Is it okay to live together if you're both christians and sleeping

[appy]

The Lord likes relationships to be in harmony, and he would not convict you differently than your boyfriend in this situation. The thing about living together before marriage is that the chances of succumbing to temptation is so much greater by far than if you both were under different roofs for the time being. Both of you are pretty much so to speak are tempting each other by the constant togetherness. It would be good to seek premarital counseling together from your pastor and discuss with him on setting a wedding day in the near future.

[Guest Butero]

My boyfriend and I were not walking with God when we met and moved in together. We've since given our lives back to Him and our dispute these days is: Is it okay to live together if we sleep in different rooms?

There are really two problems here.  First is an appearance of evil, and second is constant temptations.  Of course, if you are feeling convicted, that speaks volumes.  You could just tell him outright that if he is not interested in marriage, you have to move on.  He may never want to get married. 

 

Trying to put myself in his place, this is what I think, being a guy.  I think he figures your re-dedication to following God will pass, and he is waiting you out.  He doesn't want any commitment, so he won't get married, and he figures that over time, you will be back sleeping together.  He figures he will say little things here and there, sowing seeds of doubt, and over time, you will slip back into fornication.  I could be wrong, but that is what I think is going on here.  You deserve better than to be with a guy who isn't interested in a commitment. 

[other one]

if you love each other and are livimg in the same house I don't see why ypu don't just get married. it's usually that one really does not intend marriage.

[Sevenseas]

Hi Kim  ~  A bit of back and forth here...and the answer could be life altering, so, I'll just give a little advice and I'm just giving it to you and not agreeing or disagreeing with anyone and I don't

care to debate what I think.  It's just some simple yet possibly good advice so here goes:

 

 

You should move out and get some perspective on things.  I find it cautionary that your boyfriend is of a different mind than you are.  I have learned the very hard way in my life on earth, that

sometimes all the love you have in you to give is not enough if God is not in the relationship.  I don't know the level of committment you two have because it is very easy to move in with someone...

the door is always open and you can leave as you want

 

Marriage is not something to ever take lightly and 'being in love' is not a guarantie of anything but how you feel at that particular moment in time.  Love in marriage is an action, not a feeling....the feelings

are real enough but feelings can include anger and other things that are not what we think about when we say we want to marry someone.

 

You made the move to cohabit apart from God.  My advice would be to move out and seek God about the relationship.  Marriage would not be something to consider right now IMO.

 

I know this is not at all easy, but a hasty marriage can be just as sinful in the long term as living as though you were married.

 

You should not allow yourself to be swayed by anyone but what you feel led to do as you have prayed and as the Holy Spirit speaks to your heart.  I think you will find the right answer there.

 

I pray you consider your actions both that led you to where you are now and the actions that will determine your future.  You are in a life changing decision making process right now.

 

Please, take it seriously.

[ARose88]

 

Blessings Kim,

      Hi again Sweetheart,Since everyone else is answering on this thread,I might as well put my two cents in but it isn't any different than Rusty Angels or Steve......Obviously you are being convicted of this or you wouldn't be asking the question, right?And honestly,I feel strongly about the message ,we as followers of Christ send out to the rest of the world..........We are supposed to be ambassadors for Jesus,His representatives & believe me......as Christians we are viewed through a magnifying glass and our every action is under scrutiny.........What does that say to the unbeliever,the ones that don't know you but know you are an unmarried couple that sleep under the same roof,call yourselves Christian & the One you call"Lord"says that fornicators will not enter into His Kingdom?

    Are you living in sin,no but it would be the same as my Pastor always says........as Pastor of our church,he dare  not make a champagne toast at a wedding.......is there anything wrong with toasting the bride & groom,absolutely not .....but just imagine this,a guest at the wedding takes a picture of him laughing with his champagne glass held high and then twitters it all over the internet & the caption simply reads"Bishop Pelt of Radiant Living....cheers!"

    We may be the only thing that a non-believer ever sees to speak "Christianity"....Gods Children,His called out to be Holy.....

                                                                                                                                                            With love -in Christ,Kwik

Though we do not seek the approval of men I still think it is very important to lead by example......

 

Kwik. That is not the same thing.

 

When unmarried couples live together in sin, they are mimicking what married couples do, so they are committing evil but giving out the appearance of good.

When a pastor raises  his glass to the bride, he is doing good but looks like a drunkard and is therefore giving out the appearance of evil.

 

Couples have always lived together. It's called marriage! Does that mean that every married couple with families have to display their marriage certificates in the window of their houses, just so that people know that they are married? After all, they don't want to give the wrong impression do they? People may think they are living in sin.

 

Now I'm not saying that the OP should continue living like this. It may be better that her and her partner live separately. All I am saying is that this is not an appearance of evil.

 

An appearance of evil would be if a former Satanist finds Jesus but still insists on keeping Satanic symbols around his house and still dresses like a Satanist for nostalgia's sake.

