6 year old handcuffed. . .

[~candice~]

If YOUR , 6 year old child was hand cuffed and taken to jail, and treated like a CRIMINAL ....what would you do ?

That all depends on the situation. What do you think should have been done? This child was breaking things and was out of control. They were a threat to themselves, and more to the point, to everyone else. That has to be stopped. And something harsh has to be done to show it would be best if that type of behavior didn't occur again. Sitting the child down and talking to them isn't going to get the job done. That never works. You discipline first, then explain, not the other way around. Discipline is not bargaining. It is not give and take. Parents these days are no longer in control. They have given the control to the children and the government has helped, to everyone's detriment.

Nods.

You know what I would have done? I would have quietly called up the police department, and made sure the Sargent or whoever was in command made my child wet themselves with fear if they ever pulled a stunt like that again.

[The_Patriot21]

you all are still associating handcuffs with criminals-when its not necessarily a fair association. In the olden days in smaller towns, town drunks were often tossed in jail at night till they sobered up the next morning, and let free. (were talking waaaaay older days) and then let free, no paperwork filed criminal charges etc. they wernt considered criminals, they were just considered unsafe to themselves and the community, but not a huge threat-they slept it off and let loose the next day. The handcuffs are a procedure-they are put on anyone who is brought in for any reason against their will-it keeps the officers safe, and often the person their bringing in as well. The cops were called, and instead of risking their safety and the childs safety trying to manhandle the kid they simply followed procedure. It was appropriate use of force in my mind. Procedure doesnt necessarily equal criminal-handcuffs are merely a tool of the trade.

[other one]

If YOUR , 6 year old child was hand cuffed and taken to jail, and treated like a CRIMINAL ....what would you do ?

I dont think the child was even treated like a criminal-yes the cuffs were put on, and she was transported to the local PD, but as far as treated like a criminal? From what Im gathering, she wasnt formally arrested, but more restrained and removed from the premises-which seemed to work. She wasnt thrown in with the criminal populace, but rather given a soda and allowed to chill in the squad room until the parents showed up. But if it were my kid, I would hope that she wouldnt throw a temper tantruum THAT bad, but, if she did, and I wasnt reachable for whatever reason, I may not necessarily be 100% happy with this method, but I also wouldnt blame them either. The child wasn't hurt in any way, neither was anyone else.

I agree there are timeswhen the cops shouldnt be called, such as burping and even inflating a condom (that might be worth a suspension though) however, there is a night and day difference between burping, and throwing things around the room and trying to break a glass cabinet-burping injures no one, breaking a glass cabinet can hurt the child not to mention anyone who is trying to restrain the child.

Criminals get hand cuffed ...did she commit a crime ? She got hand cuffed and taken to jail and therefore treated as a criminal.

That is why this story has hit the News.

Actually no,,,,, people get hand cuffed to protect both police and the person they are dealing with...... and the little girl was a criminal. She attacked the principle and hit him with a shelf. The only reason she was not put under arrest because she was a minor. but she destroyed property and endangered other students and administration. She is/was a little criminal.

[The_Patriot21]

I wouldnt call her a criminal-at this stage Id call her a spoiled little brat, and if anyones the criminal its likely the parents. Thats jusy my humble opinion though.

[other one]

I wouldnt call her a criminal-at this stage Id call her a spoiled little brat, and if anyones the criminal its likely the parents. Thats jusy my humble opinion though.

LoL, you need to teach kindergarten for a while...... you might change your mind.

[AnotherSinner]

Ive worked daycare, Ive been in similar situations, sure there were other methods that they "could" have used, but any time you try to phyiscally restrain a child like that, no matter what method you use, you run the risk of the child being injured or someone else being hurt, and on top of that if theres multiple adults restraining the child, well schools are shorthanded as it is, the more adults that are being tied up restraining that child the more likely it is that other children may be put at risk. And if the child gets injured-or even if they dont, the school runs the risk of a lawsuit in todays society.

