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opportunitykenny

please advise my friends on this practicsl MARRIAGE issue

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I have two friends and both are christians. One, a sister, God-fearing who has been trusting God for marriage partner. The second friend also is a believer, a brother who is looking up to God for a wife. Both eventually went to their church leaders handling marriage issue to declare how God is leading them to marry eachother. The brother claimed to have God's assurance and conviction on this matter and likewise the sister. The only problem according to the brother is that physically speaking, he does not like, neither admire the sister. The brother is always shameful, sees dryness and unhappy whenever he is with the sister and it appears that he does not have love for her. This brother seems not to have the same eagerness Jacob had in the Bible that made him to labour for that long years because of love he had for his wife. The only thing that is making the brother to still believe the leading is because of the similarities he saw in the way God leads him in the job he is doing and this present marriage issue. On the side of the sister, she is not aware of the problem the brother is having. This my brother needs you to advise him on what to do. At the same time, counsel me please so that I can advise the sister. I am just an intermediary between them.

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What God has brought together let no man get in the way of. I am sure that if He has led them to each other it is because He has a plan. Not all marriages start off with love...most start with lust and not much more, and even worse without God involved at all...so this union is still at a much better start than many.

Love grows as two people commit to a life together.

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Tell the brother to do NOTHING until or unless he desires her completely. If that doesn't happen, walk away. There is nothing wrong with doing that (walking away). Why rush to get married with this black cloud looming overhead? Keep dating and observe any change.

Marriage should be for a lifetime and should not be entered into with big obstacles in the way. That is a big obstacle.

My advice may not be respected by all, but it comes out of a lifetime of both Christian and legal experience.

Disclaimer: you or anyone won't hurt my feelings if you disagree or don't take my advice. I give it freely and expect nothing back in return, nothing.

Spock out

PS. I just noticed you asked about counseling the sister as well. She should not be deceived here. You must Tell her the truth. Maybe this will change her feelings too. I consider this very IMPORTANT that you not deceive her.

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I agree that the sister needs to know the brother's lack of feeling for her. Not knowing this will lead her to heartbreak after heartbreak should they get married.

 

To the brother, if his heart is not open to her, what does he want of her? Will he lay down his life, his pride, his ministry, his job, his everything for her - as Christ loved the Church? If he doesn't love her more than his needs and desires, he's starting out in the wrong spirit. If his desire is not towards her, then his desire to marry her is self-serving. The first act of love would be to tell her the truth. If she believes he has desires for her when she does not, then he is deceiving her, and deceit is not love.

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if he doesnt love her then maybe its not Gods will-at least not yet. Theres no rush to get married, no sense hurring into a relationship that may end up being wrong.

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Yes I agree what is the rush.  Is one pushing the other to marry quickly? 

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  The sister needs to know how the brother feels, however it needs to be the brother who tells her.    Also their pastor needs to know and it really doesn't matter who tells him/her.

 

If you stuck me into the situation I'd go speak to their pastor and maybe he can tell the brother to be open with the sister.

Whatever the case, they need to understand that if they can't be open with each other, their marriage is doomed from the start.

The Bible tells us that we should love our wives, however it really doesn't say that we have to like them....   I do happen to like my wife......   well most of the time I do, but i really didn't love her when we first got married.....   I thought I did, but until we lived together for several years I really didn't understand what Love was.    The brother may follow the same path but it's not guaranteed.

 

This would not be any problem at all in the past, for we,, in a lot of cases,, didn't pick out our own wives.   They were arranged, and it seemed to work itself out.        

I think I agree with BFP in that most marriages start with lust on the male side and that's probably the worst reason to get married.

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I don't think it is your place to tell this lady how her fiancée really feels, but I would strongly advise that no marriage take place unless this guy is really in love with the woman he is planning to marry.  It will likely lead to heart ache down the road.  I would advise him to take his time and spend time in prayer making sure this marriage is really the will of God.  If it is really God's will, there is no reason to believe that God can't cause him to fall in love with her before they marry. 

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What are their ages? God isn't going to put two people together that have no chemistry. It's foolish to claim that God is leading a man to marry a woman the man doesn't like or admire. My best advice is not to marry, find a hobby instead. When you find the right person, you just know it. You don't need to ask a church leader.

 

What did the church leader tell them?

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