An appearance of evil would be a gay man who finds Jesus, becomes celibate, but still insists on walking down the street holding hands with his ex-boyfriend.

 

Two people of opposite sex living together could be any number of possible and likely scenarios.

 

1/ They could be single but having sex with each other. Everybody knows this.

2/ They could be single but having a sexual relationship. Everybody thinks they are married.

3/ They could be single and celibate.

4/ They could be married and having a fulfilling sexual relationship.

5/ They could be married but not had sex in years because they hate each other, but stay together to keep up appearances. One of them is having an affair.

6/ They could be a gay man and a lesbian who live together as friends.

7/ They could be brother and sister.

 

Men and women living together is normal. They are supposed to (especially in marriage). Men and women living together gives out no message other than the message of tradition.

 

Grown men walking down the street holding hands (no matter how harmless) only gives out one message (in our culture), and that is a message of evil.

 

Now if the OP separates from her partner and moves out, people may think "oh look, they've split up. I wonder why. Perhaps he was cheating on her and she found out."

 

Messages of evil can't come from behind closed doors. What goes on behind closed doors is private!

 

While I think it's the appearance of evil for any man and woman who are not related or married to live together, I think what specifically puts the OP's situation into the context of "appearance of evil" is that they are in a relationship. Yeah, we can say people will judge us no matter what, and they probably will, but as Christians we are responsible for doing our best to give them nothing to judge us about. When you are living with someone with whom you are in a relationship, the fact is that temptation is present-- that's why it appears evil.

Fornication is just as much a sin as satanism, so what is the difference between not removing satanic symbols from your house after getting saved, and not moving out after living in sin with your boyfriend? To me they look the same. The same would go for a porn addict not getting rid of his porn videos, an alcoholic not getting rid of his alcohol, a drug addict still hanging out with others while they're doing drugs. All of these things leave the door to falling back into sin wide open, when it needs to be locked, and the key destroyed. As Christians we have to draw a distinct line between ourselves and the world, otherwise, to the world's point of view, nothing will set us apart. Christ should be evident in all areas of our life.

 

"In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you." Titus 2:7,8

We also need to remember that the appearance of evil isn't just about me, it's about people who are watching me, particularly younger Christians who are weaker in the faith, and may look up to me. If they see me living with my boyfriend, whether or not we are sexually involved, they in turn may use that to justify themselves moving in with their boyfriend/girlfriend, and while they may not intend for it to go too far, being weak in the faith they fall. In such a case, I have become a stumbling block to my brother/sister. "So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way." Rom. 13:12,13

I say this because I believe your POV may be harmful to the original poster. If she is feeling convicted about living with her boyfriend, I admonish you in respect and love, don't put a stumbling block before her, brother.

Edited March 19, 2014 by ARose88

[OakWood]

 

 

Blessings Kim,

      Hi again Sweetheart,Since everyone else is answering on this thread,I might as well put my two cents in but it isn't any different than Rusty Angels or Steve......Obviously you are being convicted of this or you wouldn't be asking the question, right?And honestly,I feel strongly about the message ,we as followers of Christ send out to the rest of the world..........We are supposed to be ambassadors for Jesus,His representatives & believe me......as Christians we are viewed through a magnifying glass and our every action is under scrutiny.........What does that say to the unbeliever,the ones that don't know you but know you are an unmarried couple that sleep under the same roof,call yourselves Christian & the One you call"Lord"says that fornicators will not enter into His Kingdom?

    Are you living in sin,no but it would be the same as my Pastor always says........as Pastor of our church,he dare  not make a champagne toast at a wedding.......is there anything wrong with toasting the bride & groom,absolutely not .....but just imagine this,a guest at the wedding takes a picture of him laughing with his champagne glass held high and then twitters it all over the internet & the caption simply reads"Bishop Pelt of Radiant Living....cheers!"

    We may be the only thing that a non-believer ever sees to speak "Christianity"....Gods Children,His called out to be Holy.....

                                                                                                                                                            With love -in Christ,Kwik

Though we do not seek the approval of men I still think it is very important to lead by example......

 

Kwik. That is not the same thing.

 

When unmarried couples live together in sin, they are mimicking what married couples do, so they are committing evil but giving out the appearance of good.

When a pastor raises  his glass to the bride, he is doing good but looks like a drunkard and is therefore giving out the appearance of evil.

 

Couples have always lived together. It's called marriage! Does that mean that every married couple with families have to display their marriage certificates in the window of their houses, just so that people know that they are married? After all, they don't want to give the wrong impression do they? People may think they are living in sin.

 

Now I'm not saying that the OP should continue living like this. It may be better that her and her partner live separately. All I am saying is that this is not an appearance of evil.

 

An appearance of evil would be if a former Satanist finds Jesus but still insists on keeping Satanic symbols around his house and still dresses like a Satanist for nostalgia's sake.

