Northern lass Posted May 11, 2014 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 106 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1,072 Content Per Day: 0.17 Reputation: 25 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/13/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1948 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Thanks all who contributed - I am deleting my bit now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneLight Posted May 11, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 1,294 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 31,762 Content Per Day: 5.24 Reputation: 9,760 Days Won: 115 Joined: 09/14/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted May 11, 2014 I also have a couple of adult children that depend on us for financial help. My wife and I have told them that we have done all we can and it is time for them to stand on their own. The requests have stopped from one, but the other, who had moved back home last winter due to homelessness, is rebelling against anything we suggest. I believe we have hindered their maturity by always being there when they are in trouble. As parents, that is our first thought, to help when we can, not realizing the long term affect it will have.I will be following this thread to see what advice others give. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncn Posted May 11, 2014 Group: Graduated to Heaven Followers: 6 Topic Count: 406 Topics Per Day: 0.09 Content Count: 5,248 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 1,337 Days Won: 67 Joined: 08/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted May 11, 2014 Hello NL  Lots of the things that you have said in your post you and I have discussed before as we both are not only friends,  but also we have met up. We also have close friends that know us both.  So, in away it would be unfair for me to comment on this thread in an open forum.  Having said that, I notice you say  towards the end of the thread,  "I have no sense of God's presence and He doesn't answer my prayers even when  I am suffering acutely with the Parkinson's and there is no relief."  This is a sad thing for you to say Janet and I want to ask you to reflect on that statement.  You and I both know that God does not always answer our prayers as we would wish, but rather answers them in accordance to what is for our best. God has blessed you in many ways Janet. and that is something you know!  Start looking at the small blessings and add them up. They tend to become larger than a large blessing that you can see right there staring you in the eyes.   You have good health care. Imagine for one moment if that care was not there for you? Do you not think that God has supplied you with doctors nurses and specialists to help you?  Parkinson's does play a large role in our lives , finding the right medication , adjusting to it and all the side effects that are caused. These as you know also include depression , something that is not easy for those who love us and surround us always understand. Don't allow Parkinson's to control your life, we need to control the Parkinson's.  You need to go and make an appointment with your neurologist, tell him how you feel. I know you have done this in the past but I urge you to do so again, be firm and tell him what's going on. You need to discuss perhaps changing meds . Ask the PD Nurse to refer you for some counselling where you can let of some steam  (No shame in that, we all need it from time to time )  It's impossible for you to sort out the family problems on your own , you need help with this.  Janet you have a lot of good friends that pray daily for you, friends that care for you;  but you also need to listen to them when they give you advice.  You know that you can phone me any time ,  God bless you NL and God bless your hubby and your family.  Love Nigel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted May 11, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 306 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,130 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,806 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted May 11, 2014 Blessings Northern Lass...    Disease can be an awful thing to cope with but it seems everyone has something or another...I have my problems with long term affects & damage of the lympphatic system from post radiation & chemo,the symptoms are just awful but God makes us strong in our weaknesses...I don't know why but I get the feeling that the Parkinsons is not bothering you half as much as the pain,stress & worry over you children.....     It sounds to me like you have been a very loving & supportive parent & you did the very best you could do,,,it may be time to cut the apron strings & start putting yourself ahead of you kids.....they are adults now ,you have gone above & beyond the responsibilities as a parent      My son is not speaking to me,my only child,his daughter is the love of my life(she is 2) & now I do not see her anymore.................Well,you know what?I shed my tears over it but I am done,time to move on & I am not going to make myself sick over it & jump in the grave sooner than if I had no stress....I look at it this way,our children are on loan to us from God,they are His children that have been entrusted to our care until the time they can do for themselves....so now I entrust them back into the Arms of God,The same way they are accountable for their Salvation they are accountable for their actions also & I for mine.......I have no control over what anyone says ,does or how they feel towards me..............and I give it all to the Lord    Don't give up on God(I don't think you have)He is your Rock,your Refuge ,your StrongTower & He loves you & will get you through all of this..............don't allow these ungrateful kids to take your focus off God & your relationship with Him                                                                          Praying for you,,,,With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted May 12, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 537 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 32,655 Content Per Day: 5.01 Reputation: 23,271 Days Won: 218 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Hi my dear sister .... I feel for you so much as you have been very faithful and helped so many others whilst going through the fire yourself..... first God has never promised us that we will have an easy ride or that we will have all we desire in this world..we can and should pray but also be prepared to hear that very hard word NO. As a loving parent you KNOW that you find it very very hard to use that word and do everything that you can to help your family but as someone else has said... sometimes it is time to say NO and no matter how hard to allow the children to grow up and accept responsibility for their actions no matter how much it hurts us. This is also true for God ...no matter how much he loves us and would like to give us all He has sometimes we grow best in hard situations when He loves us enough to say NO even when we dont understand why.  