in the fact that I have a multi - faith family. Often I am the one too who is sat there at the Big family gatherings just listening. Although my family are essentially agnostic I have relatives from across the board of Abrahamic faiths. This never causes an issue until someone sparks up a debate religion related. I did have someone want to debate the existence of God with me and I didn't allow them to even debate with me as this is one element I wont debate as there is no need to debate for me. This is my definition of Chit Chat and its a waste of time - sometimes people who talk too much have a bigger social issue than those who dont talk at all. There is nothing wrong with you at all. In my opinion Psychologists can cloud your mind like mad, never over analyze yourself or let anyone else either. There is nothing wrong with you Monarchy from me! I agree with Nebula ad Free all the way here. Nothing wrong with you. May God Bless You Dani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
He giveth more grace Posted March 19, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 123 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,049 Content Per Day: 0.32 Reputation: 267 Days Won: 9 Joined: 10/22/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 Thank youi freeinnosensespirit and AnotherSinner for your contribution into this no individual problem, but is experience by others as well. We live in a fallen world that's all. I have decided that I will not subject myself to any more hurting, so no more eating out with family, some will say I'm wrong, but that is how I feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherSinner Posted March 19, 2012 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 47 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 628 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 94 Days Won: 5 Joined: 03/13/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1984 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Thank youi freeinnosensespirit and AnotherSinner for your contribution into this no individual problem, but is experience by others as well. We live in a fallen world that's all. I have decided that I will not subject myself to any more hurting, so no more eating out with family, some will say I'm wrong, but that is how I feel. If your family has nothing nice to say or do with you, then really do not see anything wrong with distancing yourself from these things. You can still love your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdemoss Posted March 19, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 4,402 Content Per Day: 0.99 Reputation: 2,154 Days Won: 28 Joined: 02/10/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/26/1971 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Monarchy, I read your post and it took me back in time to my own social inadequacies within family or in the world. The scripture does say that if I were of the world that the world would love their own but the problem is that although I was in the world the world never accepted me nor did my family. Only the other social miscreants of the day and even then those ties didn't last long either. I remember being 30 years old and feeling comfortable at the kids table at family gatherings as if I never grew up but remained a child who didn't fit in with the adults. I had a lot of deep seated secret sin issues as well. What has helped me is to focus on God. Who he is and what he is about. What I learned was that I didn't really love or care about anyone, nor did I know how. I was always so focused on myself and how I felt or things affected me, especially people, their actions and their words. Coming to Christ and studying under him and his love for me and others has caused me to move toward that image of love for others regardless of others actions and words. He has helped me see people for who and what they are when they are unloving and lost without God in their lives. They may know of him, but they do not know him and that is a significant marker in salvation. It drives me to want to know him better and love the unlovable more. Anyone who is stuck somewhere and wants to grow needs nothing more than love. They need to see the love of God shed abroad in the hearts of those who truly love him. That is what made me listen to the guy who brought me the gospel. He not only gave me the gospel but he loved me at the same time and he didn't even know me! I was so attracted to that love that I fell for God in submission to the gospel. God loved me through that man and having seen it and experienced it, I was able to open myself up to receiving it and sharing it with others myself. I pray the Lord God Almighty would surround you with those who are full of his Spirit and love for you that experiencing his overwhelming flood of love from both inside and out, you might be permanently changed within and released from that which binds you. In His Love, Gary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
He giveth more grace Posted March 20, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 123 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,049 Content Per Day: 0.32 Reputation: 267 Days Won: 9 Joined: 10/22/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 Monarchy, I read your post and it took me back in time to my own social inadequacies within family or in the world. The scripture does say that if I were of the world that the world would love their own but the problem is that although I was in the world the world never accepted me nor did my family. Only the other social miscreants of the day and even then those ties didn't last long either. I remember being 30 years old and feeling comfortable at the kids table at family gatherings as if I never grew up but remained a child who didn't fit in with the adults. I had a lot of deep seated secret sin issues as well. What has helped me is to focus on God. Who he is and what he is about. What I learned was that I didn't really love or care about anyone, nor did I know how. I was always so focused on myself and how I felt or things affected me, especially people, their actions and their words. Coming to Christ and studying under him and his love for me and others has caused me to move toward that image of love for others regardless of others actions and words. He has helped me see people for who and what they are when they are unloving and lost without God in their lives. They may know of him, but they do not know him and that is a significant marker in salvation. It drives me to want to know him better and love the unlovable more. Anyone who is stuck somewhere and wants to grow needs nothing more than love. They need to see the love of God shed abroad in the hearts of those who truly love him. That is what made me listen to the guy who brought me the gospel. He not only gave me the gospel but he loved me at the same time and he didn't even know me! I was so attracted to that love that I fell for God in submission to the gospel. God loved me through that man and having seen it and experienced it, I was able to open myself up to receiving it and sharing it with others myself. I pray the Lord God Almighty would surround you with those who are full of his Spirit and love for you that experiencing his overwhelming flood of love from both inside and out, you might be permanently changed within and released from that which binds you. In His Love, Gary I saved the notification of this post in my Inbox, because I wanted to reply to it, but I am very tired, I will get back to it. Thanks, Gary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
He giveth more grace Posted March 20, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 123 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,049 Content Per Day: 0.32 Reputation: 267 Days Won: 9 Joined: 10/22/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 Thank you, Gary, for this post you put much thought and heart into. Gary your posts have been a blessing, all of them. My younger brother is named Gary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat8585 Posted April 2, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 1,360 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 7,866 Content Per Day: 1.24 Reputation: 26 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/18/1946 Share Posted April 2, 2012 Monarchy, I feel for you. I've gone thru similar trials, not so much with family, tho it's been rough there too, as no one in my family practises any religion. Some of them used to, but don't any more. Some say they are Christian, but that's as far as it goes. My mother was the matriarch, and now that she's gone, it's passed on to me. But I, like you, wasn't socialized. I never had many friends, only 2 or 3 "best friends". I felt like a misfit too. My sense of self image was and is very low. Because of this, I used to be so shy that people thought I was stuck up. I thought people wouldn't like me. I've improved somewhat, but I still have a hard time making friends, and feel very isolated. Like you, I gave up on counseling long ago. My family is also very dysfunctional. You wouldn't believe. I see nothing wrong with you, tho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ears Posted April 4, 2012 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 18 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 348 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 39 Days Won: 2 Joined: 01/05/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted April 4, 2012 You know Monarchy many in my family make me feel like I'm a bad apple and some think of me as a religious nut or hypocrite. I do what I can for them when they need me, such as money but I no longer value their opinions. I do what I can for them because that's what the Lord expects me to do, so they may not know it, but they are lucky I am a religious nut.. On holidays it's usually just my husband's family that come for dinner and such. You sound so compassionate and intelligent, I would love to have a Brother like you. Hey I do, love ya Brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted April 4, 2012 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 596 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,064 Content Per Day: 7.55 Reputation: 27,816 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Online Share Posted April 4, 2012 I had some of the same problems many years ago that were keeping me from being sucessful in my career. One of my managers pretty much forced me to join Toastmasters to help me get to where I could speak to people either in groups or one on one and be comfortable in doing so. I've been reading your posts for a long time now, and you are not a dummy and you write well. The two years I attended the meetings within that organization helped me greatly and probably helped me keep my job for another 38 years. It's kind of like AA meetings in that there is little to no stress involved in the process and you actually learn that your mind is a cool tool if you're not afraid to exercise it. Myself and one other team mate went to separate meetings and the both of us gained much. I can tell from your posts that you have a good mind... and that's the place I learned confidence. You might want to give it a try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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