An appearance of evil would be a gay man who finds Jesus, becomes celibate, but still insists on walking down the street holding hands with his ex-boyfriend.

 

Two people of opposite sex living together could be any number of possible and likely scenarios.

 

1/ They could be single but having sex with each other. Everybody knows this.

2/ They could be single but having a sexual relationship. Everybody thinks they are married.

3/ They could be single and celibate.

4/ They could be married and having a fulfilling sexual relationship.

5/ They could be married but not had sex in years because they hate each other, but stay together to keep up appearances. One of them is having an affair.

6/ They could be a gay man and a lesbian who live together as friends.

7/ They could be brother and sister.

 

Men and women living together is normal. They are supposed to (especially in marriage). Men and women living together gives out no message other than the message of tradition.

 

Grown men walking down the street holding hands (no matter how harmless) only gives out one message (in our culture), and that is a message of evil.

 

Now if the OP separates from her partner and moves out, people may think "oh look, they've split up. I wonder why. Perhaps he was cheating on her and she found out."

 

Messages of evil can't come from behind closed doors. What goes on behind closed doors is private!

 

While I think it's the appearance of evil for any man and woman who are not related or married to live together, I think what specifically puts the OP's situation into the context of "appearance of evil" is that they are in a relationship. Yeah, we can say people will judge us no matter what, and they probably will, but as Christians we are responsible for doing our best to give them nothing to judge us about. When you are living with someone with whom you are in a relationship, the fact is that temptation is present-- that's why it appears evil.

Fornication is just as much a sin as satanism, so what is the difference between not removing satanic symbols from your house after getting saved, and not moving out after living in sin with your boyfriend? To me they look the same. The same would go for a porn addict not getting rid of his porn videos, an alcoholic not getting rid of his alcohol, a drug addict still hanging out with others while they're doing drugs. All of these things leave the door to falling back into sin wide open, when it needs to be locked, and the key destroyed. As Christians we have to draw a distinct line between ourselves and the world, otherwise, to the world's point of view, nothing will set us apart. Christ should be evident in all areas of our life.

 

"In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you." Titus 2:7,8

We also need to remember that the appearance of evil isn't just about me, it's about people who are watching me, particularly younger Christians who are weaker in the faith, and may look up to me. If they see me living with my boyfriend, whether or not we are sexually involved, they in turn may use that to justify themselves moving in with their boyfriend/girlfriend, and while they may not intend for it to go too far, being weak in the faith they fall. In such a case, I have become a stumbling block to my brother/sister. "So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way." Rom. 13:12,13

I say this because I believe your POV may be harmful to the original poster. If she is feeling convicted about living with her boyfriend, I admonish you in respect and love, don't put a stumbling block before her, brother.

 

 

For exactly the same reasons, I didn't want anybody else to put a stumbling block in front of her. She has enough on her plate as it is without people mentioning appearances of evil. There are financial things to take into consideration when people move out of places. Sometimes people live together because it is cheaper.

She has her own feelings to consider and her relationship with God to consider. She doesn't need to be guilt-tripped by what other people think and what her appearance to others may be.

All of this can be thought about later.

 

Now, she has to put herself and her relationship with Jesus first.

I assure you that I was aware of her predicament. The last thing I want is for the two to live separately because of what other people might think.

[Kim Tramte Smith]

Wow, Thanks Everyone!!! A couple of things stand out to me: yes, I'm under conviction, I ought to go with it; I do feel a call to a higher standard, to live by example and have even thought that this situation will pave the way for others somehow. I personally know that God has called me to a life of radical holiness and even as I type these words I know what I have to do. Praise God. People need hope and you know what? Living together without marriage is a hopeless situation. God is great at making a way where there seems to be no way especially when we are trying to do what pleases Him. I've got to trust Him. Thank you for all your wonderful hearts.

[kwikphilly]

Blessings Kim..

      I am very happy for you that you have received what God has for you......you have no idea the controversy your little question has brought about,not to worry because it was all for a Higher Purpose & brings Glory to God,,,,,The thing is,this conversation would have never come about had you not been convicted,Praise the Lord.When you heed to those convictions & seek God for your answers then He will direct you & lead you to where you must go.....you already know what you must do ,dear Sister & the Lord will make a way for you .........God Bless you & you are in my prayers,just keep seeking the Will of God & you can never go wrong!

                                                                                                                                                  With love-in Christ,Kwik

[Openly Curious]

Wow, Thanks Everyone!!! A couple of things stand out to me: yes, I'm under conviction, I ought to go with it; I do feel a call to a higher standard, to live by example and have even thought that this situation will pave the way for others somehow. I personally know that God has called me to a life of radical holiness and even as I type these words I know what I have to do. Praise God. People need hope and you know what? Living together without marriage is a hopeless situation. God is great at making a way where there seems to be no way especially when we are trying to do what pleases Him. I've got to trust Him. Thank you for all your wonderful hearts.

 

  That a girl