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Important questions about faith,doubts and healing

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Hello everyone,

I am very despaired. I have been a christian for over 10 years now. All this time I have been struggling with fears and doubts.

I struggle with questions and thoughts which usually noone else understands. I emailed with ministries, phoned with pastors. Nobody could help me.

I have anxiety and ocd. Ever since I suffered from fears and thought what if i lose my faith or what if I dont even have real faith. I suffered from this stuff

for years and years.

My only hope was that if I could only get a "breakthrough" and really experience God and hear him or feel him then my struggles with doubts would be over.

But I was never able to. I dont know why. I really wanted it. I used to just talk to God every day and tried to seek him but when nothing ever happened I became

so discouraged and frustrated. I also went to ministers for prayer I thought whatever is wrong with me maybe they can help me but they couldnt.

Over the years I more and more gave up on seeking God simply because I did not know how!

I also stopped reading in the bible pretty much cause it only discouraged me. I only got afraid when I read scary passages in the bible or I also got so many questions.

I struggle with so many questions about everything and simply cannot decide what to believe, like for example healing and stuff like that. I simply cannot decide what is

right. Some say God wants to heal others say he doesn't. And I am so unsure and dont know what is right! This is terrible.


For years my health has gotten worse. I found out I have many major things wrong with me. This made me fall into a deep depression. I then tried to generate faith for

healing. I listened to hundreds of teachings from Wommack and others about faith and healing but none of this helped me!

These faith teachings only talk about how you must believe and must not doubt or you wont get healed. But this only makes it worse! Then I feel even more hopeless.

How shall I get healed when I struggle with doubts and fears already!?

I feel like this is impossible. My faith has been totally damaged by these teachings. They only put more pressure on me.

I feel so alienated from God. How can I have faith when I feel like it all depends on me and if I dont have the faith then God's not going to do anything?

This is a terrible thought.


I also dont understand why was I never able to experience God even though I wanted to? Why? I have no clue.

Was it because I dont deserve it or because I never had enough faith or because I never searched enough?


I dont know what to do anymore. I cant even talk to God anymore. I want to and I dont know what to say anymore. I cant even express my suffering anymore.

I feel so absolutely hopeless. I have all these questions and no answers. I cannot make sense of it.


And out there are so many different teachers and teachings and I also dont know who's right and who I could learn from.


I was told things like I need a revelation about God. But how shall I get it? Advice like this dont help me at all. I have not been able to reach anything in over

10 years and now my situation has become so serious and I have become so despaired that I dont even have the strength anymore to deal with this mental torment

which I have been through for years. I have listened to so many teachings which only caused more suffering and desparation. I cant even stand to listen to them anymore

now because they make me feel so hopeless. I simply have no answers left.


The faith teachings dont help me cause they make me feel more hopeless cause of my doubts.

And the orthodox christian teachings usually say that God doesnt heal anymore or at least only rarely which also offers no hope for me.

I have christian friends who also cannot offer any comfort or hope to me. When I talk to them it's as if God plays no role and probably wont do anything and I'm on my own.


What also totally hurts is that I came across a few messages from a pastor who talks about depression and doubts and I thought maybe he can help me.

I emailed the ministry 3 times asking them for help and if it's possible to call the pastor. Nobody replied. This hurts. From the mp3s it sounded like he was okay and cared

but then how can it be that they simply dont even reply to someone asking for help?

When stuff like that happens I automatically think what if God is the same way or what if the fact that the pastor didn't help means that God has also given up on me? :(

Edited by otto

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Goodness you've been through a lot.


First of all not everyone gets healed of problems.... Paul had problems and asked God over and over to heal him and God said no.....   It really wasn't in Paul's best interest to be healed for some reason....    We don't know why.


My Wife has MS and he won't heal her and when I got ugly with him about why he told me it was none of my business....


As for depression might I ask how much you sleep every day?


