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How do you deal with someone who plainly lies?


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A possible lighthearted approach would be this......

Hmmm seems I've heard that before somewhere (scratch head thoughtfully). Oh yeah, I said that to you.

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hmmmm...would this be actual words you have spoken or are they reading what you wrote somewhere and then speaking it like original thought?

I agree though, that would be unpleasant. My reaction would depend on who that person is to me...a friend, good friend, relative or just acquaintance, + how often they did it

Depending on who they are, I would either make a joke about it or be more careful of what I share or, if just an acquaintance, i g n o r e. I try to be flexible ;)

I like this approach, but I really dont know how to make a joke of it. Could use some tips there. And I think you are right, I think I need to limit how much I tell her about anything. I dont want to become engulfed in anger towards her, but I kind of already am, this kind of stuff has been going on for years. Here is an example of a lie, she says all the time that her daughter was potty trained by 1 year old, this is a flat out lie. She was still in diapers at almost 3 and she had many pee pee accidents up to 5 years old. We all have kids the same age close together in our family. My son was the first to be potty trained out of all the kids. I dont lie about things, so this is not a mommy competition, he was 2, her daughter was 3 then. It's not something I go around bragging about either even though I know it's true. But she lies about this and now that I have a 19 month old at home, she has the nerve to tell me "we've had E going by herself since she was 1 year old." To emphasize that I should be potty training my daughter by now. She says she has been studying the bible lately, and I believe that she has, so I know she's trying to be a better person, but I really feel like she could care less if she is to me or not. Have you ever been around someone who is hot or cold, when it's just her and I she loves me and talks to me and we seem close even, but the second other members of the family get around, she's different. really feel like God is testing my patience or something. I HATE confrontations, but I feel so strongly I need to be vindicated and I dont know whether it's satan trying to get me to let her rip or God trying to get me to put up with it, for humility or something.

I'm sorry that it is affecting you...believe me, I understand how resentment can build up until you think you will clobber the person (you may not be there yet, but enough anger will take you there)

I have been around someone, as you say, who behaves one way when it is (or was) just them and me and when others around, became like leftovers. Well, who would like that?

You know, we can't change another person...I'm sure you have figured out that it is enough working on just our own self LOL!

Have you tried having a conversation with her in which you might express the fact that you are uncomfortable with being her confidante and politely ask her not to discuss certain things with you?

People can drain us and sometimes we just have to say "That's enough thank you."

I understand that as a Christian we may think we have to just accept whatever, but we can actually say no to things that drain and pollute us and from your description, the relationship does not sound

healthy.

You mention that you believe she is reading the Bible.perhaps the two of you could sit down together and discuss the Bible...or salvation.or ask what she is studying...I would try to find

some common ground that is NOT PERSONAL in nature. It sounds to me like that is where the problem lies.

You may just have to accept her where and how she is........but steer her away from personal topics and talk about something else. That may help.

Humor is my thing and it works for me...but you have to find what works for you and pray about it and forgive her. We can't be all things to all people...the Bible says we should be at peace

with everyone...as much as possible...there are situations where it just isn't possible...you can make the best plans but if those plans involve someone else being or acting the way YOU

want them to be, chances are, the plans are going to fail.

Does this make sense to you?

I would definately tell you to NOT put yourself in the place of taking sides with her. Remain neutral.....let her talk but don't offer solace...I know what I am talking about with this one.

Don't give advice...apparently she really doesn't want it anyway.....DO just play back what she says and don't give advice. People who go back and forth are not dealing with

their problems or sins and are just making a lot of smoke......be kind, but what she says may amount to gossip and you truly want to avoid that as it is sinful

I know I've said alot, but one step at a time...thankfully, you realize there is a problem and that it is affecting you.....anger and resentment can take time to build up and even more

time to deal with so you may want to deal with it now and not next year

Hope this helps abit......ps. don't be confrontational...that will not work...some people can discuss the cold hard facts but many cannot and it ends badly.

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She may actually be suffering from the mental disorder Pseudologia Fantastica (compulsive/pathological lying)

Confront her in private and perhaps encourage her in a loving fashion to seek a professional diagnosis.

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h

Edited by 1peterlight
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Sounds to me that your friend has a problem with self and has looked toward you as a guide and a mentor in life to be like. Your way of talking and looking at things now become her's. She has no real self ID and is looking outward to others to complete her self. Very, very sad, I would cry for her and pray for her, for I feel something very large is missing from her life, Jesus can help.

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I am resentful and angry. This has been going on for years. I am sick of it and I am sick of my lack of backbone. I dont know how to address it. I feel sorry for her in a lot of ways, and I think that has something to do with it, but she shows me over and over she doesn't really care about my feelings, only when it seems to benefit her somehow. (She's bored and needs someone to talk to, our husbands are around and she wants to look sweet, she's ticked off at someone and wants me to take her side) it feels like a constant back and forth game, that I am sick to death of playing.

Address it on your knees before God, and once He has given you direction, obey in all humility and love.

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Do you think she knows that she is lying? I know someone who really believes her thoughts are real. She has memories of childhood that never really happened. Sometimes I call her on it and say I don't remember it that way but other times it just seems sad. Do you know if this person does the same to other people? I pray you find peace with this situation. May God bless you.

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Thank you.

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p

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Do you think she knows that she is lying? I know someone who really believes her thoughts are real. She has memories of childhood that never really happened. Sometimes I call her on it and say I don't remember it that way but other times it just seems sad. Do you know if this person does the same to other people? I pray you find peace with this situation. May God bless you.

I think it's about half and half, she used to really make up things that were easy to find out the truth on, and then we would and some family members would call her on it, men in the family, so she respects them now(yeah I know), but now she has gotten wise to what she says and she doesn't do it as often. Especially when the boys are around. They come from a blunt family and will say it right out. I cannot however. I think sometimes she just gets her facts mixed up and says something that comes out untruthful, but not meaning to do so. I have watched her cry over things and go from being a young irresponsible parent to a good mother and I do care about her. She's been in my life regularly for 13 years. But what I can't deal with is her treating myself and others as though she has been perfect and doesn't make mistakes when we all do, and we know she did and does, and if she is modeling her life after me, I have no issue with that, except that it is my life and if she is going to copy me word for word on things, and develop my attitudes then don't turn around and be nasty to me when you get a chance. I really do need to seek the Lord, I am always worried about it being gossip, but I just don't know how to handle her.

Wow, it sounds like she idolizes you and behind that is some jealousy with a history trying to deceive everyone. Try to focus on the fact that God placed you right where he wants and has allowed you this trial and claim it as one of your trials. Praying peace for you in this.
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