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DrummaBoyFB

I'm thinking of leaving my father's church

20 posts in this topic

Hello everyone. I'm new here and I'm not able to post in other sub-forums yet so I decided to post this question here. I know it's a long post but please read because I've been struggling with this for a while and I'd like some advice. 

 

I'm 21 years old and I've been attending my father's church since I was born. He started the church 23 years ago and obviously you start small and eventually grow. I became the drummer for the church when I was 4 and I've been the drummer ever since. It's fun to play the drum and stuff but now I'm completely tired of church. I'm tired of the way my church in particular is run. 

 

Our church used for have 150+ regular attendees every Sunday and now we're down to 50+ simply because of the way the church is being run. Everything in my church is so disorganized that it takes away from the focus which is God. 

 

Just to name a few problems: 

 

1. The singers can't sing

2. The singers never know what they're going to sing until they get on stage on Sunday morning

3. We(the musicians) are never in sync with the singers because we don't practice and the singers aren't motivated to come out to practice

4. The children's church teachers can't teach

5. The moderator prolongs the service by taking non-stop for 25+ minutes. It's like the moderator loves to hear his own voice

6. The person reading the daily scripture doesn't know they're reading on Sunday. The moderator randomly selects someone from the congregation to read and sometimes they pick someone who can't read well which is embarrassing

7. Sometimes the worship team doesn't sing a song right or some members don't know the words to the song

8. All the songs we sing are old songs and as a result the young people are bored to tears

 

Those are just to name a few problems. The ONLY good thing I can say about my church is the preaching. I do believe my dad is a talented preacher. 

 

Anyways. I've talked to countless people in the church and a lot of them are getting sick and tired of the way it's being run as well. They're tired of the lack of organization and professionalism. 

So I decided to do a bunch of research on how to make the church grow and how to make it ultimately better. I've written pages and pages of documents on how to help improve the church and I've brought them to my dad and guess what??

He shut down EVERY SINGLE one of my points! 

 

I've told him how we need to be more organized and how we need to have teacher evaluations and how we need to set standards in the church that people have to meet so it becomes a better overall service but he keeps shutting me down. He keeps telling me now to worry about the church and focus on the youth (I'm going to be the new youth leader soon). I keep telling him that I want to empower the youth but I don't want to just make church good one Sunday a month, I want it to be good every Sunday. I told him that we should grow together as a church instead of growing separately. No matter what I say he doesn't want to hear it. He wants it run his way and he doesn't want any advice from anyone and I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of seeing less and less people every Sunday and the SAME mistakes being made every single week. I'm tired of my dad not taking action to improve the church. I'm tired of my church members not taking church seriously . I'm tired of going to a lousy service every single week. I'm tired of members thinking that they can do w.e they want because they know that their Pastor won't do anything to prevent it. I'm tired of the LAZINESS. 

 

I've gotten to the point where I feel like going to my girlfriend's church. They're not perfect but they're light years ahead of my church. When I go there, I feel the anointing even when I'm not playing an instrument. I feel like I've made a good decision by going to church. 

 

It just hurts me to know that I can't invite people to my church and I can't even enjoy church because of all the reoccurring problems that have been happening for years and I feel like my dad is so scared to make changes because he's scared of upsetting people and losing members but by sitting down and doing nothing we are losing members. 

 

My dad is just such an ignorant and hard headed person and I can't get through to him. I've tried every method possible and I just can't get through to him. So I don't know if I should just leave or endure the pain of going to church and just hope for the best. 

 

Thanks for reading my excruciatingly long post. 

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Welcome to worthy. 

 

First may I suggest praying about this situation. 

 

It sounds like you have done what you needed to do, that is in discussing this with your father. Since church is no longer helping you grow in your faith and the leader is not listening to what you have to say, perhaps it is time to shake the dust off and make your girlfriend;s church your new church home. 

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I've been praying about this a lot but Idk I just haven't heard anything. I remember in January I got a message from God telling me that I needed to be the one to help get my church off the ground but I'm not being given the opportunity. It's so stressful because I want to see the church thrive but the way my dad is going about things is completely wrong. We have so much talent and ability in my church but the people with talent and ability aren't the ones being used for the ministry. I guess I may leave for a while and come back when my father wants to listen but I figure that once I leave my dad's not going to want to talk me anymore and may not accept me back in the church again. *sigh* I hate this dilemma. 

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Praying for you in your situation.

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The things is, bad singing, poor readers and hapless musicians are not going to affect your walk with God.

Stick it out, at least some of the time, you can still go the other church as well. Try alternating every other week. There may come an opportunity for you to make some changes. Just because you can't now doesn't mean that you won't be able to later.

Out-of-tune singing will not affect yours or anybody elses salvation. You can always bring earplugs.

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@jmlusa2000 thank you for your prayers

 

@OakWood I'm a musician and I've always been. I believe that people get an anointing in different ways and for me to get into the presence of the Lord I do so through music. Just by sitting at home and listening to Fred Hammond, Kirk Franklin, etc. I can feel the holy spirit moving inside of me and I just don't get that at my church. I know that church isn't going to please everyone but I do believe that we should strive for perfection. We should want to do our best for the lord.

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It may be that you leaving will be the catalyst that sparks change in the church. When even the pastor's son leaves, perhaps that will be what ignites the church or gets your dad to see what needs to be done.

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@jmlusa2000 thank you for your prayers

 

@OakWood I'm a musician and I've always been. I believe that people get an anointing in different ways and for me to get into the presence of the Lord I do so through music. Just by sitting at home and listening to Fred Hammond, Kirk Franklin, etc. I can feel the holy spirit moving inside of me and I just don't get that at my church. I know that church isn't going to please everyone but I do believe that we should strive for perfection. We should want to do our best for the lord.

 

I can see your point. Maybe you should leave then, but if you have a gift for music then your church could need you. If you leave for a while and see what happens then maybe they may require your services at a later date.

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Welcome DrummaBoyFB Always Put Your Trust in The Lord He and He alone will fill your Church and be lead by the Spirit. The  moment we stop listening to Him and go  following the Flesh we are heading for Trouble, and a hard learnt lesson will follow which could be Years of tribulations...While waiting for your answer sometimes head back to the basics such as Honour thy father and thy mother.

Glory to God

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