Marriage

[Guest Butero]

 

I think there needs to be some kind of certificate given when a couple gets married, but not a government license.  I would like to see the churches issue their own license when they marry someone, in the same way that many churches will give a certificate of ordination to a person, even though it is not officially recognized by the government. 

 

As far as your question goes, my opinion is that churches don't perform marriage ceremonies without a license because society has become conditioned to believe that a marriage without a government sanction isn't a real marriage.  I don't agree with that, and in some ways, I think it has led to a higher divorce rate.  If we accept the notion that you need the government to sanction marriage, then we also accept all other government rules surrounding marriage as legitimate.  That includes divorce.  It has just become part of our way of thinking that when a judge dissolves a marriage, God sees it as dissolved too.  I would love to see the church move away from requiring government approval for marriage. 

 

 

Hello Butero,

 

Do you think the Church should be involved in secular weddings ?

 

I think it is up to the individual church, and their own set of beliefs.  That is an interesting question though.  Lets suppose I was pastoring a church, and a couple of unbelievers wanted me to marry them.  What would I do?  I think I would witness to them when I had the chance.  I would point out how marriage is something created by God, and for life, and would give them the same Biblical counsel I would anyone else.  If they wanted to get married, but didn't want to get saved, I believe I would still marry them.  Why forbid two qualified individuals to wed?  That would only lead to them committing more sin. 

[kwikphilly]

Blessings Jade....

      Sis,thanks for taking the time to clarify what you meant......I really didn't think you would intentionally want to hurt my feelings,I am glad to know I was right about you.........And now that you have helped me to understand what you meant to say.......I see you point,completely

 

                                                                                                                                                                       With love,in Christ-Kwik

[Willa]

Perhaps we are missing the most important part of this discussion on marriage: Both people need to be totally committed to Christ and believe that His word holds the answers to most problems. It also helps when both are determined from the beginning to make the marriage work and to make Christ the center of their marriage. So also repentance and apologies to our spouces needs to be an active part of a marriage. A time daily when you pray aloud together is a huge bonding experience in the lives of a couple. It takes time for a man to learn to live with his wife according to knowledge.

Ous son and his wife went through 20 weeks of premarital counseling. Not only did it cover the usual problems that arise and that pastors end up counseling couples about, It also included discipling, homework and Bible study. His wife was a new christian--he had led her to the Lord a few months prior and she was from a pagan 1 parent environment, so the counseling was essential for both. Among other things discussed were the bibical needs of each. A woman needs to feel loved, protected and that she is prized and appreciated by her husband. A man needs to feel admired by his wife. And each needs to understand what the other person thinks is an expression of these things. So you can imagine how surprised I was to find out that at the top of the list of how hubby expreses love to me was printed "I let her eat onions"! We have found that small marriage retreats held by our church were exactly what you are hoping for in a church supporting new marriages. They were not long seminars but they did give us tools to understand each other and appreciate each other as well as to work out problems.

I understand what you mean by churches becoming cold and detatched. Many churches have degenerated into being either that or else a country club, a social club. It is a sign that the believers have not continued to KEEP ON BEING FILLED with the Holy Spirit as the present progressive verb means in "do not be drunk with wine which is dissipation; but BE FILLED with the Spirit, speaking to one another is psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, making melody in your heart to the Lord." Eph 5:18-19 NKJV Acts records multiple fillings of the Spirit in the apostles and others. This renewal of submission to God and asking Him to fill us should be ongoing in all our lives. Men's prayer groups can also serve the purpose of providing godly counsel and be a tool to nurture a newlywed. In the same vein an older woman from a woman's bible study can be a mentor to the wife. These are places where interpersonal supportive relationships are formed. Another place where men bond is work parties. You should look for a church that has these things or start them yourself.

A good marriage takes a lot of work, determination to perservere, and help from God's word and His Spirit. But it is well worth it.

[Guest ninhao]

 

I think it is up to the individual church, and their own set of beliefs.  That is an interesting question though.  Lets suppose I was pastoring a church, and a couple of unbelievers wanted me to marry them.  What would I do?  I think I would witness to them when I had the chance.  I would point out how marriage is something created by God, and for life, and would give them the same Biblical counsel I would anyone else.  If they wanted to get married, but didn't want to get saved, I believe I would still marry them.  Why forbid two qualified individuals to wed?  That would only lead to them committing more sin. 

