garbi01 Posted February 15, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/08/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/10/1973 Share Posted February 15, 2014 I am guilty of chatting with women online and lying about it and getting caught. I want to make my marriage our God wants it to be and my wife has a lot of questions. some of my chats were sexual in nature and I know she's going to ask about this. I don't want to hurt her any more than necessary but I don't want to lie either. I know our healing is going to be a long process where she is both the victim and yet what have to be a partner as well. I would appreciate some advice on how to deal with the questions she is going to have about what I did online Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneLight Posted February 15, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 1,294 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 31,762 Content Per Day: 5.24 Reputation: 9,760 Days Won: 115 Joined: 09/14/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted February 15, 2014 Honesty is the only way to be. Holding back or lying is always felt by the other person in the conversation, even when they don't know what the real truth is. You want to have a relationship as God sets marriage up to be, then be as honest with your wife as you would with God. Sure, you may cause more issues in the beginning, but they can be worked out. Nobody can work with a lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Praying~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithink Posted February 15, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 9 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/08/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/07/1979 Share Posted February 15, 2014 complete heart felt honesty would be best, and like onelight said, lying or holding something back can always be felt, especially by your wife. also this is something that she will need to understand that is a great struggle for men, especially christian men who are trying to follow the lord. and that your not just simply being a pig lol. i went through this from your wife's perspective, i remember really wanting to understand what was going on and asking about it. i was feeling like i wasn't good enough, and started picking myself apart until it just ate me up inside, i wanted to know that it wasn't my fault or that maybe there was something i could do to help. but i never got a straight answer, so nothing was ever resolved. i felt like the marriage was already over and i was just getting in the way of his happiness, and there was nothing i could do about it. i developed an eating disorder trying to get skinnier than i already was, i became obsessed with how i looked hoping that if i looked better. it would fix everything. nothing i tried worked, and he just got more and more closed and distant from me. maybe this is an extreme reaction, but i didn't understand what was going on or what i could do. many many years later i was listening to a pastor who talked about this a lot in his sermons, and understanding it better from those sermons relieved a lot of the anxiety and stress i was going through. i am unmarried now, and have been for quite some time, but i had carried much of that inadequate view of myself long after it was over. so learning that it wasn't my fault because i wasn't a supermodel helped a lot lol. i wish i had known back then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Patriot21 Posted February 15, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 28 Topic Count: 338 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 15,696 Content Per Day: 2.46 Reputation: 8,516 Days Won: 39 Joined: 10/25/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1985 Share Posted February 15, 2014 honesty is great, so would some good marriage counseling, and a good solid accountability partner. You don't necessarily have to go into the nitty gritty details with everything you said online, but you do need to be honest that you did this and your sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted February 15, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 306 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,130 Content Per Day: 4.64 Reputation: 27,806 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted February 15, 2014 Blessings garbi01 Â Â Â Â Welcome to Worthy & I am praying for renewal & restoration in your marriage,in Jesus Name I agree with everyone,honesty is the best policy but repentance & proving to your wife that you are faithful & love only her is going to have to follow.........You are supposed to be one flesh,,,,,I think it only realistic to say she is probably going to be doubtful & suspicious for a time until she can learn to trust you again ,,,,,Since it seems to me you like to go on-line I do have a suggestion,why don't you invite her here to Worthy that she can join our little flock and it would probably be a Blessing to you both.....Glory to God! Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted February 19, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 596 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,043 Content Per Day: 7.56 Reputation: 27,786 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted February 19, 2014 If she asks tell her the truth........  but I would also say that open total non sought after confession is not always the way to go either.   Keep in mind that there may actually be things that you wife really just doesn't want to know........    don't force that knowledge on her......  but don't hide it either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garbi01 Posted February 20, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/08/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/10/1973 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 thank you everyone for your thoughts, suggestions and prayers. I wasn't proud of what i did, and I totally admitted to her that I was wrong, and confessed to an emotional online affair. It was hurtful but what she needed to hear. She has had a few rough days but has been incredibly gracious to me. I think she knows my road to redemption will be a slow one and long, and she is giving me the grace I need to earn back her trust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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