Lets put it in perspective-what is so evil about handcuffs? lets put all things aside, and look at just the handcuffs. Police show up, child is extremely violent, and has been pointed out if medical staff had been alerted they would have just called the police-but the police show up, phyiscally holding the child has obviously been tried otherwise they wouldnt be there, the parents obviousy-havent been able to be reached, because unless its suspected child abuse, its still the norm to call the parents, what do you expect them to do? If it was a 25 year old doing something like that, they would have been cuffed, thrown in the squad car and locked in jail. That is the procedure, its not malicious, its not meant to do harm, but it is the procedure. Police pick up a drunk? he goes in handcuffs and off to jail. Any time the cops detain anyone-they handcuff them, thats procedure. In this case-the cops really did what they had to do-the followed procedure in cuffing the child, and then removing the child from the premises, which actually may have been a good idea-sometimes a change of scenery and people will calm even the worst children down-and once they got to the station, and the child had calmed, they actually broke the procedure, and after removing the cuffs allowed her to sit in the squad room with soda until the parents arrived to collect her, anyone else would have been in a 6 x 9 cell, with water if they were lucky. On top of that, with the cuffs, if the child injured herself they can safely say it was all on the child-no one can accuse the cops of abusing the child.

Me perhaps, I would have tried to physically restrain her until the parents could be called, but I still say what they did wasn't wrong. They probably could have handled it better, but I wouldnt say it was wrong.

People saying that the handcuffs were wrong and/or extreme are either failing to realize a child throwing a tantrum has to be restrained to avoid injury to themselves and others, and they also fail to realize that that restraining is not going to be simple no matter what age the child is. Trying to restrain a child that is out of control is no different than trying to pick up a feral cat. A 6 year old who is kicking, screaming and punching is not an easy package to contain. I know, from firsthand experience. Sometimes just one adult can't get the job done. They will kick, punch, thrash, bite, scream and roll and even a 6 year old is strong when acting out and no longer in control of themselves. If the parents of this child think this is bad, they ain't seen nothing yet. Imagine this unbridled child as a teenager.

I do not mean any disrespect, but my child has thrown a temper tantrum and restraining him only escalates the situation. As to the proper method to have handled the child in this case, well one has to know the child personally. This by no means, means spoiling the child or giving in to her whims. On the contrary discipline should still be used.

I am a mother of an almost three year old boy who has on occassion, though much lessened as of late has kicked, thrashed, head butted, and even thrown things so as to get mommy to understand that he is not happy with the concept of not getting his way. The response he gets? He gets closed in the bedroom after putting him down gently on the bed. He is then told what he did wrong and left alone for a time to cry and when things are quiet and in about five minutes, sometimes longer if he continues to have a fit....mommy opens the door lets him come out and I tell him again what he did and tell him I love him. Then finally give him a hug after prompting him to repeat me and say 'sorry.'

Handcuffs, threats, and the like should not be a resort unless absolutely necessary. Though threats are strongly discouraged. Then I, as a mother am making a notebook with strategies to handle my special needs little man, in the event he does take things to the extreme as he has not dealt with change real well in the past without being talked to.

[AnotherSinner]

I do not mean any disrespect, but my child has thrown a temper tantrum and restraining him only escalates the situation. As to the proper method to have handled the child in this case, well one has to know the child personally. This by no means, means spoiling the child or giving in to her whims. On the contrary discipline should still be used.

I am a mother of an almost three year old boy who has on occassion, though much lessened as of late has kicked, thrashed, head butted, and even thrown things so as to get mommy to understand that he is not happy with the concept of not getting his way. The response he gets? He gets closed in the bedroom after putting him down gently on the bed. He is then told what he did wrong and left alone for a time to cry and when things are quiet and in about five minutes, sometimes longer if he continues to have a fit....mommy opens the door lets him come out and I tell him again what he did and tell him I love him. Then finally give him a hug after prompting him to repeat me and say 'sorry.'

Handcuffs, threats, and the like should not be a resort unless absolutely necessary. Though threats are strongly discouraged. Then I, as a mother am making a notebook with strategies to handle my special needs little man, in the event he does take things to the extreme as he has not dealt with change real well in the past without being talked to.

With all due respect, if you are simply laying a child having a tantrum on the bed and locking him in a bedroom, you are taking a huge gamble. He will injure himself sooner or later, perhaps seriously. A child throwing a tantrum has to be restrained immediately. You don't let the child just work their way out of the tantrum. Big Mistake.

