I've never really posted anything on a forum, but I find myself very much alone and confused right now. I was saved in June 2015, never having been brought up as a Christian or even knowing many Christians through my life. I live in the UK and there is a somewhat 'stuffy' image of The Church, although perhaps that is just my thinking. Christ came to me through a dream, my heart was changed and I had been going though what felt like spiritual attacks through others and some strange experiences! Anyway (that's another story), God got me! He saved me and I am forever His!
I met a man after that and he was very good to me, he too is a Christian, I honestly felt like it was God given I prayed for support the night before he contacted me, it felt like an answer to prayer. We were friends for a while, he lives in America. Through it all he seemed very genuine, he is the son of a Pastor, we prayed on the phone everyday, we became more than friends and after a few years, having met a number of times, me going there and him here, we got engaged. There were some tough times, he has misrepresented himself, we got through it, I forgave him and we moved on. Three years on, and 280 days into our visa application for me to move over to America on a fiance visa, he has a huge melt down. He tells me of all his sins, things I never thought he would be involved in (mostly of the flesh, I wont go into detail). I could and can forgive him. But now, as he has been divorced he says he will not marry me. In his repentance he feels he should not be breaking anymore commandments. He says it's against scripture, I can't argue with that, it's Gods word. But I have sold my flat. I have sent everything I own over to him, bar three suitcases and my paperwork (for the visa), I have temporary accommodation until the middle of May, we had planned all this hoping the Visa would be through by then. Of course now it wont, I am not going to be married, I will not be his wife, I will not be able to start a new in America. Which is a huge change of plan, a huge and difficult change to get my head around. I am being tested. Beyond anything I thought could happen, I had complete faith that it was Gods plan for me to be in a new country with someone who would love me.
How he is even capable of dropping me like this I do not know. We never argued, we've got on well, same humour, a sharing of faith and it felt completely genuine. I am going to have to get a job in the next six weeks (money is not the best for me), I wasn't working as we were just going to get through the visa and then I could just move when we got it (stupid of me, I know). I am living out of suitcases, my heart is broken, and on top of that he has told me he has cancer, he has an operation on Tuesday to remove a stage 2 tumour, its colon cancer. He's pushed me away when I would have drawn closer. What else can I say other than that?! Without becoming too distraught and incoherent.
Honestly I cannot comprehend most of this, my emotions are everywhere and I have to pull everything back together, on my own, I was going to find new friends in America, the UK has not been kind to me. This test is very tough on me, especially as a new Christian, I feel angry, upset, sad, heart broken and pure despair. I know that God is working, and perhaps I will come out the other end ok. He was my only Christian friend, would anyone have any advice? Or could someone pray for me? It's my birthday today.. I'm 42! This shouldn't happen to a 42 year old woman! I feel ridiculous as well as distraught.... and tired, very, very tired.
By Jonathan BeWell
My following testimony is inspired by shapes' post in the "Worthy Q & A for Seekers" forum. And I quote, "How does God deal with those who have mental illness. Does he heal people from this affliction?" https://www.worthychristianforums.com/topic/219239-mental-illness-god/#comment-2777709
God dealt with my mind in a mess by giving me a guardian angel. I have seen and heard her. God had me born into an amazing family. They love, protect and provide for me. God gave me and the ability to discern real true friends. Only a couple dozen never gave up on me. God supplied me with doctors, psychiatrists and professionals. Medications, personal care and safety nets caught me when I fell, repeatedly. God commands my government, nation and community services to help me, however little and lacking it is. God dealt with me by interacting with my heart, mind, body and soul. Most importantly, God dealt with my sin by sending His Son, Jesus Christ, to save, protect and heal me.
I have been saved since 2016's Christmas season. I dove deep into everything Christian and came up baptized on the last day of 2017 (also baptized as an infant). I attended some prayer meetings last year. They anointed me with oil and prayed for the healing of my mind. Since then, God has been healing and restoring me among other areas of my life. I feel shocks of energy surge though and jerk my body. I have been told this is the blood of Jesus running through me. When I am praying, willingly changing my thoughts to God's will, having revelations or meditating on God, I feel tangible physical healing in my temples behind my eyes. It has the similar sensation of a yawn, a condensed vibration. A Christian veteran I admire said something that stuck in my head relatively recently. "I don't even think like that anymore." It was a eureka revelation moment at the time and applies to what has been happening to my mind over the past year. I am becoming less like the Greg of the past and more like Christ. The Holy Spirit is alive and well in me and changing me for the better.
The short answer is, "yes," He does heal people from this affliction.
How God deals with sin, evil, death and even demons is by offering Jesus Christ a place in between us and all those "mental health issues." The secular world is leaving out God (in three Persons) as the ultimate and only real true solution, cure, coping mechanism and explanation, etcetera. I am living breathing proof. People would have a hard time believing my past. People in my past would have a hard time believing my present. My future will be hard to believe for anyone stuck in the secular world ignoring the one, true, living God. Jesus Christ is alive and well and has made me so, eternally, glory be to our Heavenly Father!
12 The demons begged Jesus, “Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them.” 13 He gave them permission, and the impure spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.
- Mark 5:12-13 New International Version (NIV)
3 Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.
- Hebrews 3:1 New International Version (NIV)
7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 4:7 New International Version (NIV)
By Jonathan BeWell
Praise the Lord, hallelujah!