 

 

Yes this is interesting. I agree it will be a good opportunity to witness and that many Pastors actually do this pre-wedding with unbelievers which may be why many here now opt for the celebrant ceremony. 

[GoldenEagle]

Thank you peredwin, I appreciate your opinion on this topic.

 

 

There is no requirement from the Lord for a marriage ceremony to take place. It is a human invention.

 

However, there is no Biblical evidence of Divine disapproval.  

 

I know there is no biblical requirement for a marriage ceremony to take place, and since it is now traditional in the US to use Churches as a setting for weddings, then I believe the Church should try to preserve the sanctity of marriage.

 

As it is now, churches are used as backdrops for marriages, Christian and nonChristian.

 

I thought this explanation was interesting...

 

 

Question: "What constitutes marriage according to the Bible?"

Answer: This is a difficult question to answer because the Bible nowhere explicitly states at what point God considers a couple to be married. There are three common viewpoints: 1) God only considers a couple married when they are legally married. 2) A couple is married in God’s eyes when they have completed some kind of formal wedding ceremony. 3) God considers a couple to be married at the moment the marriage is consummated with sexual intercourse. Let’s look at each of the three views and see what strengths and weaknesses each has.

1) God only considers a couple married when they are legally married. The scriptural support typically given to this view is the verses that advocate submission to the government (Romans 13:1-7; 1 Peter 2:17). The argument is that if the government requires certain “paperwork” to be completed before a marriage is recognized, a couple should submit themselves to whatever process the government requires. It is definitely biblical for a couple to submit to the government as long as the requirements do not contradict God’s Word and are reasonable. Romans 13:1-2 tells us, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”

There are some weaknesses and potential problems with this view. First, there were marriages before any government was organized. For thousands of years, people were getting married with no such thing as a marriage license. Second, even today, there are some countries that have no governmental recognition of marriage, and/or no legal requirements for marriage. Third, there are some governments that place unbiblical requirements on a marriage before it is legally recognized. As an example, there are countries that require a wedding to be held in a Catholic church, according to Catholic teachings, and overseen by a Catholic priest. Obviously, for those who have strong disagreements with the Catholic Church and the Catholic understanding of marriage as a sacrament, it would be unbiblical to submit to being married in the Catholic Church.

2) A couple is married in God’s eyes when they have completed some kind of formal wedding ceremony. Similar to the way—in many cultures—a father gives away his daughter at the wedding, some interpreters understand God’s bringing Eve to Adam (Genesis 2:22) as God’s overseeing the first wedding “ceremony.” In John chapter 2, Jesus attended a wedding ceremony. Jesus would not have attended such an event if He did not approve of what was occurring. Jesus’ attending a wedding ceremony by no means indicates that God requires a wedding ceremony, but it most definitely does indicate that a wedding ceremony is acceptable in God’s sight. Nearly every culture in the history of humanity has had some kind of formal wedding ceremony. In every culture there is an event, action, covenant, or proclamation that is recognized as declaring a man and woman to be married.

3) God considers a couple to be married at the moment the marriage is consummated with sexual intercourse. There are some who argue that if any man and woman have sex, God considers the two of them to be married. Such a viewpoint is not biblically sound. The basis for this argument is the fact that sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is the ultimate fulfillment of the “one flesh” principle (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31). In this sense, sexual intercourse is the final “seal” on a marriage covenant. However, if a couple is legally and ceremonially married, but for some reason is unable to engage in sexual intercourse, the couple is still considered married.

It is not biblical to consider a couple who have had sexual intercourse—but who have not observed any of the other aspects of a marriage covenant—to be married. Scriptures such as 1 Corinthians 7:2 indicate that sex before marriage is immorality. If sexual intercourse causes a couple to become married, it could not be considered immoral, as the couple would be considered married the moment they engaged in sexual intercourse. There is absolutely no biblical basis for an unmarried couple to have sex and then declare themselves to be married, thereby declaring all future sexual relations to be moral and God-honoring.