I too have a daughter who has taken so much money and emotion that I feel wrung out with it ( to say nothing of almost losing my own home when she kept " needing " money. I eventually told her no more and put up with the tantrums and the " just this last time " etc as well as the " you dont love me as much as the others " but in the end it was the only thing I could do and although she is still constantly in debt and claims her childen have no food they stil muddle along and I no longer have sleepless nights wondering if any of us will have a roof over our heads with her constant demands...it is HARD but it is sometimes the only way to help them  PRAISE GOD that we get the medical help we need in this country without having to worry about if we can afford to visit a doctor and that means that even if it takes longer to get your meds right and to get the medical help your children need you dont have to worry about the finances of it all. Hard though ti is eventually you will have to step back and let them make their own mistakes and deal with the consequenses and ony then will you have to personal time and space to help yourself cope with your illness Crisis of faith are ofen the devils way of hitting you when you are doing Gods work .... keeping faithful to His word has to hurt old hairy legs so being such a target for him means you must be doing soooo much right  Love you and pray for you ever day xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted May 13, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 306 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,130 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,806 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted May 13, 2014 Blessings Northern Lass...     I have already shared with you a little of what I am going through as a parent but I was just could not help thinking of my cousin as I read what Ladypearltree has said........my cousin actually did lose her home putting her son's"needs " ahead of her own responsibiities and thought I might tell you about it ...     There comes a time when the responsibilities as a parent come to an end as far as financial support ....most of us spend at least 18 years putting our childs needs ahead of everything as any parent should do ,sacrificing when we must just to see to it that owe provide for our children...key word":children".Children cannot provide for themselves & so they are dependent on an adult to see their needs are met but in this world mant parents seem to confuse "needs" with "wants"...I was guilty of this & spoiled my son when he was growing up,I thank God that he did grow into a responsible adult,no credit due me.     But now my cousin ,who also spoiled her son rotten is still doing so & he is a 25 year old married man,he is lazy and that is all there is to it but this is because of his mother always coming to the rescue.She has paid his rent & went into arrears on her mortgage,paid his electric bill having her own lights cut off for failure to pay......has gone hungry to put food on their table,& then she comes to his defense that he tries to work but has to drive her to work(driving her new truck she pays big payments on) in the morning so he loses any opportunities to work?????What?He should be taking a bus!!!!!     My cousin earns a great $$$ living,works 6 days a week(at least 60 hrs a week)plus she cares for her mom who contributes her check of $1500. per month................how in the world did she manage to lose her home & then when she did,she went to stay with her son & he continually threw her out in the street!!!!!!!This is sheer foolishness & she created a monster....she bought a brand new truck & takes a bus home because its too much gas for her son to go back & forth?    Okay,the truth of the matter is this young man always manages to have pot to smoke .....when your child becomes an able bodied adult it is time to say,,,,"Get a job".......the Bible tells us....."no work,no eat"(2 Thess 3:10)  Anyway,just thought I would share this as a warning of contributing & rewarding laziness-idk     Please pray for my cousin & her son........she will not listen to reason even after sleeping in the street for a time while her son smokes pot & has everything paid for..................it is truly pathetic but I love her                                                                                                                                   With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Northern lass Posted May 14, 2014 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 106 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1,072 Content Per Day: 0.17 Reputation: 25 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/13/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1948 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 deleted, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted May 14, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 537 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 32,655 Content Per Day: 5.01 Reputation: 23,271 Days Won: 218 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted May 14, 2014 If you really think she is depressed to the point of being irrational then you can call her doctor and ask to speek to the health visitor and share your concerns. They cannot discuss it with you but if you voice concern for her and your granddaughter then they will at least gop and visit and keep an eye on them . The moneyand therudnessare far more likely to be a means of controlling you ( even if she doesnt realise she is doing it ) as she just needs /wants to feel that someone loves her to the exclusion of everyonme else ( not the most rational feeling or desire but then sometimes we are irrational when we are fed up and feel life is out of our control ...as it actually is most of the time ) Try asking her how she would feel if her own daughter treated her this way , after all there are no perfect parents just as there \are no perfect children and since both she and yourself feel you are/have done the best you could then one day not so far away the shoe can very easily be on the other foot ) Sometimes we all need a wake up call and to remember that we are responsible for our own actions and cannot expect others to live for us alone no matter how much they love us  Love you sis and will continue to pray for all your lovely family and that starts with you and Lad xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Amen~! Praying~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted May 14, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 306 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,130 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,806 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted May 14, 2014 Blessings Lass....     Oh boy,,,,,I am assuming she is not Saved,Or has strayed from the Lord as my son has?I am not sure how you view mental illness,depression & those issues,,,for me I know it is bondage but when we are dealing with someone like my son & perhaps your daughter,,,,who sounds quite irrational and are not at a level of maturity in Christ then it leaves no other alternative but to seek professional help.....personally,,dear Sister,that is what I would do.     Only for the fact that she has said she was feeling"suicidal".....whether she is just looking for attention,manipulating you or truly on the edge...who knows?Here in Florida we have a thing called a "Baker Act",that is when you call the state or county hospital or authorities & have a person committed FOR OBSERVATION........a family member can do this if a child or relative threatens to do harm to themselves (or others).........I know it sounds extreme but suicide talk is extreme .it is not only "tough love" but taking every precaution to prevent her from possibly hurting herself,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I will tell you this,if she needs help,,,she would get it & if she doesn't she would never pull that kind of stunt again,Not every parent could or would do this but I know I would and I am only sharing what I would do ,I do not even know what type of laws,policies or treatment centers available in your neck of the woods.       If only I could help in some way,,,,,as a mom,with my own issues with my child ,my heart really goes out to you...........Well you are in my prayers & I( ask for Gods Divine Intervention ,in Jesus Name                                                                                                                      With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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