Threats have a very real and tangible purpose. They are not bad and they are not harmful. To avoid them actually means that one does not want to discipline or punish at all. Because any kind of discipline is useless without two vital components. The threat of something really unpleasant if the rules are broken, and then a follow-through with that unpleasant thing if the rules are broken. It's very simple. And effective once a parent finds out exactly what thing is most unpleasant for a child. It may not be a swat or a spanking, it may be taking away a favorite toy for a day or two. Many parents today will use A and "threaten" their children with impending doom if they don't behave, but they simply repeat the threat over and over again, there is no follow-through, and the child quickly learns there will be no negative consequences for negative behavior. All disipline, whether for an adult or a child contains an implied threat. Do (A) and (B) will be the result. Break the speed limit, lose money, perhaps go to jail. Show up late for work too much, and lose your job. Throw a tantrum and you don't watch TV for a few days. Discipline is not rocket science.

You are now telling me that my parenting is lacking? Wow....I am sorry but who are you to do that? You have no idea the methods I have tried. You have no clue about me or my family or my life and you feel you can pass judgement. No wonder so many parents out there give up. They have people like you trying to condemn them without a moment's thought. Again my son is special needs, you cannot just simply restrain him. It only makes the situation worse. The method I use too was also a recommended method given to me by professionals after having him seen by such. Then you did not bother to read into that did you? Any disciplinary action that has been decided has been after a thorough evaluation of his past behavior and disciplinary action taken. Then...I should not be explaining myself to you.

Seeing as I am now upset and getting judged on my parenting skill....I am done here.

[The_Patriot21]

I really dont think attacks are necessary, I started this thread to discuss the situation I linked to not criticise everyones parenting...i think were all taking it to seriously and perhaps its time we all just step back and cool off.

[AnotherSinner]

You are now telling me that my parenting is lacking? Wow....I am sorry but who are you to do that? You have no idea the methods I have tried. You have no clue about me or my family or my life and you feel you can pass judgement. No wonder so many parents out there give up. They have people like you trying to condemn them without a moment's thought. Again my son is special needs, you cannot just simply restrain him. It only makes the situation worse. The method I use too was also a recommended method given to me by professionals after having him seen by such. Then you did not bother to read into that did you? Any disciplinary action that has been decided has been after a thorough evaluation of his past behavior and disciplinary action taken. Then...I should not be explaining myself to you.

Seeing as I am now upset and getting judged on my parenting skill....I am done here.

I am not telling you that your parenting is lacking. I am not passing judgement. I am not condemning. All my foster children were special needs children. All 12 of them. I know a little something about special needs children, and they don't hand a Foster Care License to just anyone in Missouri. You have to train for it and then continue your training occasionally to keep your license. I am not a neophyte. The majority of today's so-called "professionals" will hardly ever advocate any kind of intrusive discipline because they think discipline is harmful to the child. A Christian knows better. Discipline is not harmful whether the child is considered "normal" or "special needs." If truly examined in light of reailty, all children are in some way "special needs" because all children have problems and all children require different parenting skills. Special needs often becomes a blanket to cover, allow or pigeonhole bad behavior. It is often the equivalent of other "professionals" labeling every problem that a child has in school as ADD and tranquilizing them with Ritalin.

We were classified by DFS as both a special needs household and a Respite home. If parents wanted a break, they could send their children to our house for a week or two to get some air. The child I talked about came to us as a respite child. After she had been with us for a week, the other foster parents did not want her back. We found out then that she had been in 14 foster homes in less than a year. Specifically because of the tantrum problem. We had her for 4 years. The tantrums were frequent when we first got her and became less frequent over time because, I think, we learned to deal with them in a way that worked, which took a lot of time to figure out, and I think they occurred because she had been shuffled around so much, she always saw any home she was at as a short time affair until she was moved somewhere else. She injured herself several times while throwing tantrums. Bruises, knots, cuts, you name it. All I am saying, so you can spare me your derision for bringing it up, is that as some point, if you do not try and restrain your child while he is having a tantrum, he will injure himself. How will you feel then? He has an egg-sized knot on the back of his head because he threw his head into a window frame. What now? I have made many, many mistakes as a parent. Thankfully, my children turned out well despite them, but I still have regrets, and you cannot make regrets go away. They are a constant companion. I am trying to encourage you not to set yourself up for regrets later, that's all.