As to learning, I'd suggest you get a 1972 NASB bible and throw everything you have ever been taught in the trash and set down and read the Bible completely yourself.   Start with the Book of John for it explains who Jesus is, then read the new testament starting with Matthew.....then the old testament.......   Do not read Revelation until you have read the old testament completely......   you won't understand it and it will probably scare the daylights out of you.

Every time you start to read the Bible ask Jesus to send the Holy Spirit to you and show you what the Bible is telling you....   It's important to do this every time you read........    and sleep at least 7 hours a day.....   if you can't see a doctor.   Lack of sleep causes a form of depression that really messes up your thinking process.

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.....  and don't watch television religion shows until you've read the Bible yourself....  that way you will have a much better idea of what's right and what's used to fleece you of your hard earned money.

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How shall I get healed when I struggle with doubts and fears already!?

I feel like this is impossible. My faith has been totally damaged by these teachings. They only put more pressure on me.

I feel so alienated from God. How can I have faith when I feel like it all depends on me and if I dont have the faith then God's not going to do anything?

This is a terrible thought.






If your car is damaged, do you take it to a mechanic or wait for God to perform a miracle and heal your car?

If the plumbing in your house bursts, do you wait for God to plug the leak, or do you call a plumber?


God is just as capable of repairing a car or fixing the plumbing as He is of healing our bodies.

The fact that God can and does perform miracles of healing does not mean we should always expect a miracle instead of seeking the help of individuals who possess the knowledge and skill to assist us.


While we seek  God's help in healing , 

we must have a clear understanding of this,


Isa 55:8  For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor your ways My ways, says Jehovah. 

Isa 55:9  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. 
Take me for instance, the fact that I am terminally ill , there is no way back, I was given dates , a month , six months ,a year.


I have Parkinson’s and have had it now for about fifteen years.

It is caused by the progressive loss of brain cells (neurones) in a part of the brain called the substantia nigra, which produces the chemical dopamine.

As the cells die, less dopamine is produced and transported to the striatum, the area of the brain that co-ordinates movement.

There is currently no cure for Parkinson’s disease though a medication called levodopa has proved effective in relieving some symptoms.


During the last year or so I have encountered a series of problems.

To start with my medication was not working well and even if we changed the regime many times,

nothing helped and their effect was no longer working well for me.



I also had more and more difficulty in swallowing food or liquids,

 then we discovered that the saliva gland on the left hand side of my mouth had decided to give up working and had died.

The whole situation brought up the fact that it was very likely that I would need to be artificially fed.

I had always known that towards the last period of my life that this was a possibility and now the time had come to make a decision.


Back in the beginning of September I was admitted into hospital and a central catheter was inserted into me allowing it to be plugged into what is called a (TPN) infusion pump, (Total Parenteral Nutrition).

This gives you artificial substances that replace normal food.

Plans were made for a nurse who is called Carol to come twice a day to hook me up and un hook me.


Things appeared to be going well but towards the end of October they discovered that there was an infection in the central catheter and it needed to be replaced.  So, off I go back into to hospital.

This is not an easy task to have done, although infections can happen.

Unfortunately given my deterioration it only weakened me further.


During my stay in hospital we had a talk with all the team who were looking after me, my neurologist etc.

I had reached the point where some decisions had to be made.

Should I stay in hospital, be moved to a hospice or allowed to return home?

The truth is I had to decide where I was going to spend what time I had left; I was now terminally ill. 

The outlook was a few weeks, a few months, to a year.


I decided that I wished to go home and pass away in my home.

I also did not wish to be in a hospital that could perhaps not respect my wishes when it came to life support,

as I had opted never to have that done.


A palliative care plan was put into place.

I am in my home, surrounded by friends on the foundation, helped by care workers and Carol.

Still giving them all a headache and not obeying the rules, still chatting and on the boards.

I have had a good life, many blessings and I still do have a quality of life.

When HE calls me home I am ready.  :)


My faith has never been so strong , so please don't let anyone tell you that you are not healed because you lack faith. 


I have been blessed with time, time to prepare and sort out the more mundane things that one needs to do.

Never be sad for me when the time comes.  

We have to be realistic because that time will come; not immediately because I still have something’s to do.   

