Domestic Abuse/Violence (Have a Problem? Looking for Advice?)

[GoldenEagle]

This is a very real problem. I cam accross this website in trying to help a friend. If you are going through this there is help. You are not alone!

 

God bless,

GE

 

 

 

Domestic Abuse/Violence (or Spousal Abuse)

 

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, reach out. There is help available.

 

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

 

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

 

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe.

 

Women don’t have to live in fear:

In the US: call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.

Australia: call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.

Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis centers.

 

Male victims of abuse can call:

U.S. and Canada: The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women

UK: ManKind Initiative

Australia: One in Three Campaign

 

 

Source: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

[GoldenEagle]

Abuse.

It can include words/actions that are a combination of physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and financial in nature. This is a very real problem and it isn’t discussed enough. I came across this website in trying to help a friend this week. If you are going through this there is good news.

There is help available! You are not alone!

Here are some thoughts on the subject.

1. The Symptoms of an Abusive Relationship
What is abuse? It is the pattern of coercive behavior that is used by one person in an intimate relationship to gain power and control over another person.

It includes a combination of physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and financial abuse. These are some important questions to ask yourself:

Am I being spied on or followed?
Am I being isolated from my friends?
Am I being isolated from my family?
Am I free to come and go as I please?
Are my finances restricted?
Am I being verbally attacked or abused?
Am I being physically attacked or abused?
Am I being ridiculed or belittled?

If yes, you may be experiencing domestic abuse or violence.

2. The Cycle
It is important to note that domestic violence doesn’t have to be physical in nature. Although many abusers do get violent physically,

Abusers are very charismatic and form attachments quickly. Their control may be in the use of flattery, charm, and attentiveness. They are often playing a part and becoming the person you want them to be – a character of what they think you’d like. After a time the façade is dropped and control by the abuser really comes into play.

In abusive relationships there is often a pattern of abuse. After an abusive incident there is a “honeymoon” phase where the abuser tries to reconnect through apologetic, flattering, charming behavior with the person being abused. The person being abused often loses resolve or is persuaded to stay.

Yet the abuse continues. And so do the cycle of abuse.

It is important to note some abusers do not follow this cycle and simply have outbursts often without warning or even remorse.

When a victim moves away from an abuser, the most likely place the offender will look for the victim is at work. Remember the act of leaving is the ultimate threat to the abuser’s power.

Yet there is hope! Get help! Get safe! Here's a good resource I found... Check it out.

God bless!
GE
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

[missmuffet]

It is very difficult to get out of a abusive relationship.We read about it in the news everyday.Some have not survived.Sometimes restraining orders do not work or can make the situation worse.

[GoldenEagle]

Signs of an abusive relationship

 

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.

To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

 

 

Do you:

 

feel afraid of your partner much of the time?

avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?

believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?

feel emotionally numb or helpless? 

Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats

 

 

Does your partner:

 

humiliate or yell at you?

criticize you and put you down?

treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?

ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

blame you for their own abusive behavior?

see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior

 

have a bad and unpredictable temper?

hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?

threaten to take your children away or harm them?

threaten to commit suicide if you leave?

force you to have sex?

destroy your belongings?

 

act excessively jealous and possessive?

control where you go or what you do?

keep you from seeing your friends or family?

limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

constantly check up on you?

 

 

 

It Is Still Abuse If . . .

 

• The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.
• The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he will continue to physically assault you.
• The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!
• There has not been any physical violence. Many women are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.

Source: http://www.helpguide...ses_effects.htm

 

[desi2007]

great post, alot of info for people to read, when they are in a situation like this and need answers.

[missmuffet]

http://www.dougbrittonbooks.com/onlinebiblestudies-marriageinformationandadvice/bibleandchristiandivorce02-rejectunscripturalexcuses.php

 

"He is physically abusive."

There are situations in which you should take action to protect yourself. Physical abuse is one of them. A man cannot begin to understand the emotional harm, not to mention the physical damage, which he inflicts when he abuses his wife. The same is equally true with a physically abusive woman.

It is often wise to separate when physical abuse occurs. The purpose of separating usually should not be to lay the foundation for a divorce, but rather to (1) prevent further violence and (2) provide adequate time for the couple to receive biblical counseling to build a solid marriage. (Are there times when divorce is permissible for physical abuse? This is discussed under "Does God ever allow divorce?" in Part 1 of this online Bible study.)

Other appropriate responses to abuse include talking to your pastor, calling the police or getting a restraining order. It is okay for a Christian to appeal to the civil authorities. Read in Acts 25:11 about the time Saul claimed his rights as a Roman citizen when he was mistreated.

 

Although emotional and verbal abuse is just as bad or worse.

[RedMomma]

Thanks for posting this for theres so many that can use the info.I was in an abusive relationship on 94 and I was so desparate for love not wanting to be alone I put up with it for a year til I nearly lost everything including my life for I was being choked for not cooking fast enough,I didn't know I wasn't in a good relationship then for I never really had one as in a healthy one I thought I was the bad one thinking maybe if I had done this or that then he wouldn't do this again I had to get a lot of counseling to see it wasn't anything I did he was responsible for his actions he was to control himself he didn't love he wanted to control everything for he couldn't control himself Im glad I got out when I did I so thank God for that

[missmuffet]

Thanks for posting this for theres so many that can use the info.I was in an abusive relationship on 94 and I was so desparate for love not wanting to be alone I put up with it for a year til I nearly lost everything including my life for I was being choked for not cooking fast enough,I didn't know I wasn't in a good relationship then for I never really had one as in a healthy one I thought I was the bad one thinking maybe if I had done this or that then he wouldn't do this again I had to get a lot of counseling to see it wasn't anything I did he was responsible for his actions he was to control himself he didn't love he wanted to control everything for he couldn't control himself Im glad I got out when I did I so thank God for that

It is really common for the abusing spouse to try and turn it around and make it seem like it is your problem.I know I've been there .

[Guest Robert]

On 7/2/2013 at 10:16 PM, bopeep1909 said:

It is really common for the abusing spouse to try and turn it around and make it seem like it is your problem.I know I've been there .

As have I, only it was from a family member. After years of being away from it, one inevitable truth has come to light: there is never something that can be said or done that deserves physical violence in a relationship. If someone is putting their hands on you like that , it isn't you. IT'S THEM.

[marvalusxoxo]

There is so much to say about it...it is wrong and society doesn't deal with it or discuss it as much as it should. Nobody has the right to hurt anybody in any way. if you would need more help do feel free to email me my email address is on my profile.