Cobalt,

I know my son. Please understand that. Attempts have been made to restrain him, this has only added further injury to himself or me. I check on him periodically if he is quiet after being placed in time out. Time out...as much as you may not agree with it, actually works for him. So I am sorry but restraining all children does not work.

The special needs label also was not just thrown on him. There are health issues, physical ones at that which are hindering his development...speech as well as coping abilities, and I am sorry but I felt you were very insensitive to that. However, I cannot argue with you that a lot of children are very often misdiagnosed.

I know not one parent is going to think the same as the next. I respect that you may have a different form of parenting. However, as I stated before...I know my son. For some reason, time out works. His temper tantrums have decreased in number and severity dramatically since we started implementing it instead of sign language, threats, saying no, and even restraining him. There is nothing worse to my almost three year old boy than boredom as he is a very active little boy.

It is awesome that you have tended to so many children. Especially voluntarily. It takes a lot of patience, devotion, time, and really a lot of love too. So I admire you for that. Just when it comes to my son, I think I know him well enough to know...just what he needs. Professionals did not make me decide what was best for him. They gave me ideas and I went on my own with my husband gradually experimenting until we found what works.

My boy is not perfect, but he does say "Thank you" without prompting and he is not yet three... He follows directions...and a sweeter boy...most the time, I have yet to see.

Has he hurt himself in the past? Yes. Have I had to move him and implement some kind of safety measures for him? Yes. That is why he is put in a room where there are soft surfaces to lay when he kicks, head butts, and thrashes. He does not throw himself through windows nor does he try to. He is just a grumpy little boy who gets mad every now and then when he does not get his way which is never rewarded. He has really come a long way in the past year.

He used to do so much worse than he does now. So....call me crazy, but I must be doing something right as his mommy. So although you and I may not agree on methods in the perspective of my child. I really do respect you and what you do. As I said...it takes a lot. I admire that in any woman or man that is willing to do that.

[AnotherSinner]

Cobalt,

I know my son. Please understand that. Attempts have been made to restrain him, this has only added further injury to himself or me. I check on him periodically if he is quiet after being placed in time out. Time out...as much as you may not agree with it, actually works for him. So I am sorry but restraining all children does not work.

The special needs label also was not just thrown on him. There are health issues, physical ones at that which are hindering his development...speech as well as coping abilities, and I am sorry but I felt you were very insensitive to that. However, I cannot argue with you that a lot of children are very often misdiagnosed.

I know not one parent is going to think the same as the next. I respect that you may have a different form of parenting. However, as I stated before...I know my son. For some reason, time out works. His temper tantrums have decreased in number and severity dramatically since we started implementing it instead of sign language, threats, saying no, and even restraining him. There is nothing worse to my almost three year old boy than boredom as he is a very active little boy.

It is awesome that you have tended to so many children. Especially voluntarily. It takes a lot of patience, devotion, time, and really a lot of love too. So I admire you for that. Just when it comes to my son, I think I know him well enough to know...just what he needs. Professionals did not make me decide what was best for him. They gave me ideas and I went on my own with my husband gradually experimenting until we found what works.

My boy is not perfect, but he does say "Thank you" without prompting and he is not yet three... He follows directions...and a sweeter boy...most the time, I have yet to see.

Has he hurt himself in the past? Yes. Have I had to move him and implement some kind of safety measures for him? Yes. That is why he is put in a room where there are soft surfaces to lay when he kicks, head butts, and thrashes. He does not throw himself through windows nor does he try to. He is just a grumpy little boy who gets mad every now and then when he does not get his way which is never rewarded. He has really come a long way in the past year.

He used to do so much worse than he does now. So....call me crazy, but I must be doing something right as his mommy. So although you and I may not agree on methods in the perspective of my child. I really do respect you and what you do. As I said...it takes a lot. I admire that in any woman or man that is willing to do that.

I have no problems with time out. It works on some children, others. . . not so much. Our son that we were blessed to adopt through the foster care system, nothing worked on him. Nothing. We never could find anything that would bother him enough to make him think things through and stop poor behavior. We went through some trying times with him, but he decided to join the Air Force and join the Air Guard. They did what I could not and he is a fine young man today that I am very proud of.

If you have specifically prepared his room so he can't harm himself there, that's another thing. I didn't know that. As long as he can't injure himself, your fine.

I am sure you did your best. Some children....like myself....have to learn the hard way.