When it does, try and remember Nigel as someone that said no tears, rejoice and be happy.    :)

I have been blessed all my life, I have trusted in HIM and HE has never let me down.


You know our full physical healing awaits us in heaven.

In heaven, there will be no more pain, sickness, disease, suffering, or death.

We all need to be less preoccupied with our physical condition in this world and a lot more concerned with our spiritual condition..

IN doing this we can focus our hearts on heaven where we will no longer have to deal with physical problems. 

There is a true healing we should all be longing for:


Rev 21:4  

And God will wipe away all tears from their eyes. And there will be no more death, nor mourning, nor crying out, nor will there be any more pain; for the first things passed away. 


We may never understand the reasons for our particular trials this side of eternity, but one thing is clear – for those who love God, trials work for them, not against them

Rom 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 



God will give us the strength to endure any trial.


Php 4:13  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 


May God Bless you , (please feel free to contact me in pm any time you need to speak with some one.) 


Love Nigel. 





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Welcome to worthy ! We have alot of kind, caring and knowledgable people here who love God with all their hearts. I would say to you about the doubts that you have, every Christian in the world has at some point had doubts. Wheather it was before they became a christian or after they became christians but we have all at some time or another had doubts. There are lot of false teachings out there though, the enemy wants to destroy us and one way to do that is to that is to have wolves in sheeps clothing teaching falsely. The one way you can know for sure if you are being taught truthfully or not is to look up the scriptures when you are listening to someone teach or preach. If they are teaching according to the word of God, the Bible will show that. Personally, I read the King James version of the Bible. I know that it is hard for some people to understand that version, so maybe you could try the new king james version. It speaks in more modern day terms or the New International version, It also speaks in more modern day terms. I do however know this, that God often times allows us to hit rock bottom so that we realize that we cannot do anything without Him. It is then that we fall on our knees and reach up to God. John 3:16,17 says that God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. 17 says for God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world but so that the world through him might be saved. God never said that it would be easy, he did however say that he would never leave us. He does not give up on any of us, some of us walk away from him. Proverbs 3:5-6 says Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandin; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

You have to be willing to surrender all the areas of your life to Him, if you are still trying to do things on your own, then there are areas of your life that you have not fully surrendered to him. If you want to have a closer relationship with the Lord, get up early every morning and spend time in the word reading the Bible, or in bible study. Pray many times during the day, and put the Lord first in everything you do. Pray before you make decisions and ask the Lord to help you. But the most important thing I can say to you is that the enemy thrives on trying to make us doubt God and ourselves. The enemy will constantly remind you of things that you have done in the past, to try to get you to think you are not good enough and that God has forsaken you or does not care about you. That is simply not true!! When the enemy reminds you of your past, remind him of his future. When you get negative thoughts in your head pray right then and there and ask God to take them out of your mind, ask him to replace them with loving thoughts of our Lord Jesus. And when you ask for the truth about things God will show you the truth, but you have to be willing to accept the truth that he shows you. Pray before you read the Bible and ask God for understanding, wisdom and truth. Ask him to give you joy and peace in your heart. He is faithful to give us what we need, sometimes we think we need something that is not in our best interest and we don't get it because it is not what we truly need. God knows what we need, he is all knowing, all powerful, he knows what we need before we do.

As for why some people are healed and some are not, no one knows the answer to that except God.

I will be praying for you, I hope and pray that God gives you what you need to be at peace and to know Him in a personal relationship. God bless!!

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There is absolutely nothing more I can add, so please accept my Welcome.  God Bless!

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I pray that you will find some solace here on worthy. There are some fine Christians here that you can communicate with. Be patient for the answer will come at the right time; the time of God's choosing.

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Blessings  Otto

   A warm & loving embrace is what I have to offer(in spirit & from my heart)....Welcome to Worthy   Glory to God,no Otto....He has not given up on you...If fact ,it is only the beginning of the breakthrough you have long awaited,,,,,,Our Loving Father has lead you here to His little flock because He loves you & wants to fill the desires of your heart,,,,,The Word of God tells us that if we want to find Him we can follow the footsteps of His Flock & they will lead to the Shepherds tent,    We are here for you ,Otto & we are headed to His tent,welcome to the Family,Gods Family,my Brother......You found people who really care & Christ in us loves you soooo much.