So, what constitutes marriage in God’s eyes? It would seem that the following principles should be followed: 1) As long as the requirements are reasonable and not against the Bible, a couple should seek whatever formal governmental recognition is available. 2) A couple should follow whatever cultural and familial practices are typically employed to recognize a couple as “officially married.” 3) If possible, a couple should consummate the marriage sexually, fulfilling the physical aspect of the “one flesh” principle.

What if one or more of these principles are not fulfilled? Is such a couple still considered married in God’s eyes? Ultimately, that is between the couple and God. God knows our hearts (1 John 3:20). God knows the difference between a true marriage covenant and an attempt to justify sexual immorality.

Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/marriage-constitutes.html#ixzz2q3BDxmjy

[Guest AFlameOfFire]

Wasnt a man called a husband when the two were engaged or betrothed prior to ceremony or sexual relations

I cant find what part im thinking bout on this thing im on but I recall reading about a damsel who was a virgin betrothed and how it seemed worded around a specific incident there.

didnt it require the putting her away even in the betrothed stage of the relationship back then? Somewhat differently then how our engagements go these days?

[nebula]

I believe that churches should forego the marriage license process and agree only to wed couples that are active members of the congregation and that it must be performed before, during, or after Sunday service, where every member of that church can witness the union.

 

I believe marriages fail more often now, because the unions are no longer sanctified or held accountable by the Church, that role has been surrendered to the state.

 

"and that it must be performed before, during, or after Sunday service"

 

Yes, spoken like a man!

 

Tell me Justin, when should the church be decorated for the ceremony? How would the participants enjoy the worship service when they have to prepare themselves? How would there be a reception if the ceremony is before church? The questions can go on and on.

 

I appreciate what you are saying, but this suggestion as a solution, I believe, is not very practical, unless you have a bride that actually wants a stoic ceremony.

 

Yes, marriages should be sanctified and held accountable by the Church, but the solution is not in the performance of the ceremony, but in teaching couples how to communicate, developing support groups, and things like that.

[Guest AFlameOfFire]

We just went to the Justice of the peace to marry that might avoid fornication.

Better to marry then to burn and I wasn't Miss self control back then.

[JustinM]

quote nebula:  "Tell me Justin, when should the church be decorated for the ceremony?"

 

Hi, when my wife and I were married, it was in a Lutheran church and was decorated for the season of Epiphany.  It was absolutely beautiful and didn't require any other decorations, except for a table with a "unity" sand set-up.  I know that could be the exception, not the rule in my case, but I know churches can be beautiful without too much decoration in them.

 

As marriages are conducted now, in many cases we don't really see a difference between a Christian marriage ceremony and a secular one.

 

quote nebula:  "How would there be a reception if the ceremony is before church?"

 

Sometimes weddings are planned where the reception takes place hours after the ceremony, I don't see how that would be a problem here.  Churches have pot-lucks or other meals together, so it wouldn't be too much trouble to incorporate a wedding reception into that, if the newly wedded couple wants their reception to be in the church.

 

Anything can be done as long as there's enough time to plan for it.

 

The parents and the betrothed are spending 10's of thousands of dollars on their weddings, why is it necessary for Christians to do that?  I know weddings are a big day for the families, but is it really necessary to be a 5 figure day?

[Openly Curious]

Good morning everyone.  One of my questions for today is, why do churches require a marriage certificate before marrying two people?  Why won't churches marry people without an "offical" marriage certificate? 

 

Hi JustinM,  First I personally believe that the churches should require a marriage certificate before marrying two people.  It is the law of the land that a marriage certificate is required for two people to get married.  So in that regards I think the churches comply.  Churches can go the route of going ahead and marrying two people who wish to marry without having a marriage certificate but there are problems with doing it.  Some of the problems would be a couple could be accountable to their local body of believers but not accountable when it comes to the laws of the land.  There would be many who wouldn't take proper and rightful responsibility for their families no legal responsibility without a legal document.  Without a legal document a spouse or parent would have difficulty should legal action be required and necessary for child support or what not.  It is for this reason a church should require a marriage license.  The church could hold all married couples accountable in the local body.  But what if that couple decides not to be apart of that local body and leave the church.  At least a marriage certificate would hold the couple accountable according to the laws of the land.  I think people fail to see that there is a natural side to life as well as the spiritual side of things.    Although it is a good and worthy topic for discussion.  blessings