Praise You, God, for your purity and perfection! Praise You Lord, Jesus Christ, for saving me and my testimony! Glory be to You, God, our Father who art in Heaven! Thanks be to the Holy Spirit's comfort, teaching and guidance! All we know, understand, experience and struggle with is for your glory, perfect plan and unquestionable will. I shall not want or crave anything outside of Jesus Christ's way. Let me know if so, let me understand what You want for us is best. May I pick up and carry my own cross, denying myself for You. I worship You as all knowing, powerful and gracious. May I draw closer to You and keep You as top priority in my family's lives. You are first, my family is second and I am here to serve. May I serve you reverently, fully and completely. May there be less of me and more of Jesus Christ instead. Jesus, You are thee only way, light and salvation. All I need is You. God, You take care of the rest. You are in control, God, making and letting everything happen. I am in awe and wonder of your creation. I am eternally grateful, worshipping You and your Son for thee ultimate sacrifice and act of love. This body is your temple, use it as You will. Bend me from my will to yours. It is all about You, everything concerns and relates to You! Yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever, in Jesus Christ's name, amen!
By Jonathan BeWell
The Meaning of [eternal] Life
All it takes is a short, simple to the point prayer surrendering to Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour. Be sincere and follow through. God takes care of the rest, you and every need. Remember to pray in Jesus Christ's name, for God's will. Discernment, knowledge and understanding will flow on God's time and limitless ability. Feed yourself with prayer, Christian fellowship, worship, singing praises to the Lord. Immerse yourself in the Holy Bible, God's inspired living word! The enemy will lie, deceive, trick and play all sorts of mind games in an effort to destroy you and your faith. Confess, apologize for, rebuke and repent from every single last sin committed ever. Call on the power, blood and name of Jesus Christ and be saved! Every sin has already been forgiven by God, past, present and future. His Son won over sin, death and hell. His unconditional love is true, pure and perfect. Tell your account to God with forgiveness. Make your life testimony strong. It is never too late. Christ's blood, death and resurrection paid your debt and price. You now belong to Christ, take heart. Your body is a temple. Keep trying and building on the cornerstone of Christ. God bless you and your new eternal life starting immediately, hallelujah, thanks and all glory be to God!
By Jonathan BeWell
Open Letter to Rock Bottom
Dear Down in the Dumps,
You are not in a nice place to visit or indefinitely live. I know, I have been there too many times. Since then I have burned my passport and remain grounded, gladly. The local authorities and citizens do not understand my alien presence. They cannot keep this message out. I will explain later. You will not complain sooner. Listen, look and warm yourself up to light versus darkness. Defect from that infected wasteland. Walk this way for freedom!
Before I believed in anything worth mentioning, I desperately decided to buy into "Allen Carr's 'Easy Way to Stop Smoking.'" Heck, he wrote I could even smoke as I read the book! I took a leap of faith out the hole of butts and ash. I actually enjoyed and laughed at old cues to spark a dart. Nic fits were only a fading memory of how and what I used to be like. I had been deprogrammed from doom and reprogrammed for life. Thank goodness, because all drags from cigarettes had become depressing slave wage reminders of death. I could not prove or understand it but I believed it had worked, setting me free. I see that now was a good sign, open door and ray of hope. Major problems had potential solutions. I believed things could be better.
Before I met and surrendered to Jesus Christ, I waged war with myself and the world. I abused my being with alcohol, marijuana and drug experimentation. I sat much of my life in front of a screen playing questionable games. I cheated on God, my future wife and myself with pornography and masturbation. I was living the bad dream of a wicked party scene. My heart had holes, my mind was free for the taking, my body was in ruin and my soul was lost and bound. Mental health issues coincided with the start of all of the above. By my fourth psychiatric ward stay I actually enjoyed doing my time and running the show. Pride, lust, anger, gluttony and slothfulness as deadly sins were aiming to win. It was either end up a casualty of spiritual warfare or be saved by divine intervention. Enter my Saviour, Lord, teacher and protector.
I read the Bible out of curiousity. I thought I should for its major influence on the world and world view. Believing and in it does not change that in any case. Tragedy struck when my parents' dog died in my arms. What I was doing with my life and would come after hit me hard. God had spoken, my deaf ears had been opened. I quit pot on the spot. I mourned Baloo's death and a life I was not getting. I compensated by binge drinking. I started getting drunk in the morning. I was listening to Harvesters FM, a Christian radio station constantly. They suggested AA, Alcoholics Anonymous. I went and got on the sober wagon. Gaming got the boot. Pornography and masturbation were confessed, apologized for, repented from and rebuked. All of the above related to asking Jesus Christ into my heart and life through a simple, sincere to the point prayer. The Bible was now more than history and what Christianity was based on. It was God's word speaking to me, changing my life for His pure glory, perfect plan and purpose. Not the story of my life, but Jesus Christ's death for the church as his wife. It is thee book that's truth never changes as always relevant. Now I am part of the book of life, hallelujah!
Not the end,
Gregory Keith Jonathan Brumwell 2018
Testimony Saved by Jesus Christ as of December 18, 2016, GKJB-1973
11 Very truly I tell you, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony.
- John 3:11 New International Version (NIV)
31 “If I testify about myself, my testimony is not true.
- John 5:31 New International Version (NIV)
7 He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe.
- John 1:7 New International Version (NIV)