    You have read our Brother Nigels letter to you,that is Gods Timeless Truth told by His living testimony....because He loves you.If Nigel can hang on so can you.You have read other ones letter to you ,,,,,he & his wife are holding on,so can you      And now briefly ,I will testify for you......

      Nearly three years ago I was diagnosed with Stage 4 incurable colorrectal cancer,no hope given ....the pain is tremendous,the doctors only hope was for any type of remission & to make me comfortable(I am going to make a long story short but you can ALWAYS PM me to talk more)I went through months & months of chemo/radiation & the tumor did not shrink & the cancer spread to my tail bone & then there were spots on the liver............Pet scan,after pet scan showed little hope...but you see,from the time I was diagnosed the Lord layed it on my heart that He would use me to testify that He is the same miracle working God that He was from the beginning,He is a never changing God from Everlasting to Everlasting..................well,one day,just last year I had a pet scan that showed the tumor was not there,the cancer was gone....Praise the Lord!Sounds good,right?Of course the good thing is that i am in remission & no trace of cancer is evident-to God be the Glory! The bad thing is that the chemo & radiation has done such extensive damage to my body that I have more debilitating symptoms than when I started out & the pain is great.......Why did God cure my disease & not heal me completely?I ,like you,have heard people tell me that I am doing something to block Gods complete healing,even that I must not have enough faith !!!!!! Hogwash!

     Otto,our Loving Abba has spared my life (perhaps for this very day)in the Name of Jesus to say 'look,He has healed me!"I know why I have remnants of pain,it is just like the Apostle Paul ....when God said,"My Grace is Sufficient" I am alive,when all odds were against me but God is for me..........I am simply reminded by these issues of the great Miracle He did for me.................If I had no trace of pain I may forget what He did to sustain my very life................4 doctors will testify that I am a walking,breathing ,living Miracle of God.....so whats a little pain?    I am here to give God Glory!There are good days & bad days but he never leaves my side,I have His Joy,Peace,Strength,Provision,Love & Hope in Christ........its much more than me,it's about keeping my eye on the prize,like Nigel says...............has God forgotten us?No,we have His promise of everlasting life,a life fee from pain,sorrow,no more tears & we will stand with Him in his Glorious Presence........FOREVER!!!!!

       Otto,it is not about"What can God do for me" is about what He has done already.........He went to that cross & took our place,forgave our sins,conquered death & hell,reconciled us to our Father.....because He rose we will too! Can God heal you?Yes,He can....why doesn't He?I do not have that answer but I can tell you it has nothing to do with anything you are or are not doing................& you have to trust Him,He is right there beside you.............................We walk by Faith,not by sight...........you can't give up Otto,He did't(for you) Jesus could have come down from that cross in an instant,it was not the nails holding Him there,it was His love for you............He did not say"I have had enough of this pain & suffering And I can't hear my Father,I am coming down now".................No,He said"Father,why have you forsaken me?'  And then He said"it is finished"

  Now we have to finish,run the good race....keep our eye on the prize and "know what we know' & tell others,so they too will be Saved

          I hope I have encouraged you to hold fast & to trust the Lord.........do as other one suggests & read the pre72 NSAB or a NKJV,turn off the TV,begin in the Book of John ,then Matthew & so on.......& I would not read Revelation until you have read the OT also   .....& stay here with us,your Brothers & Sisters so we can point you to Jesus(our Head) in all we say.....................Today,right here on this thread....is the start of your "breakthrough",we are here as we have been instructed in the Scriptures.............to encourage & extol one another,to speak to each other in songs,in psalms & spiritual hymns.............we will speak of God,the things of God & heavenly things.................in Jesus Name!

                                                                                                                                                 With love-in Christ,Kwik

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