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kjn

'red flags' in conversation with uncle

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Hello,

It would be nice to get responses from guys as well, because I have already asked a few ladies.

My married uncle said to me something like, "How do you think the last few years would have been different if you'd had a boyfriend like me?"

What are your reactions/opinions about that statement?

Thanks to all.

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I think sometimes people say things in the moment that really aren't intended to be taken the way they are. I also think that men at times have weak moments and perhaps something was meant by it...but I also think that as a woman we have to learn to just pass it off and not be offended by it, nor should we give them any reason to believe that we would ever allow anything to happen that goes over certain boundries.

I would be cautious, if I were you, that you keep your boundries clear with him, but at the same time just let what he said "go over your head" so to speak

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Best ignored. Some rejoinders, if silence is not golden, might be...... "A complete disaster" or "Let's ask your wife" or "Yuh know, I never gave thought to that"

As BFP said, women just have to learn to pass off some things .... there is absolutely no room for serious thought to that question

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I would ignore it and if he should ask again I'd tell him that I'd have gone out in the back yard and cut my wrists years ago if that had been the case, then as if you'd thought about it a bit and add....... or yours.

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Thanks for your replies. I appreciate people's "gut reactions," (or wherever the reactions came from), because I wasn't completely sure what to think about my own reactions.

Additional question: what do you see that the Bible has to say about what my response should be? And anyone who's dealt with this type of thing have any wisdom in how to best honor Jesus, my Gentle Caregiver (Shepherd) in this circumstance?

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Benefit of the doubt, maybe he meant pardner, chum, buddy.

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Hello,

It would be nice to get responses from guys as well, because I have already asked a few ladies.

My married uncle said to me something like, "How do you think the last few years would have been different if you'd had a boyfriend like me?"

What are your reactions/opinions about that statement?

Thanks to all.

Hmmm . . . this is the kind of question that begs for more background information. At first glance, it COULD be innocent (I'll work on that presumtion and present my thoughts on that basis). I'll also assume you are an adult, not a minor.

Note that your uncle said "a boyfriend LIKE me." So that begs the question - would you consider your uncle a nice person? Caring? Giving? Most imporantly - does he claim to be a Christian?

Then - (putting aside for a moment the self-promoting tone) he could have just been implying that you would have benefitted by having a boyfriend who shared those qualities.

This isn't the same thing of course, but a couple of years ago my (now) twenty-something daughter said something to me to the effect "I wish I could meet someone like you, Dad." Now - at the time she had gone through a bad seperation and eventual divorce.

Because she had grown up in a Christian home - witnessing her mom and I living out a Christian marriage - I took what she said as a compliment. Now - turn the tables: what if I had said to her something like " you need to find a guy something like . . . me"

Would that have been inappropriate? I don't think so - given the context and the nature of our relationship.

So, to answer your question - it, too depends on the nature of your relationship with your uncle. If your relationship is on the "up and up" in all other areas, I would just brush it aside as a perhaps cumbersome comment and leave it at that.

Blessings!

-Ed

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Just say: "You mean old, grey, wrinkled, bald, and toothless?' Or, if appropriate you could add, 'lazy, shiftless, smelly and drunk' to the mix.

He sounds creepy!

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Ask him what did he mean by that.

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I guess I must be off the wall. On first reading, I took the 'like me' to mean 'like I do.' So I was really creeped out!

After reading through the responses so far, I can see where the remark might have been innocent. On the other hand, if your instincts or whatever are telling you there's something definitely not right there, my concern is whether there are any youngsters who need to be protected from him?

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